May stood silently at the outer edge of Coulson's open office door dressed in her SHIELD issued black suit coat, a black button down shirt with an open collar, a black skirt, dark panty hose and black one inch heeled shoes. Her head was down and her focus was on her breathing. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to go. But duty called. She steeled her nerves, took another breath and looked up. He felt her presence and looked up to see her standing there. She looked a little strange to him dressed as she was, not that she looked bad, she just seemed... he hesitated, looking for the right words... out of place.
"I'm going now," she told him simply.
"May, I would like to go too," he offered quietly. "And so would Jemma."
That would have been so nice to have them there, and safe, and...
"Separate cars. I have family business to attend to after."
She hated herself. He managed not to look hurt.
"Okay, we'll follow. But we can sit with you, right?"
Her thoughts screamed yes. She wanted to be between them, safe and protected...
"Tillie wants me with family," she told him instead.
This time he didn't quite manage not to look hurt.
"Okay."
He moved toward her.
"You don't need to be there this early," she offered.
He looked at her. There was something off about her stance and it wasn't the fact that the heels were different. Her confidence was... off.
"I know," he admitted, coming up beside her. "Do you have..."
"I packed it in the SUV this morning."
She turned to start walking and he put his hand where he usually did, at the small of her back without touching. His energy was comforting. They walked through the base to the garage where Simmons was waiting. May greeted Simmons with a hint of a smile, then headed straight to the SUV. Simmons automatically started to follow.
"Simmons you're with me," Coulson called softly, headed for Lola.
She smiled weakly and altered her course to follow him to Lola. May backed out of her parking place and was gone.
"It's a good thing that I know where we're going," he sighed as they settled into the car.
"Is she okay?" Simmons braved.
He was surprised that she could see that May wasn't her usual self. May was very good at hiding her emotions.
"She will be," he promised. "She seemed to relax knowing we would be there."
"I'm glad."
"It's a beautiful day," he remarked as they pulled away from the base. "Should I put the top down?"
"Please sir, no."
"Understood," he smiled. "Thank you for coming with me."
"Dr Garner saved my life, it's the least I can," she admitted. "And I wanted to be there for May. Why aren't we going with May?"
Coulson smiled gently. "Andrew's family wants her to be with them. He made certain that they understood that it was trauma that caused the divorce, that she believed that he was better off without her. And they have always adored her."
"Does she still believe that sir?"
"She's never said, but she's been more at peace with herself since their conversation prior to his final transformation, and she did agree to be with the family today."
Simmons looked down briefly, then back at him.
"I wish," she sighed. "That things were not always so hard for her."
"As do I," he sighed thoughtfully. "As do I."
Melinda arrived at the church.
"Here we are," she commented to the urn that was resting on the seat beside her. "Are you ready?"
She'd caught herself talking to the urn with what everyone would think held Andrew's remains throughout most of the trip. In truth Simmons still had the body of Lash. But the essence of Andrew was in the urn... her wedding ring inside its original box was inside with a copy of their marriage license... a copy of their engagement photo... of their wedding photo... one of her favorite pictures of him at the beach in Maui. She'd also included his little black book. He'd given it to her on their honeymoon telling her that he wouldn't need it anymore. She'd never opened it. But when she'd found it while looking to create something to be inside the urn, she'd been curious. The only number inside was hers. A tender smile found its way to her lips... that was Andrew. Melinda lifted the urn from the seat beside her and cradled it in her arms as she carried it into the church because even in her eyes, he was there.
"Melinda," Tillie greeted once she'd stepped through the doors.
The large black woman engulfed her in a hug. Melinda returned it as best she could with the urn in her arms.
"Is this our boy?" she asked, suddenly tearful.
Melinda nodded, relinquishing the urn to his mother. Tillie held the urn in one arm and tucked Melinda close to her with the other.
"I can hardly believe that he's gone," she admitted successfully managing her tears. "It seems like only yesterday that he'd brought you home to meet me for the first time. He loved you so much."
Melinda couldn't answer.
