Nothing is mine. All of it belongs to Janet Evanovich, the late Brothers Grimm and Disney. I'm just playing around with it. I am receiving no monetary or other compensation. Just having a laugh. Laugh with me. :)

Okay, I'm used to having weird things happen to me. I'm Stephanie Plum. Weird things happen to me all the time. It's my life. But this morning, things are weirder than usual. This morning when I woke up I was living in a castle.

"Good morning Your Highness," Ella smiled sweetly as she entered the bedroom. "Did you sleep well?"

"Er…sure," I frowned and looked around at the stone walls. "Er…Ella, where am I?"

"In your bed chamber in your father's castle ma'am," she studied me a moment. "Are you feeling well Princess Stephanie?"

I blinked, "I…I don't know."

"Perhaps you need more sleep. Your stepmother is asking for you. I'll tell her that you're unwell."

"My stepmother," I said wide-eyed.

"Yes ma'am, Queen Joyce," she nodded. "She's in a fowl temper this morning my lady."

"Of course she is," I grimaced. "She's just going to have to wait to see me though."

"Shall I send your ladies maids in to help you dress?"

"Er…sure," I agreed.

I found the chamber pot and grimaced. This was not happening to me. I went to bed and it was 2008 and I wake up and I've tripped right over the damn rainbow again. Oh crap, I groaned to myself, I've been shot again. I'm in the friggin hospital. I sure hope I live. I used the chamber pot and sighed. There was no way to flush it. Some poor soul was going to have to deal with that.

Lula and Connie came scurrying into the room, "morning your highness."

"Good morning," I grinned. Okay, there could be some amusing things about this. I could boss Lula and Connie around. This could be fun.

"Queen Joyce is waiting miss," Lula scurried to the closet.

"I don't care," I said flopping back onto the feather bed.

They both looked at me aghast. "But miss, you know what an evil temper she has."

"Really," my eyes narrowed. "What is she going to do to me? Will she make me eat a poison apple and send me off to the woods with a hunter who's supposed to kill me and leave me for the animals to munch on."

They blinked at me.

"Or maybe not," I shrugged. "Why is she in such a foul temper?"

"Your father left for France almost a year ago. Methinks she worries," Connie said calmly going to the wardrobe and pulling out a blue dress. "This makes your eyes stand out highness."

"Very well," I nodded. First they had the bath brought in and I was bathed. Okay, that was a little creepy. They touched places on me that Joe hadn't even touched. Okay…Ranger had touched them. I blushed at the thought.

They dressed me and then I sat at my dressing table while Lula tamed the curls into submission on top of my head.

"Prince Ricardo is not going to be able to resist you," she sighed.

"When is…this Prince Ricardo due to arrive," I asked.

"Today ma'am," they blinked at me in shock. "You haven't forgotten have you? You're to marry him tomorrow. Your father arranged it."

"My father did," I said with a sigh. "Of course, he did."

The chamber door was flung open and Joyce Barnhardt came storming in. Her hair was piled up on her head Jersey style and her green eyes were fairly flaming.

"I told that servant that I wished to see you hours ago."

I shook my head, "I was not dressed. It would have been inappropriate for me to go running around the castle in my night things…wouldn't it?"

She glared at me, "you're dressed now."

"So I am," I got to my feet. What may I do for Stepmother dearest?"

Her eyes narrowed, "I need you to go with Vincent into the woods and find me some rare herbs."

"Can't Vincent do it without my help?"

"I think you'd recognize the herbs I need faster than he. He's not so bright," she shook her head wearily.

"Your Majesty…the Prince has arrived," a servant said excitedly from the doorway.

"Well…it appears that it will have to wait," I said with a small smile. "I believe my betrothed has arrived.

She flounced out of the room in a huff and I followed with a smile. So she was sending me off into the woods to be murdered. Curses…foiled again. She really needed to learn to plan these things better. But then again, it was my dream or hallucination or whatever it was so I could win. As I started down the steps I realized that Prince Ricardo would probably be Ranger. Who else would I cast as my Prince Charming?

