END OF OUR DAYS
type: one-shot.
pairings: i hate giving it away. you'll find out. and if you've read my other rfr fic, you'll know.
synopsis: sometimes it's wrong, sometimes it's right. but sometimes it doesn't matter, because you can't deny it either way.
time: following our season finale. oh, how i would love to see this happen.
rating: pg-13 to be safe…probably pg, though.
inspiration: "end of our days", song by howie day.
reviews: deeply appreciated, as always. remember, just because you hate the pairing is not a good excuse for a flame. constructive criticism always greatly considered.
disclaimer: don't own rfr. or any of its characters. obviously.
a/n: this isn't really a songfic, but every word of the song "end of our days", by howie day, is true for this particular relationship, and i loved it so much that i based the story around that. it's great to listen to while you're reading this, because the song is just so beautiful and you'll get the feeling of longing and "we shouldn't do this" that i was trying to portray. hopefully my words will be enough, but regardless, i would highly recommend downloading the mp3 format here, and buying howie day's CD stop all the world now if you like what you hear; it's truly an amazing work of art.
i also included the lyrics at the very bottom of this.
* * *
The show was over, for today at least. The topic had been extremely light, of no importance really, to avoid conflict. Everything was back to normal at the station, and its four founders had agreed to slowly ease into heavier topics, to avoid any lashing out on another again, or one of them slyly exposing the secrets of another. They'd actually ended four minutes earlier than usual, taking notice of the darkness that had rapidly begun clouding the sky.
Now two bodies were scurrying home, hoping to reach their doors before the rain that threatened to spill over any minute fell. The air was humid and thick; you could practically feel the rain in the air already, like the air at the station had been today, thick with the emotion of two in the room. It was funny how they couldn't ignore something trivial, like the presence of moisture in the air, yet it was so easy for them to disregard a tension in the air. Something that made all the difference. The rain would dry from their bodies; regardless of whether they wiped it off or it evaporated, it wouldn't last forever.
While those two were rushing, somewhere else another two bodies had stopped, dead in their tracks, almost at the same moment. The long blonde mane of one was miraculously still intact, somehow fighting the heaviness in the air. She thoughtfully chewed the inside of her cheek, carelessly tucking the hair being her ear. After a moment's hesitation, she spun around on her heel, hair flying, thinking, It's going to rain. I might as well go back there just to stay out of it. Yeah. It sounded so reasonable in her head. Until she realized she was about half a mile closer to home at this point than she was to the station.
A much larger figure had stopped as well, in the opposite direction. He fished his pocket for his house key, suddenly realizing it wasn't there. He never forgot his house keys, at least not without a reason. And today there was a reason. Maybe this wasn't accidental, as he was making it to be in his mind. Perhaps it was a very conscious reason.
It took just under ten minutes for the blonde to arrive back at the station. She had been jogging lightly, being pushed by more than the prospect of rain. By that point, a light drizzle had misted her hair, claiming the straight and shiny locks for unrulier ones. The ends had begun to curl slightly, more closely resembling their true nature than the strands she forced stick-straight with a flat-iron every morning. Anxiously, she jammed in a key and forced open the door, only to find the place dark and empty. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Suddenly coming back here seemed like a really dumb idea. She couldn't go home now, she concluded, glancing out the window at the now pouring rain. Sighing, she dropped her backpack to the floor and let out a frustrated groan. Why had she come back here? She'd been so close to home, and now…a clap of lightning lit up the window. She was stuck here now. Until this stopped, which didn't seem like it was going to be soon. Or until her mom got out of work to pick her up, which wouldn't be for another...well, it was too dark to check her watch so she'd have to at least turn on the…
Dim light flooded the room before she could even turn around to flip the switch. She spun around quickly, her heart pounding, only to stop when she saw the built, serious boy standing in front of the door. Wind slammed the door behind him. His clothes were soaked, and drops of rain clung to his face and exposed arms.
"Lily," he murmured breathlessly. He'd meant it as a question, but somehow it had sounded more relieved and pleased than surprised.
