Bad Things Will Happen
...When Your Dog Eats Voldemort's Limited Edition Signed Purple Bunny Slippers OR
Hekate Gets Bored and Writes Something Completely Pointless
A/N: Okay, absolute fruitcake fic here, but why not? We all need a little humor in our lives.
Disclamer: Who owns Harry Potter? Who owns Harry Potter? J.K. Rowling, that's right! Good boy!
"Total absence of humor renders life impossible."
Colette Coeptus
"Please, my lord! It wasn't me! Punish him, please!" Wailed Peter Pettigrew, otherwise known as Wormtail, while cowering against a wall.
He pointed to a black and yellow spotted puppy who was curled up, watching this tale unfold. How the puppy came to be was an interesting story actually.
Voldemort had gotten it in the hopes of training it to attack, sortof like the dogs on COPS (Voldemort had become obsessed with Muggle television during a "Get to Know Your Enemies" phase. Merlin, had that been scary.), except it didn't exactly work out.
It had been deemed a failure after the dog (wrongly named "Hades") had licked McNair to death instead of attacking him. Voldemort was all set out to kill the poor creature (this was during his "I must act like a proper Dark Lord" phase), except Peter had managed to persuade him to keep it as a pet.
There had been one condition. Peter had to make Hades look more evil. Even if he wasn't really, he had to at least look the part. But Peter had managed to botch that one up too, of course. So now they had a yellow and black spotted Labrador puppy that had recently done the worst thing possible.
It had shredded Voldemort's Limited EditionAutographed Purple Bunny Slippers (You can't forget the capitals.)
So now Wormtail was being punished. All very sad, really. "Fine! I won't torture you...if you can find me new bunny slippers. If you can't, Ereshkigal gets you!"
Wormtail still didn't understand why he had named the stupid cat that. But somewhere in Voldemort's demented brain the logic fit, so Wormtail didn't ask. He just complied.
"Yes, master! I will find you new slippers."
Voldemort glared at him. "What did you say?"
"I mean, I will find you new Limited EditionAutographed Purple Bunny Slippers." He whimpered again.
"That's right. You'd better. Or else." He said , motioningneedlessly to the cage at the back of the room.
Yes, that is my story. Who am I? My friends call me E. Demented people (one in particular) calls me Ereshkigal. Hopefully one of these days I will be able to get out of this cage and escape. Until then, I shall tell you the truth of what goes on in Voldy's lair.
Finis
A/N: Okay, there is. And why did I really write this one? Umm...long story. I came up with the idea somewhere and just started writing. Then today I just finished and posted it. Review? Percenseo? (And if you couldn't tell, I'm obsessed with Latin)