Keep Holding On
Chapter One
"You feel that however reckless you act that a simple apology will make things, right?" Masa's voice stated harshly. "To your father… and our organization you are a precious treasure. I've devoted my life to protecting you since you were born. We think of it as our most important duty. When you're in danger, thousands of men put their lives on the line for you. But you don't even acknowledge them, they're just human shields to you…. They can die a dog's death for all you care. As the sub-head of the organization, I can't sacrifice their lives so easily. If you understand that, perhaps next time you won't engage in such selfish actions. That's all I have to say to you, you can go now."
"Masa am I just an annoying baggage to you?" Kai asked, holding his breath, fearing the answer that would come from the older man's lips. He feared that Masa's words would destroy Kai's heart. He was deeply and madly in love with the other man and he was hoping that his bodyguard could feel the same about him. He wanted nothing more than to know that his feelings were returned.
"If that's how you feel." Masa replied quietly, telling Kai more than he wanted to know. "Shut the door behind you when you leave." Kai grimaced and headed out the door, his heart feeling like it was shattering in his chest. How could one man manage to hurt him so much.
"I'm sorry." Kai whispered softly as he exited the hotel room. He didn't know how he would ever be able to face the other man again, knowing that he only thought of Kai as an annoyance. Perhaps it would be better that he just stay away from home for a while. Being that Masanori Akari was his father's righthand man, he wouldn't be able to avoid him.
After leaving the room, Kai made his way out of the hotel and started down the street. He was wondering if he should go by his half brother's apartment, seeing his brother's boyfriend would surely help put him in a better mood. Then again, just remembering the painful moments of Masa's silence made him wonder if anything would ever make that pain feel better. How would Kai be able to go home, knowing that he wouldn't be able to see his family without seeing Masa. Perhaps it would have been better if he hadn't made it out of that warehouse alive, then Masa wouldn't have to live with the belief that Kai was nothing but an annoyance to their whole organization. Did everyone think of him of an annoyance, was he just protected because of his father's name or did they truly care about him? Kai sighed this was one of those times that he wished he had born into a different family, one that wasn't Yakuza. Things would be a lot simpler for him if that had been the case.
Tears welled in his eyes as he choked back the sobs as he wondered down the street. He wanted to go see Ranmaru and Kei but he didn't think he'd be very welcome, especially since Kei had been so badly injured. Ran had been determined to take care of him. Kai didn't really want to cause them anymore problems, not like he was causing everyone one else.
"I guess I will go back to my place for now." Kai murmured. "If Masa is this upset with me, I don't want see my father." He figured his father would be more than a little pissed with him. Shoving his hands into his pockets Kai made his way down the street, not noticing the car that was following him down the street. At that point though had he noticed he wouldn't have cared, he would have gladly gone with a rival Yakuza if it meant that he could fix the mistakes that he had made. He would have done anything to change the fact that Masanori Akari saw him as an annoyance. Kai didn't think he'd ever heard anything so painful in his life, not even his mother's death
Once at home, Kai entered his apartment and made his way over to his bed and flopped down. He didn't care that his apartment was a little messy, he just wanted to go to sleep and forget that this day had ever happened. Laying down on his mattress, Kai curled into a ball and closed his eyes. He could still feel the terror at the thought of Masa getting hurt because of him. Kai would have gladly given his life to keep that from happening. He just hadn't thought that Masa would get so pissed. Perhaps it would have been better if a bullet had taken his life, perhaps he wouldn't have to live the hell that was also known as guilt.
Hearing the phone ring, Kai opened his eyes but stared at the cell phone that sat on the bedside table. He watched it until it stopped ringing and then proceeded to close his eyes and went back to sleep. He remained in bed for the next several days, only getting out to go to the restroom. He couldn't find the energy to even bring himself to eat.
As he lay there in bed, a sharp pounding sound interrupted the light sleep that he had fallen into. Opening his eyes, Kai just prayed that whomever was at the door, would just go away. He didn't want to deal with anyone, at least not right then.
A few minutes later the knocking stopped, and Kai released the breath that he hadn't realized that he had been holding. Only to have the door slam open a few seconds later, two tall men entering the apartment, much to Kai's disappointment a certain older man wasn't one of them.
"What the hell do you think your doing?" Kei demanded as his eyes landed on the Kai shaped lump on the bed. "Do you know how worried people are? You're not answering the phone nor are you showing up to visit your father, and you're in bed."
"Kei take it easy on him." The other man stated. "He's clearly not feeling well."
"He should have told someone." Kei snarled. "Then maybe his father wouldn't have been blowing our phone up."
"If he was that worried he could have come here." Kai mumbled. "But the organization is too important for him to come himself."
"Self-pity doesn't become you." Kei said before sniffing at the air. "Have you even showered?"