"Travis." Her breathing had returned to normal, but her heartbeat had managed to quicken. "I…" She paused, trying to figure out what it was that she was supposed to tell him. Couldn't he put on a dry shirt or something? He might as well have been standing there shirtless; the thin fabric of his shirt had become almost transparent. "Oh! I just…wanted to get out of the rain," she finished lamely, finally managing to draw her eyes upward.
He just stood there for a moment, never breaking the eye contact. His eyes squinted slightly, as if trying to read her, and his mouth had begun to curl into that trademark smirk of his. "The rain just started to fall about three minutes ago."
"Oh yeah?" she shot out, her defensive nature suddenly resurfacing and drowning out the aberrant girl who hadn't known what to say. Who was he to know everything? It's not like she had come back here for any other reason. Why else would she come back here? "So what are you doing here then, huh?"
He chuckled lightly. "I forgot my keys."
He forgot his, God, why had she been so stupid? Of course that was why he was here. Of course! She was the one who shouldn't really…
"No you didn't," she suddenly accused, surprising even herself at this sudden burst of knowledge. "I saw you put them in your backpack."
The color drained his face. She watched him make his way over to the couch across the room, and trailed him as he uncharacteristically fumbled through his things, and sure enough…his keys were right in the front pocket of his backpack. Where he always put them.
Gone was the awkward feeling of the situation, at least for the female in the room. "So, Mr. Strong," she teased, smiling inwardly and outwardly. "Why are you really here?" She took at seat next to him on the couch, a little closer than she'd planned to–a lot closer, actually—and took his backpack off of his lap, gently placing it on the floor in front of them.
He ignored her question, trying to figure out in his mind why he really was here. But it didn't take long to figure. He knew. Voice turning soft, he turned to face her. "Lily, did you notice how weird everything felt today?"
God, did he have to do this? And that voice. Couldn't they just keep the tone light and then she wouldn't have to deal with this? Wanting to get out of that feeling, that feeling that she wasn't in control of herself whenever the conversations between them turned serious, she quickly blurted out, "No. Everything was fine. Other than Robbie's gym bag smelling up the whole place."
He raised his eyebrows at her. She loved how his facial expressions spoke for him. But this one was saying, Stop lying, Lily, be honest. To me…and yourself. "Okay, okay, I noticed," she relented. "But it will go away, right? I mean, eventually?" It sounded weak, even to her.
His face said it all. Feelings don't go away. "You know that it won't," he said quietly. "When Ray almost saw us…you know, I felt like you were relieved that we saw him before anything happened. Those were the general idea of the words you gave me. But who was that speaking? You, or him? We haven't even addressed…what might have happened. If we wanted it to, even."
He always knew. Neither of them spoke for a moment. Their faces had become unbearably close. "I never put my keys in my pocket. But today that's where I looked for them," he admitted in an almost inaudible tone. It was so unlike him to be so unguarded and candid and even vulnerable. The smirk had vanished. Smog had vanished. The wrongness of the situation vanished. Something about the pleading look on his face broke something in her.
"What were you really coming back for, Lily?" His face was so close that it was like they were breathing in one another's breath, drawing in life from the same source.
She lost the ability to think. She was dizzy, eyes wide. Softly, she managed, "I don't…really…remember…" Her feeble response was cut off by his lips crashing down on hers. Her eyes closed.
This….this was…as much as she had tried to deny it in her head, nothing could deny the fact that she was not only allowing this, she was responding. This way what it was supposed to be. This was how she felt. This was right. All the voices in her head screaming that this was wrong—they were lying, she was falling into him. He had created a void in himself, cut perfect to her form, in which only she could fit.
This was not the tentative kiss they had engaged in prior, not the testing-the-waters is-this-okay kiss. This was yearning, all the built up tension releasing itself in the form of passion, all the wanting and needing finally obtaining what they had set out for. This was breaking free past all the restrictions that said they couldn't be together, all the uncertainties. All the straitlaced inhibitions she had felt once before, were no more; he was guiding her down on the couch with the weight up his upper body, his hands letting themselves get tangled in her hair. And she found her hands wanting to touch him, to feel more of him, taking a life of their own.
