Title: Am I Allana or Amelia?
Author(s): FelsGoddess
Timeframe: Post- LOTF and on-going
Characters: Allana Solo, Han, Leia, Jaina, Tenel Ka, etc.
Genre: Diary
Keywords: Allana's diary
Summary: Allana's private diary a few months after Legacy of the Force Invincible and onward. Explores her thoughts regarding Jacen, Tenel Ka, other family members and galatic events.
Notes: There will be spoilers from Millennium Falcon and the Fate of the Jedi novels. These will be noted.
Disclaimer: The word belongs to Lucas.

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Grandma Leia gave me this datapad so I can write down how I'm feeling. She says it'll make me feel better.

My name is Allana, datapad, around a few people and Amelia to everyone else. My mommy is Queen Mother of Hapes and my daddy is dead.

My daddy was a bad, bad man. Aunt Jaina said he was a Sith Lord. He didn't used to be bad. He used to come and visit me and mommy and play with me. I don't know everything he did, but I know more than the adults think I do. I know he killed Mara.

I don't understand how it happened. He was really nice. It makes me sad to think about him.
I'm on Grandpa Han's ship right now. Next week is my birthday. I get to spend it on Hapes with my mommy. I wish I still had long red hair like my mommy. Grandma Leia had to cut it off and dye it black so I look different.

I'm supposed to be going to sleep, datapad. Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han told me goodnight. Aunt Jaina will coming in here to sleep soon. If I listen really hard, I can hear her and grandpa arguing about the Falcon. They always do that.

Uncle Luke and Ben are coming, too. I think it's suppose to be a Jedi thing, too. I'm not sure. Me coming is a big secret to everyone. I'm supposed to be dead.

I'm a lot of people. That's a lot for a six year old. I'll be seven soon, though.
I can hear Aunt Jaina coming. I better turn this off. Goodnight, datapad.

--

---
Today is my birthday. I'm 7.

Mommy gave me a party with all my family. I wish Grandpa Isolder was here. I don't know how he died, but I think Daddy did it. Mommy says he died a hero. Some other people in my family are dead, too. They died when I was supposed to.

I have to stay hidden in the deep rooms of the palace so nobody sees me.

It's stupid.

I love being here with Mommy, but I can't go anywhere, datapad. I have to stay in a couple rooms so no one sees me for too long. Grandma Leia, Grandpa Han and Mommy argued a long time about if I could even see Mommy on my birthday. Uncle Luke said he'd say it was Jedi meeting. The Jedi kids are still in the Hapes Cluster. I wonder if they'll stay here. I hope so. When I learn to be a Jedi, I want to stay near Mommy.

I got some neat stuff for my birthday. Aunt Jaina gave me some photocube thing that only shows pictures when I touch it. She said so I can have pictures of Mommy and Hapes on it. It must have cost a lot of credits cause Grandpa Han said something about the Sword of the Jedi isn't paid that much.

I wish I knew what that was. Nobody will tell me what the Sword of the Jedi means, datapad. Does it mean Aunt Jaina has a special job? Is she really good with her lightsaber?

Aunt Jaina said that it was from Jag, too. Grandpa Han started to say something, but Grandma Leia stepped on his foot to make him be quiet. She does that a lot. I wonder if Grandpa Han has any broken toes.

Grandma and Grandpa gave me some bookchips and hair combs. I hate my short hair. I think Grandma Leia was trying to make me feel better. I do, but I still want my long hair. Mommy used to braid it every morning after she braided hers.

Uncle Luke and Ben gave me stuff from Hapes. Mommy gave me her mommy's first hunting knife and some of her stuff.

I bet Grandma Leia won't let me play with it, datapad. She's weird like that.

The best part of my birthday has been staying with Mommy. She's meeting with some important person right now, then she's going to come tell me a story before bed. I can't wait. I don't want to leave, datapad, but we have to. We have to leave in three days.

I get to spend all day with Mommy tomorrow. Everyone else is going to check on the Jedi. I think Ben really wants to leave. He keeps turning red when some of Mommy's cousins talk to him. Grandpa Han and Aunt Jaina keep making fun of him for it. I wonder what Taryn says to him that makes him turn red. It's probably really gross, like when Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han kiss each other a lot.

I hear Mommy coming! Goodnight, datapad.

--

--
I'm on the Falcon, leaving Hapes. I told mommy goodbye in her room. She couldn't walk me to the ship. People can't see her say goodbye to some orphan that she isn't suppose to care about.

I guess I should explain a few things to you, datapad. I bet you're confused.

