A/N: It's been a couple of years since I last posted anything, but here's a one-long shot that popped into my brain. Over four Christmases, Harry struggles to return to normal after the war. Draco decides he's going to help him. As always, these characters and world do not belong to me. Enjoy :).
December 24, 1998
It had been over six months since the final battle took place on the grounds of Hogwarts. The castle was mostly repaired and up and running again. Many of the students whom had their last year interrupted by war were back at Hogwarts, repeating their same year again. No one was too upset about it. They were relieved to be alive to enjoy another year, another Christmas. Although, there was much to be sad about, many lives were lost and no one was untouched from the tragedy of the war, they were still celebrating. It was Christmas after all.
Not everyone came back to Hogwarts. They thought they would try alternative paths to continue their education or take their OWLs outside of Hogwarts. Many from Harry Potter's year didn't come back, but for those who did, they celebrated. They all shared a section of the castle instead of being in separate houses. The part of the castle they were in had no dedication of houses. It was repurposed specifically for the students from Harry's year that came back. Slytherins still shared rooms with Slytherins. Hufflepuffs still shared rooms with Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws still shared rooms with Ravenclaws. Gryffindors still shared rooms with Gryffindors. However, their common room was shared by all and mostly peacefully as well. Each house had their spats here and there, but nothing like before the war ramped up or during the war. They had all learned that hate and fear of one another accomplished nothing. Interestingly, although no one would say it aloud, but what helped is that six of the people from Harry's year coexisted amicably. They had the fiercest rivalry in recent history, but now, they acknowledged each other with polite nods instead of sneers and glares. Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley coexisted with Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, and Blaise Zabini. Greg Goyle did not return to Hogwarts.
It is Christmas Eve night and most of the students remained at the castle. They would depart early in the morning and spend the rest of the break with their families. Harry had decided that he was going to stay behind. He was still struggling with the loss and wanted to be alone. Ron would go home and Hermione would come briefly before spending time with her parents. No matter what either of them said, Harry would not be convinced otherwise. He and Ginny had not gotten back together after the war. He just wasn't the same person and knew that getting back together with Ginny would hold her back from achieving her dreams. It was amicable and they remained good friends.
XXXX
"Harry, are you sure you don't want to come to the Burrow?" Ron asked again, for the millionth time.
Harry sighed and tried not to roll his eyes. "Ron, I'm sure, okay? I need to stay here. Go home, be with your family," he replied.
Ron huffed and Hermione frowned, but reached a reassuring hand and patted Ron on his arm. "Ron! Hermione! Come over here! You've got to see this!" someone called out to them. Ron departed easily enough, but Hermione hung back.
"Harry, I'm not sure you should be alone here," she stated quietly.
"Look, I don't know how many other ways to say this. I'm staying here, end of story. Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine. I want to stay here. There is still much that needs to be done here and I want to be here to help. Please stop. I want you to enjoy your hols with Ron and your family. I am not in a celebratory mood. Please," Harry said in exasperation.
Hermione bit her lip, but nodded. She turned and walked away. Harry sighed and turned in the opposite direction. He walked over to a window and looked out across the snowy landscape. He sighed as he sat in the small window seat. He swirled the butter beer that was in his hand before taking a sip. Finally, a moment alone.
XXXX
"I'm going over there," Draco insisted as he glanced in Harry's direction.
Pansy rolled her eyes. "Why? What on earth could you possibly say that will make any situation that he's dealing with better?"
Draco glanced over at her and scoffed. "Clearly he's upset and annoyed. I want to know why."
"Mate, when are you going to let your weird fascination with Potter go?" Blaise questioned.
"I don't have a weird fascination with him. He's been odd this entire school year. While the world is celebrating, our hero is not. He looks sad and I can't remember the last time he smiled. He should be celebrating like the rest of us and he's not," Draco explained as he took a drink of his butter beer.
"How much of that have you drank?" Pansy questioned, nodding towards his butter beer.
"It doesn't have alcohol in it, Pansy. You know that," Draco replied in annoyance.
"You ever heard of spiking?" she questioned.
Draco shook his head and lifted his head with confidence. He stepped away from his friends and headed towards Harry. He could vaguely hear Blaise and Pansy discouraging him, but he ignored them. He'd made up his mind. He felt like he needed to talk to Harry.
