La ballata della Luna (Ballad of the Moon)
Prologue: Sayonara
[Disclaimer: Neither the characters nor Rurouni Kenshin belong to me. I'm merely sharing my words with you.]
For as long as I could recall, I loved him. It's hard not to love someone like him, yet it's even harder harboring these deep seated affections. Like the veins on a leaf, the more you love, the stronger the emotions, the further you feel yourself drifting along the spine of the leaf. Further and further you take flight from who you are, ending up in an entirely new destination with an entirely different persona.
It was with this thought that I reached the crossroad.
The wind blew rapidly through the empty street as I clutched my coat closer to my wiry frame. The tears long evaporated from my cheeks, all I could really feel was the emptiness gnawing away at my chest.
Ignoring the screaming red light from the pedestrian crossing, I resolutely moved onward. It wasn't as if anyone would be there to stop me, neither would it be possible that someone would be roaming the streets at three in the morning. Only the drunks and the broken hearted. At that moment, it really seemed that I could fit in both categories. A broken hearted drunkard. How annoyingly poetic.
Walking towards the crimson light, I could not help but be reminded of his hair. How soft it felt as I threaded my fingers through it, how it smelled when I buried my nose in his tresses, and how I wanted to hold it forever. I sighed as I reached the pavement, feeling the hard cement beneath my scruffy sneakers. Nothing I have ever wanted was ever mine. Nothing.
"Why so sad a face, signora?"
Startled, I turned towards the direction of the voice.
'When did he arrive? I swear I didn't notice him when I crossed the road...'
"I..."
How was I to answer him anyway?
"Broken hearted? Drunk?"
Dumbly, I nodded at his astute observation.
"Kaoru-chan? Are you alright?" Warm fingers wrapped themselves around my wrist as his concerned amethyst eyes conveyed his worry.
Slowly steadying myself I righted my posture in an effort to assure him of my well being although I was fully aware that I was not fine. In fact, I was hurt and broken. But Kenshin could not see that, he could only see me, Kaoru-chan, smiling up at him, smacking his helping hands away in playful innocence.
'No Kenshin, I'm not fine, but you'll never see it.'
"Want to listen to a song?"
I nodded. How else was I supposed to react to such a question anyway?
"Goodbye, my beloved precious person
Spilled tears turned into snow..."
The guitar chords spilled over me, like a stream finding its way to the river, merging with the rushing current. The simple words wove themselves into the melody as comprehension bloomed within myself. Only he could understand me, and only I could understand him.
"Goodbye, myself who was crying yesterday
Quietly close your eyes..."
"Truth or dare?"
We sat in a circle as an empty bottle of coke lay innocently on the floor, unaware of the mischief it was creating. Tilted in Kenshin's direction, the blushing red head contemplated the question that would determine the level of embarrassment that would be unleashed on him. Seeing his confused gaze, I merely nodded in encouragement, brushing aside the strange sense of pride that he would turn to me of all people in his moment of weakness. See? I wanted to say. Kenshin turned to me, not you, but me.
"Ano..." he scratched his head, a habit signaling the extreme discomfort he was experiencing. "Truth?"
Everyone groaned knowing that it was the chicken way out of having to undergo the horrendously excruciating punishment they were about to release on any unsuspecting victim who had the guts to say 'dare'.
"Alright boys, it's his choice." Sanosuke spoke up, hushing the disappointed crowd, as well as completely ignoring the fact that the level of estrogen in the crowd would easily outdo the putrid level of testosterone amongst the fellow players.
"So... what do you feel for little Missy over there?"
With a gasp, I turned my head away from Kenshin's shy demeanor and glared at Sanosuke's impish grin. With a wink, he mouthed the words 'I got it covered' to me. At his victory sign, I could not help but groan into my hands. After confessing my true feelings to Sano, I have been doing nothing but regretting because he has appointed himself my personal 'cupid' and would 'stop at nothing to get you and Kenshin together making babies'. If I could only get my hands on that no good, free-loading, pig headed, insensitive-
"Tomodachi."
Slowly, like one of those suspense movies, I stopped my internal tirade at Sano and turned to look at Kenshin's smiling face.
"Kaoru-chan is my tomodachi. In fact, she's my best friend."
"...You casually brushed me aside
And leaned against the window
Acting a little bit shy
I was laughing..."
He kept on singing, the song that had no name, the man that I did not know. The song so closely resembled all that I have known that I could not help sitting next to him, staring at the one man who knew me more than my best friend did. Then, I did not marvel at the fact that he was wearing sun glasses at night, neither did I wonder at the strange color of his hair, all I knew was that there was someone out there with a whole lot of sensitivity and a great deal of understanding.
"...I lightly kissed your cheek
and always watched..."
He continued strumming the guitar while I hummed along, learning the melody as he sang. He seemed like a rock star, someone who would wow thousands and thousands of girls all over the world with his drop dead looks and rich tenor. Yet here he was, in a virtually deserted road, singing to a half drunk, love lorn girl. He could have been anywhere else, with anyone else, but I was just glad that he chose to be right here right now.
"...as you walked away."
The song has not ended I know, but I was tired and I guessed so was he.
"Thank you for sharing your music with me, it made me feel better."
I cocked my head to one side, regarding him from a slightly different angle. I wish I could see him, straight into his eyes and through his soul, but I knew that everyone had their own secrets, as did I. What made him choose that song? Did I awaken memories he wished to leave buried? Was it an old lover? A half gone memory?
"Ahh." He stood up, slinging the guitar on his back as he turned to me with his arm outstretched.
It was only then that I realized he was wearing a jacket despite the hot humid summer mornings. Still, I accepted his hand, not quite wanting to reject his offer. Not that I could reject anything from him after that superb heart aching performance.
"What song was that? Did you write it?"
He nodded, looking into the horizon into the darkness; the stars dotting the velvet sky being the only light save for the street lamp that was flickering intermittently. I held my breath, wondering what thoughts my questions churned and whether my question would receive an appropriate answer. Yet at that moment, in the comfortable stillness, I wished that he would hold fast to my words, pondering them and stretching this second to eternity. Because in that short moment, I felt comforted and understood, and in that tranquility, I found a soul mate who could translate my silence into recognition of equals.
"Sayonara."
I jerked my head up to him, gazing into his unshaded orbs as I took in the sight of his sharp and vulnerable eyes. Since when did he remove his sunglasses? Yet as stunned as I was, held in captivity by his gaze, I could not help but remember the word he uttered. Did he mean to send me on my way?
He must have read the anxiety in my eyes for he merely took my hand into his as he explained.
"Sayonara. That's the name of the song."
Smiling for the first time that night I could not help but ask.
"Can we walk a little while? It's a little early to get home."
He simply squeezed my hand, tugging me forward as he walked.
"Kaoru. I am Kamiya Kaoru."
"Enishi." was all he revealed. And that, to me, was enough.
Goodbye, my beloved precious person
Spilled tears turned into snow
Goodbye, myself who was crying yesterday
Quietly close your eyes
Tsuzuku
Tomodachi: Friend
A/N: What? This is not the end? Nope. I don't intend to make this a OneShot. Surprised? Disappointed? I hope not. Please let me know what you think about it!
Haruko