chapter one: I said I was desperate! Not that I wanted to get sucked into an alternative dimension!
Yachi Hitoka is desperate.
She's never gotten grades these bad in any class before. Every time she wakes up and remembers she has to go to her Creative Writing lecture, the sudden surge of anxiety spoon fed to her nerves is unbearable. She'd honestly rather write a two-hundred-page long scientific report about every single job of the pancreas, or even write a book report about hagiology in literature, than even try to write a single paragraph of any of the exercises her flamboyant professor orders them to do.
And really, Hitoka can't afford for her grades to drop. Not only will it drag down her average, but it will also drag her down as well. Her grades are one of the few things which give her confidence. Seeing full marks or good grades on her record remind her she's capable, and that she can. She understands that they're really only numbers which might not even amount to much later in life, but they're important to her, especially her, who is always caught in an endless oscillation between thinking she isn't good enough, and thinking she's doing something wrong.
So she musters up some courage, and rather blatantly accosts Kozume Kenma after class is over.
"K...Kozume-kun!" she calls just before he can walk out the door. Kozume pauses, just out of the way of the other students, who barrel out of the lecture room in a bottleneck maneuver. Hitoka stuffs her notebooks in her backpack as Kozume scans the room once with a flick of his eyes.
Hitoka isn't entirely sure what it is Kozume is doing with his writing that she isn't, but the professor absolutely adores his pieces, so maybe Hitoka can ask him for a tip or two. Like what to focus on more, or where to improve, or how she can possibly reach his demiurgic level of writing in her short lifetime.
She places the last notebook inside just as he walks out the door.
Oh no! I don't think he heard me!
"Kozume-kun! Wait!"
Hitoka barrels out the door and nearly dashes down the long winding corridor of the humanitarian building. However, Kozume is right there, near the wall, and she lets out a sigh of relief.
Her arms almost make a windmill motion as she comes to an abrupt stop, before she spins to face Kozume properly.
And this is where her nerves decide to have a field day worthy of a person with helminthophobia being thrown into a barrel of worms.
"Uh, um, I..." She twiddles her thumbs, and doesn't dare to even peek at Kozume's face. He probably thinks she's weird, or even worse, annoying. The only goal that steels her forward to steamroll her way through all this awkwardness is the even worse implication of her failing the class, and really, she'll take weird, annoying blonde over any failure.
"I was wondering if—! You could, um," Here she meets his eyes. It stings a little when he immediately looks to the floor, but Hitoka will power through anything to prove she isn't a failure.
"I was wondering if you could give me some, uh, pointers..? On writing! For our writing class! Just maybe a few! I really hope it isn't a bother and I'm really sorry if it is but—"
"No."
Hitoka pauses, her fingers clasped in front of her where she had been pressing them together. Had he just..? Said no?
Kozume looks to the floor, and shifts the strap of his messenger bag higher on his shoulder.
"I... have to go. I have a lecture in Science."
And then he just leaves.
Hitoka is left there more than a little baffled. Surely he couldn't have really just said no. He had probably just meant he couldn't do it now since he had class. Yes…That has to be it! She'll just ask him next time, and then maybe she'll finally be back on her way of getting good grades.
Kozume is avoiding her.
This revelation had not occurred to her until the fourth time she'd tried to talk to him after the many classes they shared. She had been walking up to him, and had momentarily looked away from his pudding hair to make sure her backpack was zipped all the way, and when she had looked back, he had dissipated from sight like a ghost.
Her shoulders droop, and she sighs, hanging her head. Another failure to add to her never ending list of shortcomings in life.
"H-hey. Yachi-san, right?"
Hitoka peers up, and tries not to take a blatant step back or yelp.
There's a boy with a face like a yankee and a blonde mohawk like woah and he'stalking to her.
Hitoka hopes the quivering of her knees goes unnoticed.
"Y-yes?!" she answers, perhaps a dab too much on the shrill side. She really hopes she hasn't secretly offended a yakuza gang unknowingly. Dodging the Japanese mafia will surely drive her nerves right to the Spiral Of Doom And Gloom.