I followed Joyce across the marble floor to where Ranger…or Prince Ricardo was waiting.

"Prince Ricardo," she said effusively, "welcome to our home."

"I am pleased to be here," he said coolly. His eyes drifted over her once and he dismissed her as unimportant. Oh yea, even in my fantasies he was not going to take any crap off of Joyce. "I'm anxious to meet my bride."

"Of course," she said dourly. "Stephanie…come here."

I rolled my eyes and took a couple of steps forward. Joyce groaned, "bow you imbecile."

"Why should I bow," I blinked. "I'm a princess, he's a prince."

A small smile turned the corner's of his mouth up.

"Indeed," he said quietly. "You are the Princess Stephanie?"

I nodded, "I am. You are Prince Ricardo?"

"I am," he agreed.

"A pleasure to meet you," I said offering him my hand.

"It is mine," he said taking my hand and tucking it into his arm, "walk with me."

"Of course," I agreed.

We strolled outside to the gardens and walked for a bit. "Did you agree to this marriage?"

"I'm not sure I had a choice," I shrugged. "But I'm certain you'll make a good husband."

"I'm not sure that's true. My country is at war constantly. I'm...a warrior."

"Of course," I smiled to myself. "Your life doesn't lend itself to relationships."

He frowned at me thoughtfully, "but I need an heir. You are of acceptable pedigree."

"Oh gee thanks," I rolled my eyes again.

"Do you not wish to marry," he raised a brow.

"It's not number one on my list of things to do," I admitted.

"What is this list?"

"Never mind," I sighed. "My father has arranged the marriage. I'll marry you."

"You are quite lovely," he said quietly and when he rounded a line of high hedges he pulled me tight against him. "But do you have passion?"

"We'll find out," I said softly as his eyes studied my lips.

"Now…we'll find out now," he hissed and his mouth crashed down on mine.

Okay…I'm not going to say that it was one of those romance novel moments, but I swear to you I went up on tiptoes and my knee bent and my foot was up. It was weird.

He lifted his head and scattered soft kisses over my mouth, "oh yes…you'll do." He took a deep breath and we started back toward the house. He walked into the house. "We'll marry tomorrow at noon and leave for Spain immediately. Have her ready."

"Of course," Joyce nodded. "Of course," she said again to his retreating back.

"That was simple," I said touching my bruised lips.

Her eyes narrowed on me, "you'll go with Vincent now."

"Sure…why not," I agreed. "It's my dream."

"What," she blinked.

"Nothing," I said taking my cloak from Lula. "You have a lot to learn about dreams Joyce."

She glared at me and I went back outside to where Vinnie was waiting with a horse and wagon. Vinnie…of course he's her servant. She probably pays him sheep or something.

He took me into the woods and as I bent to look at some herbs he pulled the knife.

"You know it won't work Vinnie," I said seriously. "Do you really think that either my father or Prince Ricardo won't try to find me? And when they do find my bloody corpse, don't you think they'll know I died of stab wounds and not from wild animal bites. Get real…this won't work."

"If you go back to the castle she'll kill you Princess," he said seriously.

"Then I won't go back," I shrugged.

"It is done," he put the knife up and left me alone in the woods.

I wasn't sure how the woodsman's life ended, but I had a feeling he got his comeuppance. I started walking and found a stream and eventually as it got dark I found a house. The house by the stream was large. I knocked on the door and no one answered.

I walked through the messy house scattered with dirty clothes and dishes and made a face. It was clear that men lived there. There were muskets everywhere. Upstairs was a large room with seven large beds. There were names carved at the end of each one…Tank, Lester, Bobby, Ram, Hal, Cal and Woody. Great, I grinned climbing up onto Lester's bed sleepily. I found the Merry Men.