Title: Truths of Pokemon
Summary: Welcome to the show that reveals the truth behind all those little questions, like the carbon copy Jenny's and Joy's, and why Meowth doesn't call it quits and join a talk show.
Disclaimer: Do not own, will never own, don't really want to own
A/N: Because I got tired of wondering about all the meat.

P PIIR-Pierrot
H HowlingAngel

Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the Truths of Pokemon show, hosted by HowlingAngel and PIIR-Pierrot, where we discuss all the nuances that keep us up at night questioning the creators sanity. Why Team "Rocket"? How does a Pokemon trainer survive? And what's with that hair?!

Today's episode: Cow or Milktank? What are they eating?

H: Welcome, one and all! As said above in that nifty font, what are they eating?

P: Hamburgers, obviously! Delicious, juicy burgers...

H: No duh. But what is it made out of? As Officer Jenny is fond of saying while beating up unsuspecting travelers, "No Pokemon Poaching!"

P: Well, I suppose you could poach a Pokemon egg, but then you'd never get a Togepi! And what a tragedy that would be for all those OCD "Gotta Catch 'Em All" folks out there.

H: ...How do they breed anyways?...You never see a preggo Bulbasaur or an expecting Exeggutor.

P: Of course not, silly! Those are both grass type Pokemon! They don't do the whole "Sparrows and Beedrills" deal. They cross pollinate!

H: Dude.

P: ...what?! You never got the "Sparrows and the Beedrills" talk from your parents? Y'know, that really, really awkward one that every child always fears and wants to run away from? That one?

H: Yes, that one. Thankfully, I was quick enough to avoid it when my doting mother decided I was old enough, and not inclined to go wandering the countryside chasing random animal mix-and-matches. That's not the point.

P: Right, right. We digress. After all, Ash and his friends didn't even know about mating until Gold and Silver came out! We're still back in Red and Blue, way back in the good old days. Anywho, the point is that none of the gang was a vegetarian, and that means that everyone enjoyed a good burger. What were they eating!? There are no cows in the Poke-verse!

H: Exactly!! In the Poke-verse, there were the craziest things for your 'mons; beauty spas, doctors, gyms, that weird dojo in the first season with the ninjas... Those people freaking adored them. Even the bad guys only wanted them for more training and to take over the world. So I beg to ask you, my friends; the hell are they eating?

P: In a word: Tauros. But that was, again, back in the good old days. Those Tauros were so dang delicious that they were hunted almost to extinction. Nowadays people eat Milktank.

H: Want some beef? Milktank! Their coats are lovely, perfect material for that leather jacket you've been wanting. In the mood for some Chinese? Never fear, Tanglela makes for a really succulent Lo Mein dish. What about some sea food? Mussels and clams come in the Shellder and Cloyster variety!

P: For those vegetarians that we know exist but never actually see, we offer Bellsprout and all of its evolutions!! Oh, but that raises some ethical dilemmas... it's a plant Pokemon! Is it a plant or an animal? Can those people who "won't eat anything with a face" really eat anything in the Poke-verse?

H: Not really. But if you cut off the heads in the preparation phase of cooking, all kinds of iffy morals can be avoided! For those who need some brain food for that exam tomorrow, Abra! Boost it up a notch with Kadabra! Now with a complementary spoon! For group studying, Alakazam, two spoons for twice the knowledge!.

P: Truly there's a phenomenal amount of Pokemon to be eaten! ...it's not all sunshine and rainbows, though. Omanyte and Omastar were such popular delicacies that they were hunted to extinction! These days you can only find fossils... (Or rather, you can only find one fossil... unless you buy more games! That's right, kiddies! You can bring a species back to life by purchasing more Pokemon games! Buy, buy, buy! Do it NOW!) Ahem. Over to you, HowlingAngel. I need a moment to collect myself.

H: ...Excuse him, he feels guilt. Those little treats were a particular favorite of his. ( Buying is not the way!! ) But let us not walk away from this tragedy with nothing! Thanks to the extinction of many eaten friends, most of whom we know nothing about because the creators deemed that telling would probably not be a smart thing to do in regard to fans who would object, breeding grounds for the Poke-verse's food have sprung up across the nation! (We don't know about Joto yet, remember?)

P: (...someone hates capitalism. Buying is the way! The American way, that is!) That's right! Brock and Pokemon breeders like him around the world have taken it upon themselves to solve world hunger by rasing Pokemon for slaughter! Hm.. That burger tastes like suffering! Scrumptious...

H: Yuuuuu-mmy! But suppose you don't like that burger, or not a fan of fast food? (Tauros run really fast.) No prob! Peking Psyduck, with a generous helping of Orange sauce. For 5 dollars more, Peking Golduck!

P: Hm, now we're getting fancy! For those of you with expensive taste, have some caviar! Poliwag are oh so divine. But for those of you with slightly more empty wallets (no names will be mentioned, Team Rocket.) Have some stone soup! It's cheap to make, quick to cook, and Geodudes are plentiful! Throw in some Oddish for flavor. Add Paras and Parasect for the mushrooms. Mix it all up and you've practically got a stew!

H: Speaking of stew...Rabbit! A Nidoran hash is good for the soul. What about you folks who want to go out to eat? Voila! Jigglypuff, dinner and a show! For spice lovers who want a meal with some kick, a Machamp meatpie! A smaller Machop one for those who are on the go.

P: Absolutely! Of course, you could get a Pidgey meatpie for less that'll taste about the same. Everything tastes like Pidgey! They're the chickens of the Poke-verse.

H: Does Pidgey taste like snapper soup? I think not! Wartortle has a flavor all of its own!

P: ...okay, you win this time. It's not like it matters, though. Even with all of this food out in the Poke-verse, none of the main characters ever eat any of it. Team Rocket is always broke. Ash, Misty, and Brock are continuously lost in the forest with only rice-balls to survive. Heck, even the Pokemon are freakishly content to nibble away at berries instead of savagely ripping out the flesh of other Pokemon!

H: ...Well, Gyardos begs to differ in the ripping department. Y'know, if he begged instead of, well, ripping.

P: ...touche. Fine you win this round, too. Regardless, the point is that all of this potentially violent, morally questionable material was flat out avoided in the show! What were the creators thinking when they gave up all of that?!

H: The world may never know... I vote for mass hallucinogen ingestion during the concept phase.

Well, that's it for this week, folks! Tune in next week when PIIR-Pierrot and I talk about the morality of cloning in the Poke-verse. Nurse Joy, who are you really!?

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H and P: Hope you like!! Read and Review!! We mean it!! Or else!!