I twirled my body around the base of the lamppost. My mind wasn't at ease. The grim thoughts circulated in there like smoke trapped in a snow globe. The chill from the metal post stuck around my fingers. Yet, that was the least of the pain.

My heart was already frozen, stiff, and could have been considered dead. It most likely was; there hadn't been a pulse since the doctor diagnosed her condition. There wasn't anything to be done, nothing to say, it was a sealed fate. A merciful God was utter bullshit.

I swung my limp figure around and around, like an endless ride on one of those colorful wooden animals. The motion, the sensation, left me feeling the hollow dissatisfaction that was encased inside of me. The crisp breathes were the pieces of my fleeting soul.

Living?

I leaned my aching head against the post. Life was cruel, hurtful, and it was draining every last amount of energy I had. Survival? That word seemed bleak. The outlook for my future was as blurry as the predicted blizzard for the evening. Chances of hyperthermia were high, the alert had been broadcasted, but here I stood under the dim light as the snowflakes continued to fall. Would it be considered suicide if I remained here through the night?

What if I held onto this poorly lit stationed piece of equipment until the morning sun?

If they found my body, stuck clinging to this, would they know that it was a difficult choice? That, in fact, I was still optimistic, pathetically hopeful, that she could get better? My dearest friend, I've fought the longest battle along with you. However, I'm more exhausted than even you. As I've watched your chest struggle, your wounds unable to heal, and your eyes sealed, forever closed; what's life to me now?

"Won't you stay with me?" A single tear passed the rim of my eye. The dreaded agony of emotions began to invade me. Their pins of venom stung deep in my guts. The fear leaked, the nausea grew and as they swelled my hard outer shell crumbled.

"You told me, you would always be here, here with me," I choked on my cries. "It was supposed to be us. You and I against the world…" I drifted my voice as my head looked to the grey sky. The tears tickled down my rosy cheeks.

"Where have you gone?" I whispered to the unseen.

The snow continued to cover the solid ground as I made my way through the windy evening. It was near a white out. However, my tracks were still just as noticeable, just the same as my heritage. I, we, were foreigners here, strangers to a different land, and lost in chaotic world. Death was the only familiar image that we carried from our home. America.

I endured my stroll with light fists hidden in my jacket's pockets. My mind didn't connect with the rest. The words, those fatal phrases were still haunting me. Eventually, my feet carried me to the edge of the lake. I was far from the camp, from the new place we called home. Her clothes, her pictures, my friend's existence was slowly fading from existence. I couldn't go back, there would be nothing there. Her new portrait, the rotten flesh, the scaring it had caused her delicate face was burned into me.

The toes of my boots pointed directly at the thick ice. The sheet of crystal blue was beginning to have it's own powdered mask. Normally, I would say it was beautiful. But how could I find a moment of happiness?

I swallowed the raw lump that had formed and then gradually ventured forward. I could hear the slight crack from the ground as my weight stood above it. I held my breath though afraid I was still determined. I glanced around. Alone.

With cold legs I made my way across the frozen lake. This was a spontaneous thought, a reaction more than a decision. I was hurting and I believed the only cure was to submerge the feelings. It wouldn't be quick but it would be relief. The ice gave ever so tenderly as I took each step. My boot's tread barely had a grip. Then again, I hardly had a handle on life. So what difference did this make?

I settled in the center. In the distance, on the other side, was the dreaded wired barrier. It was one side to the four walls. I thought this was supposed to be a sanctuary? I bit my lip the tears were relentless.

My emotional eyes looked to the death trap below. Under the plush pillows of white was my exit from this world. Could I greet it? The question only stirred a hidden aggression within me. With gritted teeth, I raised my foot before I slammed the edge of my heel repeatedly into the faulty diamond earth. There were no treasures here, only suffering.

I beat into it.

I stomped, I pounded, I cursed at each failed attempt. Exhaustion was over taking me, the weakness from little food, and the stress had done its job. I shook with disappointment.

"Fuck. Fuck you!" I screamed at the cold-blooded ice. It's blank azure eyes and crooked smile from the small cracks mocked me. It wasn't going to let me pass. I was never going to be free. I was chained, imprisoned until my expiration date. I was going to die alone and feeble like so many countless others. I stomped a final time.