He was not normally this forward. He was not normally a seducer. But this…none of it was normal. They had been friends; she had been the first person to look past the things people saw as strange about him and not only accept them, but embrace them. It wasn't as though he'd woken up one day and decided to feel this way. It was more of a progression, with the more he knew about her and the closer they became, the closer he wanted to be. And then they'd hit a point where they had both taken their friendship to the highest possible level that friendship can be taken to without crossing another border, and it still didn't feel like enough. He saw her, and suddenly she was different. He felt it, he knew she felt it too. It was just this connection, this vibe that nobody else understood. And suddenly he felt drawn to her in this way he hadn't been drawn to her before, he needed her in a way he hadn't needed her before. He wanted to be the best possible companion to her as he could, and he felt dissatisfied by the steps they'd both taken in only being friends. And their timing sucked, the fact that they wanted more was just wrong in the circumstances. He had a girlfriend, she was figuring out how she felt about her best friend that she'd known all her life, and they'd chosen to go ahead with it anyway. But now he didn't have a girlfriend. And she..well, he didn't know how she felt. But he knew that she was here. And there was some reason she had come back today, something that had pulled her away from her home and back to the station. That wasn't accidental. Even so, they had already betrayed people close to them, and diving into this would only worsen their relationships with everybody else in their lives.
She tried to block out all thoughts and embrace just feeling. She didn't want to have to leave this moment and go back to the real world, and have to deal with other people, because right now there was only one person that existed for her. She was pinned down on the couch beneath him, locked in the kind of kiss that neither had experienced before, and, deep down, neither had wanted to discover with any other person.
And when they finally pulled apart, moments later, both were surprised to find the formation of tears gathering in her eyes.
"Lily…" he began. His hand, lightly curled into a fist, moved to stroke her cheek, but she covered her face with her own hand before his had to time to make it there.
"I'm sorry, Travis," she broke out, tears falling with her voice. She looked away from him. "I just…we can't do this. And the longer this goes on, the more I feel like it's wrong."
"Do you really believe that?" he lightly knocked away her hand from her face, replacing it with his own and turning it to look back up at him.
Her eyes locked on his. Searching. Replicating, most likely, the face he made when he was focused intently on something, trying to find an answer. The only answer she found was the one she hadn't wanted to hear, that nothing else would feel like this. That she couldn't get out now.
"But I don't want to go back now." She nodded towards the window, gesturing that she wasn't ready to leave the station yet, but he understood her double meaning. They'd both come back here, and there was no turning back. They couldn't get out of this now. They'd both, whether consciously or not, made the decision to fall to one another. She spoke again. "It was you," she said. "I came back for you."
He swept down and kissed her again, short but lingering all the same. "Let's just stay here until the storm stops."
"We're going to have to come out of here eventually, you know." By now it was apparent that neither of them was talking about the weather. The storm, the people around them, the chaos that refused to let them be outside in public together, would eventually subside. Maybe it would take longer than they expected, but they couldn't stay in hiding forever.
"Not now," he affirmed. "There's still lightning. It wouldn't be safe now. Let's just stay here for now." His body weight rested upon her, and she found her arms pulling around him, his stronger ones wrapping around her tiny waist. She felt so shielded from everything outside, all the chaos of the storm.
"Okay. For now," she echoed.
Their day would come. Someday they'd escape here, the place of hiding and secrets. But for now it was all they had, and they clung desperately to the hope of a way out and to each other.
End of Our Days
Howie Day
Stop All the World Now
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Here, where they can't find us
I dare them to call me out
Or tell you
We met here on purpose
I bet they can't wait to wake us up
It's all a little bit strange,
I know it's a little bit strange..
Make a point and ignore them
Come on let's wait this out
They'll find out
We never stop turning
And sometimes it's tough
To change direction
I know it's a little bit strange,
It's all a little bit strange..
At the end of a day, I'm
Gonna say what I mean, I'm
Slipping all away, away
At the end of our days
We'll escape, we'll escape
I know it's a little bit strange,
It's all a little bit strange..
At the end of a day, I'm
Gonna say what I mean, I'm
At the end of a day, I'm
Gonna say what I mean, I'm
Slipping all away
It's slipping all away
Slipping all away, now
At the end of our days
We'll escape
We'll escape
Oh, there's no escape
We'll escape..