Okay, so who here has heard of the "Avatard the Last Mister" site? It's a site where people make fun of bad Avatar fanfiction. Mean spirited? Yes. Entertaining? Slightly. So one of the things they say is that aside from about half a dozen fics in their "does not suck" section, Avatar section is just a cesspool of badly written filth. So, being the bitter old rabblerouser that I am, I'm going out to (hopefully) prove them wrong! Thus, this little story about the Avatar five generations after Aang, but told from the point of view of the Fire Nation boy who discovers her. It's done in my style, meaning long with humor and action to sustain the plot. I'm in for the long run, people. Will it rock, or will it prove those arrogant wossnames at the aforementioned site right? Well, that's for you to decide, so if I haven't scared you off yet, enjoy!

I wonder what other people thought when the armistice was declared after the Forty Year War. I can see Earth Kingdom mothers thanking the spirits that their leaders had come to their senses and their sons would be returning home. Fire Nation wives waiting tearfully for their beloveds to get off the ships. Water Tribe chiefs breathing sighs of relief. Finally the waters were calm again. And of course, the Air Nomads smiling their funny smiles, happy the world was at peace at long last. Personally my first thoughts were cries of elation to the heavens. I wasn't going to have to get drafted. My second thought was "I'm going to be rich!"

I guess I'll have to clarify that last thing. See, my cousin Aisen ended up getting drafted into the Fire Nation army about a year ago. About a month later, he comes back home with one of his feet gone. It got crushed by an earth bender and he was shipped home. In a way, he was lucky. At least he came back. He talked to me about some of the things he saw around the world. He remembered when his ship had docked in a Water Tribe village, and he saw them building a fire. Looking around, it was all ice and snow. Where did the wood come from? Was it wood? What did these people burn to keep warm?

We finally decided that whatever it was, it couldn't have been as good as Fire Nation charcoal. All patriotic tendencies aside, we were probably right. We have families in our country that have been making charcoal for generations, and if we haven't perfected the craft yet, we're getting darn close. The Water Tribe would probably flip if they new the alternatives to what they used. Which brought us to the perfectly logical question of how much would someone from the Water Tribe pay for some high quality charcoal from here?

Unfortunately, my logic didn't seem to be as infallible as I thought walking up to Aisen's house. Unfortunately, he was probably the only member of my family who would listen to my hare brained idea. Remembering that appearances are very important when begging for money, I took a look at myself in the window's reflection. Not much I could honestly do. I'm to short and skinny to be handsome, and my hair's too wild to do much with. I just pull it back and pray it doesn't try to kill innocent bystanders. Fighting back my fear, I knocked on his door.

There was a steady thumping that finally ended in my cousin opening up the door. Aisen was one of those guys who never had any trouble getting a date. Not over the top hunky, but had a kind of aura about him, you know? His hair was probably helped as well. He had that deep reddish brown hair that one in every ten thousand dudes are blessed with and it actually responds to combing. At any rate, his aura hadn't diminished a bit with the loss of his left foot, though he did have to walk with a crutch now.

"Hey Aisen, how's the foot treating you?" I asked after the obligatory hug.

"Pretty well, Shimtim." Ugh. Shimtim. Why can't he just call me Tim like everyone else.

Okay, before I go any further, the name thing's going to have to be explained. My name is Shimtim the third. It's a terrible name. My father, Shimtim the second agrees with me. My and Aisen's grandfather, "Crazy Eel" Shimtim hated his name, though he was lucky enough to get a cool nickname in the navy. We all agree that the name sucked, and we each made a solemn vow at the age of seven to never give our son the name. So what happened, you ask?

Well like I said, Pappy was in the navy, and he was a very good officer. Made it up to Lieutenant, but because our family didn't have a real military background, he didn't have the contacts to get any higher. Nonetheless, he did some pretty cool stuff in the war. About 32 years ago, he captured five ships from the Earth Kingdom Navy and blockaded a very important river way. It was one of the first navy victories in the war and he got his nickname during that battle for his daring and cunning.

Unfortunately, he also got a legacy. His wife, a beautiful young lady he met in one of the villages he had besieged insisted on naming her first son Shimtim, in honor of his famous father. He pleaded with her, but she held fast. So he finally gave in and my father was born. The same thing pretty much happened with his wife, so I too got the name and the embarrassment. And the same thing will most likely happen to me. As my father said, a good marriage comes from two words: "Yes dear." I weep for my son.