"And when he told me that he thought there might be hope that the two of you could get back together..." she sighed. "Darling, no matter what you are still my family. You remember that. I want to see you from time to time when your job allows. You remember that."
Melinda nodded.
"Now lets head up to the front so you can make certain that the girls didn't choose photos that you don't like."
Melinda struggled with her discomfort and let Tillie hold her close as they moved to the front of the church... the same church that Tillie had so desperately wanted them to be married in. Andrew's sisters were busy working on a memorial display and his elder sister Danaea turned as they approached.
"Mama let Melinda go," Danaea insisted. "You're crushing her."
Danaea was built like her mother, tall, broad shouldered and probably triple Melinda's weight. She wore an easy confidence and at the moment she ruled the room. Tillie gave Melinda a gentle squeeze, then she let her go. She left Melinda with Danaea and carried the urn off to the table in the center of the church.
"Good to see you Melinda. Thank you for coming."
Melinda could feel Danaea's desire to hug her and was proud of her for resisting. She nodded at Danaea, knowing she couldn't handle the hug right now but promising herself she'd initiate one later.
"Would you look over what we've chosen? I want to make sure that you think he'd approve. I know that some of his colleagues and students will be coming today."
Melinda moved up between Danaea and Drew's littlest sister Della.
"I am so glad that you're here," Della promised her quietly.
Of Drew's family Melinda had always felt a connection with Della. In fact they still kept in touch; they had since Della started reaching out to her reminding Melinda that she still loved her. It took her over a week that first time, but Melinda had finally responded... and they'd remained close. Della was nothing like her mother or elder sister. At best she was a couple of inches taller than Melinda with a Vogue model's figure even though she'd had three children. But all three were beautiful women. Della handed her a stack of pictures and Melinda settled on the top step to look at them. She smiled at teen-aged Drew standing tall and strong with a sister on each shoulder, Drew in his high school cap and gown, Drew at college, and their engagement photo. There were so many pictures with the two of them both with and without other family members. She paused at the picture of Drew with one arm around her as she held Della's daughter RaeEl, and his other arm around two year old Riece. She sat and stared at that picture for a long time as memories of their plans flooded back to her...
"Maybe not this one," Della's soft voice cut through Melinda's memories.
"Yes, this one," Melinda managed. "Your kids are the closest thing to a family that we had."
Della smiled at her.
"Where are Riece and RaeEl?" Melinda asked.
"Riece went with his dad to get the food from the store. RaeEl has her little brother outside on the swing. She offered to tire him out some so that we could hold this service in peace."
"I'm looking forward to seeing her," Melinda admitted. It was true. She was looking forward to meeting her niece in person... they were Twitter buddies as well... and she was terrified. Rae was ten and Melinda knew she had to keep it together.
"All she talks about is you," Della had continued.
Melinda was quiet as she started to review more pictures.
"You sure you're okay with this," Della dared to ask.
Melinda nodded without looking up and Della knew she'd done the right thing when she'd told RaeEl to let Melinda reach for her before she tried to hug her... that Melinda was a soldier who simply didn't touch. She'd hoped her siblings had enough sense to do the same.
"Phillip!" Tillie's voice brought them all aware that someone else had appeared in the church. "You're awful early."
Melinda looked up in time to see Coulson get crushed into a hug.
"Matilda Garner, this is Jemma Simmons. She was a colleague of Andrew's."
"It is a pleasure to meet you Ms. Simmons," Tillie greeted professionally.
"The pleasure is mine Mrs. Garner, though I wish it were under different circumstances. I am so sorry for your loss."
"Thank you," Tillie's thanks were genuine, but her curiosity was apparent. "Phil, you do realize that the service isn't for another hour," Tillie continued in hushed tones. "Are you here for Melinda?"
Simmons watched Coulson for response, when he started to nod yes, she did as well. This did not go unnoticed by Tillie Garner.
"Just making sure I could get us here on time," Phil answered.
"You just make yourself comfortable as you can," Tillie told them. "I have some programs to fold."
"May I help?" Simmons asked.
"I'd like that very much. Phil, if you want to go help in the kitchen..."
