Hold me in the Dark
1. I don't die and I don't sleep
You asked me once, why don't you sleep? Aren't you tired? I am tired. Tired enough to die, but I don't. I don't die and I don't sleep, I just hang suspended in the dark while a never ending ribbon of thought flows through my mind. I never stop thinking, never start sleeping. I don't die and I don't sleep. I'm too tired to do either one.
2. He is always working
When you hold him. Reita. When you kiss him, is it like this? Does he make you happy? Do I? You are drawn to me when you are lonely, when you are bored. I am your wind up toy, you play me out to relieve your stress, give me your tension, and when my key stops turning you become bored with me and go back. To him. You don't need to wind him up. Reita. You don't need to wind him up, he is always working. You just need to hit the on switch, and he never stops. My key has stopped turning, and I need you to wind it back up.
3. There was no space between our lips
It hit me suddenly. The notes, they were coming to me naturally, music, energy pulsing through my veins. It must have gotten to you, too. The energy, the hyper energy, the screams and excitement. You were suddenly so close to me. Heat, the heat was radiating off of you. I could feel it, and then it hit me suddenly. It started all this. It must have been the energy, the heat, the excitement that made you do it. It hit me suddenly when there was no space between our lips.
4. Laughing
Remember when we used to share a room? We shared a room and we talked, we made each other laugh. I think it's called friendship, now I'm not so sure. Yes, you are friendly. You were always friendly, but now it seems false. The smiling, please and thank you. You're welcome. Why don't you laugh anymore? Why did you go? You speak to them, you speak to him. To him. You don't speak to me. Not like you used to. Remember when we used to share a room? Remember when it wasn't just out of boredom? I don't think you do.
5. No thanks, I already ate
Today I went out. Alone. As usual. I asked the manager to come, but he said no. As usual. No thanks, I have a lot of work to do. Why am I so afraid of you? All of you. It is always no. No thank you, I already ate, no thanks, I'm tired. No thank you, no thanks, no no no. I didn't ask you to come because it would have been small, awkward smiles. Small, awkward conversations. Short lived. As usual.
6. Ever smiling, ever laughing, ever living shell
I didn't mean to. I didn't mean for it to happen, for you to see me like this. I have become a shell. Ever smiling, ever laughing, ever living shell. On the inside there is nothing left. Nothing left but the aching tiredness. Then you smiled at me. Whether it was forced or genuine, I do not know. I shouldn't have reacted this way; you smile at me all the time. Falsely. My ever smiling, ever laughing, ever living mask has cracked. I didn't mean to. I didn't mean for it to happen, for you to see me cry.
7. Hold me in the dark
You hold me in the dark. You hold me in the dark and I can't sleep. That's nothing new. I am used to it. But I am not used to this, to you. I only know that you turn your back, and I am left lying alone in the darkness, my eyes wide, counting the cracks in the sealing while I listen to you breathe. I only know that when morning comes, you say nothing, you are gone. You leave in the middle of the night. Quietly, silently, you leave, think I don't hear you, think you don't wake me, think that I am sleeping. I am not. That is what I know. I don't know this, I don't know that you hold me, hold me in the dark and I can't sleep, because I am happy. I am not empty. I don't know this, but I love this.