Thank you to Femmescientia and Faewritesthings on Tumblr for the brainstorming session that lead to this.

I'm calling this one Tattoo AU. Ignis is a tattoo artist and Gladio is a person trainer. Their ages are around late Brotherhood timeline. The rest? Fuck if I know, I'm making shit up as I go :) Total crackfic. Please don't take it seriously. First chapter is SFW, but probably wont stay that way for long. We're probably looking at three chapters total. Anyway, onward!

Gladio double checked the time on his phone as he sat outside the tattoo parlor, The Kitchen Gallery. Odd name, but it was widely known as the best tattoo parlor in Insomnia for large scale work, and the tattoo Gladio planned to get was indeed large scale.

Promptness, on the other hand, didn't seem like this establishments best feature. The place opened at 10:00 and at 10:05 he was still waiting on the bench out front.

The muscular man crossed his arms and leaned against the brick façade while he waited. It wasn't that he was impatient, he was, but the fact that he was about to sit and let someone stab at him for the next six to eight hours had him on edge. Especially since this guy doing it was supposed to be one of the best. Gladio had already put a deposit of 1000G down three months ago to secure the timeline with Ignis Scientia. He'd never met the guy in person, but his online reviews and portfolio were enough to convince Gladio to go for it. They'd traded correspondence via email and text for the past six weeks regarding the theme, layout, and detail of the work to be done. An eagle that was supposed to span his entire back, part of his chest, and spay wingtips out to his wrists. It was a lot for someone's first time ever under the needle.

Gladio shifted his weight from one foot to another, he was practically vibrating with anticipation to get started. He was super nervous too. He'd never even gotten one tattoo before, let alone something that was about to take up 30 percent of his skin. Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm himself down. He'd had plenty of time to change his mind before now and he hadn't shut up about getting it done for weeks. The guys at the gym would never let him live it down if he walked away now. Not to mention he would be out 1000G.

A light snow began to fall when a tall man in a snug workout outfit jogged up to the front door, backpack over one shoulder. He was wearing rectangle framed glasses and his brunette bangs draped down to his eyes. "Apologies," he said, catching his breath as he approached and took out a set of keys. "My yoga class ran late. Please, come in." He didn't wait for Gladio to respond before walking into the studio and flicking the lights on. "You're the ten o' clock, correct?" He spoke elegantly in an accent Gladio couldn't quite peg. Tenebrae maybe?

"Uhh, yeah. I have an appointment with Ignis." Gladio gave the guy a once over. He could see a little bit of ink peeking out around the wrists of his yoga shirt and he had some slightly gauged ear piercings, but this guy really didn't look the type to be working in such a renowned tattoo parlor. He looked a bit… uptight.

The brunette held out a hand and shook Gladio's firmly. "Then you must be Gladio. Nice to finally meet you." He released the shake. "Please make yourself comfortable for a moment. The rest of the staff should be arriving soon. Let me just change my attire and we can begin."

"Wait…" Gladio said without thinking, "you're Ignis?" He was expecting a middle-aged war veteran who had been doing this for twenty years, covered head to toe in ink, and have gnarled hands from working the tattoo gun for so long. Not the well-spoken, baby faced, yogi standing in front of him. Gladio doubted Ignis was even older than he was.

The lithe man smiled coyly at Gladio, "You wouldn't be the first to say that. I don't exactly fit the bill, do I?"

Gladio cleared his throat, kicking himself. "Sorry, I didn't mean…"

"Oh, it's quite alright," Ignis said as his smirk widened, "I'm full of surprises," then disappeared into the back room to change.

While Gladio occupied himself admiring the sketches and paintings on the wall, the bell on the door jingled. A punky blonde with hair like the ass end of a Chocobo walked in and made himself comfortable behind the front counter. He must have been barely eighteen, but already had a decent collection of piercings all the way up the cartilage of his ears. Two more piercings raised with his eyebrows when the kid noticed Gladio was there. "Oh, hey, you must be the ten. Does Ignis already know you're here?"

Gladio nodded. "Yeah, he's just changing out."

"Are you the one getting the big eagle tattoo?"

