Ready For Heaven
Dean gently brushed his fingers along Castiel' cheek and leaned in, gently pressing their lips together in a soft and fleeting kiss. It felt right, to just let himself succumb to the sensation of being held against Castiel' chest like this. After all the fighting and all the battling, even through the arguing, he was ready to just relax. He was ready for the after-life. Sam was already dead, just a few yards away. He'd never imagined it could end like this. So sudden and unexpected.
"Dean. Let me heal you." Castiel protested, his voice strained as he spoke, trying to plead with Dean, who simply shook his head. He didn't want to be healed or saved anymore. This is it, Dean thought, this is how it's supposed to end… Just like this.
Dean coughed, hard, burying his face against Castiel' shoulder as he pressed his hand to the stab wound in his abdomen. Warm and sticky, his blood flowed out onto his fingers and clothes. Sopping wet, slowly getting colder in the chill of the winter wind. He was shivering, shaking, his teeth chattering as he felt the cold more than ever before. Castiel felt tears slipping down his cheeks, though he tried his best to fight them. He'd never expected to be the one holding on to Dean in his last moments and now he was almost positive that he'd rather be anywhere else. He hated watching that light going out. Dean's body was heavy against his, the blood sopping out onto his clothes, but Castiel couldn't be bothered with them anymore, the only thing that mattered right now, was Dean.
Dean's eyes glanced up and met Castiel' own. Castiel was crying… Dean knew why, and he felt compelled to shed tears of his own. He forcefully swallowed, the simple act taking so much of his quickly waning energy, and his own saliva feeling like sandpaper in his mouth. His lips were chapped and his body weakened. Not since his time in hell had he felt so broken, yet at the same time, in his painful last moments, he felt incredibly alive. Everything felt like it was finally falling into place the way it was meant to be…
"I never tho…thought… It would end like this, Cas…" Dean's voice was a soft whisper beneath the roar of the bitter cold wind and the snap and crackle of the forest around them as it burned, slowly to the ground, taking the evidence of the battle between the angels , the bodies of those who were slain, and creating memories this ground would hold until kingdom come. The smoke was choking the air and stinging their eyes, but all was forgotten as Dean let his lids slide shut and pressed himself against Castiel. The warmth and softness of his gently touches were enough to draw Dean's mind away from the pain for just a few moments. "Never… Thought… That I would die… In your arms… Always thought… Yanno… Go out guns blazin'… Sammy by my side…" Dean choked back his sobs, tears slipping down his cheeks through dirt and ash, cutting little paths on his bloody face. "I wasn't meant to die of old age… I… I'm okay with this…"
Another coughing spell came, and hot blood spilled from his dry mouth, some spattering on Castiel' shirt and the muddy ground beneath them. Castiel choked back a sob as Dean smiled. Serenely, happily, he smiled and laughed weakly. In all this, the fact that Dean could still bring himself to smile was tragic and beautiful at the same time. Castiel laughed with him, a smile of his own forming as tears cut through the ash and blood on his own weary face. It was so peaceful… Castiel could close his eyes and see Dean as he'd been only days ago…
Together they'd been strong. They'd been fighting side by side as if the whole world couldn't stop them. Neither heaven, nor hell was a match for Dean, Castiel, and Sam. This war between the angels had escalated and it had all been so surreal.
"This isn't the end for us though…" Dean's cracking voice made Castiel quake inside and brought him out of his memories, and he looked down at Dean's wide green eyes with something akin to guilt in them. "I'll see you up top right…" he said softly. "We can celebrate your victory… Together… With Sam… Right?"
Castiel nodded, and his throat tightened as he took one shaky breath and answered.
"Yes, Dean."
And Castiel meant it. They would spent eternity together, just them, Dean, Sam, and himself. That was how it was supposed to be… As Castiel watched Dean, he could feel the approach of a familiar friend. The reaper Tessa was there, and Dean smiled so warmly, welcoming the old friend that was death, knowing this time, it was for real. Castiel watched as Tessa knelt down and took Dean's hand. Dean's sparkling emerald eyes grew dull, his body heaving a little as his breathing slowed, and then stopped completely. Limp, and heavy, Dean slumped backwards in Castiel' grasp, his head lolling backwards and hanging limply there, his bloodied body no longer struggling against death, but succumbing to it. And just like that, Tessa was gone, ushering Dean on to the other side. Castiel let it sink in that Dean had died.
Right there in his arms…
If he closed his eyes for just a moment he could see Dean's smiling face, untarnished, full of light. Wearied, but not broken by death, he could hear that laugh, that gruff and sometimes sardonic tone. Castiel' face wrenched into an unimaginable picture of pain and he let out a horrified and pained screech that shook him to the core and rocked the foundation of the slowly crumbling forest, trees smashing backward and down by the sheer force of it. This was the end… The end of Dean. This case was now officially closed, and the chapter it played in Castiel' life was over. Over. The word thrummed inside his skull, resonating into every inch of his being, and gripped his heart like a python, squeezing the grace right out of him… His lips quivered with soft and shaky breaths as the tidal wave of emotions fell on him; crashing against him and crushing him beneath it's weight. He'd never felt like this before.
Castiel pulled Dean closer, hugging him tight against his body, ignoring the feeling of blood soaking into his clothes and rocked back and forth, his body wracked with sobs. Castiel wept. Wept so truly anguished until his tears were dried up and he heaved with breathy wails. His body consumed by the grief that had welled up inside him, threatening to rip through his body and come spilling out his pores. To watch a man die, to hold him in his arms and know there was nothing more he could do… That was painful… But to love them in their last moments, and never once say it… That was regret. Castiel loved Dean. Love, dark, dirty, detestable and sickening love.
"I will see you soon. I will search all of heaven to find you. It has been my burden to have known you Dean. And to be with you for the rest of my days…"
Castiel looked at Dean's peaceful face as the sound of sirens wailed in his ears, fast approaching and gently smoothed his mussed hair away from his face. He gently kissed his forehead and then lips.
And then, with a heavy heart, he stepped away from Dean, moving his hand over the hunter's body and setting it ablaze, and then the same to Sam's. He watched for a few more moments, letting himself grow calm before, on a flutter of wings, he flew skyward, thankful for peace at last…