Finding You
Kyouya sat on the couch at the Third Music Room. No one was there yet and his notebook was off. The room seemed bigger and more peaceful without the hosts and the screams from the girls. It looked empty and lonely, and he didn't know why lately every thought in his mind made him think of loneliness.
The door opened, Mori and Honey entered discussing about cake and Kyouya pretended he was calculating something on his notebook - when he was actually turning it on. One thing he never understood is why he was not designated. What was so wrong about him? He guessed it would a question which answer he would never know.
Kaoru entered a couple of minutes later, and though he was smiling, his eyes showed sadness and pain. He entered alone. Kyouya observed him. He had been sad lately because of the whole Hikaru and Haruhi situation. He did not even need eye drops anymore. He sat alone by the window, distant, his mind elsewhere; probably somewhere in his past.
Breaking him from his observation entered the trio he wished he did not wish to see. Tamaki was yelling at Hikaru for putting his devilish hands on his "daughter", Hikaru was ignoring him completely and so was Haruhi, they were talking and laughing and acting as if Tamaki wasn't there.
Tamaki went to sulk at his corner of Woe and though everyone considered it to be dramatized Kyouya knew it was part true. Kaoru did not bother looking at them. Kyouya could almost feel Kaoru's sadness through the long sigh he gave. Hikaru hadn't noticed.
Kyouya chuckled and shook his head, who would guess that he and Kaoru would be so alike and at the same time so different?
"Mommy! How can you be laughing at a time like this?! What is so funny?" Tamaki asked him, and everyone's eyes were on him now, including the boy he was observing. He could not say – sorry I was thinking how much Kaoru and I have in common since we both are in love for people we cannot have.
"That is none of Daddy's business." Kyouya said ignoring Tamaki's sulking and turned his attention to his notebook. No one would even wonder what he was thinking anyway. Not even Haruhi, her vision was blurred now, now that she was beginning to like Hikaru.
Someone caught him of guard and while he was thinking this someone had sat beside him. He turned to look and had to admit he was a bit surprised. It was Kaoru. Kaoru caught his glance and smiled.
"I just noticed you are always sitting by yourself." He said and looked somewhere else, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks. Apparently he wasn't as good with people as everyone thought.
Kyouya gave a small "Hnn" and looked back at the notebook. He did not want to appear cold or uncaring he just didn't know what to say.
"But you know, if you don't want then I will just go back to where I was." Kaoru said and started to get up; Kyouya could hear the hint of sadness in his voice. He held Kaoru's wrist.
"Stay." Kyouya simply said, looking at the boy who sat back down. He seemed a bit happier. Kyouya could feel him watching him and wondered what was going on with them today?
"I saw you the other day." Kaoru said and Kyouya wondered what he meant.
"Which day?" He asked and Kaoru smiled softly at him. Kyouya was a bit shocked by the boy's kindness towards him.
"In the park, it was raining." Kaoru said (Read the story Both Sides Now to understand). Kyouya looked back at his notebook and felt ashamed. He thought no one would have seen him like that. "It's not forbidden to feel hurt Kyouya. You looked more yourself that day than I could possibly imagine. It's nice to see that side of you." Kaoru said.
"No one can see that side of me." Kyouya said, he was a bit angry at Kaoru for catching him in that weak state.
"I am sorry I saw. I just wanted to say you don't have to hide all the time. Aren't we family?" Kyouya chuckled at that phrase.
"You don't know my concept of family." Kyouya stated. Family to Kyouya was something cold and insensitive. Ootori style.
"I would if you talked to me." He said and before Kyouya could answer him one customer arrived and Kaoru left to put his mask on and pretend that he was not hurt by Hikaru. Pretend that everything was just as it always used to be.
Kyouya watched the boy. Mask put on, he was in his brother's arms, tears in place, real this time, and sadness filled his eyes. The boy caught Kyouya's stare and he gave him a small smile. It said 'we are the same'. Tears were building in Kyouya's eyes so he just turned his attention back to his notebook
They truly were the same. Both in love with people they could never ever have. Both fated to become their parents' successor. Both fated to misery and pain.
"Mommy!!! The devilish twin is with his hands on our daughter again! He is not supposed to do that." True; he was supposed to be with Kaoru. He glances at the younger boy who glanced back at him. The fangirls were asking if he was alright. He smiled sadly at Kyouya before returning his attention back to the girls. Kyouya looked at Hikaru who forgot his part in the Host Club and was comfortably sitting beside Haruhi, they were chatting and seemed like they had forgotten about the girls around them. Kyouya felt anger build up. He was not in the mood to watch the sulking Tamaki and not in the mood to know how broken Kaoru's heart was at the sight of Hikaru and Haruhi.