My Mommy is the queen mother of the Hapes Cluster. My Daddy was Jacen solo. He was a Jedi that went bad. I didn't know he was my daddy until he kidnapped me. He used to visit us a lot. He gave me a stuffed tauntaun once.

Daddy fought in a war. This is where I get confused. During a big fight, I could hear Daddy in my head telling me and Mommy to be careful. The Imperial Moffs made a nanovirus, whatever that is, from Grandpa Isolder to kill us. Mommy lied and said it killed me. She asked Grandpa Han and Grandma Leia to take care of me under the name Amelia. Hapes people like to try to kill royalty.

I have to pretend that Grandpa Han and Grandma Leia are my parents around almost everyone or in public. It's stupid. I had to get my pretty red hair cut short and dyed black.

Do you understand, datapad?

The Moffs that tried to kill me didn't get in trouble. At least, not with Mommy. Jag got put in charge of them. They must act like babies cause Aunt Jaina always tells Grandma Leia That Jag says he's a babysitter.

I think they should get in trouble. I got in trouble for lying to Mommy once. Trying to kill people is a lot worse than that.

I guess that's why Grandpa Isolder died. I have a lot of dead people in my family, datapad. My Mommy's parents, Grandpa Han's friend Chewbacca, Uncle Anakin, my Daddy and Mara. I wish I had met everyone. They all sound really neat.

Aunt Jaina took a StealthX from the Jedi base at the Mists. She said she had to go take care of some stuff. I'm not sure where we are going yet. I hope it's something fun. Sitting around thinking about mommy makes me sad.

Mommy and I did lots of fun stuff together. I wish I didn't have to leave her. Her job makes her sad sometimes, I think. I hope it's not always sad. I have to do it someday. She told me she became Queen because her Mommy died. I hope my Mommy doesn't have to die.

Grandma Leia is calling me, datapad. I have to go. Goodbye.

--

____
Good evening, datapad. I really need to write in you tonight. It's been a sad day.

I'm sorry for not writing in you the past couple weeks. We went to visit Uncle Lando and Aunt Tendra for a couple weeks. Uncle Lando tried to teach me Sabacc but Grandma Leia stopped him. I guess she doesn't know Aunt Jaina already taught me the basics.

It all started this morning. I got up and went into the kitchen to eat breakfast. Grandpa Han had a bowl of cereal out for me. He was standing by the sink. His eyes were red. I think he had been crying. Grandma Leia wasn't at the table like she usually was. He told me good morning, but was quiet while I ate.

I went to my lessons with 3PO as usual. Today we went over history, mathematics and Basic. It was so boring. I like hearing about some history, but when 3PO tells it, it's so boring. I've heard Uncle Luke, Grandpa Han, Grandma Leia and Wedge Antilles tell me about the first Death Star fight. It's much more exciting when Grandpa Han and Wedge tell it than anyone else. 3PO tells me all these stupid details that don't seem to matter. Right now, we are reading about the fall of the Old Republic and the Clone Wars.

After that, I ate lunch. Grandma Leia was there. I know she was crying. Her cheeks were still wet. I gave her a hug. I don't know if it helped. She still seemed sad. I wanted to know what was going on, but something told me not to ask, datapad.

We went to the Jedi Temple so I can practice with Uncle Luke. Sometimes I work with kids my own age. It's safer for me to work with Uncle Luke. The less people I'm around who know my mommy, the better. Mommy taught me how to put up mental shields a long time ago to keep people out.

Uncle Luke was sad, too, but he still worked with me on levitation. He wasn't doing a very good job. He kept staring off into space. I finally got sick of it and asked him what was going on.

Today is my Daddy and Aunt Jaina's birthday.

I'm really glad I didn't ask Grandma Leia or Grandpa Han.

Awhile ago, on Uncle Anakin's birthday, everybody was really sad, too. It was different than this. We all had dinner together. Everybody was sad, but they still talked about Anakin. No one has said anything about my daddy all day.

I don't understand, datapad. Nobody talks about my daddy. I've seen a few holos of him that mommy had and some of grandma and grandpa's but that's it. I think I've only heard his name said three times after he died. One time was right after the battle, one was on the news before Uncle Luke changed it and another was at a restaurant where Grandpa Han and Jag almost got arrested.

I bet you'd like to hear that story, datapad.

Me, Grandma Leia, Grandpa Han, Aunt Jaina, Jag, Uncle Luke, Ben, Aunt Tendra, Uncle Lando and Chance were at a restaurant eating lunch. I was pretending to be Amelia. Some big, ugly guy walked up to our table and called Aunt Jaina a murderer. He started to go after her, but Jag and Grandpa Han jumped up and yelled at him, and then knocked him down. Some of the guy's friend joined in. Grandma Leia grabbed me and covered my ears so I couldn't hear what they were saying. Tendra was doing that to Chance. Uncle Luke and Uncle Lando broke up the fight. Some law enforcement people came and tried to arrest everyone, but Uncle Luke had a chat with the officer to keep them out of jail.