Hitoka will tell anyone how awful it is to be caught in such a thing from her own personal, previous visits.
"So I, uh, heard you wanted to ask Kenma about something, right—" Oh god, was it a universally acknowledged truth how desperate she's become? She has to perish the thought before she shudders. "—and you know, Kenma's kind of being a lazy jerk about the whole thing, with how he's avoiding you and all—"
He was avoiding her?
Had she really made that bad of a first impression? Hitoka can't even place what it could have been that had come off so wrong. Had she insulted him accidentally? Had her stopping him momentarily made him late for class? Was that why this yakuza prince was talking to her? To tell her the time and place of her demise for causing unnecessary convenience to a friend of the yakuza gang?
"—you got that, Yachi-san?"
Hitoka is torn from her preparation to the Spiral Of Doom And Gloom when the yakuza boy with a blonde mohawk appears to have asked her a question.
She has no idea what he had been talking about.
"Huh?"
"Kenma is always doing his lab reports in the library from eleven to twelve on Mondays. I'm sure you can catch him then."
Wait, the yakuza prince was helping her? He wasn't going to beat her up? That certainly creates a wave of relief for her heartstrings. However, she isn't so sure about asking Kozume anymore if he's avoiding her.
"I... It's ok," she finds herself saying before she can really think about it. The yakuza prince gives her a confused look. "I... I wouldn't want to inconvenience Kozume-kun more than I have—"
"No—! That's not—! You're not—!" The yakuza takes a deep breath. "You're not bothering him in the least, Yachi-san. He just doesn't want to do it, and he's being an asshole about by avoiding you. If you really want his help, you're gonna have to put him on the spot, if ya know what I mean."
Hitoka isn't exactly sure what to make of this development. On one hand, she's apparently made Kozume uncomfortable enough for him to just outright run away from her every chance he gets. Hitoka dreads being a bother more than she dreads failure at times, and Kozume's reaction to her asking for help is nearly single-handedly paying for an express ticket to The Spiral Of Doom And Gloom all over again. However, on the other hand, she's still failing Creative Writing, and Kozume's yakuza prince friend is telling her Kozume is just being mean.
Weighing the two options, and adding the 'her mother has always wanted her to be assertive' argument to the second hand, Hitoka comes to a decision.
"Ok," she says, while banishing all the negative thoughts which immediately jump to the forefront of her mind. Hitoka will not allow mean people and her already weak self room for more failures. "I'll do my best!"
Maybe wearing a disguise was a bit much.
Hitoka had jabbed a cap onto her head and donned a pair of magenta framed glasses before hiding away in a seat with a clear view of the library door. She had arrived way too early; half an hour before Kozume was supposed to show up in the library, but preparation and precautions were something Hitoka was an expert at.
She hopes she's fooling someone pretending to be engrossed in Alice in Wonderland when she's really just watching the doors like a hawk.
Kozume walks through the doors at 11:06 and Hitoka tries not to implode with how fast her heart beats. She lifts the book higher to hide her face and, as soon as he passes, she quickly stuffs it in her bag and follows after him, hiding behind shelves every time he seems like he's going to look back.
Hitoka is sort of excited for some reason. Maybe it's the spy like mission she's caught herself in, or just the novelty of it all. Yes she's still scared witless and more than a little nervous about confronting Kozume, but not as much as she'd been when she had first talked to him.
Kozume settles in a spot at a table in the corner of the library. He sits in a chair with his back to the wall and pulls out his phone.
Hitoka is at her last possible hiding place. If she leaves the safety of this bookshelf, Kozume is sure to see her.
With her heart a thunderclap in her chest, she sprints out from behind the bookshelf and plops down in the chair opposite Kozume. She tears off her glasses and cap and whispers a breathless, "Kozume-kun."
Kozume startles, his phone fumbling between his hands for a moment before he stares at her rather wide-eyed. He recovers quickly, placing his hand under the table in his lap and doesn't meet her eyes. There's something of a faint pink to his cheeks as he blatantly looks away from her, but there's also clear annoyance in the furl of his brow.
