I don't own HIMYM and never will. No copyright infringement intended.
Author's Note: Much happier with this than what I wrote yesterday. Turns out you really shouldn't write fics in a fit of anger. Oops. Hope you enjoy!
Barney shamefully admitted several times – later – that his reaction to the news of Robin's pregnancy wasn't positive at first. His ex-wife was knocked up and it was his kid, something he hadn't expected to happen. And then he cursed himself for never getting a vasectomy. "What now?" he asked her.
Robin rolled her eyes at her ex-husband. "I'm pregnant and it's yours."
"And you're keeping it?" He had to make sure.
She nodded, pissed (but understanding of why) he had even asked. "I thought of getting an abortion, but I want this kid." Robin knew her reasons weren't the best, but she was tired of being alone.
"What happened to being infertile?" Even Barney cringed at how insensitive that sounded as soon as the words were out of his mouth.
"Turns out I should have gotten a second opinion because Lily's doctor sucked. There was a slim chance I could ever get pregnant, but I'm not completely infertile. So I'm having a baby with my ex-husband. You don't have to be involved if you don't want to be. I don't even need child support from you. Just figured you should know."
"Oh, I will be involved in this kid's life." He was scared shitless, but Barney wasn't going to let a child of his grow up without a father, especially after everything he had gone through. He couldn't do it.
"Good. You going to go out and get drunk now?"
"Of course!" And then he was going to make an appointment to get a vasectomy so this never happened again. How could he have been this stupid? He and Robin had an arrangement every time she came in town, but they made sure there were no feelings involved. And now it had just got a lot more complicated. They were going to be tied together for the next eighteen years (and beyond).
She snorted. "Rock on, I guess. Don't knock up someone else – be responsible. And get drunk for me!" God, not being able to drink was one of the worst parts about being pregnant. She couldn't wait until this baby was out of her.
"Will do." Barney smiled at her, kissed her on the cheek, and then headed to the bar so he could get drunk off his ass. It worked splendidly well, but he was left feeling empty in the morning – just like he always did. He had never wanted to divorce Robin, but she had been stubborn about ending their marriage. He had had to give in, and fell completely apart afterwards. It's why he reverted to the playboy persona afterwards. But it didn't make him happy and it never would. And now there was a kid involved in the mix and he had to be responsible for this life he had created (with his ex-wife. Fuck, he was never going to get over that). And nobody – not even Lily and Marshall (and he didn't blame them since life was chaotic with three kids) – had stepped in to help. Barney didn't understand why. And then Robin had just stopped coming around, something he couldn't blame her for (who'd want to hang around the ex-husband they clearly didn't love anymore?) but still hated.
When he broke the news to Marshall and Lily and Ted and Tracy a few days later, they were all understandably shocked. "So you're taking responsibility for your actions?" Lily was surprised, worried, and thrilled for her friend.
He nodded. "And guess what the best part of this whole thing is?"
Tracy leaned forward. "What?"
"The future mother of my child? My ex-wife, the woman who hates my guts! Isn't that just the best news you've heard all day?" He laughed angrily.
"Okay, we clearly need to have a long talk. Are you and Robin back together?" Lily questioned.
Barney shook his head. "Just because we're going to have kid that shares our genes doesn't mean that we'll ever happen again. She made that clear a long time ago. We'll be civil, I guess."
"You two need to sit down and work out your problems. I never understood why you divorced anyway. You couldn't get Wi-Fi to update your blog?" Tracy thought that was the stupidest excuse she had ever heard for a divorce.
"I didn't mind traveling with her – she deserves to have the job she wants – but Robin wasn't in love with me anymore. I could see it. And she wanted out, so what could I do about that? So if a bullshit excuse led to her filing for divorce, then so be it."
"Did you ever tell her how you felt?" Tracy asked. She swallowed back some sympathy tears.
Barney shook his head. "I tried, but nothing I was saying seemed to matter."
"Well you two need to sit down and have a long talk because a child can't be brought into this mess. I'm serious, Barney." Lily had wanted to stage an intervention, but Robin had hurt her too and she didn't see the point in it after that.
"It'll probably happen, but until then, I'm going to get drunk and wish my life had turned out better!" Barney smiled at her and then ordered another drink.
A week later, he went in and finally got the vasectomy he should have had done years previously. He didn't tell Robin because it was too late for her to care about it anyway. She was already pregnant.
