Everything hurt. Jodie Shepard felt as if she were holding the weight of the universe on her shoulders. She was fully aware of how heavy her body could be as she knelt. Shepard had done so much to get to this point.
"Wake up." The voice was childlike. Shepard slowly pulled herself onto her feet, swaying as pain tore through her body. She, as always, studiously ignored it. Lights were racing before her. Like the Prothean VI the lights resolved themselves into the shape of a child. A familiar child.
"What?" Shepard asked her eyes darting around the strange room before her. The war against the Reapers raged outside yet no sound found her. An Alliance ship was shred to pieces as a Reaper's beam flashed an angry red. Her thoughts darted to Joker. Let them be okay. "Where am I?" She asked. What had she been doing before this? Her thoughts and memories were blurry and filled with death and pain. There was a voice…someone important telling her that their last resort….their plan wasn't working. The Crucible wasn't working. Another ship was destroyed. They were all going to die.
And it was all her fault.
"The Citadel. It's my home." The child-like figure stated. She knew this child, it was the same who had haunted her dreams. White jacket and innocent eyes she could see him as clearly as she could in her dreams. Always running with the whispers of the dead in her ears chasing after the child as Reapers bore down upon them both.
"Who are you?"
"I am the Catalyst." The child replied simply. Shepard stared at him for a few moments in shock. The room beyond the child loomed ominous and strangely silent. It seemed as if the room was waiting on something. Three paths split a ways from where she stood.
"I thought the Citadel was the Catalyst." Shepard said confused.
"No," the child said forcefully, "the Citadel is part of me."
"I need to stop the Reapers." Shepard said feeling a bit desperate. Everyone was dying. And everyone who was fighting out there, every ship that got blown apart by Reapers, they were all there because she recruited them. "Do you know how I can do that?" Her voice was shaking. So much death.
"Perhaps." The child said. "I control the Reapers. They are my solution." The child turned away and began to walk towards the three branching paths. Feeling there was nothing else for her to do she limped after the child. Shepard knew that looks could be deceiving, hell, Liara looked like the sweetest person and she was the Shadow Broker. This child-like thing could be the cause of all of this destruction, but the thought still made her stomach twist in an unpleasant way. She gripped her middle as she stumbled a few more steps.
"The solution to what?" She asked stopping. The child walked a few steps before realizing she had stopped.
"Chaos." The Catalyst said over its shoulder continuing to walk away. Shepard gathered her strength and began to limp after the child once more. As if the child could sense her following he continued with his answer. "The created will always rebel against their creators." The Geth and the Quarians flashed across her vision. Tali watching in anguish as her race burned before her eyes. Tali taking off her mask seconds before she let herself fall backwards over the cliff. Shepard tried to forget the sound her body made as it hit the rocks below. "But we found a way to stop that from happening. A way to restore order."
"By wiping out organic life?" Shepard asked anger underlying her words. She stopped once more and this time the child stopped as well.
"No." The Catalyst turned to face her seeming resolute. "We harvest advanced civilizations leaving the younger ones alone." She couldn't help the look of anger that crossed her face. As if that made up for the decimation of so many countless civilizations. The child had already turned away and began to walk again. "Just as we left your people alive the last time we were here." The Catalyst added.
"But you killed the rest."
"We helped them ascend so they could make way for new life, storing the old life in Reaper form." The Catalyst stopped once more turning to watch a Reaper pass by. So many little ships swirled and danced about it as they fought for their existence.
"I think we'd rather keep our own form."
The Catalyst looked to Shepard. "No, you can't. Without us to stop it synthetics would destroy all organics. We've created this cycle so that never happens. That's the solution."
"You said you're the Catalyst but…what are you?"
"A construct. An intelligence designed eons ago to solve a problem. I was created to bring balance, to be the Catalyst of peace between synthetics and organics."
"So you're just an AI." Shepard breathed.
"In as much as you are just an animal. I embody the collective intelligence of all Reapers." The Catalyst said looking up at Shepard. She was right. Looks could be deceiving.
"But you were created…" She stated slowly.
"Correct."
"By who?" Shepard pressed.
"By ones who recognized that conflict would always arise between synthetics and organics. I was first created to oversee the relations between synthetic and organic life; to establish a connection. But our efforts always ended in conflict so a new solution was required."
"The Reapers?" Shepard asked horrified.
"Precisely." The Catalyst answered.
"Where did the Reapers come from? Did you create them?" She asked curiosity getting the better of her.
"My creators gave them form, I gave them function. They, in turn, give me purpose." The Catalyst explained. "The Reapers are a synthetic representation of my creators."
"…Leviathans." Shepard said in understanding.
"Yes. They created me to oversee their relations with synthetic and organic life to establish a connection. They became the first true Reaper. They did not approve but it was the only solution."
Shepard frowned. "You've said that before. But how do the Reapers solve anything?"
"Organics create synthetics to improve their own existence," the Catalyst explained, "but those improvements have limits. To exceed those limits synthetics must be allowed to evolve. They must, by definition, surpass their creators. The result is conflict, destruction, chaos. It is inevitable." The Catalyst sounded so sure, but Shepard had seen opposite. Yes the Geth destroyed the Quarians, but only because they refused to back down. The Geth were helping them now working with, instead of against, organic life. "Reapers harvest all life- organic and synthetic- preserving them before they are forever lost to this conflict."
Shepard could not believe what she was hearing. How could this child, the Catalyst, think that this was not conflict? "We're at war with the Reapers right now!" She said tensely.
"You may be in conflict with the Reapers but they are not interested in war."
Shepard let out a small harsh laugh. "I find that hard to believe."