He walked up and suddenly lost his nerve. Harry looked even worse up close. His frown deepened. He took a deep breath and stepped closer. He reached his hand out as if to tap Harry on the shoulder, but thought better of it. He cleared his throat. Harry glanced back at him, but did not acknowledge him. He didn't glare or tell him to get lost so he figured that was progress.
He stepped closer and looked out the window. The snow was untouched below. Draco smiled. "My favorite thing about snow, the way it looks when it is untouched. Beautiful, isn't it?"
Harry nodded slightly. "Yeah, it's something else. Were you sitting here or did I take your spot or something?"
Draco looked over at him, but Harry was not looking at him. "Um, no. I was on the other side of the room. Seats all yours," he replied.
Harry nodded. "Care to sit?" He gestured towards the empty space next to him. Draco looked at the empty spot for a moment and gulped. Suddenly, his bravery was leaving him. He wanted to retreat back to the safety of his friends, but something small inside of him compelled him to not leave. He sat instead, his knees facing Harry's. They didn't touch, but they were close enough. He couldn't remember a time when they were in this close of proximity without wands out and at each other's throats. He watched Harry for several moments, but he never took his eyes off the snow. Draco sighed and looked out on the landscape. It was beautiful.
"Are you enjoying the party?" Draco asked, succumbing to the uncomfortable silence.
Harry shrugged. "It's nice to see people at ease, so sure, I'm enjoying it."
Draco bit the inside of his cheek. Harry wasn't a very good liar. "Are you heading out on the train tomorrow morning for the holidays?"
Harry sighed. "No, I'm staying here. You?"
Draco shook his head even though Harry wasn't looking at him. "No, um, my mother is going to a spa or something so I decided to stay here. I'm going to help around here. It's the least I could do anyway," he replied quietly.
Harry finally looked at him. Their eyes locked for a moment and Draco saw nothing in his eyes, not even a flicker of the person Harry used to be. It was very unsettling. "That's good," he said and then took another sip of his butter beer.
Draco sighed and bit his lip. Harry had already looked away from him. He took a deep breath. "Potter? Are you okay? I know that I'm probably the thousandth person to ask you that, but I needed to ask. I know it's not my place to ask either, but…." he trailed off as he saw a tear glint at the corner of Harry's eye.
Harry sniffed and wiped at his eye. "No." And that was that. His eyes were dry and he was done talking to Draco. They sat in silence for several more minutes before a ruckus pulled Draco's attention away. It appeared that a game was getting competitive. He smiled slightly as he turned back to the window, but Harry was gone. Draco looked around, but did not see him anywhere. He sighed and stood up from the window. His concern for Harry had increased more and it was an unsettling feeling.
XXXX
December 24, 1999
Everyone had graduated and everyone was on to new careers. Hermione was interning in the Department of Magical Creatures. Ron was interning in the auror department, waiting to start his training to be an auror. Pansy was interning as a wizarding robe designer. Blaise was interning in the Department of Mysteries. Draco was studying potions, more specifically mental health potions. And Harry, he was still at Hogwarts. He was assisting many of the professors in their classrooms, trying to find his niche. He had become more distant from his friends, but that didn't prevent him from going to the Three Broomsticks for a Christmas party.
"Harry! You came!" Hermione exclaimed as she threw her arms around him in a tight hug. It had been ages since she had seen him.
He took off his cloak and shook the snow off. "I told you I'd be here," he replied in a slightly gruff tone. Hermione bit her lip and nodded. She could feel tears coming to her eyes, but she shook them off and smiled tightly.
Ron noticed that Harry had walked in and walked over to shake his hand. "Hey, mate, glad you could make it," he said as he handed him a butter beer. Harry nodded and took it from him.
He took a big swig and looked around the place. He saw many familiar Hogwarts faces. He tried to remind himself that this was a joyous time and that he needed to be joyous. It wasn't easy to do. He had been going through the motions for over a year and a half. At first, after the war he was relieved. Everything was finally over. Voldemort was gone and the death eaters were disbanded, many of whom were serving long terms in Azkaban. He should be rejoicing with everyone. However, soon after, the euphoria left him and the reality of what had happened, all that had been lost, and who he was now, came crashing down on him. It didn't seem to affect everyone else, the way it affected him. Of course, everyone seemed to have families to go home to. Harry did not. The reality of that was even more glaring than it had ever been. Sirius, Lupin, Dumbledore, Fred, his parents, Dobby, Severus, all of them were gone. Anyone who had ever known his parents were gone. Anyone who had ever been part of him was gone. He still had the Weasley's, of course, and his friends, and his godson, but it just didn't feel the same. Besides, they were dealing with their own losses. They didn't need Harry to remind them of the loss. It was a real struggle for him to get up every day and face reality, but he did and he didn't seem to notice the affect it had on those around him.