He closed the distance between them so he wasn't shouting across the waiting room. It had already begun to snow in earnest outside, but thankfully it was quite warm in the studio. "Yeah, that's me."

"Nervous?" the blonde asked.

"A little. Yeah."

"I've only got one tattoo myself, but it's tiny. You've got some serious guts sitting for so long." The young man leaned over the counter and gave Gladio a once over. "You look like you can handle it, though."

"Prompto," a voice said sternly from the back entryway as Ignis reemerged. "Stop flirting with the customers."

Prompto sighed and pouted. "You're no fun, Specks."

Gladio's jaw nearly hit the floor. Ignis was now clad in a snug pair of jeans and a form fitting pinstripe tank-top, amply showing off the elaborate tattoos that covered every inch of skin from his collar bones to wrists and probably much further down. His glasses were tucked up on his brow, revealing strikingly green eyes and a smug grin to go with it. "I get that a lot, too," he said catching Gladio staring. He gestured over to the enclosed area off to one side of the studio. "Shall we begin?"

The small workspace was sterile, but comfortable. At Ignis' direction Gladio took his shirt off and sat down on the black workbench. Ignis was already pulling up sketches he'd done and shown to Gladio on his tablet along with about a dozen reference images of eagles. "So, are we still in agreement about the size and layout, or would you like me to change anything before we start?"

The larger man shook his head. "Nah, keep everything the same."

"Very well." Ignis snapped on a pair of black rubber gloves and Gladio only now noticed that the tattoos on his forearms were stylized renditions of Shiva and Ramuh. He glanced back to Ignis' chest and could just make out the silhouette of Bahamut. "Could you lay down then so I can do the outline? I think we'll do the head of the eagle at a later date so you can at least sleep on your stomach until it heals. Is that agreeable?"

Gladio shrugged against the black bench and rested his head in his hands. "You're the pro."

"Indeed I am," Ignis said with an air of hubris and Gladio couldn't help but smirk to himself. What a piece of work.

Despite the fact that Gladio got waxed regularly (a bit of manscaping the guys at work always made fun of him for) Ignis sprayed him down with soapy water and gave him a quick shave with a disposable razor. He wiped him down again before he took out a dark pink permanent marker and began sketching. Gladio kept his head down and his breathing even, not wanting to move too much. When the portion was done on his back he heard the snap of the marker cap. "Alright, could you look in the mirror and tell me if that's what you wanted?"

Gladio got up and took the mirror Ignis handed him so he could see the reflection in the bigger mirror behind him. The larger man whistled low. "How do you draw like that freehand? It's perfect."

Ignis waved his hand dismissively. "Lots of practice. If it suits your liking then we'll get started on the fun part." He gestured Gladio to lay back down while he assembled and adjusted the tattoo gun. He laid out ample amounts of paper towel, petroleum jelly, and tiny ink wells on the stainless-steel table before filling them to the brim with black liquid. Gladio heard the buzzing of the tattoo gun and tensed slightly. Ignis rubbed a small amount of petroleum jelly on the skin of his shoulder before the buzz buzz of the gun got closer. "Last chance to run." Ignis said quietly, only a few inches from Gladio's ear.

Gladio took a very deep breath and let it out slowly before saying, "Do it."

When the needles of the tattoo gun first touched Gladio's tan skin it took all his willpower not to flinch, but when it began to move he allowed himself to take a very slow breath. It didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. Granted they'd just started, but Gladio's endorphins were already kicking in to compensate. Soon the hot buzz of needles in his skin was reduced to the feeling of someone scratching fresh sunburn. It still hurt, but it was tolerable.

This might not be so bad after all.

"I know that face," Ignis said, barely looking up from what he was doing. "It feels alright now, but the body only has so much tolerance. Just let me know if you need a break or want to stop. Alright?"

Gladio nodded slowly.

"And you can breathe, you know. Just try not to twitch or move. Talking is fine too, if you care for it."