"So are we going to have two separate nurseries?" Robin asked about a week later, right before first ultrasound appointment. She had informed Barney he didn't have to go, but she had insisted on it.
"We're not living together so that seems logical," he snapped.
She glared at him. "What the hell is your problem?"
"I don't have one. Sorry." Barney definitely needed to curb his anger over this entire situation. It wasn't helpful to anyone.
"Whatever."
But they put aside their differences and shed some tears when they saw the first image of their child. It was one of the most thrilling experiences of Barney and Robin's lives.
"So you excited about this whole experience?" Lily was looking forward to seeing what the child of Barney and Robin was like.
Robin shrugged. "It'll definitely be different. Pregnancy sucks, though."
"I hear that." Tracy smiled at her. She adored Penny and Luke, but she wasn't exactly a big fan of pregnancy at all.
"So, how are you and Barney dealing with things?" Lily had promised Marshall she wouldn't meddle, but she couldn't help it. She was determined to fix Barney and Robin's relationship. Or at least force them to fix it themselves.
"Okay. He still has minor freak-outs every time we talk, but he's getting better." She had some freak-outs of her own, but neither Lily nor Tracy had to know about that.
"That's good. I'm just so happy for you both." Lily sniffled and hugged her. Tracy joined in a few seconds later.
"Why are we all hugging?" Robin asked.
"Just go with it," Tracy encouraged.
Ted and Marshall helped Barney set up the nursery in his apartment, while Tracy and Lily helped Robin. "Is fatherhood awesome?" He had to make sure.
Marshall nodded. "You'll understand the first time you hold that baby. It's not always fun or perfect – you've seen that with us – but it's worth it. And you're going to love the hell out a kid you created. Especially with Robin."
Ted cheered triumphantly when he successfully snapped in a part of the crib, but nodded his head in agreement. "You'll figure it out as you go. We all do."
"That does make me feel a little better." His and Robin's relationship was still strained, but he was determined to talk it out with her. He didn't want their child coming into an unhappy home. And it didn't matter that this meant having a conversation he didn't want to with his ex-wife. They had already been through so much together. Barney missed Robin so much, but he couldn't tell her that. And she wouldn't want to hear it anyway. He would always be the ex who knocked her up, the one she turned to she had nothing else. He sometimes didn't understand why Robin had gone through with the wedding, especially since he knew she had almost run away. Tracy had been the one to talk her out of it, and sometimes he wished she hadn't. It would have still hurt, but they would have been spared the pain of the last six years. But how could he talk to her and realize his worst fears were true? Barney didn't think he'd be able to handle it.
"Good for you." And then Ted returned his attention to the crib, wanting to get it done.
Robin was in her seventh month of pregnancy when she invited Barney out to dinner. After some cajoling from their friends, he reluctantly agreed. "So, what do you want to talk about? Names? Because I already vetoed Amelia." She looked amazingly beautiful carrying his child, but he didn't (couldn't) say that to her. She'd probably be pissed he even brought it up.
She laughed. "No, I didn't bring you here to discuss names. And stop talking about how much you hate that name! Anyway, the custody agreement is all worked out?"
He nodded. He had consulted his lawyer, and the joint custody agreement was solid. Robin got the baby – their daughter – during the week and he could have weekends. Since she would be too young for overnight trips at first, visitation during the weekend was going over to her place for a few hours. Barney could handle that, even though it hurt he couldn't spend more time with his child. And he was still in full-fledged panic mode about becoming a father, but that was steadily decreasing over time. "Yup, we're good. You talked to your lawyer?"
Robin sipped on her drink and nodded. "We'll do fine. We can work this out."
Everyone had encouraged Barney to initiate a real conversation, but he just couldn't do it. Fear held him back. "Great news. Just legendary."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "You're not telling me something." She knew his tells.
"No, I'm not. It's fine," he lied.
Robin didn't believe him, but she didn't have the energy to get into it right now (another unfortunate side effect of pregnancy). "Okay, awesome! Now isn't it nice we can have a civil conversation without getting into an argument or having sex?"
"Yeah it is." He figured their little arrangement would be over after the baby's birth (she got horny sometimes, and gladly obliged her) and was trying to adjust to the idea. God, he hoped their daughter didn't hate them for bringing them into this mess that was their lives.
She opened her mouth to say something, but shrugged and let it go. "I'll talk to you later then." Robin kissed his cheek and then headed back to her apartment.