Most people are nice enough to just call me Tim, but dear cousin Aisen insists. Anyway, after these pleasantries, I asked if he'd like to join me for tea. "Sure thing, cousin," he said, not one to turn down free tea. "Where are we going?"

"The little café owned by the Sung Do family," I said. "I haven't been there in a while."

Aisen smiled and hobbled out.

"Say, when are you getting your new foot?" I asked. Aisen's father was buying him a prosthetic foot.

"In a month or so. It'll be good to have it since I'll be able to practice bending again."

I nodded. "It would be a terrible shame if talent such as yours was lost because of the war."

We finally made our way to the Sung Do Moon Lily Café, a place that defined "hole in the wall". It was one of those family run tea rooms that was as much a part of the street as the stones under our feet, and Mrs. Sung Do was practically my second mother. Sure, it didn't have any of the new popular blends, but it had a certain charm to it. That, and a pai sho board for the patrons.

Walking in, I took a moment to contemplate the wonderful smoky smell of the place. Then Mrs. Sung Do came to us and smiled. "Ah, hello boys. How are you today?"

"Not bad, Mrs. Sung Do," I said. "Is the pai sho board taken?"

She nodded. "Luca and Ishiru are using it now. Would you still like to come in?"

"Of course," I said smiling. "Just give me and Aisen the usual."

Mrs. Sung Do bowed and led us to a small table facing the café window. To our right at the pai sho board were the two Sung Do siblings, my good buddy Luca and his older sister Ishiru. Ishiru looked up from her game and smiled warmly at my cousin. "Hi, Aisen," she practically crooned. Then she saw me. "Hi, Shimtim," she said in a voice significantly colder. Ishiru was one of the most beautiful and intelligent girls I know, so naturally she couldn't stand my guts. Thus, she too insists on using my full name.

Aisen waved and we both sat down. "I see Ishiru's in a good mood today," he whispered to me grinning.

I slumped further into my chair. "I swear, man. That's the first thing that I'm looking forward to when I get out of this town. I'll be able to meet cute girls that actually don't know me. The concept gives me reason to live."

"Your tea, gentlemen." Mrs. Sung Do came to our table with our two cups. I gratefully accepted mine. Ahh, the wonders of Earth Kingdom red tea.

Aisen took his jasmine tea with a thank you. "Do you have any of those little honey cakes? I love those."

Mrs. Sung Do smiled at him. "Of course Aisen. One moment and I'll get some for you."

We sipped our tea for a little while, then Aisen asked. "So you're serious about that whole trading business?"

I nodded. "Yup. Pappy's going to be co-owner, and we'll be using his ship. It's a modified caravel. Real good for trading. Wide berth and a thick hull. She isn't the fastest thing on the water, but she can carry a lot of cargo and still outrun bigger ships."

Aisen shook his head. "So you're still going to take charcoal to the Southern Water Tribe?"

"Well, yeah, but that's just the beginning. See, once we sell the charcoal, we'll buy stuff from the Water Tribe. Scrimshaw, pelts, that kind of thing, but still keep money in reserve. We do the same thing at the Earth Kingdom. Sell high, buy low. The best part is because it's going to be foreign wares, we can put some really good prices on the stuff, so we're steadily making money," then I grinned "and when we come back here, I'll be drenched in gold and exotic wares and glory!"

"Well, sounds like you got it all figured out," my cousin said with a sigh. "And where do you plan to get the starting money for this scheme?"

"Well, I've taken out a loan, Pappy and I have a nest egg we've been saving up, and I'm going to various family members begging for the rest of the money."

Aisen grinned. "How's that working out for you?"

"Well, I started in the morning, so it's a bit to early to tell."

His grin froze. "This morning eh?" he said slowly, "I wonder who would be stupid enough to invest in your crazy plan."

"I was hoping the guy who I'm going to ask would understand the logic of his investment," I said, praying that this would work.

Aisen sighed. "Look, just to clarify, you're going to ask me for money, aren't you?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"No."

"No?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Mrs. Sung Do arrived with Aisen's honey cakes and there was much rejoicing. After finishing them up, he got back to explaining to me why I was such an idiot.

"Look Shimtim, I don't have much, and you're asking me to give you some of my cash that I've been saving and scraping and scrimping for since I got discharged from the army?"

"Aisen, don't you see?" I asked waving my hands in exasperation. "Why would I ask for some of your money if I didn't think I could return it to you with significant interest?"

"Interest, you say?" he asked. It's good to know that greed will forever be a common motivator.

"I promise to reimburse you eightfold, no matter what happens on the voyage."

