Disclaimer: All characters belong the Jullian Fellowes, any names that are used are either mine or his. Enjoy.

I suppose, she thinks. He never really wanted me in the first place.

He never wanted to know me as a companion, as a wife, as a lover…

He never wanted to settle down, to leave his precious Downton, to fall in love…

Oh come now Elsie, that's not all true.

Be quiet.

He just never wanted to fall in love wit-

Stop it!

With you, Elsie.

It hurt. It hurt so badly. The sobs escaped her chapped lips as she tried to understand what happened. What did she do so wrong? Had she pushed him away? Had she not pushed him enough?

She shifted in her bed and saw the dusty mirror to the left of her. The tears didn't stop as she looked in the mirror. That mirror where she sat every morning trying to tame her hair, trying to look her very best for him.To at least make herself look appealing. Occasionally she brightened her cheeks with a bit of rouge, or even a hint of lip tint. She even practiced her walk like some silly school girl waiting to be courted by the handsomest boy in her class; swaying her hips in an unseemly manner just for him. She tried, she really did but she was no more than a…

Scottish Dragon

Of course he must have known that she was more than just a strict, cold-hearted…

Please, stop this Elsie…

No, she'd look at herself until exhaustion finally overcomes her. She'd continue to blame herself for what happened. To tell herself that she was never good enough for Charles Edward Carson, telling herself that he was better off with his new bride. They will live happily ever after … and she was glad. She would be forever happy for him, because that's what people did when they loved someone.

I remember a quote a read in a silly romance novel that said, "If you love someone let them go" Is that not true?

I believe the rest of that wonderful quote was, "If he comes back he's yours."

But he was never mine to begin with…

It was a crisp beautiful morning in August she remembers; autumn, her favorite season of the year. When he comes back from London that is when she knows. She knows that autumn is right around the corner and is deliriously happy to spend another three seasons with him. She likes the crunching of the dry ground beneath her feet, and the pumpkin spice bars Mrs. Patmore makes just for her, or when the staff would start to make fires in all the rooms so warmth surrounds her every step. The way the leaves change colors and fall willingly to ground as if they belonged there, that was her favorite part of all. She remembers every autumn. But this one she'd like to forget.

She looked down at the list of wines that they needed to restock on when she bumped into him. She heard glass shattered as she almost fell to the ground if it wasn't for his large frame to steady her.

"Please watch where you are going Mrs. Hughes! For Lord's sake…" He gruffly ran his fingers through his slick hair as he observed the mess below them. "That was the china for tonight and it looks like not a single piece was salvaged." He sighed loudly and looked at her.

"What? You think was just my fault?" She placed her hands on her hips and gave him a sharp gaze. He was so… so… infuriating! "By all means Mr. Carson you were walking too! You should have looked where you were going."

"While carrying a twenty pound load of china you suggest I should look up and let something fall? Have you any idea how ridiculous you are being? Can you not for one second stop preoccupying yourself with meaninglessness tasks and for once focus!" He was furious now. His cheeks were a deep read and he was starting to perspire.

"Me?! I'm the ridiculous one now? Well I'll have you know tha-"

"Is there a problem?" The soft voice of Lady Mary Crawley interrupted her. They both turned around abruptly, so fast that Elsie, yet again, slipped on a piece of broken china. He quickly grabbed her wrist and slipped his other arm around her waist to ensure that she was properly grounded to the floor. A slight burst of flame spread through Elsie as he held her like this. She looked up at his concerning gaze and blushed furiously.

"Ahem."

They split apart quickly.

"My lady, there is no problem, just a slight misunderstanding. I bumped into Mrs. Hughes and have shattered the dinner china. I'm so dreadfully sorry, my lady. I will be glad to repay for the loss." He said it so poised and under control you would have never known he was just incredibly upset not a minute ago. She smiled at his clandestine apology.

"No no Carson it was just a mistake, no need to repay anyone. At least nobody was hurt, isn't that right Mrs. Hughes?" Mary gave a sly smirk as she started to walk away from the both of them.

"I…" Elsie blushed again at the comment of her constant clumsiness. But Mary was already halfway up the stairs to even notice the poor woman's attempt to apologize.

"Well…" He said to wake her up from her thoughts. "I'll get the broom."

"Thank you, Mr. Carson…" She touched his forearm and grinned at him.

His own mouth seemed to lift a little as he looked down at her hand on him. It grew immensely as he looked back up at her. His eyes seemed to hint something. She couldn't decipher what but she knew there was something there…

"Alright then, will you be alright to clean this up on your own? I need to run out for a bit, I need to fetch Mrs. Patmore some silly spice or salt or something. I can't remember…" She let go of his arm and was about to take a step backwards and be on her merry way. "Ah, and this is the wine we need to restock, I checked the inventory list and thought I should give it to you." She smiled and handed him the list.

Their hands brushed and he tensed. She pulled away and stared at him while he looked over the wines rather coldly.

"Marvelous… And yes, by all means please fetch whatever Mrs. Patmore needs." He gave her a curt nod and walked away from her.

Well alright then…

She frowned, gathered her coat and hat, and left for the village, without a single thought of what had happened.

After he swept the broken pieces from the ground and disposed of them. He strolled into the staff hall to gather the paper that he left there this morning.

Nothing was going his way today, first of all. It was inevitable something like this was going to happen. There sat Thomas leisurely smoking sipping on a glass of wine.

"Thomas! What on earth do you think you are doing!?" He was so upset he seemed to spit fire. His entire face seemed to flame up as he witnessed this foul act.

Thomas jumped out of his chair so quick it toppled over onto the floor.