"How's Hogwarts this year? Are you focusing on certain classes more than others?" Ron asked, trying to lighten the mood. He could tell that his girlfriend was barely holding it together and that his best friend was jumping out of his skin by being there.
Harry sipped his butter beer. "It's going well. I've been spending a lot of time in potions and charms, but nothing has completely stuck with me yet. How's the auror department going?"
Ron grinned. "Great! There is always something new to learn and something interesting going on. Kingsley has a spot for you if you ever want to, you know, join us," he said, his tone unsure at the end.
Harry nodded. "Sure, yeah, maybe," he said with no conviction. Ron sighed and looked around. Neville was waving him over so he nodded at Harry and he and Hermione walked over to Neville leaving Harry alone. Harry walked over to the side of the place, by a window, and looked out. It faced the street. Fresh snow was falling. He smiled slightly.
"Potter," someone said behind him. He turned and saw Draco standing there with a butter beer in hand. Harry hadn't seen him since they had graduated from Hogwarts in May. They had worked side by side on Hogwarts over Christmas break, but hadn't spoken. They actually hadn't spoken since last Christmas Eve.
"Malfoy," he replied with a nod. He gestured to the spot next to him. Draco nodded and stepped next to him and looked out the window. The lights in the street sparkled against the white of the falling snow.
"Beautiful," he said quietly. He glanced sideways at Harry and noticed that he was smiling slightly.
"The snow around here seems to be so much prettier than snow in London. I wonder why that is," Harry pondered.
"Less pollution, more openness," Draco replied.
Harry nodded. "What have you been doing since Hogwarts?"
Draco was surprised that Harry was more talkative this time. "Um, I've been working on healing potions at St. Mungo's. You?" He knew exactly what Harry had been doing as he had been keeping tabs on him since last Christmas.
"I've been helping out at Hogwarts. Mostly in potions and charms. Helping to reinforce the protection spells over the castle and continue repairs," he replied.
Draco nodded. They both turned back to the window and looked out. They stood there in silence for several moments again. He watched Harry and could see how tired he was. He looked slimmer than he had last Christmas. His eyes were still a dull green. And just like last year, there were tears in the corner of his eyes. Draco frowned again.
"Potter, are you okay?" he asked.
Harry didn't respond for a moment. He reached up and wiped at his eyes, just like before, and said, "No." Then his eyes were dry and this time he walked away while Draco watched. He saw him grab his cloak and walk out without a goodbye to anyone. Draco felt his concern for Harry grow. He didn't want him to leave this way. He grabbed his own cloak from the rack and walked quickly out of the Three Broomsticks. He stopped outside and looked up and down the street. He saw Harry going up the street towards Hogwarts. He started running down the street towards him. There had to be more he could do.
"Potter!" he called out. He noticed that Harry had stopped, but didn't turn to look at him. He caught up and stepped in front of him, blocking his path. He was breathing heavily and noticed immediately that Harry was definitely not okay. He had tears falling down his cheeks and he was biting his lip. "I…" Draco hesitated as he looked at him. He had no idea how to help him. They were not even remotely friends. What could he do for him?
"What, Malfoy? Come to laugh at the Savior of the Wizarding World? The man who stared death straight in the eye and welcomed it? The man who can barely get himself out of bed every morning? Have you come to stare and laugh and mock?" Harry demanded, his voice cracking, more tears streaming down his cheeks.
Draco's eyes widened and stomach turned at the thought. "No," he said quietly. Harry looked at him sharply and then started to sob. Draco didn't know what to do so he did something that was completely foreign to him, something that was frowned upon by his father, he stepped towards Harry and pulled him into a hug and held him while he sobbed. They stood there for what seemed like hours while Harry cried, his sobs becoming quieter as time passed and Draco shielded them from the cold and the sight of others. Nothing mattered to Draco at this moment, except Harry.