The Catalyst glanced to the large beam of energy that ran through the middle path. "When fire burns is it at war? Is it in conflict? Or is it simply doing what it was created to do? We are no different." The Catalyst said resolutely. "We harvest your bodies, your knowledge, your creations. We preserve it to be born in the form of a new Reaper. Like a cleansing fire we restore balance. New life both organic and synthetic can once again flourish."
Shepard realized that she was getting nowhere fast with this strain of conversation, and the more time she wasted the more people died fighting against his "solution".
"I met your creators. They told me what you did to them." The accusation in her voice was palpable.
"We did as we were expected."
Shepard continued on. "They said you betrayed them. That you turned them into Harbinger."
"When they asked that I solved the problem of conflict they failed to understand they were part of the problem themselves." The Catalyst said moving slightly so that he almost looked as if he were pacing for a moment. "The flaws of their organic reasoning could not perceive this. They lacked to foresight to understand that their destruction was part of the very solution they required."
Shepard felt horrified. "Well," She said, "they've joined this war now."
"And I welcome their involvement. I am only facilitating their request." The Catalyst said calmly.
Outside more people were dying. Shepard almost wished that she could hear the explosions that were taking place. She knew that it was impossible, but she still wished that she could. To see people dying and explosions happening around her and to hear or physically feel nothing was disturbing on multiple levels.
"What do you know about the Crucible?" Shepard asked wanting nothing more than to lay down. The pain was slowly getting to her.
"The device you refer to as the Crucible is little more than a power source. However, in combination with the Citadel and the Relays it is capable of releasing tremendous amounts of energy throughout the galaxy. It's crude but effective and adaptive in its design."
"Who designed it?"
"You would not know them and there is not enough time to explain." The Catalyst still spoke with an infuriating calm. He was so different from EDI in this moment. "We first noted the concept for this device several cycles ago. With each passing cycle the design has no doubt evolved."
"Why didn't you stop it?"
"We believed the concept had been eradicated. Clearly organics are more resourceful than we realized." He sounded almost impressed…almost.
The Catalyst would never understand, Shepard decided, but she would still try to convey the horror that it had caused. "But you're taking away our future. Without our future we have no hope. Without hope," Shepard continued her voice gaining volume and confidence, "we might as well be machines. Programed to do what we're told."
"You have hope." Shepard frowned in confusion. "More than you think." The Catalyst added. "The fact that you are standing here, the first organic ever, proves it. But it also proves my solution won't work anymore."
"So now what?" She was exhausted and that fact was now showing in her voice.
"We find a new solution."
Shepard looked around the room once more a foreboding feeling coming over her. "Why are you telling me this? Why help me?"
"You have altered the variables."
It was painful to breathe at this point. Shepard's breaths stuttered a small bit before she looked back to the child. "What do you mean?"
"The Crucible changed me, created new," The Catalyst paused for a moment in thought, "possibilities. But I can't make them happen. If there is to be a new solution, you must act." Shepard froze. It was up to her…to do what though? "It is now in your power to destroy us." The Catalyst said pointing to the right most branch. The pathway was bathed in red light and at the end was a small tube. Shepard guessed that she would have to shoot the tube in order to destroy the Reapers.
She could almost see Anderson walking towards the tube, gun in hand, destroying the Reaper threat once and for all. Anderson would want her to do it. Her mind grazed over the last time she saw him. They sat, waiting for the Crucible to do its job, earth spread beneath them like a sapphire and emerald jewel.
"Commander." Anderson said as Shepard sat beside him. The illusive man was dead, and the war was finally going to be over. They both sat bloody and broken staring towards Earth, towards home.
"We did it." Shepard said in relief. All of the fights, all of the deaths, and fear had finally led to this. They were going to defeat the Reapers…they were going to save everyone.
"Yes we did." Anderson said after a moment. He sounded just as relieved as Shepard. "It's quite a view." He said looking over the Earth with fondness. Shepard looked beyond the debris of the war raging outside to look at her home. She had been born there…raised an orphan. Everything changed when she joined the Alliance. Who could have believed that the little orphan girl was now saving that majestic cloud wreathed planet. Hell, she helped save the universe.
Shepard's breathing was unsteady as she replied. "Best seats in the house."
"You ever wonder how things would have been different? How our lives would be different if this hadn't happened?" Anderson asked.
"Sure." Shepard replied. And she had. She would have never met her friends, her love.
"I never had a family, Shepard." Anderson spoke softly. "Never had children."
"They'll be time enough for that now." Shepard spoke through broken breaths.
Anderson began to laugh which quickly shifted to coughing then back to laughter. "I think that ship has sailed. What about you? Ever think about settling down?"
Without meaning to Shepard got a glimpse of Garrus' face. She thought about her life. "I'm a soldier, Anderson. Like you. Not really fit for doing anything else."
"I don't know, Shepard." Anderson said. "I think you'd make a great mother."
"Uh huh." Shepard said amused. There was a few seconds of silence between the two.
"Think how proud your kids would be." Anderson continued his face softening. "Telling everyone their…their mom is Commander Shepard." Anderson seemed like he couldn't quite catch his breath.
"I don't know about that. Not everything I've done is something to be proud of." This time it was Tali's face that flashed before her eyes.
"God," Anderson breathed, "feels like years since I…just sat down."
"I think you earned a rest." Shepard told him. He made a small sound of agreement. And then his eyes began to roll back. "Stay with me." Shepard said feeling slightly panicked. "We're almost through this."
"You did good, child." Anderson told her. "You did good." He began to sag underneath his own weight. "I'm proud of you." He let his head drop his body relaxing.
"Thank you, sir." Shepard replied glancing towards him. He wasn't moving. "Anderson?" Shepard asked sorrow beginning to mount. Anderson did not reply. Shepard was too exhausted for tears. Instead she looked back to her planet Anderson's final words ringing in her ears.