"Have you any idea what the punishment for this sort of behavior is!? I could fire you on the spot! Now put that damned thing out or I'll put it out for you!" He grabbed the half full wine glass intending to wash it down the sink with the rest of his bloody day. Gripping the glass as tight as he was you would expect the glass to shatter into a million pieces (not the first time today). He glared at Thomas who was furiously fixing his attire, trying to explain to the butler that the wine was a gift and that he was just having 'one glass'.

Waving his pitiful excuses off Carson sent him away to polish the silver (which he would end up re-polishing anyways) as punishment.

Now walking along the hallway towards the kitchen he was muttering curses and insults under his breath, namely towards Thomas. Looking at the wine slosh around in the glass he didn't even notice her coming. Why would he it wasn't like it was the first time that this happened today.

They finally crashed into one another, wine spilling all over his crisp white shirt.

"Ugh! Mrs. Hughes not agai-"

He looked up to the woman who was obviously not Elsie Hughes. She was frantically trying to apologize and took out a peach colored handkerchief from her bag.

"I am so sorry, sir! I was not looking where I was going it was entirely my own fault. Please, let me help you with that." She pressed the cloth to his chest, failing to soak up the spilt wine. "Oh dear me… I feel most obligated to purchase you a new shirt…"

She looked up and smiled hoping to ease the tension that she assumed was growing between them. He had hardly said a word and she just crashed practically right into him. He stared at her with his mouth open and didn't even have the slightest hint of anger upon his face. In fact he seemed almost… intrigued by her.

All he could think about was how much she smelled up vanilla. The way her blonde locks fell into her face as she tried to clean the spilled mess upon his chest made his heart flutter. She was so sorry and he could tell she meant it. He smiled and looked at her hand on his chest. It was abnormal for a woman to be touching him in such a way, even if it was only to tidy him up. He never believed in love at first sight but by God he was just simply enchanted by this woman. He gazed into her chocolate brown eyes and tried to come up with his first words he would speak to her.

"I'm… I'm sorry… I was just trying to… I mean." He was so flustered he couldn't even fathom the proper words. "What I meant to say is… it is no problem at all. The seam on the shoulder was falling apart and I needed a new shirt anyways." He chuckled and continued to make a complete fool of himself. But he could care less.

"Oh… Well good. That's good." She innocently looked to the ground her hand still resting on his chest, unmoving. He was so warm she could hardly bear it.

"I… I'm Charles." He picked up her hand and kissed it. "Charles Carson, at your service."

Her cheeks turned a light pink and she nodded her head to his introduction.

"I feel terribly embarrassed. I've ruined your shirt and we haven't even had a proper introduction yet... you flatter me." She let go of his hand and placed the stained handkerchief in her bag. "I'm Grace O'Donnell. I'm Mrs. Crawley's new head house maid. I… She insisted that I come here and make a friend or two…" Grace was nervously wringing her hands and touching and pulling at her full bottom lip. Constantly fiddling with her hair or looking down at her smooth slim hands.

"Well…" He said in a huff "You've got one friend now…. Let me be the first to say I'd be glad to have a friend at this time of my life. They don't come as easily these days." He almost giggled he was so nervous.

They were both so nervous and neither knew why exactly.

"Perhaps…" He ventured out and tried to find a proper way of saying the things he wished to say. "Perhaps, you would like to join me for dinner... To repay for the mess you've made" She gave him the most appalled yet coy look he'd ever seen.

Oh for lord's sake, you've only just met this woman and you think it's proper to just flat out say you'd like to enjoy a dinner.

Well… it's not like it's by any means ROMANTIC. I would just like to welcome her to the town. To Downton…

She doesn't work at Downton, you fool.

Oh shut up you damned f-

Uh-uh… No foul language in front of the lady…

"Oh… Mr. Carson I'd be delighted. It's just I don't know if Mrs. Crawley would appreciate me being away the first night on the job." That's when he heard her marvelous laugh. Almost like a song from a bird, light but not too high or harsh.

"Do not worry about a thing, Mrs. Crawley will be joining the family for dinner tonight as well. I'd be happy to discuss this with her if you'd like…" His smile was the most genuine smile. He hadn't smiled that way since Lady Mary's wedding.

"Why thank you! Yes, yes I'd be glad to have the company." She fumbled with her bag and straightened up tall. "I'll be here around…. Seven sharp? Is that alright?"

"By all means you are welcome whenever please make yourself at home. If I'm not down from the family's dinner, you may wait for me in my study. It's just 2 two doors down, to the left. Do you see it?" He pointed crookedly to his pantry door, the uncaringly clapped his hands together in front of him.

"I see, yes. Well it has been a marvelous interlude… Very… Educational you might say. I'll be sure to look where I'm going from now on." She extended her right hand as a sign that she'd like to shake his hand as a friendly goodbye. "Mr. Carson." She grinned like a fool, her white teeth almost blinding him. (what wonderful personal hygiene)

He didn't shake her hand, no. He places a kiss just on the very tips of her fingers and squeezed her wrist in admiration.

"See you soon, Ms. O'Donnell." He let go of her hand and showed her out the door to head home. He watched her walk away until she was clear out of his sight. He must be mad to be feeling this way. Never had he felt such immense feeling for a woman, except…

Oh no, I would never… She's my friend and ONLY my friend.

No one asked…

Would you please go away?

Huhf…

And that was that. The first day he'd fallen in love. (with the wrong person of course). But little did he know that the woman that felt so strongly for him had witnessed every heartbreaking second of the incident between Grace O'Donnell and Charles. She had never felt this way, it was normally butterflies and slight pangs in her chest (to know she still felt something). Now it was entirely different. She was short of breath and felt soft, so very very… soft. It felt as if she was some monster in a novel by Mary Shelley. Being poked and prodded and cutting open her already dead heart. She closed the door to her pantry and slumped into her desk chair. What had gone so wrong?