"i literally can't sleep alone anymore so i've shown up at your door in my pyjamas, can we have one more nap together, please?"
Lola knew this was a bad idea. But it was muscle memory. And who could deny or stop muscle memory?
Her shaky knuckle reached for the closed bedroom door of Miles Hollingsworth. Frankie and Shay were fast asleep and had been for hours. They'd had a great girl's night, but when it came down to it... Lola just couldn't sleep. She hadn't slept quite the same since the night she spent wrapped in Miles's arms. Knock, knock, knock.
"It can't be time for school yet." Miles mumbled loudly enough for Lola to hear through the door. Then, she heard him reach for the clock on his bedside table to check the time.
Lola exhaled deeply before grabbing the doorknob and pulling it open. "It's me." She said.
Miles sat up with his sleepiest stare at tipped his head sideways at the appearance of Lola Pacini in his doorway at... The clock officially said 2 AM.
Pulling the door closed behind her, Lola tip toed toward Miles's bed. "I'm sorry. I know we're not supposed to talk anymore since Tristan woke up," She started, speaking softly as to not wake anyone around them up. "But I can't sleep. Frankie and Shay won't budge, and... I just thought..." She trailed off. There was no way to phrase this that made this make sense. Miles was going to kick her out for sure, and there was no way she'd blame him. After Tristan woke up, Miles had basically iced Lola out and told her that they couldn't talk anymore. That hurt the most.
"Come here." Miles spoke quietly, motioning for her to sit next to him on the bed.
"Are you sure?" Lola replied, apprehensively making her way to sit on the bed next to Miles. His bed was even softer than she remembered. And the spot she sat on was still warm from his body heat.
Miles brought his bottom lip in between his teeth. "I'm sure. I had just gotten to sleep. I've been struggling a lot lately." He said. "Not easy to sleep with so much on my mind."
And suddenly, it felt like they had been transported to the moment they found one another again. They were relating to one another in the deepest, most personal ways. Confusion, pain, doubt, and angst ran through their veins, and it felt like they were melded into one. The pain they felt... To Lola, it almost felt like the reason it hurt so much when they were apart was because they were born to be fused, and every moment they were apart was painful because they weren't where they rightfully belonged. With each other. But she knew that wasn't fate.
"I feel you." Lola responded, not knowing how else to say what she was feeling without crossing a line.
Miles looked over to Lola with his brows furrowed. He had been sleepy when she arrived, but now he was fully awake and aware of the situation. "I'm sorry." He said. "I don't know how I'm supposed to handle this. You... and Tristan. It's so goddamn hard. And every time I feel like I've figured out how to make something easier or make myself happier... Something blows up in my face." He reached over, taking Lola's hand in his. "I hurt you. I know that. And I can't take it back. I can't fix this. But I hope you can forgive me. One day."
Lola opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Miles speaking once again.
"I mean, you trusted me. You told me all about how you'd been hurt in the past, and I cursed those people for ever putting you in that kind of pain. But then I just turned around and did the same." His fingers interlaced with Lola's intimately. She wasn't sure what this meant. "You have to understand, though... I have to stick by Tristan. I committed to him. I stayed by his side during a coma. You can't just drop a connection like that. Even if I felt something with you, which I do... I can't leave Tris's side. He needs me."
Disappointment fell over Lola's features. She knew this was how Miles felt, but it still hurt for it to be vocalized. "I know." She said. "But... could we just sleep? Just for tonight?" She asked, tightening the grip she had on Miles's hand. They were now there, sitting on the side of Miles's bed with their hands in one another's. It felt so right, but she knew it wasn't going to last. She was the second choice, once again. But maybe it was her fault for always choosing people who loved others more than they'd ever love her. Maybe it was her fault for expecting her mother to love her more than she loved herself. Or to expect Tiny to love her more than he loved Shay, who he was completely and obviously into before Lola even knew of his existence. And of course, Miles. The boy with the boyfriend. Her worst judgment call yet.
"Just for tonight." Miles said, unlocking his hand from her's and placing his hand on her thigh. His entire hand wrapped around her thin, tiny thigh with ease. "And then we have to go our separate ways. For real this time."
Lola nodded, feeling chills tickle her spine and butterflies fight a war inside the bottom of her belly as Miles's hand gripped her thigh. She'd forgotten how easily his touch drove her wild. All she wanted to do was lean in and kiss Miles. It felt like the instinctive thing to do. But she couldn't cross that line. Not when Miles had specifically drew it right in front of her.
Miles climbed under the covers and patted the spot next to him in bed. Lola fit in the spot next to him like a glove, and suddenly... Everything fell into place. The idea that she'd laid awake for hours staring at the ceiling made absolutely no sense, because as soon as Miles's body was up against hers, she felt her eyelids get heavy. This was exactly what her body was craving, which was good and bad at the same time. Good because she was finally going to get a few hours of sleep, but bad because she knew sleep would never feel this good again.
"I loved you, by the way." Lola said. It just slipped out. She didn't even realize what she was saying until it was too late and the words were lingering in the air.
"I love you too." Miles said, tightening his grip around Lola's tiny body. "Goodnight, Lola Pacini."