Aisen stroked his chin. "And how much of this reimbursement will be in the form of unsold charcoal?"

I looked at him hurtfully. "Come on, cuz. Don't be like that."

Aisen sighed. "How much do you need?"

"Just two hundred more gold pieces."

"I'll give you five hundred. Eightfold right?"

I nodded vehemently. "You won't regret this, Aisen!"

Aisen sighed. "Whatever. At least I know I'll be warm this winter, and you'll be out of my hair for two months."

I grinned. "Dude, with what you're giving me, you can plot my death while I'm away. Just get it to me by tomorrow morning." I put two gold pieces on the table and got up. "This should cover your tea. I need to go tell pappy. See you Aisen."

"Bye, cuz. Say hit to Pappy for me."

"Will do," I said with a smile. I turned to my friend. "See you tomorrow, Luca."

He grinned at me. Lucca had promised to join up on the crew, which would be nice. "I'll be there, bro."

Finally, I turned my gaze to Ishiru. "See you in two months, Ishiru."

"Please, don't come hurrying back for me, Shimtim," she said, emphasizing my name. I really hate that girl.

Even stinging from that verbal slap to the face, I was practically floating as I came out of that tea shop. Five hundred gold pieces! That was three hundred extra pieces for repairs, trades, crew pay; oh geez, what could I not do with the money! Everything seemed brighter; the taste of the ocean seemed sweeter. Even the hoarse cries of the sea crows were almost bearable! What a wonderful day to be alive!

Finally coming to my family's modest ancestral house, I skipped inside, dancing for joy. My father took notice and wryly asked, "so I take it Aisen went for it?"
"Five hundred gold pieces! I'm going to be a rich man, dad!"

My dad smiled and went back to reading his book. "Okay, son. Whatever you say. You'd best go and tell my dad it's time to go."

I nodded and headed down to the basement. As I neared the door, it opened up a smidgen to reveal a bright golden eye looking straight at me with a slightly malevolent stare. "Pappy!" I called happily at the eye, "start packing! We got it!"

The door fully opened to reveal my grandfather, "Crazy Eel" Shimtim in all his glory. This glory was in no way diminished by the fact he was wearing a night gown and slippers. "Good, you got the dough quick. Aisen must have been very impressed."

"Yeah, I think the word 'resigned' is a better fit. Or possibly 'hopeful'."

"Hopeful? Of what?"

"That I get eaten by an arctic leopard or some such."

Pappy gave a raspy laugh at that. "Well, fair enough. So when are we going to start to muster a crew?"

"Right now. Come on, we're going to the Antlion's Eye. Don't bother changing," I said with a smile.

Pappy snorted a bit. "I never do, sonny." Pappy had four nightgowns. They were the only things he had worn since retirement. "Are you sure you want to look for a crew in that place? Only the most desperate and depraved souls of the docks frequent that hole."

I smiled. "So it's probably the only place I'd be able to find anyone who'd work on a ship for two months, with nothing to show for it but three gold pieces a week plus food and lodgings."

Pappy nodded. "Eh, I'll concede to that, sonny. Well then, I have a little something for you."

Curious, I followed Pappy into his room. He went into the closet, and after a few moments of rummaging, came back with a small, rather plain box. "If you're going to the Antlion's eye, you might need these." He opened the box.

Six unadorned steel rings glinted in the lamplight, each with a round cap on the top. They had a kind of greasy sheen, like they had been polished. "Those must have been quite a fashion statement in the navy, Pappy."

"They're an equalizer, boy. Maybe I ought to keep them and let you talk people to death instead, eh?"

I picked one up and examined it. "So what, they're like a poor man's brass knuckles?"

Pappy nodded. "Pretty much. You can still hold a sword while wearing them, so they have a certain advantage to them. Plus if you can get a guy across the jaw with one, you have a good chance of breaking it."

I slipped them on and waggled my fingers a bit to see how they felt. "They fit pretty well. Thanks, Pappy."

He nodded. "Anytime, sonny. Now off you go."

"Wait, you're not coming with me?"

My grandfather laughed. "Me? Sonny, I'm sixty two. You can do all the legwork, and I'll just take me a nap. Good luck."

I sighed and started to walk out. "Well, I can't say I blame you. See you in a few hours. I hope."

So once again, I started out of my house to a new destination. Luckily, we lived pretty close to the docks so I didn't have much time to think. If I had, I might have realized what the heck I was doing. The Antlion's Eye was probably the roughest bar in town, possibly even the whole Fire Nation. You could tell this because the bar's namesake was still attached to the antlion. The owner kept it out front for people to see. It's been said he fed it on people who let their tab get too high.