XXXX
December 24, 2000
Another year had passed and another Christmas was upon everyone. It had been a year since Harry had completely lost it and been held in the arms of his one-time enemy as he cried and cried. He hadn't seen Draco much since that night and they hadn't spoken after Harry had left him there with a muttered "thanks." He was sitting up in the tower window that he had sat in two Christmas parties ago when Draco had first come to speak to him. There was a bustling party happening down below and Harry was gathering up his nerve to go down there. He had royally screwed up in regards to his friends. After the night that he had cried in Draco's presence, he had started to feel better, but he didn't trust it and continued to distance himself from his friends just in case he wasn't better. It had only pushed them further and further away. He hadn't seen Ron or Hermione in six months and received periodic letters from them. They were engaged now, but not getting married anytime soon. He had sent an engagement present, but had yet to see them in person.
He had noticed after last Christmas Eve night that he had lost quite a bit of weight and frankly looked like he was 30 years older than he was. He started to eat better and do more to feel better and look better. He still had nightmares and would often retreat back into his shell, but the instances were happening less and less.
He moved away from the window and checked his appearance in the mirror. He looked presentable enough and left the room. He felt good and was actually looking forward to seeing his friends again. He wondered if he'd see Draco again this year. He felt like he needed to say more to him than just a muttered thanks, but he wasn't sure what that was.
He walked in and instantly heard Ron's laughter. He was talking to several ministry officials with Hermione by his side, talking to others in the group. He stood there for several moments watching them, realizing that he was no longer a part of their group. He had pushed his friends away as he spent over two years trying to sort through his own thoughts and feelings about the war and the part that he played. He had ignored that they were hurting too and that they needed him more than ever. All he worried about was himself. He figured they had each other and that they didn't need him. He was realizing, as he watched them that his belief had come true and it was completely by his doing.
He stood there watching them with a frown deeply etched on his face. As if she sensed his presence, Hermione broke away from her conversation and turned to look at him. Their eyes connected and she looked at him fondly. Harry smiled slightly at her and gave her a small wave. She went to leave the group when Ron sensed him and turned to look at him. He reached out and touched her arm to stop her. Ron locked eyes with Harry and furrowed his brow. Harry tried to smile and wave, but he knew that the damage he had caused was much more than Ron was willing to forgive at this point. Hermione turned to Ron and started to argue with him about wanting to go over and talk to Harry, but when she finally won the argument, Harry had already gone. Hermione bit her lip, and felt a tear at the corner of her eye. She turned back to her fiancé and glared at him. He, too, noticed that Harry was gone and the guilt was not easily hidden from his expression.
Harry felt down again. He felt himself sliding back into the hole he was living in before last Christmas. Before he had cried his eyes out in Draco's arms. Harry returned to the tower and made it to the window seat before he felt the tears coming again. If only he had realized what he was doing to his friends before now. He wanted to be alone to process, but only temporarily. Right? He sighed and stared down at the snow covered landscape. The moon was bright in the sky and it made the snow look ethereal.
"Potter?" someone called from behind him.
The voice soothed him and brought him some peace. Draco was here again. "Malfoy," Harry said quietly.
"You weren't at the party long," Draco commented as he approached him. Harry turned to look at him. The room was dimly lit, but Draco appeared to glow. The moonlight made his blond hair and pale skin brighter than usual. He stood there casually, smiling slightly at Harry. He gestured to the empty space next to Harry and he nodded. Draco sat down next to him, their knees turned towards each other.
"I messed up. I distanced myself from my friends because I needed to process everything and I didn't think that they needed me anyway because they had each other. I was wrong. Ron won't even look at me. Well, he looks at me, but not kindly. I wanted to be alone for a short time and now it looks like I'm completely alone," Harry explained quietly.
"He'll come around. You guys have had falling outs before, right? He can't stay mad forever. He'll figure it out and if he doesn't, Granger will knock some sense into him," Draco offered.
Harry shrugged. "Maybe," he said quietly. He turned back to look out on the snow. Draco watched him. He looked better. He hadn't seen him in months, but he was never off his radar.
Draco turned to look out the window and an idea struck him. "Would you like to take a walk with me?"
