Gundamonopoly
Warnings: humor, shonen ai
Disclaimers: Gundam Wing characters belong to Mixx Entertainment, Koichi Tokita, the SOTSU Agency, Sunrise, Kodansha and anyone I may have forgotten, not to me. I make no money off of this.
"Ah, now this is the life!" Duo grinned, plopping onto the couch beside Heero. "No missions for the rest of the week, no life and death situations, and even Relena has no idea where this safe house is!"
That last bit forced an involuntary smile onto Heero's face as he shut down his laptop and leaned back. "True."
On the couch opposite them, Quatre lay with his head in Trowa's lap as he stared at the ceiling. "Nothing to do but relax."
"Among other things," Trowa whispered.
In the recliner, Wufei rolled his eyes.
A minute passed.
"I'm bored," Duo groaned.
"One minute," Wufei sighed, "a new record."
"I'm surprised he held out that long," Heero nodded.
Choosing to ignore their little remarks, Duo bounced up off the couch and ran to the closet, dropping to his knees as he rifled through the objects on the floor.
"On his knees in the closet," Trowa noticed. "Could the symbolism be any more blatant?"
slamcrunch!
Gun materializing in one hand, Heero looked around wildly for the enemy. "What was that?"
Wufei pointed. "Trowa just broke the fourth wall, that's all."
"I found it!" Duo grinned, coming back out of the closet with dust in his hair and something long in his hands. He darted back over and placed the object, which turned out to be a box, on top of the coffee table.
"What is it?" Quatre asked.
"Monopoly!" Duo cried, hastily setting the board and pieces up. "Come on, you'll love this! One of my Sweeper friends showed it to me and I got hooked."
Intrigued by the strange sight, Quatre slid from Trowa's lap and onto the floor, taking a seat across from Duo. He looked up expectantly at Trowa, who reluctantly moved to join him. Where Quatre went, Trowa was sure to follow.
"What's the point of the game?" Heero asked suddenly.
Duo thought for a moment. "Ruthless conquest and financial destruction of your enemies."
A manic light crept into Heero's eyes and he sat down next to Duo, who stared at Wufei. "Wu-dude, you gonna join us?"
"I have no desire to partake in a child's game," Wufei stated.
Duo shrugged. "Ah, well, it you think it's too complicated..."
Wufei, quite used to Duo's needling, did not respond to the tease.
Quatre shook his head at the braided boy. "Duo, not everyone is good at handling competitive stress over a few hours, which is much longer than the usual battle lasts--"
"I'm in," Wufei snapped, glaring at Quatre.
The blonde leaned close to Trowa, who wrapped a protective arm around him.
Duo briefly explained the rules to each boy, who seemed skeptical that this could be considered a "fun" game. Trouble didn't start, though, until Duo set out the metal game pieces and all five of them reached for the car. They all looked up into each other's eyes, their gazes mutually promising violence to whoever tried to take the car.
"You know, the game was my idea," Duo said slowly. "I should get first pick of the pieces."
"I want the car," Quatre argued, sounding very much like a rich child who was astonished that someone would actually try to take something from him.
"Either I get the car, or this board is history," Heero threatened.
"If I have to put up with Maxwell's inanities, that car is rightfully mine," Wufei said.
"I want the car," Quatre repeated, mildly annoyed now.
Trowa shook his head. "I'm the best driver here, so I should get the car."
"But--" Duo tried.
"Fight you for it," Heero suddenly said.
"You're on," Trowa nodded.
"I will defeat both of you, and the car will be mine!" Wufei grinned, one hand going to his sword.
Duo wisely decided to back away. Maybe they would knock each other out, and he could get the car.
"I want the car!" Quatre said one last time, pouting and quite unafraid of the fight that was about to erupt.
"Shut up, Quatre," the three said simultaneously, dismissing him like they would Duo.
Yes, it was a big mistake.
