Excerpt from:
HARRY POTTER
THE MUSICAL
Curtain Opens
Narr.: One day in the smelly caverns of Hogwarts…wait no, they weren't smelly, they were actually quite pleasant. Where was I……oh yes. The story. So. it all started when Ron noticed something funny………….
Hermione enters, clearly voluptuous, with a grin of pride upon her triumphant face
Ron: The quidditch game was ama………….
Ron trails off at sight of Hermione.
Harry stares in amazment
Harry: um…….hey hermione………
Ron begins to redden rapidly
Ron: Hermione…you look really, um, different"
Hermione: Oh, you noticed? Well, I've preformed an engorgment charm on my boobs and butt…….i think it makes me look more attractive. Don't you?
she gestures to her overly large and bulbous and disproportionate body parts
Harry: glances slyly at Ron, music starts in Er…well.. (Harry's scar begins to hurt)
Hermione: What's wrong Harry? Don't you like big butts?
Harry: (grins sheepishly) I cannot lie, (to ron) You and your brothers can't deny..
(Fred and George and Ron nod vigorously)
(Draco runs in)
Draco: When Snape walks in with his itty bitty waist and a round thang in my face, I get sprung…I mean…
(Everyone falls silent, cricket chirps in background. Draco is pushed out the window to his death. Well, maybe not. Suddenly, Voldemort dances in. Shocked noises from crowd follow this entrance. He is swinging Nagini over his head in the manner of a lasso.)
Voldemort: MY ANACONDA DON'T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT BUUUNS HON! Right Nagini?
(Shocked silence. Voldemort looks around sheepishly and exits with his tail between his legs.)
(Winky enters carrying a plate of hot cross buns, hot cross buns, one a penny two a penny, hot cross buns…oh excuse me..)
Winky: I got buns hon! I got buns hon!
(She, too, is pushed to her death. Everyone suddenly realizes what they are doing, namely singing and dancing like wild mimes to a rap song from the eighties. This is uncalled for at Hogwarts and although Dumbledore was in on the fun, he also becomes aware of this mishap, and holds up his hand for silence. Everyone feels rather idiotic.)
(Entire cast exits except Hermione. She is still dancing like a rabid cave beast and fondling her new body parts. Gross, but true. )
Narr: So ends another excerpt, well technically the first excerpt, but what I said before sounded better. Well, stay tuned. I must depart. I have to change my panties.
Curtain Closes.
HARRY POTTER
THE MUSICAL
Curtain Opens
Narr.: One day in the smelly caverns of Hogwarts…wait no, they weren't smelly, they were actually quite pleasant. Where was I……oh yes. The story. So. it all started when Ron noticed something funny………….
Hermione enters, clearly voluptuous, with a grin of pride upon her triumphant face
Ron: The quidditch game was ama………….
Ron trails off at sight of Hermione.
Harry stares in amazment
Harry: um…….hey hermione………
Ron begins to redden rapidly
Ron: Hermione…you look really, um, different"
Hermione: Oh, you noticed? Well, I've preformed an engorgment charm on my boobs and butt…….i think it makes me look more attractive. Don't you?
she gestures to her overly large and bulbous and disproportionate body parts
Harry: glances slyly at Ron, music starts in Er…well.. (Harry's scar begins to hurt)
Hermione: What's wrong Harry? Don't you like big butts?
Harry: (grins sheepishly) I cannot lie, (to ron) You and your brothers can't deny..
(Fred and George and Ron nod vigorously)
(Draco runs in)
Draco: When Snape walks in with his itty bitty waist and a round thang in my face, I get sprung…I mean…
(Everyone falls silent, cricket chirps in background. Draco is pushed out the window to his death. Well, maybe not. Suddenly, Voldemort dances in. Shocked noises from crowd follow this entrance. He is swinging Nagini over his head in the manner of a lasso.)
Voldemort: MY ANACONDA DON'T WANT NONE UNLESS YOU GOT BUUUNS HON! Right Nagini?
(Shocked silence. Voldemort looks around sheepishly and exits with his tail between his legs.)
(Winky enters carrying a plate of hot cross buns, hot cross buns, one a penny two a penny, hot cross buns…oh excuse me..)
Winky: I got buns hon! I got buns hon!
(She, too, is pushed to her death. Everyone suddenly realizes what they are doing, namely singing and dancing like wild mimes to a rap song from the eighties. This is uncalled for at Hogwarts and although Dumbledore was in on the fun, he also becomes aware of this mishap, and holds up his hand for silence. Everyone feels rather idiotic.)
(Entire cast exits except Hermione. She is still dancing like a rabid cave beast and fondling her new body parts. Gross, but true. )
Narr: So ends another excerpt, well technically the first excerpt, but what I said before sounded better. Well, stay tuned. I must depart. I have to change my panties.
Curtain Closes.