"Kay," Gladio said, still cautious. The last thing he wanted to do was move and have the needle go off course. He tilted his head to one side and noticed a respectable book collection on a small shelf in the corner. It was quite the hodgepodge selection. Kings of Lucis: A History, Odd Bits and How To Cook Them, Death Fears Not the Reaper, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them… Gladio lifted his head up slowly and focused on a few books tucked on the bottom row. Fifty Shades of Gray, The Countess Saga, Sword and Shield, Dionysus' Lament, and more equally erotic paperbacks.

"Feel free to read one if you want," Ignis said while he was refilling the gun with ink. "It's what they're there for."

He must have caught Gladio staring. "Actually," he cleared his throat, "I've read most of them."

Ignis smiled at him and buzzed the gun briefly. "Bottom shelf too?"

Gladio nodded, blushing only slightly. "Bottom shelf too. Except, Sword and Shield. Never heard of it."

Ignis continued working further down Gladio's back and across the skin on his spine. It didn't necessarily hurt more, but it was firing off odd nerve responses. He could feel it in his elbows!

"Not sure if you would like that one. It's mostly to distract my clients from the pain for a few hours. It might not be your genre."

"Do you like reading it?"

He lifted the gun and wiped the area he was working on with a paper towel before continuing. "I adore all those books. They're among my favorites."

Gladio waited for there to be a pause in the buzzing before he held his hand out. "Could you hand it to me then? I've got all the time in the world to read it."

He heard Ignis chuckle before the book found its way into his hands. It was bound in faux green leather and had gold edging on the pages. Fancy looking for an erotic novel, assuming that's what it was. "I did warn you. Keep that in mind," was all Ignis said before going back to work.

It took him a moment to find a comfortable angle to hold the book, but once Gladio shifted enough to where his head hung over the edge of the table he was able to read in a fairly contented position while more ink was injected into him. The story started off simple and, honestly, fairly dull. It spoke of a young prince who was injured as a child and the young man, Stupeo, who had been chosen to be his future advisor and watch over him. In later chapters, it switched points of view to the royal body guard, Beros. A character Gladio had a much easier time relating with. Strong, loyal, loving with his family, but also prideful and a bit stubborn.

Yup. Very relatable.

He was reading for maybe an hour when the plot finally became interesting. War had come to the nation and Stupeo was instructed to take on a more physical role to aid his prince and future king. So, he was assigned to train with Beros and learn to fight. This is where the two main characters met officially for the first time.

The first training session was fairly uneventful, the advisor obviously inexperienced with any sort of physical combat. Though Beros started off light for the greenhorn, Stupeo was a very quick learner. And he was fast. Really fast.

Gladio felt another spray of water and watched out of the corner of his eye as the garbage can started to fill up with ink stained paper towels. Ignis was approaching his left shoulder by now and thankfully his endorphins were still keeping pace with the pain.

The blonde pincushion poked his head into the booth and let out a low whistle. "Wow, Specks, that's looking great," he said. Gladio glanced sideways and watched the kid lean heavily over the divider, staring a little too long.

Gladio didn't complain. Why workout so much if you weren't willing to be gawked at a little?

Ignis cleared his throat. "Did you need something, Prompto?"

"Oh, y-yeah, I'm heading down to Smash Burger to grab something for lunch. You want anything?"

Ignis shook his head and dipped the gun in more ink. "I'm good. Thank you. I'll get something when I'm done. Gladio?"

"Same here. Thanks for asking."

The blonde shrugged. "Suit yourself. Cindy's working the counter if you need anything."

"Thank you Prompto," Ignis said as the young man departed. When he was gone Ignis signed. "Apologies for the behavior of my apprentice. He's not very good at being subtle…or professional."

Gladio couldn't help but smile. "Nah, I don't mind. I'm surrounded by people who take themselves too seriously, it's nice to see some be themselves for a change."

Ignis hummed in agreement. "Well, you'll not go wanting for that here."

With a tap of the gun's foot pedal, Ignis went back to work.

It was well into the last hours of daylight (which was fairly early this deep into winter) when Sword and Shield took a turn Gladio wasn't expecting.