Harry's eyes widened and he looked at him. "Yeah, sure," he replied. He stood and put his cloak on. Draco stood and followed him out of the room. "Where are we going?"
"Let's go outside. It's so beautiful out," Draco replied. Harry nodded and they walked through the castle and outside. Harry breathed in the crisp air and smiled as he looked out onto the landscape of untouched snow.
"I don't want to ruin it, well, almost anyway," Harry said with a small grin as he looked at the untouched snow.
Draco waved his wand around himself and over his shoes: warming charms and water protection. Harry did the same for himself. "Let's go, Potter," Draco said with a grin. With that, Draco leapt off the courtyard steps and took off into the snow. Harry watched him run through the snow and heard him laugh like he was a child again. Harry couldn't help, but smile. He leapt off the steps as well and ran through the snow, following Draco's running steps. He felt himself moving out of the pit of despair that he was tumbling back into before Draco arrived.
Draco stopped suddenly and looked up into the sky. Harry stopped short of running into him and looked up. The moonlight was so bright. He became entranced by it and didn't notice that Draco had moved to his left and was making a rather large snowball. He didn't come out of his trance until the snowball landed against his shoulder, snow spraying up into his face. He turned with wide eyes to see Draco smirking at him, another snowball at the ready.
Harry quickly squatted down to get a snowball and Draco started to back pedal away from him. It wasn't long before the two launched snowballs at each other. They mostly missed, but sometimes they hit their mark. They laughed until their faces hurt and stayed out long after the warming charms wore off and they were so cold that they didn't even notice it.
They trudged back up to the castle and sat on the steps of the courtyard. They cast warming charms again and started to feel the warmth return to their extremities. They sat in silence, staring out at the mess they had made of the perfect snow and smiled.
"It's not your fault. You know that, right?" Draco asked.
"What do you mean?" Harry asked in confusion.
"You saved so many people that night and lost some too, but that is the cost of war. It isn't your fault. Everyone who died knew what they were dying for. They supported you and believed in you. It's not your fault. You need to know that. Tonight, your laughter and your smile, it was you. You were the old Harry Potter again. You let go of your guilt and you were you. I didn't realize how much I'd missed that until tonight. It's not your fault," Draco explained.
Harry could feel the tears coming to his eyes again. Draco was saying everything that Hermione and Ron had said to him after the war, but for some reason, it was different coming from Draco. It made more sense, but he still struggled to believe it. "I wish I could believe that," Harry replied as he let a few tears fall down his cheeks.
"Harry, look at me," Draco said sharply. Harry turned to look at him and when their eyes locked, Harry saw something that he had never seen before. Passion and love were burning in Draco's eyes. Harry had no idea why he had that look in his eyes, but he did and it made Draco's eyes burn bright gray. "It is not your fault. Believe me when I say that to you. It is not your fault." His voice was but a whisper, but the words resonated through Harry. Draco searched Harry's eyes as he ran his thumbs over his cheeks, wiping away his tears. Then, he did something that Harry couldn't even begin to understand. Draco kissed him, lightly on the lips and when he leaned back; his eyes were burning brighter than before. "You are not alone." And this time, it was Draco to leave, not Harry.
XXXX
December 24, 2001
A lot had happened since the night Draco had kissed Harry. They didn't speak again nor see each other again, but neither one was ever far from the other's thoughts. Draco continued to keep abreast of what Harry was doing and Harry was now more interested in what Draco was doing. He had finally gotten out of the pit of despair and was feeling like himself again. His relationship with Hermione and Ron was better, but still needed a lot of work. He was more active at Hogwarts and had started to take on a few classes of students. He knew that Draco was making progress at St. Mungo's and had created many new potions to help those who were suffering from mental issues.
Harry also knew that Draco was the reason he was better. Draco was the one who haunted his dreams now. Draco was the one whose lips Harry couldn't get out of his mind. It had become a tradition that Draco would swoop in and save Harry from himself on Christmas Eve and Harry knew, as the days got closer and closer, and he became more and more anxious to see him, that he wouldn't know what to do. He wanted to see Draco more. He wanted him to be in his life. He wanted the comfort that Draco somehow brought to him when no one else could. He wanted Draco. It was so bizarre for him to think that way, but he couldn't explain it any other way. Draco was the only one who could bring him peace and pull him out of the pit he was in. He didn't want to wait another Christmas before he could see him again. He wanted to see him every day.
