Shikamaru was lying in the grass, his arms over his eyes, snoring slightly. Suddenly, his subconscious got the feeling that his name was being called, so he woke up but pretended to still be asleep.
"He Shikamaru, hey, Shikamaru, wake up." Argh. That was Naruto's voice.
"Yeah Shikamaru, you lazy sleepy head, wake up!" And why, pray tell why, was Chouji with said blond? Shikamaru uncovered his eyes and glared at the blond and the fatso.
"Oh god. It is you guys. I'd hoped my subconscious woke me for nothing important. So, is it important? Did Ino finally die?" Shikamaru grumbled.
"No, stupid," Naruto mumbled, "No. We found… A MAP!! TO CANDY MOUNTAIN!! MAYB E SASUKE IS THERE!! CANDY MOUNTAIN, SHIKAMARU!!"
"Yeah, Shikamaru. We're going to search for Sasuke on Candy Mountain. Come with us, Shikamaru!" Chouji added, though that wasn't really needed because obviously, they want to look for Sasuke.
"Yeah, Shikamaru! It'll be a rescue adventure, Shikamaru!" Naruto cheered, jumping into the air, punching it.
"YEAH!" Shikamaru mocked, "Candy Mountain, right…" This time, his voice was sarcastic. "I'm just, you know, gonna leave you now…"
"NOOOO!!" Naruto cried in despair. "SHIKAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARUUUUUUUUUUU!! You have to come with us to Candy Mountain! TO SAVE SASUKE!!"
"Yeah!!" Chouji butt in. "Yeah, Candy Mountain, Shikamaru. It's a land of sweets and joy and joyness and Sasuke and Sasuke-ness!" Soon, both the blond and the fatso were tugging on Shikamaru's hair.
"Please, stop… That hurts…" Shikamaru yawned.
"Candy Mountain Shikamaru!" Naruto declared.
"Yeah, and Sasuke, Shikamaru." Chouji nodded while munching on his chips.
"ALRIGHT! JESUS!! I'LL GO TO CANDY MOUNTAIN WITH YOU!! GOD!!" Shikamaru yelled.
--
Five minutes later, they were to the half way mark in their destination that should take three days. But they're ninjas.
"La, la, la la la, la, la la la la!" Chouji and Naruto were singing. Of course, out favorite lazy assed ninja was twitching.
"Stop with the singing!!" he screamed finally.
"Our first stop is over there, Shikamaru!" Naruto yelped as he abruptly changed the subject by pointing somewhere to the left.
"Oh my god… What in the name of Lady Tsunade is that?!" the brunette lazy ass shouted.
"It's a leoplurodon, Shikamaru," Naruto sang.
"A magical leoplurodon," Chouji added.
"Alright, you do know that there is no Candy Mountain, thus Sasuke will not be there, correct?" Shikamaru yawned.
"SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER!!" Naruto screamed, pulling on Shikamaru's hair.
"YES! SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUNNNN!" Chouji added, pulling on Shikamaru's hair as well. Shikamaru glared as Naruto screamed out a prolonged 'shun' again.
"Yeah…" Shikamaru mumbled, swatting the boys' hands away as the leoplurodon (that suspiciously had Sakura's face) made ridiculous noises.
"IT SPOKE TO US ABOUT SASUKE!" Naruto screamed.
"It told us the way, Shikamaru," Chouji whispered.
--
Five more minutes later, the trio is found standing on a rickety old bridge.
"Sasuke is just over the bridge, Shikamaru!" Naruto informed the brunette.
"This is a magical bridge of hope and wonder, Shikamaru," Chouji said through a mouthful of potato chips, so Shikamaru paid no mind.
Instead, the brunette said, "Does anyone else like think we're going to fall? Seriously, idiots, we shouldn't be on this thing."
"SHIIIKKKAAAMAAARRRUUU!! SHIIIIIKKKKKAAAAAMAAAAARRRRRUUUUU! SHIIIIIIKKKKKKAAAAAAMAAAAAARRRRRRUUUUUU! SHIIIIIIIKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAM-" Naruto whined.
"WHAT?! I'm right here, what could you freaking want?!" Shikamaru screamed.
"We're on a bridge, Shikamaru," Naruto retorted, sounding a bit put off.
--
Another five minutes later, the trio was standing in front a smallish, pointy-like cave with the words 'Candy Mountain' painted on it in the color of candy canes and (sadly) Sasuke was nowhere to be found.
"We're here," Chouji declared.
"Well…" Shikamaru yawned. "There really is a Candy Mountain. Who woulda guessed it?"
"Candy Mountain, Candy Mountain, you fill me with sweet sugary goodness but you stole Sasuke!" Naruto said while doing his strange little dance.
"Go inside the Candy Mountain Cave, Shikamaru!!" Chouji yelled.
"Yea Shikamaru! Go into the cave! Magical wonders are to behold when you enter!" Naruto added, nodding his blond head vigorously.
"Yeah… Er… Thanks, but no thanks," Shikamaru said, looking between his companions nervously, "but I think I'm gonna just stay out here…"
"But you have to enter the Candy Mountain Cave, Shikamaru!" Chouji whined.
Suddenly, the letters that spelled 'candy' jumped out and turned into Sasuke, Sakura, and Orochimaru. Orochimaru and Sasuke began doing a really gay dance and Sakura began playing various instruments at once. And Sasuke and Orochimaru began singing:
"Oh
when you're down and you're looking for some cheering up
Then
just head right on up to the candy mountain cave
When you get
inside you find yourself a cheery land
Such a happy and joy filled
and perky merry land
They've got lollipops and gummidrops and
candy things
Oh so many things that will brighten up your day
It's
impossible to wear a frown in candy town
It's the mecca of
lovely candy cave
They've got jellybeans and coconut with little
hats
Candy rats, chocolate bats, it's a wonderland of sweets
Buy
the candy train to town and hear the candy band
Candy bells, it's
a treat, as they march across the land
Cherry ribbon stream across
the sky and to the ground
Turn around, it astounds, it's a
dancing candy treat
In the candy cave imagination runs so free
So
now Shikamaru won't you go into the cave?"
And Sasuke, Orochimaru, and Sakura disappeared, leaving the instruments behind. Shikamaru glared. "Alright, fine! Jesus… I'll go into the freakin' cave! This better be good dammit!"
"Good-Bye, Shikamaru," Naruto cooed as Shikamaru entered the cave.
"Yeah, Good-Bye, Shikamaru," Chouji cooed before stuffing his mouth full of chips and the cave closed. Shikamaru winced as he heard some shuffling around him. He growled.
"What…?!WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?! WHO THE FREAK IS THAT?!"
--
Shikamaru yawned and sat up, looking around him. There was a stinging pain in his side. He looked down and swore in as many different languages he knew.
"God! THEY TOOK MY FREAKIN' KIDNEY!!" he screamed.
FIN