The Tale of Dresslad : Part One

Inside the wooden doors of The Prancing Pony, it would seem as any other night. It stood alive with music and hearty laughter; dwarves, elves, men, hobbits and more all joined together in drink, conversation. It was a lively night, indeed, not that many nights in the little inn were anything but. Though, this night was different. And only one person could tell that it was so. By the stables, there stood a young woman. Her long, brown hair blew freely in the wind as she looked upon the lit up inn. Her green eyes glinted with dread as she stared, one hand remaining on her horses reigns.

"Stay calm, Joffrey." She spoke beneath her breath to the horse, "This night is far from over."

x

Inside the walls, there was the usual sight one should expect from the Pony. Smoke hung in the air as clouds hung in the sky, and men and women of different species conversed together in peace. There was one, though, in the darkest corner of the pub, that sat alone. The man stroked a small lute in his hand, too quietly for anyone else to notice the out of tune strums, in fact it was not until he a woman began to dance that he spoke at all.

"And now milady Melete does the crabwalk dance!" He spoke in good humour, rising from his seat and pulling back his hood, "Such strange happenings."

The man had a strange resemblance to Boromir of Gondor, only more... animated. He pulled forth his lute, not taking heed to the strange glances he received as he stepped to the centre of the Pony. "This is a song I learned back in Gondor... we call it The Song of Gondor."

One man named Eringyl ignored this man, but he cared not. Instead, his voice boomed out with glorious talent, "IN THE LAAAAND OF GONDOR, THERE LIVED A DRESSLAD. HIS FAMILY SO POOR, HE HAD TO WEAR HIS SISTERS CLOTHES. HE SOBBED EVERY NIGHT, BUT NO ONE CARED. SO NOW HE IS LOOKING FOR A MAIDEN, SOMEONE WHO IS FAIR. SO HE COMES TO THE PONY, AND MEETS LOVELY WOMAN. AND NOW THE POOR DRESSLAD IS A HAPPY DRESSLAD INDEED."

One fool named Slambasket jokingly commented, "I feel a lot better about my music now." But, no one cared about Slambasket. And that, not because he had a faggy name, but- no, actually it was because he had a faggy name.

"IN THE LAND OF THE PONY," His voice belted out once more, "GIRLS DO THE CRABWALK..."

A man named Kedryk left for bed, another wishing him that Brother Irmo may give him pleasant dreams. No one knew what the fuck he was talking about.

"DRESSLAD DOESN'T UNDERSTAND IT, BUT LOVES IT EVER SO. THE LADIES DANCE FOR DRESSLAD AND DRESSLAD SMILES AT THEM," He smiled, "FAR FROM THE LAND OF GONDOR, HE FINALLY MADE SOME FRIENDS."

"ONE DAY HE MET A WOMAN NAMED RUINWEN, SHE STOLE HIS HEART AWAY. SO HE LEFT HER FOR BETHYN, BUT SHE WAS A WHORE ANYWAY. SO ON HE WENT TO MELETE; THE BRAVE BEAR WARRIOR. AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER."

Ruinwen glared at Dresslad, while some fool named Dunstor began to dance around "like a man". No one had the heart to tell the fool that he was an idiot. The fair wench of Bethyn stood cooly, her eyes on Dresslad as she spoke in a threatening manner, "I'm happy to say that reporting is a very simple thing."

But, Dresslad gave no care to the wench. After all, she was a whore anyway. The songs of his homeland stated so, therefore it was known.

"THIS SONG IS KINDA BORING," He sang, continuing on to sing of more things until a strange man began to make strange movements with his hands. Dresslad, being ever so observant, took notice immediately and so cleverly added to his song, "GUY KEEPS MAKING SASSY FINGER MOVEMENTS, AND THIS IS WHY HE'LL NEVER GET LAID."

Slambasket of Faggor spoke up once more, "Weeeelp, this looks like it's under control." No one replied to his comment.

As Dresslad continued his song, an elf-bitch named Hethon slapped him on the cheek. Being the Dresslad he was, he worked it into his bard, "I JUST GOT SLAPPED, BUT I DON'T REALLY FEEL IT. ALTHOUGH IT KIND OF STINGS, I HOPE IT WON'T BRUISE IN THE MORNING."

Dunstor once more began to "dance like a man", though this time he added in a few backflips to his number. Perhaps he thought this was a show, that he was cool. But, alas, he was only a sad little Dunstor that would never get laid.

"GUY WONT STOP DANCING, DOESNT HE REALIZE THIS IS ACTUALLY VERY GAY? AND THATS COMING FROM A GUY IN A DRESS."