He grinned at her.
"Down the stairs to your left."
Tillie took Simmons back to the table she'd been sitting at.
"If you sit here you can keep an eye on Melinda and she'll never know," Tillie told her softly.
"Thank you. But I can manage this if you have something else you need to do."
"Let me quickly write out the card for the pastor and the organist, then I'll help."
"You still work with Phil Coulson?" Danaea asked Melinda.
She nodded.
"You two have worked together a long time."
Again Melinda nodded.
"Glad you have a couple of friends here of your own," Danaea admitted.
Melinda kept working on pictures. As they finished people started to arrive and Melinda was very aware when children started to appear as well. But they greeted people, listened to stories about Andrew, and the rest of the family units started to filter in. Danaea's husband and twins clustered around Danaea. Drew's little brother Greg appeared with his wife. Melinda was surprised to see that their daughter was in a wheelchair. She was about to go over to greet Greg when someone unexpected walked in the door.
"Mama?" she asked herself out loud as she started to move to the door. "And Papa?"
Tillie had already greeted them warmly before she arrived and had moved off to greet others.
"What are you doing here... together?" Melinda greeted her parents.
"Hello to you too," Lian greeted sternly.
"Hello," Melinda replied.
"This is for Andrew."
Melinda nodded.
"She offered me a ride," her father told her, mirth in his eyes. "How could I refuse?"
Just a hint of a smile graced Melinda's lips.
"Will you be joining the family?" she asked.
"We will sit with Phillip." Lian told her, seeing Coulson settled into a seat near the back with Simmons.
"If everyone can be seated please we will begin," the pastor announced from the front of the church.
Greg sat with Tillie in the front seat of the church, his wife and daughter no where to be seen. Della and her family sat beside them, her littlest one sound asleep in his sister's arms. Danaea had arranged her family in such a way that Melinda sat beside Danaea. A mini Della with her three year old brother in her arms kept stealing glances back at her. Melinda managed to smile at Rae. Melinda would deal with that later. For now she had to get through the service. Melinda understood people's need for religion, she simply didn't share that requirement, but she sat and she stood with the group, listening to the readings, the sermon and the stories that others told about Drew. And she found herself getting angry. They didn't know... they didn't understand...
"Is there anyone else who would like to share a memory of Andrew?"
Melinda released a breath and stood. She could hear the intake of breath of those who knew her. Lian leaned over to William.
"This will not be good."
As Melinda walked to the podium William watched as a much younger Melinda in her pale blue cap and gown walked to the podium and stood there, silent... shaking... unable to make a sound in front of her high school graduating class... humiliated as one of her professors came to stand beside her... took her speech from her hand and read it for the audience... And now an older Melinda May stood before a crowd of people, and it was indeed a crowd that had turned out to bid farewell to Andrew Garner. She stood and looked over them and he expected the worst until her eyes focused on the man on the other side of her mother...
"For those of you who haven't met me, I am Melinda May, the former Mrs Andrew Garner," she paused. "I know..." she let out a breath. "I know that there are several of you in this room who thought that Professor Andrew Garner was a monster." Another breath. "I can assure you that he was not."
A gentle chuckle moved through the room. Her eyes stayed focused on Phil.
"Andrew was a hero... a unique kind of superhero. He saved people... from themselves, from trauma, from illness... and from others. He understood people. He understood not only people, but who they were and what they needed most and he had the gift of knowing how to help them achieve it... whether through word or action Andrew did what had to be done to help them to be all they could be. I am standing here today because it is important that you know, Andrew... died..." another breath "... saving the life of another... putting..." another breath, a harder breath "... putting himself in harms way so that another could live. He is a hero," a pause while she briefly wondered what more she could say "... and we will all miss him very much."
She stepped from the podium and returned to her seat at Danaea's side. Danaea looked down at the strong woman at her side, who at this exact moment seemed very small. Danaea had tears streaming down her face.
"You did good Melinda," she whispered. "You did good," she insisted. "He would have been very proud."
Tears glistened in Melinda's eyes but they didn't fall.