Thus it brought them to another Hogwarts Christmas party. Harry was at the window again, looking at the untouched snow. He knew that he needed to do something with it, to show Draco how he made him feel, but he knew that part of their connection was the untouched snow. How could he put something there and have it appear to be untouched? Of course, Harry was a wizard so he came up with something. He went down and wrote his message in the snow and then cast a charm over it that would make it appear that it was still untouched. He knew that he'd see Draco tonight. It was Christmas Eve after all.
"Harry? Are you ready?" Hermione called from the old common room. Harry left his window seat and went out into the common room. Hermione looked beautiful as always. She and Ron were getting married next month. Luckily, he was still their best man.
"Yes, I'm ready," Harry replied. He had put extra effort into his appearance tonight and it did not go unnoticed by Hermione.
"You seem different," she said as she studied him more closely. Harry could never get anything past her.
"I am, but it's a good thing. I'm feeling like my new and improved self," he replied.
She smiled. "I noticed. Ever since Christmas last year…." she trailed off as if she were trying to think of a clue as to what struck Harry's change.
Harry shrugged and started towards the exit. Hermione followed, still thinking deeply as to what brought on the change. They arrived at the Great Hall a short time later and many people were there already. Harry left Hermione with Ron as he talked briefly with different people. He spent some time talking to the Hogwarts staff, but all the while he was looking for Draco. He didn't find him however and as the night went on, he began to feel saddened and alone again. The hope of seeing Draco kept the peace within him burning, but he wasn't seeing him now and it didn't appear that he would, and so the peace was dimming. He wished he'd known where he'd be.
After a couple of hours of visiting and becoming more and more depressed, Harry decided to turn in for the evening. He was able to maintain his façade of being merry, but inside he was a mess. He needed to see Draco. If he didn't already believe it, he believed it now; he needed him in the worst way possible. Hermione and Ron had left long before Harry had retired. He had enjoyed his evening with them and it felt almost like old times. He climbed the stairs and up into the part of the castle that had his favorite window seat. There must be a reason Draco didn't show tonight. Unless, he didn't feel the need or didn't want to be around him again. Harry began to feel even more alone.
He sighed as he opened the door to the room with the window. He rubbed his eyes at the dimness of the room and when he moved his hands away, he saw someone sitting in the window seat. He felt his heart skip a beat and the warmth of the peace come back. Draco was here.
"Draco?" he asked, his voice shaking slightly with barely contained excitement.
Draco turned to look at him, a small smile on his lips. "Harry," he replied. He nodded towards the seat next to him and Harry joined him. Their knees were facing each other and this time they touched.
"I didn't think you'd be here. I didn't see you at the party," Harry said quietly.
"I was there. I wanted to see you, but I couldn't find the nerve to approach you there. I'll admit to disguising myself just so I could be there and still see you," Draco replied.
"Find the nerve? Why?" Harry asked.
Draco laughed quietly. "These past three Christmases, I could see that you needed something and I thought that maybe it was me, but watching you tonight, I could see that you didn't need me anymore. You were your old self. It wasn't until the end of the night that I could see that you were struggling with something and I could see the familiar signs of you sliding back into your pit. I couldn't figure out why since you were doing perfectly fine with your friends. Why were you slipping away again?"
Harry blushed. "I was looking for you," he replied.
Draco's eyes widened slightly and he lifted one brow in question. "Me?" Harry nodded. Draco smiled slightly and looked out onto the untouched snow. The moon was bright again this Christmas. "Why were you looking for me? You've been doing well since last Christmas. I didn't think you'd be in despair this time."
Harry laughed. "I have been doing well because of you. You brought me out of my despair. Each Christmas, you came to me and you helped me. The first time you asked if I was ok and you didn't pester. The next Christmas you asked if I was okay and held me while I cried. Last Christmas, you had a snowball fight with me, you said some kind words, and you…."
"Kissed you?" Draco said quietly. They both blushed.
"Yes, which I haven't gone a day without thinking about it," Harry said quietly. He looked away from Draco and out at the snow.
Draco was still staring at him and he smiled. "Me too," he replied quietly.
They sat in silence for several moments. "So, um, the snow, it's beautiful tonight," Harry pointed out, breaking the silence. Draco turned away from Harry and looked down at the snow again.
