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Knocked off his game since Ziva left, Tony's been floundering ever since. And now he wants to work his way back, thus why he started going to the support group. He misses Ziva and hope she returns, but Tony's not getting his hopes up. He loves her, but he doesn't want to get hurt in the end. And he knows McGee is worried about him (something he appreciates), but he can't help it. Tony wants to change. So he's starting in little ways and it's working.
"So the support group's definitely helping you?" McGee is curious and keeps asking him questions. It would normally annoy him, but Tony's trying to change.
He nods. "Yeah, it is."
McGee smiles at Tony. "That's great. I'm glad that you're doing what you need to do to get back on your feet." And then he decides to ask a question that's been on his mind for months, but he hasn't dared said anything about. "Did you and Ziva do anything when you found her?"
Tony struggles not to roll his eyes and fails. "Are you asking if we had sex or something else?"
It's none of McGee's business, but he really doesn't care. "Both." He won't be surprised if Tony hits him for this.
"Well, we finally admitted our feelings for each other and then made love. You happy now, McGee?" Tony laughs at the look on his partner's face.
"Seriously?" McGee shouldn't be shocked but yet he is.
"Seriously. Is that so hard to believe?" Tony knows McGee can't be stunned by this – he and Ziva danced around their feelings for years.
McGee shakes his head. "Not really. I'm just glad you finally said something about it instead of remaining in denial. The sexual tension was getting to be way too much."
Tony glares and Gibbs slaps him. "Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore." And that depresses him – he keeps expecting to see Ziva at her desk every morning – but there's nothing he can do about it, short of begging her to come back (which he has done multiple times through voicemail and he's not proud of it). He just has to have faith that she will come back after she finds herself. He'll wait for her.
"So now that you're no longer in denial, can I ask you a question?" McGee's been dying to know the answer to this question for a long time.
Tony is wary, but agrees. "Sure. Go ahead."
"When did you fall in love with her? I know there was an attraction – it was easy to spot – but when did love come into the picture?"
"I'm not sure. But Probie, you know how Gibbs felt about Shannon?" At McGee's nod, he continues. "Well, Ziva is my Shannon. She's the love of my life and letting her go was the hardest thing I ever had to do."
McGee's mouth drops open. "Whoa! I knew you loved her, but I didn't realize it was like that. Holy shit." He's really not sure why he's surprised.
Tony sighs. "Now can we get back to work, Probie? We have a job to do." He's not even sure why he indulged McGee, but whatever. He's been dying to talk to one of his friends like this ever since he got back home.
Tony isn't sure he can ever be the person he was before Ziva left, but he'd like to try. She changed him in a good way and he wants to be a good man for her if (when) she returns. He'll try not to let it drag him down any further, but it's hard. Ziva was in his life for eight years and they went through a lot together in that time. He will no longer be broken (although he already is – they all are) by what he can't control in life. He can come out the other side of this stronger than he was before. And Tony hopes for the best, even though he braces himself for the worst.