A/N: I think I've been cursed. Seriously. I just keep writing and writing and writing. And the worst part? It doesn't matter if I get reviews or not—which I still desperately want, btw—I just keep writing. *sighs and laughs away* And it doesn't help that I have practically nothing to do the rest of this week. Heh. *sees self writing endlessly* Anyways, this particular fic, one-shot rather, is an idea I've had for awhile, but was not entirely sure I wanted to go through with. I kind of addressed the SL for this fic in 'Sweet, Sour & Spicy,' but after discovering how the episode actually went down, I realized it was not something so dramatic as what I was creating in that pre-S3 S3 fic (heh), and so this came into mind… *laughs at self* It's the idea of when Chuck comes to see Blair (in 3x01) after he's talked with Nate and she's talked with Serena, and he suggests going to find their next 'victim' (so to speak) at a modeling agency down town. Obviously Blair would've been totally fine with this idea before talking with Serena, but now it's really affecting her in a very unsettling away. We see this in the way her facial expression drops and she swallows hard. This fic shows an in depth tour of what exactly she's thinking in those few seconds where absolute horror is written all over her face. Enjoy. And please review! =D
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Her legs crossed softly at the knee, as her eyes drifted from one boring spot on the carpet to the next. She couldn't get out of her head everything that Serena had told her though, and it bothered her that it was all she could think about. She knew Chuck, and Chuck knew her. There was no reason she should be questioning his motives when they were the same as hers: to keep the relationship interesting. That was it. Why was her mind suddenly playing tricks on her?
DING!
The sound of the elevator doors opening brought Blair back to reality, and her head snapped up after a moment's dwelling on the sensational pleasure of feeling Chuck's presence back in the room. She had been trying to call him for what seemed like ages, and the longer he was unresponsive, the harder Serena's words drilled into her troubled mind.
"Where've you been?" she asked, standing to greet him, her eyes drifting the full stature of his form. "I've been calling you for an hour." Her eyes drifted back to his face, and she tried to look at him adoringly, like she had been overwhelmingly pleased at his arrival…instead of relieved that he had been…
"I was with Nate. Why?"
"Nate…" she drawled out in a bit of a sing-song voice, her eyes shining onto his perfectly chiseled features. It wasn't random whores or the sluts that they used in their games. It was Nate, and Nate was harmless. She shook her head playfully, and smiled back up at him, genuinely now. "No reason."
Chuck's face smoothed over, and instantly he seemed to be going into play mode. "I've arranged a little go-see at a modeling agency downtown…"
Her smiling face started to dim. Just when her insecurities had started to wash away, he had brought them back to the surface. And without even trying.
"…we should pick someone out together, take it back to my place."
His eyes were shining, and everything written across his face spoke volumes of adoration for her. But she could not get past his words, could not get past Serena's words, and she gulped, thoughts drifting to the negative treacherous depths they were allowed, despite herself.
An image.
Hardly recognizable and certainly not possible with the love she had from this particular man…
But an image nonetheless.
There he stood, in the middle of a luxurious furnished living room. Every inch of flooring pure cashmere carpeting. Every piece of furniture was layered in silk or the finest wood and marble. The granite lining the wall was exquisite, and the woman walking in from the hidden hallway…even more so. Fur draped around her neck, and the silkiest satin threaded through her ivory-colored figure fitting dress. She grabbed him by the collar of the suit on his jacket the moment she was within two feet of him. And he went to her, and they kissed.
Still in intensive passionate ecstasy, the two moved from the tender tiling to the purer than pure white silk sofa. It was the dream living room she had always concocted in her head. But this was not her house, and that woman was not her. But that man was Chuck Bass, that man that was kissing, making out quite heavily, with that woman Blair Waldorf had created in her head….that was her Chuck Bass, and the very idea of him ever laying hands on another human being in that way made her head spin.