"It always is," he replied softly. Harry quickly flicked his wrist and he watched as Draco's eyes widened more and more as what he had written in the snow began to appear. He stared at it for several moments and then looked at Harry in disbelief. I need you. More than you could possibly know. "I…uh…I…" he stuttered as he looked back and forth between the snow and Harry.
"Um, I guess you're probably looking for more of an explanation," Harry whispered, his voice cracking. Draco nodded numbly. Harry nodded as well and looked out at his words, took a deep breath and began speaking. "That first Christmas you came over to me and checked to see how I was. I was surprised and didn't understand why you would care, but somehow I appreciated it. We didn't speak when we worked together over the hols, but somehow I found comfort in you being there. Then, the following Christmas, you were there again. You witnessed a moment that I had never had outside of my room. You knew, somehow you knew, that I was struggling. That brings us to last Christmas. You knew I was upset and yet instead of comforting me, you distracted me and it was amazing. I felt alive again. I felt like myself. That was you. I've spent the entire year since then, thinking about you, thinking about that night, thinking about that unexpected kiss. I confirmed tonight, when I didn't see you at the party and how I felt because you weren't there, and how I felt when I saw you sitting here, that what I had written was the truth. I need you."
Draco stared at him, his heart pounding. The past four years had Harry consuming his every waking thought. He knew in school why he did and he knew why he did now, but somehow, it changed. The thoughts were no longer anger and jealousy as they were during the war. His thoughts were no longer concerned for Harry, at least not in the sense that they were before. His thoughts were consumed by their enjoyment in the snow and the sweet kiss that he had given him. He didn't know how that had happened. He didn't know why he had done it, but he hadn't been able to get the kiss out of his head either. He knew Harry needed him, but he realized that he needed Harry. "I need you, too," he whispered.
Harry felt his face warm and his heart begin to pound. Their eyes locked and searched each other. They needed each other, but they didn't know where to go from here. What did it mean for them?
Draco swallowed and glanced down at Harry's lips. Harry swallowed and glanced down at Draco's lips. They locked eyes again and both started to move forward, heads tilting to opposite sides. They both paused before their lips touched. Their eyes were still locked and they could see the different shades of green and gray within each other's eyes. Harry closed the distance and closed his eyes before his lips touched Draco's. Draco's eyes closed and they both paused, their lips pressed together. Finally, Harry's lips parted and he deepened the kiss. His hands moved from his lap and on to Draco's face, cupping his cheeks. He increased the pressure of the kiss and Draco responded with a quiet sigh as their lips parted briefly. Draco's hands found themselves in Harry's unruly hair and found it to be softer than he imagined. The kiss was even better than their first and Draco couldn't even begin to fathom how he had gone so long since the last time.
After several moments, they parted, breathing heavily, flushed, and smiling shyly. "Well, then, that was, um…" Draco trailed off, unsure of how to say what he wanted to say.
"Brilliant?" Harry offered. Draco nodded and smiled. Harry returned the smile. "So where do we go from here?"
Draco bit his lip. "I don't know. This is unchartered waters for me," he replied.
Harry frowned slightly. It was foreign to both of them. "Well, this is what I do know. I can't go another year without seeing you or talking to you or being with you. I can't go another day without you."
Draco smiled. "I don't know how I've gone a day without you since that very first Christmas," he said quietly. He reached out and took Harry's hand into his own.
Harry looked at him and smiled. He leaned forward again and kissed him gently. "So, what do we do now?" he asked when he leaned back from him.
"So, what do we do now?" Draco repeated, reaching up to touch his lips with his free hand, a smile on his face.
XXXX
"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride," the officiant announced as the crowd erupted in cheers. Harry was sure he was whooping the loudest out of everyone as his best friends sealed their marriage with a kiss. He was so happy to be there for them and that he could be there for them. He was finally complete and able to face every day with little trouble. He was better.
Later on, he stood to the side, watching his best friends dance and smile from ear to ear. He smiled fondly at them. He was genuinely happy for them. At that moment, arms wound themselves around Harry's waist and he felt someone nuzzle the back of his neck and kiss him lightly. He closed his eyes for a moment and smiled. He placed his hands on those around him.
"Are you okay, Harry?" Draco whispered against his ear.
He smiled. "Yes."