Charmed is still not mine, but who knows one day.
My other story is just too hard at the moment so I am playing truant and have written this ficlet instead.
Tobias is panicking, visibly sweating now and having stood in that position many times himself Leo sympathises. He looks around the debating hall, enjoying the familiar thrill of pleasure at just being there; still feeling an impostor amongst elders he has revered for decades. It seems bizarre that they should view him as an equal, value his opinion. Yet he knows that his experience is precious and that he is making a difference. The debate goes on around him.
"This is the third time that Tobias has healed his charge illegally. The
rules are very clear, witches may only be healed for afflictions caused
by magic"
"Perhaps there were mitigating circumstances"
"We must make a stand, such flagrant abuse of our rules cannot be allowed
to continue".
"We should not be hasty his results are very good. His charges are
successful and happy."
"He needs to abide by our laws; perhaps he is not whitelighter material
and should be recycled"
Leo thinks of Piper and imagines her reaction to all this, he can hear her snort of disapproval as she tosses that magnificent mane of hair and he smiles lovingly, before reflects on the countless times he has broken this particular rule to heal a cut or bruise for the sisters. The Piper of his mind is right, it is a stupid law. He joins the debate.
"Tobias's charge took out a powerful Valasi demon, if he not healed her beforehand she would have failed, we would have lost her and gained a more powerful enemy. I believe his actions were right."
There are murmurs of agreement around the hall and the debate swings in favour of Tobias. Yet Leo's satisfaction in the result is marred by his thoughts of Piper which leave him unsettled, again. For the twentieth time that day he vows he will not think of her anymore. Gideon is right, it does no good, he has to let it go, but it is hard. He misses them all so much, more than he had thought possible and the ache just doesn't go away.
The council are talking about banshees now, a witch has been infected and her whitelighter is frantic with worry. It feels good to be able to reassure him, to tell him that the witch can be saved if her lover returns. This is apparently an option and the whitelighter disappears purposefully in an optimistic cloud of orbs. No one questions Leo's experience or asks how he came by this knowledge. He remembers his Piper shaking as she summoned Cole to save Phoebe, terrified of him and her own powers, but with enough love and courage to brave anything for the sake of her sister. He was so proud of her then, when he held her in his arms and reassured her timid self that she was as strong enough to make it. Why doesn't she call for me? The familiar whisper comes from nowhere
Furious at himself, he get up and paces the room. He has no right to expect her to call him; he has no right to anything. He left her and his child. Is he really so low that he wants her to wait for him? To waste her life? "YES". The violence of his own answer shakes him.
"Leo?" He looks up to see the other elders watching him curiously "Was there a point you wanted to make about Clario's problem with the Ussik'nerm?"
He's slightly embarrassed now, but at the same time knows that he cannot stay there. Avoiding Gideon's eye, he quickly makes his excuses "Sorry, I thought I knew something but I can't quite recall it, perhaps a walk outside will help me remember" and before anyone can argue he flees.
This was getting worse. Interfering with his job. Surely after 6 months this pain should be easing, yet she was there all the time influencing every thought, every conversation, every memory. He had worried that he was leaving her behind, now he knew that to be impossible; she haunted him. His mind, an enemy, constantly bombarding him with images; their wedding, a picnic last June, the curve of her hip, the sound of her laugh, the sight of her face when he told her he was leaving, again. He fights back the well-known urge to go and see her, to hold his son. No. He can't do that too her, it wouldn't be fair. He knows that with him around she will never build another life, their night together on the ghostly plain had proven that and he will not allow himself make things harder for her than he already had. But if she calls....
Frustrated he kicks a cloud, not noticing Gideon approach from behind.
"Have you remembered yet?"
"What?"
"The Ussik'nerm, you were coming outside to collect your thoughts"
"Oh. Er no."
"Talk to me Leo, it will help"
"Will it? You'll just tell me that I have to let her go, that it's not fair to hang on to her life? That my strength as an elder will grow from this challenge." His bitterness is palpable. Sighing he turned to his friend "I know that you are right Gideon, but believe me it doesn't help, nothing does"
"I see." Gideon looks at him gravely "Leo have you weakened, been to see her? You..."
"promised that I wouldn't. I've been tempted but I stick by our agreement I will not go down unless she calls for me, unless one of them calls for me"
"What about watching?"
"NO! I no longer have any rights and she wouldn't want me to spy on her, besides..." He stops.
"You are scared of what you might see?" He takes Leo's silence as confirmation. "Is this what the problem is, do you think that she may have met someone else?"
"I, I don't know. Why not? Who wouldn't want her? In my mind I see all these great guys lining up, regular guys like Dan or Gregg offering her a normal life. Offering Wyatt a normal life. Why wouldn't she move on? It's not like I am not replaceable" Hearing his secret fear spoken out loud hurts him, somehow making it seem so much more real. Is this why none of them had called for him? He just wasn't relevant anymore? He could weep.
He looks at his friend, ashamed of his feelings. "I am sorry Gideon, none of this is your fault"
Gideon looks away, feeling guilty at the pain he has caused, but seeing an opportunity he turns back "If you like I could go and see her on your behalf, spend some time with Wyatt, perhaps gets some news."
Leo is touched "Would you? I've tried to ask Chris but he always avoids me." For a moment he is lost in thought "How did we come to this?" Desperately he appeals to Gideon "Isn't there some way, there must be some way, I can go back to her"
Gideon sighs wearily; it's a conversation that they have had many, many times before. "No. You were given neither the choice to be or not be an Elder. You were chosen by a higher power to serve the greater good and I don't believe that you would reject this sacred role even if you could. Leo, today alone you saved that whitelighter from being recycled and very probably the witch from remaining a banshee. Does your own personal happiness really outweigh their lives and those of all the other people that you help? Could you really live contentedly with Piper knowing that you are turning your back on them? That's not who you are and you know it"
"But what if I..."
"No, before you ask again, it is still not an option for you to live down there permanently either. Once it was known you would be targeted by the entire underworld. To capture one of us means the ability to destroy all of us. Would you want to take that risk?"
Leo slumps back trapped and hopeless. "Its not fair"
I know. Look I am going back to the council, are you coming with me? Seeing Leo's despondent face he leaves him alone.
Leo sits there for a while, pondering Gideon's comments. He will wait 5 more minutes and then go in. The 5 minutes come and go, but he remains, waiting bleakly for a call he now knows will never come.
LEO! Le..
"Pheobe?" And he is gone.