Sniffing the air, the antlion caught my scent and lunged towards me, fangs and razor sharp mandibles slicing at the air, hoping my throat would come near them. I nervously sidled by the furry chitin encased beast and into the bar which was only marginally less dangerous.

Finally in, there was no retreat. So I took a deep breath and looked about for potential crewmates. First, my vision caught sight of a rather large fellow. Now here's a guy that I'd like on my boat. Tall, broad, no doubt a hard worker. I went up to him and bowed.

"Hello sir! May I buy you a drink?"

The big guy looked at me and grinned. "Sure, shrimpy. I won't say no to a free drink."

I got the guy a large mug of something called Face Ache. He seemed to like it. "So, tell me sir, what's a fine figure of a seaman like yourself doing here? Have you any prior engagements?"

The man looked blearily at me. "Prior whats?"

I tried again. "Do you have a job right now?"

"What's it to ya?"

"Well, I'm trying to find a crew for a ship. Are you interested?"

"How much?" he growled.

"Three gold pieces."

"Hmm," he said, stroking his stubble. It made a sound like a file rubbing against a steel brush. "A day?"

"A week."

His bloodshot eyes widened. "What?! You trying to insult me boy?"

"No, of course not!" I said, seeing this interview was not going to end well.

"You trying to pick a fight, tiny?"

"I'm doing nothing of the sort!"

"All right then!" he bellowed, standing up. Oh geez, this guy's big. "I'll give you one free punch, shrimp. Come on, give me your best shot!"

I took a moment to weigh my options. Unfortunately, the large man was blocking my way to the door, there were no open windows, and this guy was obviously immune to logic. I balled up my fist as tight as I could, praying to any available spirits that pappy was right about his steel rings. I swung with all my rather insubstantial weight at the large man's jaw. There was a rather meaty noise as my fist connected, the three little steel caps driving into the man's jawbone. As I followed through on my swing, I contemplated the excruciating pain my hand was now in. He stayed up for a few moments, then keeled over. Like a tree and with no giving in the knees, he went down.

I stared at my fist. "Thanks, Pappy," I said under my voice.

"Oy, somebody clocked old Choi!" Said a wiry man with a tattoo of a hawk across his bare chest.

"Eh, serves the ol' rumgut right," growled a man who looked like he wrestled giant razor snakes for a living. "He never paid his tab."

"That man's worth five of you," snarled the wiry man.

"He's drunkard and a thief!" the scarred man roared.

"Are you calling me a liar?!" the skinny one bellowed.

"I ain't callin' you fer dinner!!"

"Now would be a good time to make one's self scarce, no?" came a slightly more coherent voice behind me. I looked to see a dark face smiling down at me. This tall man had the broad features of an "honest" face, but for some reason, their seemed to be an air of disreputability around him. He grinned and led me to a booth.

"Maybe you should stay with us for a second, yeah?" he motioned to another fellow who was sitting across from me. "This is my traveling companion, Gen." Gen was much smaller and lighter than his friend. They both wore glasses, but Gen's weren't crooked. He seemed more sensible than his friend.

"The giant beside you is called Lura," he said. "We couldn't help but hear that you were looking for some men for a voyage. If you'd like to hire Lura and me, we'd be happy to go."

I looked at them, slightly confused. "Don't you want to know what the job pays?"

Lura shrugged. "Not really."

"You don't care to know what you're going to do?"

"No."

"Have you ever been on a ship before?" I asked suspiciously.

"Dozens," Gen said. "A few prisons too."

"Wait, are you running from the law?" I said, still wary of these two.

"Not yet," Lura said. He looked at me curiously, "are you?"

I shook my head. Sure, they were strange, but after my first interview experience, I was just happy they weren't throwing me into the wall. "Well, if that's it, welcome aboard."

The two smiled. "Excellent," Gen said, "let's order a drink to celebrate."

Then the wiry guy with the hawk tattoo was thrown onto our table.

"Or not," Lura said and quickly got up. "Perhaps we'll celebrate at our new boss's house."

The three of us jumped over Chen's body, dodged a flying bottle and narrowly escaped antlion before running back to my house. As a cramp developed in my side, I thought of my welcome into the high risk world of trading. It was definitely not what I was expecting.

So, what do you think? Leave a review, if you'd be so kind. The kudos are like delicious candy. See you next chapter.