"No wonder-"

An unrecognizable voice chimed over the raging blizzard. My nerves sparked with uneasiness as a shadow came froth from the white screen. Threads of violet hair blew in the wind. I could scarcely make out the black edges of his clothes. His bold stance dominated even the storm around us.

I held back a shocking gasp as two red slits starred at me.

The man raised his leg, "the human race is slowly diminishing. Pathetic." His foot collided with the ground. A sudden explosion erupted from where he stood like a volcano. Instantly, sprays of the water spewed from the massive crack that raced towards my direction. I staggered back but without much speed I was quickly surrounded by numerous multiplying breaks within the ice. I watched in horror as one crack fed into another and soon the fringed waters were eating my ankles. I felt their nips into my skin as I was further dragged under.

The waves of ice hit and busted my face. I flared my tightening muscles as I desperately tried to keep my head above. The intensity of the temperature was rapidly piercing through me. My nails clung to the edge of the surface. My arms were straining, my legs kicked the bottomless waters. I could feel my lungs crying at each gasp. My lips were sticking to one another as they froze, just like ice cubes. My jacket, was slowly killing me, its weight grew more troublesome as it absorbed the water like a sponge.

Regardless of my efforts, the hungry waves of the lake soon had their victim. Why, why had I tried so desperately to crawl out? I didn't want to live. If I did I would have to continue facing the days without her. It would only be me, me against the world. Did I really want that?

I let a few bubbles escape my lips as I descended downwards. The darkness was more terrifying than I could have ever imagined. Death, were you just as scary?

My heart was slowing.

My vision was narrowing.

Maybe I would see everyone again…

My mind was fleeting.

Suddenly, my body was torn from the blinding waters and thrown like a fish onto the land. I laid there as if I were in a deep sleep. The peaceful moment didn't last. A rough hand hammered down onto my chest. Its blunt force caused me to spout the clogged water from my lungs. The chilling liquid burned my throat as more came out. I hacked the little wads of salvia that remained. I trembled in a daze as my attack stood over me. Those demonic eyes were still there. What was this?

The same hand pressed over my mouth, "Don't even make a sound. Cough and I'll make sure these waters are stained a thick crimson red. Am I clear, human?" The adolescent voice questioned me harshly. Still shaking I managed a light nod. The creature's lips curled into a smirk.

"Good. Now, listen to me," The monstrous animal brought his face closer to mine. My chattering teeth hid the brewing whimper. The inhuman person scrunched up his nose after he sniffed near my neck. My pulse fluttered.

He let out a growl, "I figured. Doesn't matter. I don't give a damn how infested your blood is that's just too fucking bad for you." I starred blankly at him. I believe it to be a male; then again I wasn't sure I was seeing a person. Was I hallucinating? Dreaming? Had I actually died?

The individual looked around and then locked his scarlet orbs on me, "Dying isn't going to solve shit. You're already dead to the world." His fingers dug harder into my jaw. I shook for not only the chill but for fear as well. "And because of this fact, you're going to put your wasted pathetic self to use. You're going to work for me, like a willing servant."

My stiff brow somewhat pinched together. I could have sworn ice sickles had formed on each strand. The puffy sponge of a jacket continued to drench me to the core. My insides were shutting down.

The creature released his grip, "Being generous, I'm going to offer you, your one and only payment up front. Though, it still basically just benefits me…it will in return make your escape easier."

Barely conscience, I watched the snow flakes wildly swarm around him. His breath frosted the air; his glowing eyes contrasted the night. The howling winds cried as my throbbing head and sore muscles began to fade.

A pair of strong arms scooped me into their hold.

I was held by the devil, but there wasn't much else to see as he carried me off into in hazy depths of the whiteout.

[White out (n): a blizzard, especially in polar regions, that reduces visibilities to near zero.]

Hey readers, I was irritated by my lack of flow from my personal novel, so as usual, I decided to turn to writing FanFiction. It does help get the creativity flowing.

Anyway, I decided to take bits from my own story and place them in a Tokyo Ghoul setting. Maybe it will help me think clearer for my work.

The setting is still located in Tokyo, character's personalities and abilities are the same. The only difference is the OC and possible the added elements I put in there. I really won't change the general theme of Tokyo Ghoul.

Thanks for reading!