Author's Note: Seeing as there really aren't characters in my story, I actually own the entire thing. Wow. Has that been said on fanfic before?
This is really low striking. Don't read it if you have a tendency to get easily upset.
Vampires in a Blood bank
My throat called to me. No. I can't. You weighed yourself this morning. You can't afford to gain anything. You must lose. Eating is bad. Binging is good. You know that.
I hadn't eaten all day, but that was nothing new. My throat ached. My stomach grumbled. Usual feelings. But I knew that I COULD NOT eat. Mind over Matter. Mind over Matter. Just like a vampire in a blood bank. I had to resist every urge I had.
Yes, I was anorexic, a disease that plagued me and haunted my daily life. I binged and purged, or just ate nothing at all.
During the summer I was horrible with my food. I wouldn't eat until around 7 P.M., and then it would be a cookie. And that's all I would have the entire day. I would also run non stop, 9-11 miles, just so I would never be called the fat kid again. I wasn't fat, but I was sure pudgy, not skinny. At the beginning of the summer, I weighed around 125, falling oddly on my 5'4" frame, and so I had decided to do something about it. I immediately stopped eating, and start running. By the end of the summer, I was a slight 113. It had worked. Then school rolled around.
Just in case you were wondering, my parents didn't know anything about this. I would purposefully plan my running time during dinner, and they never suspected a thing. They attributed all my weight loss to my running, and did nothing about it. It was my older sister who ever suspected one thing, that I was exercise bulimic, which is entirely true.
Well, when school started, I began eating again. My mom wouldn't bring me unless I ate breakfast, and I was completely turned over to my sense after that. I couldn't stop myself. I just ate and ate and ate. I went back to 120, and that scared me shitless.
After that, I decided to go back to my old plan. I wouldn't eat during school hours, and I would try to run every night. I dropped down to 114 again. But it still wasn't satisfactory
Since then I have struggled in 2-week cycles. Weigh the least on day 1, overeat day 2 and gain weight. Binge for two weeks until you're at Day 1 again. My weight yo-yoed horribly, each week mean gaining more and then loosing more. On Thanksgiving I hit 111. Then I had turkey dinner and skyrocketed to 118. My metabolism was working against me.
My friends know and try to help, but it's no use. I was sent to a nurse, nutritionist, and shrink, but I can't un-commit myself from this frame of mind. It's a disease.
Now I was around 115, in the middle of Week 2. And sitting in the teacher's lounge off my mother's school. I had given up going to her classroom a while ago; the stench of food was just overwhelming. That's another thing, I now smell the food. I really am like a hungry- crazed vampire. I can tell whatever the school's having for lunch (even though I never go) just by smelling the air around the cafeteria.
I was sipping Diet Coke, my "splurge" for the day, and typing, as you can tell. There was a cupcake in the fridge, and it was calling to me. It wasn't mine, but that had never stopped me before. I just had to stop fixating on it, and that wasn't easy. To tune your entire brain on another channel when you're like me. One day there had been a whole plate of brownies on the table, and I had eaten every single one, for I had not had a thing since 7 o clock the night before.
I was a monster.
I couldn't control myself. I wasn't able to be the one in charge. My hunger took over me. It was horrible. I never could be the same. My life consisted of calories and binging.
Help.
Mind over Matter.
Mind over Matter.