Hey, people. This is something that me and tobi7 came up with sometime last year in school while we were learning medical terminology. Then we never finished it, and I lost it, and I had to clean my room, so I found it, and the I did finish it, so here it is.
So yeah.
Just to warn you, this whole thing is stupid and pointless.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
Another disclaimer: Sparkleitis is not a real disease. But it would be cool if it was, 'cause that would mean that people sparkle in the first place.
Sparkleitis
Post-Eclipse, Pre-Breaking Dawn
Scene: Edward and Bella are in the meadow. The one r=that they conveniently left out of the movie so that Bella's search for it in New Moon was pretty much pointless.
[Note: Every time you say "Sparkle," it must be pronounced like "**!sPaRkLe!**" with the wierd music that they had in the movie behind it.]
BELLA: Eddie, are you sure the sun will come out? It looks very cloudy.
EDWARD: No worries, love.
BELLA: But I wanna see you sparkle!
EDWARD: Calm down, okay? Be patient. Look, the clouds are about to break.
BELLA: Yay! I love you so much, Edward. Now, sparkle for me!
EDWARD(looking up at sky): Okay, three... two... one...
Sun comes out.
EDWARD: AH! THE LIGHT!! IT FREAKING BURNS!!!
BELLA: OMG, Edward.... Are you okay?
EDWARD: WHAT DO YOU THINK?!
BELLA: I'm not sure. It sounds like you're in pain.
EDWARD: Call Carlisle!
BELLA(calling Carlisle): Hello? Carlisle? I think that Edward is in tremendous agony.
CARLISLE: What happened?
BELLA: He just started screaming when the sun came out.
CARLISLE: Put him in the shade and bring him home immediately.
BELLA: Okay.
Later, at the Cullen house.
CARLISLE: Edward, I know what's wrong with you.
EDWARD: What?
CARLISLE: You have... sparkleitis.
EDWARD: No! Anything but that!
BELLA: Wait... "itis" means inflammation, right?
CARLISLE: Yes. Yes it does.
BELLA: So... he has... inflammation of his sparkle?
CARLISLE: Yes. Yes he does.
BELLA: What does that mean?
CARLISLE: I have no idea.
BELLA: ... okay, then.
EDWARD: Oh! I can't believe this!
BELLA: WHAT IS IT?!
CARLISLE: Nobody knows for sure. But it's terrible. Very terrible. He has to stay out of the sun for at least a week.
BELLA: A whole week? NO!!!
EDWARD: Bella, calm down. It's just a week. There will probably be no sun, anyways.
BELLA: That's not the point! Schizophrenic vampire with a lust for my blood, I can handle, but no sparkle? That's it, I'm leaving you for Jacob.
EDWARD: No, Bella, my love!
JACOB(appearing out of nowhere): Yes! I knew you'd leave that leech! C'mon, Bells!
Jacob grabs Bella and hops onto his motorcycle.
EDWARD: NOOO!!! Not the motorcycle!!
A week later.
EDWARD: Bella, I sparkle again!
BELLA: Hooray! I love you again!
JACOB: But what about me?
BELLA: I'll always love you Jake... but I love Edward better.
JACOB: But just yesterday you said he was a stupid soulless bloodsucker.
BELLA: I changed my mind. Let's go, Eddie!
She hops on Edward's back and he runs away.
JACOB: (whimper)