I wanted to forget. I don't want to see him again. But I don't know if I could ever move on if I didn't have any closure about Yuki and me. It was over. We stopped loving each other and I always thought it would never happen, not to us, not to the most celebrated couple of the century.
I love Yuki Eiri, that's given. I had loved him ever since I knew what that word meant. But being with him, living with the man is a lot different of what I expected of love to be. I've always thought that he could be different, that given time, he will show me what he really is inside, that after a long run, he would let me know that I have always been in his heart all along.
Yet, years passed, people changed. I changed. Now that Yuki is in love with me. I'm no longer in love with him. I used to be so in love with him, but that was a long time ago, or maybe that was a different Yuki…or maybe…it was a different me.
"Yuki! Yuki! I love you Yuki!" I cried, as I hugged the older man closer to me. He pushed me away with a grunt.
"Get off! Get off, brat. I can't breathe!" Yuki protested. I was hurt but didn't show it. I smiled and move away without comment.
We just spent the whole day together, it should have been perfect. Our night together would have capped it all off. But here he were, being his Yuki self, cold and arrogant, and yes, the number one bastard that he is. So why do I love him? Why do I love him so much? I don't know. I just do. I really do.
I grabbed my blanket and pillow and went out to the living room without another word. When I looked at him, I was surprised to see a shocked look on Yuki's face. He was reaching out to me, but I turned away and walked out of our bedroom.
I waited and waited for him to come and get me. Usually he does. But tonight maybe he was embarrassed that I saw a side of him am not supposed to see. I feel asleep, crying. Crying for my broken heart.
Yuki stepped out of the bedroom an hour after, he was really waiting for the boy to fall asleep. When Shuichi peered in the room, he pretended to be sleeping but all the while he was really waiting for the boy to crawl into the bed with him. He didn't want to say sorry, he didn't want to show he was really nice underneath, he didn't want his lover to know that he is really head over heels with him.
He walked over to the couch, crouched down beside the sleeping boy. Touched his face lightly, when the body didn't stir, he leaned closer and gave the boy a soft kiss full on the lips. "I love you brat." Yuki whispered, he resist the urge to carry the boy back to the bedroom. So he took the blanket fallen on the floor and wrapped it on the boy. With a sigh, kissed the boy once more, touched his face ever so gently, that if the boy was awake he would get the shock of his young life, seeing the arrogant Yuki so gentle, and stood up and went back in the bedroom.
When I packed my bags and walked out of the bedroom, he didn't stir from his study, he was still typing away, as if it's a normal everyday thing that am leaving. I waited outside the door, I wanted to rush to him and hugged him, I wanted to cry out, stop me, Yuki, I don't want to go. But he didn't turn around, he sat rigid, oblivious of the presence behind him. I took my bags and walked out of the door quietly. This time, it will be the last time I will see that door. See this apartment…our door…our apartment.
Yuki stopped typing when he heard the door closed. His fingers poised atop the keyboard, if Shuichi walked in, he would see the cold and arrogant Yuki with his face wet with tears, if he would have walked over to his lover and peered over his shoulder, he wouldn't have left, Yuki was typing alright, but he wasn't typing any novel, he wasn't concerned about any deadline, he really didn't care if he meets it or not. He was really waiting for the courage to urge himself to stand and stop the boy. He was really typing, 'I love you Shuichi' over and over again, he already finished ten pages of it, at the speed he was going, he needed to keep his hand busy, he needed to hold back his cries, his lips bloodied from holding out his whimper. When the door closed, Yuki slumped to the keyboard. He fainted.
Tohma found him and took him to the hospital. He had a breakdown. Tohma told Hiro, because he knew the guitarist would tell Shuichi who is currently his new room mate. Shuichi had a shocked looked on his face but, he didn't rushed out to see his lover. "Alright, thank you, Hiro." That's all he said, and went back to their rehearsal.
After two weeks, Yuki went back to New York for therapy. And a time to heal. He was gone for a month. As if nothing happened, both lovers acted as if they forgot that they used to have somebody with them, that they use to be in love with someone. Yuki never mentioned Shuichi to Tohma or Mika. Shuichi looked happy as he had always been, before there was a Yuki in his life.
After a month, Yuki came back to Japan. Bad Luck is the number one boy band in the entire nation. Tohma invited him for coffee, and asked Yuki to pick him up at NG.
They never thought they would meet again, they never planned anything. Maybe it was Tohma's scheme to see if they still feel the same way or not. But all of them can see that both men are only putting up a façade, even Ryuichi said that Shuichi didn't have his sparkle anymore, and Shuichi used to say that he needed Yuki magic so he can have his sparkle again. Yuki on the other hand had taken an indefinite hiatus from his writing.
When Yuki opened the door to the building, he came face to face with Shuichi. The shock on his face was evident, he turned white all of a sudden. Shuichi was caught off guard as well, but he recovered immediately but Yuki didn't, Yuki fell on his knees, clutching his chest, "Yuki, are you alright?" He asked, grabbing for his lover for the first time in months after he walked out on him on that faithful day.
Yuki looked up to him, with tears in his eyes, "I-I'm sorry Shuichi for hurting you. I-I'm sorry for not telling you how much I love you." Yuki said, faintly but clearly.
Shuichi was holding him in his arms, something inside of him snapped, something inside of him awakened, "Y-Yuki?" He asked, he couldn't believe that this is the same Yuki who used to kick him out of the house. "I love you, Shuichi." Yuki said, "Forgive me." Yuki said, his face contorted in pain. "Yuki!" Shuichi shouted, embracing him as Yuki black out.
Yuki stirred from his slumber, he opened his eyes slowly, he realized he was home. His old apartment…their old apartment. Did he dreamed everything? Did he dreamed that he met Shuichi again? Did he hallucinate that he apologized for the first time in his entire life and told the brat he loves him? He was about to get up, when he felt weight on his shoulder, he looked down and saw pink. Shuichi! He let out a groan at the back of his throat and cried, he embraced the boy closer to him, tears pouring down his face, "Shuichi! Oh, Shuichi!" Yuki cried. The boy stirred and woke up when he felt his face being showered by wet kisses, it was Yuki, he was crying and kissing him, and he called him by his name. "Yuki?" he asked, to see if he is dreaming everything up. "Shuichi, I love you, brat!" Yuki cried, and pulling him up in his arms for a more deep kiss. It is Yuki, and he did call him by his name and he did say I love you!
For the first time in their entire relationship, the months they spent apart, disappeared in their minds, as if they only quarreled last night, that Shuichi didn't pack his bags and left, that Yuki was really been a nice and sweet lover all along. "Welcome home Shuichi. Welcome home, love." Yuki said, with a smile despite his tears. Shuichi reached out and wipe away his lover's tears, "No…Yuki, its you whom I should welcome home. Welcome home Yuki. Am glad you are here now." Shuichi said. "Yes," Yuki said, leaning over and giving Shuichi a tender kiss, "Back where I truly belong." Yuki said, and their lips met, and they did find the closure they are looking for. Whatever they fought about before, it was forgotten, for here they were lost and now found again.