Barney broke a few days later and ended up on Ted and Tracy's front porch. "I need to talk to your wife," he told Ted.
"She's in the other room with the kids. Is something wrong?" Barney was freaking Ted out a little.
"Yeah, there's a lot wrong, Ted!" And then he strolled into the playroom to talk to Tracy.
She ushered the kids out and then made him sit down. "You finally broke?" She was somewhat thrilled because this Barney and Robin thing was awkward and causing tension between the whole group.
"I don't know what to tell Robin. I am still so madly in love her I can barely stand it, but she'll never feel that way about me. If she ever did in the first place. But I refuse to let things go unsaid. It's not fair to any of us."
"You're right – it's not. But Barney, why didn't you say all this before? You just gave Robin the out she wanted and tried to live with it. That clearly didn't work out so well for you." She comfortingly rubbed his shoulder.
"I stupidly thought she might change her mind and it never happened. It's what Robin wanted, and I loved her too much to keep her trapped in a marriage she clearly didn't want to be in." And he thought maybe she still had feelings for Ted, not that she'd ever admit it. Robin would never ruin someone else's marriage (except their own) and would never say anything if that was the case. Tracy punched his shoulder. "Ow! What the fuck was that for?"
"Because you're a fucking idiot, Barney Stinson! Talk to her right this fucking second and don't let this go."
"You're so bossy, Trace." But he laughed, kissed her on the cheek, and then bee lined to Robin's apartment.
"What's going on?" she questioned after opening the door.
"We need to talk."
"And this couldn't wait until later?" Robin had been enjoying her nap, damn it! Nothing could be more important than that.
"Nope. Sit down," he encouraged and then helped her back to the couch.
"What is this about?" She had a feeling about where this was heading and wanted to head it off at the pass. She couldn't let them go down this road again. "Do you want to get back together? Because that's not going to happen."
His shoulders slumped. Of course they wouldn't. Barney hadn't come here for that purpose, but it still hurt. "No, I don't. I just came here to talk about it. Why did you file for divorce? We were happy, Robin. Sure, we had issues, but we could have worked them out. And then you just left and never talked to us again."
"Oh, fuck you, Barney! You went right back to fucking random women after we divorced." The baby responded to her anger by kicking, and she placed a hand on her rounded abdomen to settle her down.
"Because I fell apart! I love you, Robin. You will always be my soul mate, the love of my life, but you wanted a reason to get out of the marriage. I could see it, and how could I deny giving you that? And I know you almost ran away right before the wedding, but you came back. You should have just left me at the altar then if that's how you felt. You didn't have to force yourself to stay another three years." He blinked back tears. "Are you still in love with Ted? Is that why you decided you couldn't be with anymore? Was I your consolation prize?"
Robin was horrified. How had he read this entire situation wrong. "Is that what you've been thinking all this time?" Holy shit, she had really fucked this up.
"How could I not? I was never good enough for you, and everyone knew it. I stupidly thought I could be enough for you. I thought I didn't have to be broken anymore, but no one can love someone like me. I'm still in pieces." He sort of sounded like a teenage girl at this point, but Barney was past caring.
She stifled a sob. "Oh my God. Barney, no. I had no idea you felt like that." Robin was at a loss for words now and just sobbed.
"It's okay. I just figured we needed to clear the air before Gretchen is born." He had to lighten the mood somehow.
"We're not naming her Gretchen. And Barney, that is not true. Please believe me. I thought you wanted out because you were sick of travelling all the time, that you couldn't handle being married to me anymore. I thought you didn't love me anymore and that's why you agreed to the divorce."
"It was one big fight, Robin! I was hung over and pissed we didn't have Wi-Fi. That's all that was. I just wanted to be supportive because you deserve to have everything you've ever wanted. And then I just couldn't handle it after our marriage fell apart. I was secretly hoping you'd change your mind or our friends would stage an intervention to stop me because I feel empty, but it never happened." He wondered why.
She choked back some more sobs as the baby continued responding to the highly emotional situation by repeatedly kicking her. "How did we get to this point? So much misunderstanding over nothing, and everything was ruined."
"Not everything."
"Not everything then. I just freaked out before the wedding and said a lot of things I didn't mean. Tracy made me see that I was being stupid. That's it. I loved you then, Barney, and I still do. And I'm broken too. I always have been. I don't want Ted anymore – that ship has sailed. I am so sorry you thought otherwise."
