Who to trust?

chapter 1: The Fear

I should have kept my mouth shut. Ever since I remember I had trouble restraining myself from making rude comments. A lot of people don't like me because of it. But I don't want to change. I like the way I am. Sometimes I exaggerate, but I speak the truth. It's not my problem if people have trouble accepting the truth about them. I have to admit I've changed a little when I met my friends in Slytherin. I learned to use my sharp tongue to hurt someone's feelings, not just to point out the truth. You have to be that way if you want to survive in Slytherin. Strong and independent people rule the world. People like me and Draco. There's a reason behind our position in Slytherin. We are feared and respected by our house mates and hated by members of other houses. But that's alright. I don't want to hang out with reckless Gryffindors, those Ravenclaw cowards or stupid Hufflepuffs. Slytherins are my family and that is enough for me.

But why can't I trust them now? Why can't I tell anyone what happened? They know that something's wrong, they've even asked me about it. But I've put on a strong face and assured them that everything's fine.

I'm not a coward. But I'm…afraid.

I could laugh at my own stupidity. I'm not afraid of the Domentors and Warevolves, but I'm terrified of what people would think or say about me. Would they believe me? Probably not.

Maybe I could trust my house mates, but I don't expect that someone from other house would believe me. I'm a Slytherin, after all. We are known by our tendency to make fun of people, to insult and lie just to save our own necks. And Gryffindors are known by their courage, loyalty and good heart.

Who would believe me?

"Don't you agree, Pansy?"

I was pulled from my deep thoughts and I quickly tried to compose myself.

"I wasn't listening, Goyle. What did you say?"I asked, trying to sound normal.

It was dinner time and we were all in the Great Hall. I was sitting between Draco and Goyle with Blaise and Crabbe opposite us.

Goyle rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to repeat what he was saying, but Draco stopped him with his hand. He then turned to me:"Again you are not paying attention to what's going on around you."

I had to lie:"I am feeling a bit under the weather, Draco. It's nothing. I was just thinking. "

He insisted:"You are not acting yourself lately."

I just shook my head:"As I said before, it's nothing. I was just thinking."

"About what? For the last couple of days, thinking is all you do. What is going on?"Draco demanded, his voice strong but at the same time gentle. He didn't use that voice often, only when he was really worried.

I looked at him and found myself wondering what would happen if I tell him. What would he do? Would he even care?

There was something in his eyes. Concern maybe?

My eyes slowly moved away from Draco and landed on someone sitting at the Gryffindor table. He was laughing with his friends, clearly having fun. And just about when I was going to avert my gaze he looked at me and I completely froze. I couldn't break the eye contact. He was warning me with his eyes. Threatening me and my whole body went completely cold. I felt fear as if were alone with him again. My mind was telling me that I shouldn't be afraid, that I was in the Great Hall full of students and teachers. I was surrounded with my friends. My mind was telling me that I was safe, but why couldn't I feel safe?

Suddenly I felt Draco's hand on my arm, shaking me slightly. I flinched away from him and removed my eyes from the Gryffindor table.

I forced a smile:"Sorry, I wasn't expecting that. Reflexes."

Doubt was visible on Draco's face:"You never used to flinch from touch. Especially mine."

He suspected something and I wouldn't be able take it if he found out. So I bit my tongue and just rolled my eyes:"Oh, come on, Draco. You are always overreacting. Stop being such a Drama Queen."

He was taken aback by that and I knew I had hurt him with my words. But at least I succeeded in my task. Draco started talking with Blaise and didn't say anything to me anymore.

After a few minutes I couldn't take it anymore.

"I'm tired. I'll go to bed."I said quietly and pretended to yawn.

Draco just nodded and kept his eyes on the plate with food before him.

I walked away from our table and hurried out of the Great Hall, not wanting to talk to anyone. My plan was to be in the bed when other girls returned to the dormitory. I was lost in my thoughts and then I heard footsteps behind me. My walk fastened, but I didn't look back. I only hoped to get to the Slytherin common room where I would be safe.

'It's nothing, it's nothing…. ' I kept saying in my mind, but my heart was beating so fast I thought it would jump out of my chest.