"Just let yourself out." Kai mumbled. "I just want to be left alone."
"I'm not going anywhere, until you get out of bed." Kei said. "And you eat something and then call your father."
"I don't feel like talking to them." Kai said. Kei rolled his eyes.
"What's go you so upset?" Ranmaru asked, walking over to the bed and sitting down on the mattress. "What's bothering you so much that you won't visit with your family." The fact that he wasn't snapping back at Kei was enough to tell the other men that something was upsetting the younger Sagano.
"It's not important." Kai mumbled. "No one would even care if I bothered explaining it anyways."
"Does it have something to do with Masa?" Ranmaru asked, taking note of the grimace on Kai's face. The bitter expression told the other men all that they needed to know. Whatever was going on with Kai had something to do with the older man.
"Did Masa get upset with you for jumping in to save him the way that you did?" Ranmaru asked, remembering the moment that Kai had gotten in between Masa and sniper. It had honestly scared a few years off Ranmaru's life to witness such a scene. Kai didn't answer, just closed his eyes and silently wished that the two men would leave him in peace.
"At the rate that you are feeling sorry for yourself you're going to put yourself in the hospital." Kei said. "And make everyone worry about you even more, do you really want to add more worry to Masa's shoulders with everything that he has to deal with already?"
"Just go away and leave me alone." Kai mumbled.
"I guess he'll have to go home with us." Ranmaru said. "To make sure that you're going to be okay."
"I want to stay here in my home." Kai said. "I don't feel like going anywhere."
"Which is why it's important for you to come home with us." Ranmaru said. "You're allowing the depression to win, and Masa wouldn't want that."
"If he's so worried then why isn't he here?" Kai asked as he sat up. He had the feeling that neither Kei nor Ranmaru would leave without him. He might as well give them what they wanted. Perhaps he could go back to bed when he got to their apartment.
"He does have a lot of responsibilities you know." Ranmaru said gently. "It's not that he doesn't care about what happens to you. There's just a lot going on right now, I'm guessing that the organization is in danger again."
"Which he would have known if you had bothered to answer your phone at all." Kei said.
"Who would be stupid enough to go after Sagano again?" Kai wondered. "You would think that everyone knows well enough to leave us alone."
"I don't know." Kei answered. "But if Ran gets hurt again because of you, I'm going to kill you myself."
"He's not going to get hurt. I'll make sure of it." Kai snapped as he pushed himself out of bed. Walking over to his closet, Kai grabbed some clothes and then tossed them into a bag.
"I'll kill anyone who goes after Ran!" Kai said, as he followed both Kei and Ranmaru out of his apartment. He didn't feel well, and he was pretty sure that he smelled considering that he had gone for days without a shower. But Kei had told him that there was a possibility of Ran getting hurt, Kai couldn't have that.
"You need a shower." Kei said as soon as they left Kai's apartment, "and you could probably use some food. You look like you've lost some weight."
"You could use some tact." Kai said irritably. Kei was already getting on his nerves and he hadn't made it five feet past his own door with him.
"Can't you two get along?" Ranmaru asked. "At least until we get him back to his father's?"
"I thought you said we were going back to your apartment?" Kai asked, scowling at his half-brother.
"I sent them to get you. Your father wants you back home." A tall, well dressed man said as he stepped out of the limo that was waiting on the street.
"Masa?" Kai said, staring at the older man as if he hadn't seen him in years instead of days.
"Your father wants you at home, where he thinks you'll be safer for the time being. It shouldn't take too long to find out who's behind these latest threats." Kai grimaced, it would figure that Masa was only here because of his father's wishes.
"If that's the case, let me go back to my place." Kai said. "I'm sure I'll be fine."
"Kai?" Masa said, noticing the uncomfortable look on Kai's face. Before Kai could reply, Kai let out a gasp and clutched at his chest, shock filling the faces of those around him as he collapsed to the ground, wheezing. Masa dropped to his knees beside the nearly unconscious Kai who was gasping for air as blood eased past his lips.
"Get an ambulance!" Masa shouted as he knelt beside Kai, and lifted the younger male into his arms, hoping to be able to stifle the flow of blood.
"Hang on Kai!" Masa shouted, he hated the wheezing sounds that escaped Kai's lips, he knew that bullet must have punctured a lung and knew that they would quickly run out of time if help didn't arrive quickly.
"You shouldn't move him." Ranmaru stated, watching Masa's quick movements with the younger male. "You're going to make him bleed out faster." Both Ranmaru and Kei could tell how worried the dark-haired man was, whatever had happened between Masa and Kai, Masa wasn't thinking about it right then.
"Hang on Kai, keep your eyes open!" Masa pleaded.
"I'm sorry, I'm such an annoyance." Kai whispered before coughing harshly before closing his eyes.
Should I continue? Thanks for reading and reviewing! Liz