Another image shifted into her far-off mind. Gladly the prior image had faded before things had gotten too far. At least her mind granted her that.
Now though, they were in a club. Or he was at least. He was dancing, and she thought she'd never see the day. She had only ever seen Chuck slow dancing. This was something new, and very unlike the smug basstard she felt in her heart she would one day call her husband.
Well, if something didn't happen, that is.
And she knew nothing would happen. She knew it wouldn't!
But when he had said those words, when he had tempted her with the instructions so carefully placed for their little game. Well, she had taken them to heart for the first time ever, and now all she could see was…
Chuck.
Her Chuck.
On the arm of some tramp, some slut, some Upper East…West Sider. Perhaps a model, or an intern of some sort.
Sigh.
Regardless, he was with them, not with her. She wasn't even in these visions, she was just watching. She was looking on as her boyfriend repeatedly cheated on her, though in his mind—yes, her dream boyfriend's mind—it was probably only just once. Then again, maybe he didn't even think he had a girlfriend, this dream boy of hers. Perhaps it was all a blur.
In reality it was.
He wasn't even real.
And image after image haunted her further and further. Making out in a club, dancing far too intimate to still be dancing, mere sheets away from making love in her own mind—but with someone else. Him with someone else, not her. Never her. She was alone, by herself, watching her mind blast into oblivion in her own imagination.
Chuck…
Chuck…
Chuck…
This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't…
Her eyes focused in on the boy before her. They had near glazed over and she seemed to have lost focus on what was in front of her. Now a very serious expression graced her features. She gulped slowly, surely, hard. And she could see the confusion falling so completely all over his face. He didn't want to hurt her. He never would.
But she had to take Serena's words to heart.
"…or we could just stay in," he offered. Her eyes glanced down momentarily, and then offering a small thankful smile as to what he was offering because of her lack of acceptance. She had looked so petrified, so scared out of her mind after his initial suggestion to visit the modeling agency. Now there was a way out, and she was grateful for it. "Whatever you want."
And there it was again. That look, it consumed her. His eyes raked across her face, taking in every inch of skin, every dimension of her eyes and hair and neck. He dare not drift his gaze lower or they'd never get out of there. But she realized just then how ridiculous she was being. No matter what Serena said, or what she now currently had come to believe…it could not be about her. She wouldn't let it be.
"No," she almost laughed, in that intensely playful way that only the fakest of girlfriends use. But he was blinded by his love for her, and she looked so beautiful when her face shone bright and happy like that. He had no cause to question her. "It's fine. I'll go. We'll go," she nodded her head, stretching the smile further across her face. She laughed softly too, and he appeared to be convinced. "I'll go get my purse," she forced, knowing she would only have to hold that smile a few moments longer. She turned then and went for the upstairs, walking shakily up it as she descended the staircase. Chuck looked on after her, a very unsettling feeling washing over him.
Something wasn't right, and they both knew it wasn't right. She was being Blair Waldorf again and pretending it didn't affect her when it did. He was being Chuck Bass and sensing what the issue was, while hoping there wasn't something really there. But that didn't mean the two of them weren't fully aware of the circumstances, because they were. And Chuck knew without a doubt, he would be the first one to crack.
Blair Waldorf being and staying happy wasn't always the easiest thing to accomplish, but it was worth it in the end. It was worth it to see her smile. That's all he really wanted. He could dispose of the games and the manipulations and even the billions of dollars…just to see her smile.
"Ready?" he asked, when he saw her come to the base of the stairs. She nodded simply and smiled at him, holding out her hand for him to hold. He kissed her knuckles first and then snuggled his fingers amidst her own. This would have to hold her over for now.
Besides, it was always amusing seeing the tactics she'd conform to before completely unraveling into bits and becoming ridiculous. There was always a price to pay—a game to play—and the challenge of knowing absolutely nothing was growing harder by the day.
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A/N: Well, tell me what you thought!! It was just a little something I came up with! ;p