The footsteps were louder now as if the person was following me. Then someone grabbed my arm and pushed me to the wall. I didn't even have the time to react or yell as someone roughly pressed a hand over my mouth. My eyes widened as I recognized that person.

Andrew Kirke. The person that sent shivers down my body ever since that event a couple of days ago.

I struggled to get away, but he kept me in place and just smirked at my pathetic attempt to free myself. His one hand was covering my mouth and with the other he was keeping my in place.

"Shh, calm down, kitten. Why are you so scared?"he asked quietly, the smirk still on his face.

I made no attempt to answer since he had his hand over my mouth. I just stared into his eyes and prayed that someone would walk by. But I knew that isn't going to happen. Everyone was at dinner, talking and having a good time.

Andrew leaned closely and whispered in my ear:"I'm going to remove my hand. But if you scream, you will regret it. Do you understand?"

I nodded and tried to force my body to stop shaking. There were no tears in my eyes, I was in too much shock for that.

When he removed his hand, I opened my mouth to speak, but no voice came out. I didn't know what to say. To scream? He said I would regret it and it was a big chance no one would hear me. To beg? No, I would never lower myself enough to do something like that.

"Cat got your tongue?"he sneered.

I took a deep breath and made my voice emotionless:"What do you want?"

"I was just wondering if you are keeping your promise. I saw you talking to Malfoy at dinner."

"I talk to my friends. I always talk to them at dinner, if you haven't noticed."I barked at him, but I regretted it when he pushed me to the wall and tightened his grip on me, causing me to cry out.

"Don't get smart with me, Slytherin. You remember what happened last time?"

My lower lip trembled as I nodded, then whispered:"I haven't told anyone."

He concentrated on my face for a few moments, before grinning:"Good. I really don't want to have to repeat the lesson I taught you."

I remained silent and he brushed a finger across my cheek:"Be careful, Parkinson. See you tomorrow."

With those words he released me from his grasp and just walked away, not looking back at me.

I was left there, shaking from shock and fear. Before I even realized, I slid down to the floor, hugging my legs. I bit my tongue in an attempt to prevent myself from crying. I wouldn't cry. Slytherins don't cry. That's what Draco once told me. I was angry at myself. Why wasn't I more like Hermione Granger? I would have laughed if I weren't in such a serious situation. I've never imagined that I would wish to be more like that Mudblood. I've always made fun of her, humiliated her and as I was sitting on the cold ground I found myself wondering what she would have done if she was in my place? I doubted that she would sit on the ground, feeling sorry for herself. She would have fought back. Why didn't I pull out my wand when I realized that someone was following me? Why didn't I hex him into something?

I sat there, staring into space for a few minutes. When I heard some students walking out of the Great Hall, I pulled myself to feet and quickly walked to the Slytherin common room.

A few minutes later I was already in my bed, staring into the ceiling.

'What now?' was the question in my head for the past few days.

I struggled with the feeling of guilt and anger at myself. Somehow I thought that what happened was my fault. That…event wouldn't have happened if I'd kept my mouth shut. If I hadn't insulted him in front of everyone. But I have insulted a lot of people in my life and they never did anything to me. But why did he decide to punish me? If I tell someone, he wouldn't be able to hurt me, because he'll be stopped.

But whowould believe me? What sane person would believe a Slytherin over a Gryffindor?

Suddenly Draco's image appeared in my mind. We were always close, we were even involved romantically once. There is a special relationship between us. But would he protect me? Could he stand up against Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Rawenclaws?

I didn't have the answer for that. And what could he do, anyway?

The best solution would be if I told a teacher. I was being threatened and that wasn't acceptable. Someone needed to stop it. McGonagall was like a mother to the Hogwart's students, but she wouldn't believe me. She would be on his side, on the Gryffindor side. Dumbledore was a Gryffindor himself and that old man was so naive he would believe everything his beloved Gryffindors told him. But what if I told my Head of the House? Snape never liked other houses and maybe he would be on my side. And his character was strong enough to stand against all of them. But I couldn't even imagine telling him what happened.

I shook my head and closed my eyes.

No, telling Snape was not an option. I would just have to keep my mouth shut as he told me to. My recklessness and my mouth already brought me enough problems.

So, what do you think? I hope you liked it. Tell me in a review. I'm thinking about writing a second chapter? Should I? :)