my name is jake and i kill puppies for satan. i decided to write this journal because it's winter and i'm alone and have nothing to do in my small cold home on the edge of the human village.

so, about me. i'm cold. cold, fucked up, mean and relentless motherfucker. and a lot of people hate me, but i don't care. this is just how i roll.

i'm twenty one, fast enough to outrun yuyuko and strong enough to crush a puppy with a single hit of a standard-issue shovel. i have two eyes (an important detail, considering how i nearly lost one last winter), a ratty beard covers my face and a suit woven from puppy skins covers my body. they make lousy insulation, but it's what i have, the prices on clothing spiked this year, and in no small part it is my achievement.

i think i will dedicate this first entry to it. i caused a supply shortage this year, and this is how:

it was summer, and keine decided to make this holiday for humans, copy some outer world festival, stalls, yukatas, goldfish-scooping, fireworks, all that bullshit. our keine, she's like that, she wants to keep people happy, be useful, be logical so we forgive her for her time of the month when she howls, rips off her dress and goes about, raping men of the village.

well, not really, but the reality when she dresses up in green, smiles and prances about, creating history, is much worse. i know firsthand, and perhaps i should give my hatred for keine some context.

there was that history event, two centuries ago. a monk was murdered by a mysterious assassin, and with his dying breath the mythical fucker cursed the guy. bad news, the monk never saw the face of the murderer, so the curse spread out and lingered around the village without much purpose, stuck to random people for little reasons, really minor stuff like crop infections.

so keine decided to fix it, give the curse a target so it would fulfill itself and die out in the past. she made it so the monk would tear away the cowl of the assassin and see his face. really great idea, worked perfectly, guy got leprosy, justice served, right?

yeah, right, except the assassin had a family, and the curse went down the family line. my family line.

i was twelve at the time. woke up one day and discovered that our family was now cursed. discovered our family was now a black sheep, white crow, five-legged dog of the community. "murder ilk", that's how they called us.

keine apologized next day and promised to fix everything at the next full moon. three days later, our house burned down, curse, arson, no way to find out now. all i know is that neighbors told us to fuck off when we asked for help, we lived on the streets for a while and a week later was the first time i ate a rat.

we didn't die, keine did revert everything at the next full moon, but the "cursed" nickname clung to us, and the damage was fucking done. i didn't follow satan back then, so when keine apologized again i even said to her adorably "i forgive you", but a lingering feeling of "fuck you, bitch" remained, and only grew over the years.

so when she declared for the festival to be held, i firmly decided to ruin it whatever the cost, to finally pay her back, make it even.

the festival approached, everybody was serious and driven and worked very hard to make it happen. keine talked to yukari about special outer world fireworks, they had deep and slow conversations as they walked around the village, they inspired authority and yukari looked so fucking hot in her summer dress, those boobs of hers simply divine.

they all worked, but i worked the hardest of all. the thing is, satan doesn't give his powers to every evil bloke out there. it is a privilege to be earned, and not by being wicked, twisted or fucked up in the head. to slaughter puppies in his name is the way.

so i worked on that. yes, killing puppies is not a hunt or some thrilling experience, it's work, boring, hard and pretty messy. puppies bleed, yelp, sometimes they don't die after one shovel strike. sometimes they don't die even after the third one, but long story short, i racked up some fluffy body count and felt i was ready.

the festival started at sundown, and it was really kind of a big thing. lots attended, reimu and marisa, remilia as usual brought sakuya, and aya was all around the place, snapping pictures for her paper. keine was nervous, she kept pacing from stall to stall and asking if everything was all right.

the sun set and festivities went on, couples hugged and kids played stupid stall games. me, i was sitting out of the light radius, trying very hard to hold all the evil i collected inside of me so it wouldn't burst before it was time.

eventually it all wound down, and keine decided it was time for the grand closure. she called out and yukari gapped in to oversee the fireworks launch.

so there they stood, and keine clapped her hands and announced: "people of the human village! it is time for the main event, the special fireworks display courtesy of yukari-sama!"

she acted tough, but she didn't sound confident. maybe she felt the approaching disaster somehow, maybe she really never had faith in yukari from the start and expected some kind of a prank from the hag. our yukari, she's like that, she likes to fuck around, most often does harmless things, fondles people, gaps away food, minor stuff like that. most of the time, not always. sometimes people get hurt.

the fireworks took off, making streaks of sparks in the air. everyone looked up, smiled and waited for booms and pretty explosions. i raised my hand and released satanic evil into the sky.

and instead of sparks and lights, the rockets exploded into liquid shit.

obviously the shit didn't glow, so nobody saw it coming until the drops reached the illuminated area. and after that for everyone slower than aya it was too late to run.

well, our heroes of the land wouldn't be heroes if they didn't have crazy reflexes and allowed themselves to fully relax when yukari was around. aya ran, reimu put up a yellow energy shield above her, marisa and probably ten nearby villagers, sakuya blinked and time-jumped with her mistress out of the shit zone, and yukari simply collapsed upon herself for a second, allowing the drops to go past her.

everyone else took a hit, including keine. there was awkward silence, everybody just stood, covered in shit. yukari unfolded herself and floated a bit up.

"yu-yukari… what… why…" keine stuttered out. marisa added a few profanities to that. the children started sobbing.

yukari didn't defend herself. she opened a gap and went away, just like that. i don't know why, maybe it's because she wanted to do something like this for a long time, just didn't have an excuse. maybe she got upset that everyone blamed her. maybe she simply didn't give a fuck.

we haven't seen her since then, and that's why our outer world supplies are nearly out.

and that's the end of that story. no real investigation, aya poked about and that was it. we cleaned the shit up on the next day (i volunteered for the job, got some good money out of it), keine ate the history of the event, and nobody really spoke of it afterwards, most forgot it ever happened. i played an important part, so i didn't forget. i will never forget how keine's face looked like right before the hit.

well, that's it, getting late. probably will write of how i came to follow satan next time.