"I couldn't care less Tamaki. Now get a grip and go back to where you should be. We got enough people out of their places today." Tamaki stood up straight, shock in his face. Kyouya had never been so rude with him. Hikaru did not notice Kyouya was indirectly talking about him Haruhi had to warn him, he looked at Kyouya and returned back to the side of his brother. Honey was almost crying on Mori's arms. Kaoru didn't look surprised.
Everyone returned to their usual positions and parts on the whole Host Club family and things turned back to normal. Except him.
He stopped typing, his mind not being able to focus on his work, only on the pain in his right hand. He sighed. He hurt his hand by punching the Rolls but he never thought it was something serious. He should have stopped writing or typing for some time.
He removed the glove that he had been wearing since Tamaki had come back which was only a couple of days ago. His hand had purple marks all over and was a bit swollen. He closed it and hissed in pain. He better have a check on it.
He closed his notebook and stood up. Everyone turned their eyes on him. He never left early. But somehow lately all his self control was vanishing and he was doing things he never did before. Like crying and not being able to calculate. Like being rude to the man he loved.
He left the room and he could almost feel the eyes on him. But he did not care anymore.
So his suspicions were right. He had a few minor damages on his hand, nothing broken, but he would need to immobilize his hand for a while. He shouldn't have punched the Rolls after all.
He returned to the school since he had forgotten his notebook. How in Earth he forgot his most precious possession he had no idea.
The Host Club had already ended. Everyone must have gone home now. The schools grounds were empty as he made his way peacefully and slowly towards the third Music Room.
He thought no one would be there anymore. He was wrong – Kaoru was sitting in the same spot by the window he sat before the Club's activities began. He turned his head to Kyouya and smiled.
"So you finally went to check upon your hand?" He asked seeing the hand that was wrapped in some kind of hospital thing ( I have no idea what the name of this things are in English so please forgive me x) and Kyouya just nodded leading himself to the table where his notebook stayed forgotten. Before he could contain himself he asked to Kaoru.
"What are you still doing here?" Kaoru gave a small chuckle and faced the window again.
"Hikaru wanted to take Haruhi home and I know he wanted some extra time alone with her, so I made up an excuse and stayed here. Unfortunately I forgot my cell phone in my bag that went back home without me. So I have to wait until someone notices that I am not home." Kaoru said like it was nothing at all. Like being forgotten had turned into routine - and Kyouya felt it had. "Everyone was pretty worried when they saw you leave just like that, leaving your notebook here. Tamaki wanted to stay and wait for you." He said still without looking to Kyouya.
"What stopped him?" He asked bitterly, trying to guess the answer.
"He followed my brother and Haruhi on their way to her house." He said his voice only a level above a whisper. Kyouya let out a sigh. What was the use of hiding his emotions from kaoru anyway? He knew them Kyouya hiding it or not.
"Kaoru I don't how long you are going to continue waiting, c'mon I will drive you home." Kyouya said and Kaoru turned to look at him, surprise in his eyes.
"Really?" He asked, looking like a happy puppy.
"Really, now let's go." He said and started to leave the room, Kaoru following him with a happy smile on his face. Someone cared after all.
Ride home was very quiet, but unlike the way everyone felt around Kyouya he was not bothered by the silence. It was quite a comfortable silence instead of an awkward one. He had had more awkward silences between him and his brother that is for sure.
"Who do you think Haruhi is going to chose anyway?" Kaoru asked and Kyouya shrugged.
"It depends. If Hikaru spends time with her she will eventually like him, but if Tamaki does the same it will be easier since she is already attracted to him." He said and looked at Kaoru. He was looking outside the window again, his mind elsewhere.
"Sometimes…I wish she had never entered in the Third Music Room. Or at least not have broken that vase." He said and looked at Kyouya waiting for his reply.
"Sometimes I wish I had never known Tamaki…there would be no Host Club. Everything would be as it was before." He said, opening himself to someone for the first time.
"But now that we know this world that Tamaki showed us, "before" isn't enough." Kaoru said finishing voicing Kaoru's thoughts.
"We have arrived." Kyouya announced before even giving the younger a chance to ask another question. He had opened himself up enough for a day. Kaoru smiled warmly at him.
"Thank you for driving me home Kyouya." He said and left the limo, entering his mansion. Hikaru was not there to greet him. He probably didn't realize Kaoru was not in the house. It hurt Kyouya to know that because he knew what is like to lose someone precious to him.
Kaoru entered the mansion a bit surprised that Hikaru did not greet him. But remembered that maybe his brother had not arrived yet. Or maybe he just really did not care where Kaoru was.
He went to the living room, watch some TV and get his mind somewhere else. He stopped in his track when he saw his brother sitting beside a very familiar girl, the two talking happily to each other not even noticing Kaoru standing there with the door opened. He closed it and left the room.
He wanted so bad to talk to someone. To say how he felt, to be understood. And no matter how bizarre it seemed, there was only one person he could call and talk to.
Kyouya.