I though of this while I was reading a list of stuff like this and decided, what the heck, I'm gonna try it!
Dislaimer I don't own anything!
Ring
"Dad, can you get that?" Vanessa called from upstairs, in her room.
"Umm… Get what honey, I didn't hear anything." Doofenshrimtz stuttered.
Ring
Vanessa groaned and stomped down the steps, mumbling under her breath and glaring at her dad.
She walked over to the door, opened it and smiled as she saw her boyfriend; Ferb standing in the doorway holding a bouquet of flowers.
"For you, my love" He swiftly handed her the flowers.
"Thanks, Ferb" She said bending over to give Ferb a kiss on his cheek.
Ferb felt a warm blush creep on his cheeks, but looked past Vanessa when he heard a familiar person clear his throat.
"Before you two run off, to go watch a movie," He used his fingers to make air-quotes around the word movie. "There are some rules I must lay down, for-" He stumbled looking for the right word. "Future references"
"Dad, no it's fine. Really, Ferb's not like the others."
Doof ignored her and started. "Rule number one; If you dare pull up into my driveway in that tricked out hot-rod of yours and start honking, you better be delivering something, because you're not picking anything up." He warned.
Vanessa looked up at Ferb and mouthed 'I'm sorry'.
"It's fine" He whispered back smiling.
"Dad," She argued. "Ferb walks me to the door and gets out of the car to pick me up.
"Oh, really? Oh well, this next will apply to you, it applies to every teenage boy"
"Stereo-type much, Dad?"
"Anyways, rule number two; you may not touch my daughter in front of me." He glared at Ferb. "No kissing, hugging, holding hands or anything like that. You are to you're your hands and eyes off my daughter from her neck down. Because if you don't I will gladly remove them with my inator."
Ferb glanced at Vanessa and then looked back at Doofenshrimtz.
"Da-ad" Vanessa whined.
"Rule number three; you and your 'homies'" He put air-quotes around the word homies. "May think that it is cool to wear your pants below your knees but I don't mean to insult your friends-" He paused and smiled. "Well, actually I do mean to insult tem because I'm evil."
Vanessa groaned and rolled her eyes.
"But, they're idiots." He continues. "So make sure your pants don't fall off in front of my daughter, or I will use my electric stapler and staple them to your hips."
Ferb nodded his head, even though once again this didn't apply to him because his pants were always right where they should be, and his girlfriend was sure to point this out.
"Dad, his pants won't fall off, he wears the right size." She gestured to Ferb's pants. Doof looked down and folded his arms. "Alright he passed three rules; only seven to go."
"Rule number four; I know that you've been told that today in this world; sex without utilizing a 'barrier' method of some kind will kill you"
"DAD!" Vanessa screeched her face a dark shade of red.
He held up his index finger signaling her to wait. "Let's just get things straight. When it comes to sex; I am the barrier and I will kill you.
Vanessa groaned with a look of disgust on her face.
"Dad, he'd never-we've never even-thought of it" She stumbled because of the conversation she was having with her father in front of her boyfriend.
She felt an arm rest on her shoulder. "It's fine, sweetie"
Her nerves loosened a bit when she realized her dad wasn't scaring away her boyfriend.
He glared at Ferb's hand resting on Vanessa's shoulder and then glared at Ferb. "Number five; I know you've heard that you should start conversations with me about sports, politics and other things like that. Well, don't" He warned. "The only information I need from you is when you will return home with my baby girl safely. Here's a hint; the answer is early."
"Yes, sir"
"Dad, just stop"
"Calm done honey, I'm almost done. Six; you are probably the captain of the football team and all of the girls love and want to date you. If it's okay with my baby girl, then it's okay with me. But you will continue to date my daughter, and no one but her until the two of you are completely finished, because if you make her cry, I will make you cry."
Ferb nodded his head and Vanessa covered her face in embarrassment.
"Number seven; as you wait in my hallway for my daughter, I don't want to her you sigh, moan or groan. She is taking her time to get ready for you, so wait patiently.
"Dad, I don't take that long" Vanessa defended herself.
Ferb grinned and looked at Vanessa and then back at Doof. "Continue"
Doof gave him a questioning look and then continued.
"Seven; the following places are not suitable for my daughter. Anywhere where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. If there are no parents, police officers or adults within eyesight; then that's a clue that you shouldn't be there." He thought for a moment and continued. " A nursing home, movies with chain saws, and hockey games should be okay."
"Really Dad?"
"What, you can't ever be too careful"
"But, you can be too over-protective"
Doof groaned and continued.
"Rule number nine; all though I may appear to be pot-bellied, balding, middle aged, evil, dim-witted has-been, but anything that has to do with my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. When I ask you where and whom you are going with, I expect the truth, and nothing but the truth. I've got a shotgun, a new inator, and a basement. Don't trifle with me, boy."
"I'm not sure what an inator is but, it doesn't sound very promising." Ferb whispered to Vanessa.
She smiled and squeezed his hand. "Almost done, love and then we can go"
"Finally rule number ten; Be afraid. Be very afraid. One little mistake of hearing your car in the driveway when I shouldn't I'll get my gun. When I hear voices in my head telling me to clean my guns and inators, I will do just that. I will be waiting right here, for you to bring my daughter back early and safely. Get out of the car; with hands in plain sight, bring her to my apartment and say the password. If you hear the click of a gun it is me."
Ferb stood in silence letting that last rule sink in. "I understand sir."
"Good."
"Goodbye, Dad" Vanessa said in hast as she hurried over to her dad and gave him a kiss.
Ferb walked over to shake his hand but Doof denied it.
"We'll be home soon sir."
"You'd better be."
"Bye, Dad, love you!" Vanessa called out to him as she ran out of the apartment followed by Ferb.
Doof sighed and fell back in his chair. He was losing his baby girl.
He looked up when he heard the door shut, and saw Vanessa standing there.
"Did he hurt you already?" Doof asked concerned. "I've go my ina-" He stopped short when Vanessa pulled him into a tight hug.
"Thanks, Dad" She said into his shirt.
"You're welcome honey, just tell what exactly are you thanking me for?"
"Looking out for me, I know you were giving those rules because of Johnny, but Ferb's different, he's not like Johnny. Ferb's special and he cares about me and treats me how I should be treated. I love him, Dad, and he loves me too."
"Are you sure sweetie?"
"I'm positive, Daddy"
He felt tears coming to his eyes as he hugged her back. "Then go have fun sweetie."
She gave one more squeeze before leaving. "Thanks, Dad" She smiled and ran out the door.
"No, thank you Vanessa."
What'd ya think? I thought it turned out better than I thought. At first I wasn't going to add that last scene but I wanted to add some father/daughter bonding.
Review please?