Now he was sobbing. Fuck. Barney wiped the tears off his face and hugged her as he placed a hand on her stomach. "Can we talk this out? Work things out?"
"We can definitely try, but we cannot fuck it up again. We're going to have someone in our lives who needs us to be adults."
"We won't. We won't let things get bad again. I love you so fucking much, Robin Scherbatsky."
"And I love you too, Barney Stinson." The baby kicked forcefully again and then settled down.
The two of them made an effort to talk about any issues that arose after that. For the first time in a long time, Barney and Robin felt like themselves again and not the shells they turned into after the divorce. It felt amazing.
Robin was two weeks away from giving birth when Barney surprised her with a new puppy. "You love your dogs so I figured I'd get you a new one. And I'll help out with him when you're busy with the baby."
She grinned at him. "You're so sweet."
"That's me, baby." He leaned over and kissed her. They still had their rocky moments, where neither was sure where they stood, but they were working on it. Barney refused to walk on eggshells around her again. And the group was much happier now that things weren't so tense between them. It felt nice.
"So you come up with a name yet?" Robin asked.
"Nope. You?"
She smiled nervously. "I think I have an idea, and you can veto if you don't like it, but I think the name is perfect." Robin hoped he liked it.
"What is it?"
"What do you think about Eleanor?"
"Eleanor?" Barney didn't even have to think about it for longer than thirty seconds. He loved the name. "It's perfect. Eleanor Scherbatsky."
She shook her head. "Eleanor Stinson Scherbatsky. Middle name pending. Unless Stinson is the middle name." Robin had debated about the last name for a long time, but she and Barney had both agreed their daughter should have her last name.
"It works," he assured her. He leaned down to her stomach. "Hello, Eleanor. It seems like you finally have a name. Cannot wait to meet you." Barney was still pretty terrified about this whole fatherhood thing, but excitement was taking over.
Robin laughed. "She loves her daddy already."
Two and a half weeks later, Robin finally went into labor and their friends waited for news at the hospital. "This is just as annoying on the other side," Tracy complained.
"It really is. It's painful, but more fun when you're actually having the baby."
"We're done, right?" Three kids were enough for Marshall, and he knew Lily felt the same way.
"There will be no more surprises," Lily replied.
Barney went into the delivery room with Robin even though the entire process sounded disgusting and terrifying. He wanted to support her, and luckily, she didn't mind. And when they heard their daughter's cry for the first time, their whole world tilted on its axis. "Meet your little girl," the doctor said as the baby was placed on Robin's shoulder.
"Hello, Eleanor. I'm your mommy." Robin was sweaty and felt disgusting, but none of that mattered right now.
Barney's heart swelled with love and happiness. "And I'm your daddy. You are amazing, Ellie. I love you more than I ever thought I'd love someone. And I love you too, Robin." His voice broke as he leaned up and kissed Robin's forehead. These two were the loves of his life, and now he couldn't imagine living without them.
"I can't believe we're parents." Robin was still in shock even though they had had nine months to prepare for this month.
Barney carefully scooped Ellie out of his ex-wife's arms and just stared at her in awe. He couldn't believe how much love he felt for her. The terror had faded, and he couldn't wait to see what this little girl was like. She was the best thing he and Robin had ever created. "Ellie, you are always going to know what love is."
"You're quoting Foreigner now?" An amused Robin laughed.
Barney kissed the baby and then his ex-wife again. "Can you two move in with me? My apartment's bigger. I'm not asking you to marry me, but I still want to spend the rest of my life with you. Both of you. You in?"
"I'm all in." She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him too, even if they never remarried.
Their very impatient friends were let in to meet the newborn about half an hour later. "You two look really happy together," a suspicious Lily observed.
"You know how we've been taking this slow and seeing where we're going?"
She nodded. "We're in this permanently now. No getting remarried, but we're in this. We're not going to screw this up again."
Lily turned her head and squealed into Marshall's shoulder so she wouldn't startle the baby. "I'm so happy for you both."
With their friends' help, Robin's stuff was moved into Barney's apartment before she and Ellie were discharged from the hospital.
Barney and Robin never did remarry, but they were together and happy for the rest of their lives. They were happy with Ellie and all of their dogs. And talking things out made things go a whole lot smoother. Nothing would ever be able to tear them apart like it had before.