Quatre's eyes narrowed in anger at being off-handedly set aside like that. He was Quatre Raberba Winner, damn it! While the others were about to fight over the table and Duo was backing away to a safe viewing distance, popcorn at the ready, Quatre surprisingly reached out and grabbed the car. Before anyone could stop him, he drew his arm back and threw it across the room, into the kitchen and through the kitchen window, leaving a neat little hole in the glass.
Everyone stared at the hole, freezing in the moment before actual combat before turning toward Quatre.
"Now no one can have it," the little blonde said firmly.
They all looked at the board again, and they all seemed to realize at the same time that since the car was gone, the battleship didn't look all that bad...
"I want the battleship," Quatre declared.
With a collective sigh, the combative trio sat back down and stared at the remaining pieces.
"I'll take the horse," Trowa conceded.
"The shoe," Heero said.
"Dog," Duo smiled.
"Kuso," Wufei cursed under his breath.
"You can be the thimble," Duo offered with a smirk.
Struggling to resist strangling the braided pilot, Wufei took the hat with a very pissed expression and mumbling about injustice.
"Who's going to be the banker?" Quatre asked innocently, not understanding the implications of that question.
"I will!" the four all volunteered.
"Quatre should do it," Trowa said softly when they'd finished glaring at each other. "He's trustworthy."
With a reluctant nod, they allowed the blonde to begin handing out money.
"Okay, one house rule," Duo piped up. "We take any community money or taxes and put them on free parking, all right?"
They considered, then agreed.
"Roll the dice," Heero said flatly.
Duo rolled the pair of dice. "Five."
"Seven," Trowa counted.
Heero--"eleven."
Wufei rolled. "One?! That is impossible! Injustice!"
Quatre rolled them. "Twelve," he chirped happily. "I go first! Let's start!"
Two hours later, Quatre grinned behind a row of hotels and several monopolies. Half of the money in play resided on his pile. Trowa had long ago tried to win against his little lover and was now only trying to win among the other three. Duo sighed, once again barely hanging on with one monopoly, a handful of houses and a five dollar bill to his dog.
"I'd be doing better if I had the car," he mumbled. "But at least I'm still doing better than Wufei."
Wufei, on the other hand, had landed in jail, which he found wasn't such an awful place with all the hotels and houses on everyone else's property. He sat back, slowly collecting the occasional rent on his railroad and electric company, and smiled as Duo was forced to sell his property, piece by piece, to Heero, who was Quatre's only real competition at this point.
It's now a game of who lasts longer,
Heero thought. Me or Quatre, and Wufei or Duo. Trowa's the wildcard."Wufei, you have to come out of jail on this turn," Quatre said, reading the rules.
"Damn," Wufei muttered. Hotels to the left of him, houses to the right of him, defeat at every turn...except...Free parking! he suddenly realized. There must be several thousand dollars there. If I can just land on it...He rolled the dice in his hand, then dropped them out. He would need a ten...
The first one landed with a six, but the other spun around and around, twirling on its corner.
Wufei held his breath. Victory hinged on this.
The dice stopped.
Four.
Making ten.
"YES!!!" Wufei shouted, hands in the air in celebration.
"Yikes!" Duo cried, startled so much that he fell backwards.
Wufei merrily slid his hat from the jail to free parking, collecting his newly won booty. "One thousand, two thousand, three thousand," he smiled as everyone watched with jealous eyes. "Five thousand dollars."
He soon found that his prize was not too wondrous, though, as he gradually moved along the board. It seemed that every spot he landed on was owned either by Heero or Quatre, and soon he was left with five dollars and just visiting jail.
But hope lay glimmering like a little diamond at the end of the row, as once again free parking had filled up.
Duo, meanwhile, had lost his five dollars and had sold all but one piece of property to Heero just to stay in the game. "Argh, I don't wanna just quit and have to watch," he groaned. "This isn't fair."
"You could sell your last street," Trowa offered.
