The Dalton Academy Warblers couldn't believe their luck. Weird Al Yankovic was touring in Ohio, and contacted them about doing a benefit concert for Dalton. Needless to say, the boys had jumped at the opportunity.
A couple of nights before the concert, after their first rehearsal together, Al decided to take them all out for dinner.
As they were waiting for dessert to arrive, Nick decided that he had a story to share. "Did I ever tell you guys that my family used to own a cursed coal mine?" A scattering of confused "no"s came from the other Warblers. The most confusion came from Jeff. After a couple of years of getting to know Nick—and what fun some of that learning has been, thought Jeff—he was pretty darn sure that Nick's great-grandfather had never owned a coal mine.
"Yeah, this was about a hundred years ago or so. My great-grandfather bought the rights to a coal mine for just a dollar. He didn't understand why the owner was willing to sell it for so little, since it was supposed to still be worth a ton of money, even back then.
"The day they signed the deed, the old owner told him why he was selling. 'I hired hundreds of men to work those coal mines. But every hundredth miner disappeared—poof!—without a trace the very first day on the job. Yesterday, I lost my fifth man. I won't have that on my conscience any more.'"
"My great-grandfather didn't believe in curses, so he gladly paid the money. Anyhow, he was able to make a pretty good profit off the mine. Word had spread about the disappearances, though, so he had a bit of trouble hiring people to actually go into the mine. He had to double the salaries of the old workers to get them to stay, but, after a few years, people started coming back. It was about six years after he bought the mine that he hired his hundredth new miner."
Jeff asked, "What happened to him?"
"Of course, my great-granddad didn't tell him he was the hundredth new worker. In fact, we're not even sure that he was aware of the fact. Anyways, that evening, my great-granddad went up to the mine. As he was headed up, he headed past a large herd of black mountain goats.
"My great-granddad waved hi to the new miner-his name was Dave-and watched him head towards his home. And then the strangest thing happened. The herd of mountain goats surrounded Dave and started forcing him up a nearby mountain. My dad says that my great-granddad swore to him, every time he told this story, that they were pushing him up the mountain at nearly a ninety degree angle.
"Of course, it goes without saying that they never saw poor Dave again. The locals claimed that somehow he turned into a goat himself. My great-granddad sold the mine himself a few months later, but he did get a bit more than a dollar for it."
Weird Al then asked the question Nick hoped he would, "So, wait a minute. Why did they take the miner?"
"My great-granddad never did figure out exactly. The one thing he was sure of, though . . ."
At this point, Nick paused for a few seconds, with a devilish grin on his face. Jeff, who had worked out what he was about to say, started banging his head against the table.
". . . is that they craved that miner, Al."
Nick counted his blessings that he only ended up with two desserts in his hair.
AN: No, I'm not sorry I wrote this. I'm just sorry I was ever exposed to the meme in the first place.