The neighboring kingdom was on the precipice of attack and everyone in the castle was on edge. Beros and Stupeo had been training harder than ever in between their other roles and military briefings. They had been spending countless hours a week together and Beros started noticing something different in the way Stupeo behaved around him. He had begun pulling punches when they sparred and being almost distant when they weren't. Beros knew that Stupeo was under a lot of pressure and maybe he'd had been pushing him too hard.

He contacted the advisor the next day to tell him to take a break from the sparring session and meet him down at the local pub instead. They both deserved a break and with the realm toeing the edge of war any day now, they might as well enjoy an ale while they could.

"Gladio?" Ignis said, pulling him away from his thoughts. "How are you feeling?"

Drawn back to reality, Gladio was forced to assess the situation on his back. "Sore, but not bad. I think my legs are asleep."

"Do you think you can handle me outlining your arms before we stop for the day? I could probably have them done in about two hours."

Gladio considered stopping, but decided against it. He'd tolerated worse and besides, the story was just getting interesting. "Let's keep going."

Ignis nodded. "Very well. You'll need to shift then." After directing him to sit with his chest against the back of a massage chair Ignis drew out the wingspan of the eagle. The large flight feathers wrapping around Gladio's forearms so that they might almost look like flames at a distance. Ignis made some minor adjustments here and there to be sure they were fairly symmetrical before getting Gladio's approval.

He smiled, glancing at Ignis work in the mirror. "This is gonna look so badass."

"I certainly intend it to," Ignis said just before he continued inking where he left off. The touch of the needle, this time, sent a fresh wave of hot pain through Gladio's system. His body must have relaxed during the gap in application and the endorphins that were keeping him in a fairly blissful state were taking a break too. Ignis must have noticed the look on Gladio's face. "Holding up alright?"

Gladio clenched his teeth. "Yeah, I'm good."

Ignis smirked. "You're a terrible liar," he said, continuing to alternate between inking and wiping with the paper towel. "It's been five hours. I'm surprised you're pain tolerance has held up this long."

Gladio took a deep breath and rested his forehead in the massage chair. "Yeah, well the book helped distract me."

A rub of petroleum. A buzz. A wipe. "What part are you up to?"

Gladio gritted his teeth as the needles began to dip past the back of his arm toward his armpit. He'd been warned that it would hurt there, but holy fucking hell! He clenched his eyes closed and tried to remember the book. "Umm, I got to the part…fuck… where Stupeo was being weird and distant so Beros is taking him out for a drink."

Ignis hummed along with the buzz of the gun. "It starts to pick up after that. I'm surprised you've read so far in such a short period."

The needle moved back up toward his bicep and Gladio let out a sigh of relief. It didn't hurt quite so bad there. "I'm a quick reader."

With his free hand Ignis reached over and retrieved the book from the table, handing it off to his human canvas. "Care to continue?"

Gladio took it in his free hand and opened it up to the page he'd left off on. Trying his best to ignore the needle trace along his skin toward his underarm again. Gods damn that was like holding a hot poker to his skin. He took a deep breath, blinked hard for a second, and continued reading.

The serving wench bent down low to refill their tankards, her loosely tied dress dipped open to reveal her full breasts to the pair of them. Beros winked at her as she stood up. She winked back before turning and walking away, the sway of her hips enticed him to watch her as she moved to the next table.

Stupeo scoffed at him, "Honestly, could you be any more obvious?"

"Yes. After a few more drinks I just might work up the nerve to escort her home when her shift is over."

Stupeo looked at him flatly, "To protect her from the lecherous masses between here and her bed, to be certain. Your sense of honor is tantamount to the Immortal's." His sarcasm was syrup thick.

The larger man put his boots up on an unoccupied chair and leaned back in his own. "Of course. I am a royal bodyguard. She couldn't find anyone more suitable to guide her way home." Beros said and smiled, but it faltered when Stupeo didn't join him in his merriment. It was a bitter apple in the cider of the evening. "Stupeo, my friend, what has been bothering you so these last few days. Normally after a good sparring session and a drink you wax poetic about the affairs of the realm or a new story you heard. Lately, however, you've been a dried-up spring of words. What bothers you?"