Duo shook his head. "That'll just keep me in for one more round."
"You could sell something else," Heero offered, not betraying any emotion.
Duo looked sideways at him. "Like what?"
Heero leaned over and whispered something that made Duo blush. He looked at Heero, then at the game board, then back at Heero. "A thousand dollars," he said in a voice that allowed no argument.
Heero handed him a thousand dollars, but before Duo could pull it back, Heero gripped it tightly. "I'll expect it tonight," he demanded.
Duo nodded, then took the money as Heero let it go.
"Heero, you owe me five thousand dollars," Quatre smiled sweetly.
Thirty seconds later, Heero was collecting seven from Quatre.
Trowa paid Quatre two thousand.
Duo paid Wufei seven dollars.
Wufei landed back in jail.
Two more hours later, Wufei was watching the carnage from his safe vantage point in jail. Trowa had already declared defeat and had given all of his remaining property to Quatre. Duo had finally thrown in the towel and now leaned up against Heero with his arms around the Japanese boy. To everyone's astonishment, Wufei had become powerful yet again with two jumps on Free parking and only landing on Go To Jail. And his two properties were slowly bringing in little bits of rent, so that while Wufei wasn't paying anything, he was accumulating.
Heero and Quatre hardly paid attention to him, locked in tight battle as Heero played off of Quatre's mistakes and strokes of luck that came to him. Quatre, however, now that he was no longer fighting four pilots, found that his stratagems dissolved in the random throws of the dice.
Neither of them noticed how Wufei whittled at their estate's until it was too late.
Quatre rolled the dice, certain that he would land in the safety of his own property. Instead, he rolled a two and landed on Heero's land.
"Seven thousand," Heero said triumphantly.
Quatre glared and went to count it out, then realized...he was four thousand short. "Oh dear..."
Duo giggled. "Looks like you gotta sell your stuff."
Quatre sighed and was about to sell his stuff to the bank when he turned to Wufei. "Sell you my purple squares for five thousand?" he offered, certain he could make it up when Heero landed on his property.
Wufei raised one eyebrow. "Throw in the red squares for another two thousand?"
"Done."
Quatre grinned at Heero as he paid him off. As Heero rolled, he was certain he'd land on Quatre's property. Instead, he landed on Go To Jail.
"Ah, a cell mate," Wufei quipped.
Quatre glowered, then finally admitted defeat as he landed on Heero's property again. He sold everything to Wufei to pay off Heero, then had to pay his last seventy five for a luxury tax. With a sigh, he leaned against Trowa to watch the end.
Wufei, who had to leave jail on that turn, rolled the dice. With a prayer to his ancestors, he grinned as they landed. Ten. He landed on Free Parking and picked up his money.
I can't believe this, Wufei's actually made a game of this,
Heero grumbled to himself. I thought I only had to take out Quatre. Why doesn't this game come with a self-destruct button?"I believe you owe me ten thousand dollars," Wufei smirked as Heero landed on what used to be Quatre's property.
Heero started to count it out, then realized that, after paying little bits to Wufei over such a long period of time, he no longer had enough. He gasped in disbelief.
"I...lost..." he whispered.
They all looked at his money, then at Wufei's card.
"Hey, Wu-man won!" Duo smiled.
Quatre sighed sadly, but Trowa stole a quick kiss to cheer him up. "It's okay, this was just a game."
Quatre beamed at him and allowed him to pick his smaller body up and whisk him away to perform those "other things" he'd mentioned much earlier.
Heero, mildly upset as his defeat, grabbed Duo's braid and dragged him to their room to cash in those I.O.U.'s Duo had made.
Pleased with himself, Wufei started to pick things up, then discovered the disarray the board game was in. Pieces, cards, money, and houses were strewn about the floor, table and even on the couches. It would take forever to put it all away, and he was the only one left. All that work, and he had to clean up.
"Injustice!"
The End