It was a regular day in the flat, involving immobility for hours on end due to the Internet. Phil was scrolling through Tumblr when he saw a post that read 'the true reason to live' with an attached photograph of what was called a 'sporknife'- a spork with a serrated edge.
"Hey Dan, look at this." Phil slid his laptop over to his counterpart, who scoffed, before handing the laptop back.
"What would be the use of that? We don't even use the single spork we have for anything!"
"We could buy a load of spork-knives and cut down the amount of utensils in our drawers-?"
"Thanks, but no thanks, Phil. I'd rather not slice my cheek open trying to eat a bloody piece of food."
Phil suddenly had an idea. He rose from the couch to grab the spork from the kitchen to make a point to Dan. On his way back to the lounge, Phil tripped and he let out a yell before he hit the floor with a loud thud. Pain shot through his ribs and his face where it had hit the floor.
"Phil-?" Dan called, and Phil let out a small groan of pain, before he heard Dan's footsteps approach.
"Ow." Phil lifted his head and blinked, finding that he couldn't see out of his left eye. How hard had he hit the floor-?
"Oh my god, Phil. We have to get you to A and E immediately."
You opened your laptop to find a many notifications, an upload from Phil catching your eye. You entered YouTube and clicked on the video, titled, 'Eye, Guys'. You felt a smile form on your face. It had been a while since Phil had uploaded, as well as the fact that both he and Dan had seemingly been absent from the Internet the past month or so. You could only wonder what they were doing. Maybe they were doing each other...
Phil's adorable face popped up on your screen, and you noticed he was wearing an eyepatch. You figured maybe Phil would be going off on a tangent about pirates and how he wanted to become one. You waited for the video to finish buffering (legit, for fuck's sake YouTube, could you be any slower?), before Phil began his video.
"Hey guys! To start off, I apologise for the lack of YouNow sessions and videos, as well as lack of being on the Internet... It's a long story, but that's what I'm here to tell you today, with the help of my lovely spaniel by the name of Daniel."
"Did you just call me a spaniel-?" Dan's voice was faintly heard in the background. "I've told you this a thousand times, Phil. You can't keep calling me a spaniel, even if it does rhyme with my name, because I am not your bitch."
You felt yourself laugh. God, they were so married. The screen went black, before white font appeared (it was comic sans fucking hell) that read, 'about a month ago...'
The screen switched to Dan and Phil sitting on the couch in their lounge with their laptops in their laps. Phil still had the eyepatch on, even when reenacting what had happened that resulted in his lack of Internet use.
"Hey, Dan, look at this spork knife. We have to get it."
"What do we even use our current spork for-?"
"Here, I'm going to grab our spork."
Phil dramatically walked down the hall and returned with the spork, before making himself fake-fall. Dan rushed into the hall as Phil lay on the hall floor, his face down in the carpet.
"Phil! We have to get you to A and E!"
The video cut back to Phil sitting on his bed in his bedroom.
"And that's what happened. So I apologise for my most recent Tweets with all of the spelling errors, but it's taking some time adjusting to being Nick Fury..." In the corner of the screen, Nick Fury slowly slid in as Phil whispered. "But I'll never be as beautiful as you."
There was a jump-cut and Dan was heard faintly.
"Phil! Are you telling the story of why you haven't been on the Internet?"
"Yeahr!" Phil called back, and Dan entered the room, leaning in to the view of the camera.
"Okay, Phil is literally the clumsiest person I have ever met. Okay, honestly if there was a world record for clumsiest person, he'd win it in a heartbeat-"
"No I am not!"
Dan made a sputtering noise. "Yeahr, says the one who tripped and fell and accidENTALLY SPORKED HIS BLOODY EYEBALL OUT."