Stupeo ran his fingers along his tankard, searching for words. Was he privy to some ill of the kingdom that he wasn't allowed to speak of? Was he sworn to secrecy? "Does this have anything to do with the royal family?"

Stupeo looked up from his drink. "Oh, no. Nothing like that."

"Has that mage, Izunia, been giving you nightmares again?"

"Blessedly, no."

"Is your family well? Are you ill?"

"Yes, to the first. No, to the latter."

Beros banged the table with his hand. "Then tell me! What has chipped your unbreakable concentration. You falter during training, you've been forgetting appointments, you are distant and quiet. What imp has made off with your silver tongue? I haven't seen you so lacking gregariousness since the day we met."

"I'm in love," the advisor said, nearly inaudible over the din of the crowd.

"What?"

Stupeo sighed and looked down at his hands. "I'm in love, Beros. I think I have been for a while now, but… I do not feel that it is reflected."

Beros paused for a long time, trying to think of a women that had recently come into the picture. He really hadn't seen Stupeo around very many ladies. Not socially anyway. "Who is it? Do I know them?"

A small smile tugged at Stupeo's lips. "Intimately."

Beros thought for a moment. He didn't really know many women outside of work with the exception of a few harlots or barmaids. "Is it that silver haired mercenary that came by the castle a few weeks ago? She had quite the figure, and a tongue as sharp as her spear."

"No, Beros… I don't think you understand what I'm trying to-"

Beros gasped, "It's not the blonde betrothed to the prince, is it? Stupeo, you dog."

"NO!" Stupeo slammed his tankard down on the table hard enough for other patrons to turn and look at the commotion. He huffed, "You don't understand…" he said before tossing down a coin for his drink and storming out of the pub, the crowd parting ways to let him through.

"Stupeo, wait." Beros fumbled with his coins and ended up dropping entirely too many on the table before following his friend out. He found him half way down the streets by the time he got through the throng of people. Curse the Six, why did he have to be so fast. The advisor ducked around a side street by the time Beros caught up with him…

By now the needle was buzzing its way along his right forearm toward his wrist and Gladio just couldn't ignore the pain anymore. "Ignis, I think… I think that's enough for one day."

"If you insist. Let me just finish up this line aaaaand there. That's a good stopping point anyway. Give me just a moment to clean you up. Hold still." Gladio let out a sigh of relief when Ignis sprayed him down with soapy water for the last time and dried him off. "I have a potion if you like. I normally save them for particularly long sessions and you, my fine feathered friend, have earned it."

Gladio blinked. Potions were rare and expensive in Insomnia. "Are you sure?" One vial cost around 500G last time he checked.

Ignis rubbed a thin layer of petroleum jelly across the sore lines tracing the length of Gladio's back and right arm. It was still super tender, but knowing that it was done for the night made it tolerable. Gods, filling it in was going to be twice as bad. Gladio grimaced. What had he gotten himself into?

Pulling the black rubber gloves off with a snap he dropped them into the garbage can nearly overflowing with blood and ink laden paper towels. "Well," Ignis said slowly, "The potion wouldn't be completely free." He opened a drawer and waved the green vial at eye level. "You would have to let me buy you a drink. There's a new bar that just opened around the corner and it's rare that I get any time to socialize outside the shop."

Gladio made a questionable face. "You're saying that my payment for you giving me an expensive potion is for you to buy me a drink?"

"You can buy me one in turn if you feel so reposed about it." He waved the vial again. "Though you are more than welcome to heal up the old fashion way. I'm sure your friends are looking forward to giving you hearty pats on the back tomorrow.

It took all of a half second for Gladio to picture Nyx giving him a congratulatory back smack the moment he walked into the gym. Nyx was a bit of a dick like that.

Taking the potion in his hand he said, "You've got yourself a deal. I hope this bar has some strong drinks, cus I think I need one after that."

X~X~X

Faewritesthings on Tumblr did fanart for this before I even finished writing it. It's awesome! Go see it.

If anyone else feels obliged to draw these two, especially later in the story (NSFW or SFW) I just might die of happiness. Thank you for reading. All reviews and comments are appreciated.