"I'm really sorry and I really don't want to bother you but could you please just maybe look over my writing and telling me what I could work on? I promise it won't take more than a minute." Hitoka says in one breathe before she loses her strength. It's a feat in and of itself she doesn't stutter her way through her request, and she's the tiniest bit proud of herself for accomplishing it.
Kozume sighs and meets her eyes once.
"Yachi...san. I don't think I can help you—"
"P-please try! You can just—" Hitoka dumps out half the contents of her backpack trying to swiftly pull out her papers from Creative Writing. She nearly shoves them under his nose when she holds them out. "—read it and tell me where I might be able to improve!"
Kozume looks very unconvinced.
"Please?" Hitoka adds pleadingly.
Kozume lets out another annoyed huff. A moment later, he reluctantly takes the papers.
Hitoka beams at him, and Kozume seems to lift the papers a little higher to hide his face after that.
There are a few silent moments where Hitoka waits patiently as Kozume reads her writing. His eyes go back and forth over the paper, and Hitoka's nervousness is starting to override her earlier excitement. She can't read anything from his impassiveness, nothing he might be thinking about her piece, and it's making her nervous.
He seems to have finished, if the lowering of the paper and his eyes darting to her face is anything to go by. Hitoka wrings her hands in her lap, unsure what to make of his silence.
He opens his mouth, and then closes it.
"Y-You don't have to worry about hurting my feelings or anything! Please be as harsh as you want to be!" she blurts out, taking his speechlessness as indecision. She hopes it doesn't add more pressure.
Kozume sighs again, and gives a look to his phone.
"Yachi-san—"
"You can just call me Yachi if you want!"
Kozume pauses, giving even more looks to his phone.
"Yachi." Kozume's brow scrunches up as he studies her paper again. Maybe he's mulling over his critique? Contemplating the advice he could give? Trying to find a way to say it nicely? She'd already told him to be as blunt as he wanted, so Hitoka isn't sure what else to say to confirm her readiness to take anything.
"I don't think I can help you."
It comes as a surprise to both of them when tears well in her eyes.
"I-it's that bad, huh?" she asks, failing to stamp the tears with her palms. She hadn't meant to cry, really. She'd been prepared for constructive criticism and harsh advice and anything Kozume would have said to her. But topping all her attempts and endeavors to be better with the notion that she's beyond help had hurt more than she ever could have imagined.
She just wants to be better. Why was it so hard?
Kozume, the understatement of a deer in headlights, blinks rapidly at her with wide eyes. His mouth is slightly agape and the surprise is so intense Hitoka feels bad for him. He reaches out his hands lamely but they stay close to his chest.
Hitoka's shoulders shake with more sobs. If she can't stop it, she can at least try to be quiet about it. God, she feels so pathetic. She thought she was a bit better at dealing with the hardships of school and studying to not collapse into a nervous breakdown when the goings got tough. She is supposed to be an adult about this, able to remove her emotions from the situation and think on this rationally. Yet even with that rationality, all she can do is imagine her from an outside point of view and think how glaringly, annoyingly pathetic she is.
She presses a hand to her mouth, her vision continuing to blur as her tears fall onto her books and the papers scattered in front of her.
I just want to be better, she thinks, and want so strongly for it to be true it hurts.
The table breaks and collapses into itself.
Hitoka is frozen, staring agape at the gaping black hole in the floor. It's all the moment she gets before her chair tilts forward and she falls completely into the darkness with arms outstretched and a scream on her lips.
Her vertigo flips and she catches a glimpse of Kozume falling in as well, panic in his eyes as he reaches toward her with a, "No!"
She thinks, just as something like a hand encircles her wrist, that she hears something like a book clapping shut as the darkness completely envelopes them, but she can't be too sure because her eyes had rolled back and she had completely blacked out.
A/N: This story was written for the hqbrofest event on tumblr. It's completed over on AO3. I'm just crossposting it here for prosperity's sake.