It's really funny when Uncle Luke has chats with people. They get really scared for some reason. I don't know why. Uncle Luke is really nice. He didn't hold up his lightsaber or a blaster. That's what Grandpa Han does. He shows people he's mad at his blaster. They usually listen. I would, if I were them.

Jaina was really upset and left with Jag. I asked Uncle Luke why that man said what he did and he said it's not important right now.

I don't know why some mean guy would say Aunt Jaina was a killer and talk about my daddy. Aunt Jaina fought a Sith Lord named Darth Cadeus. I heard that on the news. My daddy's name is Jacen. He was Sith. Where there two of them?

Anyway, back to today.

I asked Uncle Luke about my daddy. He was sad, but he said it was okay to ask. He told me that my daddy used to take care of lots of animals when he was little. He said that Daddy got in lots of trouble with Aunt Jaina and Uncle Anakin. He told me about when they melted a droid and then he told me a story about when Uncle Luke and Mommy worked together to rescue my Daddy and Aunt Jaina and their friend Lowie.

I'm glad I know some about my daddy now. I still have nightmares of when he was scary and mean. I don't know why he was mean. He was never mean to me. He lied to me and didn't tell me he was my daddy for awhile, but that was to protect me. He was never mean to me.

Wait a minute, datapad.

Did Aunt Jaina kill my daddy? I don't understand. I don't know who to ask. My daddy's name was Jacen, not Cadeus. She fought someone named Cadeus.

Darth Vader was a Sith. He did lots of bad stuff. Stuff a lot worse that I heard daddy did. I heard that Darth Vader choked people. My daddy didn't do that, did he?

Datapad, I'm confused. Daddy loved me. I could feel it. Sith can't love people. Maybe that Cadues guy was making daddy do bad stuff.

Mommy told me my daddy died, but not how.

I'm scared, datapad. What if Aunt Jaina did kill my daddy? Does that mean she's bad, too?

If that guy knew, everyone else must. They don't act mad. I guess I can ask Uncle Luke, but do I want to know? Maybe I'm just being silly. It's been a sad day. Everyone is just sad that my daddy isn't here on his birthday.

That's it. That has to be what's going on.

I want to finish talking about my day.

I asked Uncle Luke to let me call Aunt Jaina. She was still gone. I heard Ben say Aunt Jaina had found some spies and busted them. He said yes and took me to his office to call. It took awhile for her answer. Uncle Luke said that was because the time was different where she was. She looked really sad when she answered. I told her happy birthday and tried to cheer her up. She laughed a little bit when I told her how boring 3PO is.

I went home after that. I hope I made Aunt Jaina feel better. I wanted to make Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han feel better. We watched some old holodrama they really like, but I think it's stupid. It's about some princess and pirate. It makes them laugh a lot. They laughed some tonight. I sat through it so they'd feel better. They seem to feel better. I hope so. I hope Grandma didn't cry herself to sleep.

Okay, datapad, that's my day. I'm really tired and confused. I hope that everything will be okay.

I really hope I don't have any bad dreams about my daddy.
_____

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Boys are weird, datapad.

Are you a boy or girl? I guess it doesn't matter.

Grandma Leia, Grandpa Han and Uncle Luke went to some political dinner thing. They took 3PO with them so Cousin Ben had to stay with me. He didn't like it at all.

The evening started out okay. Grandma Leia had dinner delivered. We ate on the couch watching a movie that I know I'm not supposed to watch. I wasn't going to say anything, though. Ben said we didn't have to watch it. I'm not a baby. I can handle it.

I'm just not tired. That's why I can't sleep. I know that a monster isn't going to come in my room and drink my blood.

I'm pretty sure.

I hope not.

Okay, stop being a baby, Allana. Ben won't let anything get you. He's tough.

There.

Ben, that's what I was going to tell you about datapad. Ben is weird. We were watching the movie and he kept staring at the blond lady. I don't know why. She wasn't very pretty and her clothes were ripped. She wasn't smart, either. You shouldn't go home with strangers. That's how you get kidnapped and your blood drank.

After the movie ended, we were playing. I touched his hair and he flipped out. Okay, maybe I didn't touch it, more like threw water on it but still, it's just water. He went into the bathroom and tried to fix it for twenty minutes.

And he calls me a baby.

After Ben quit acting like a baby, he made me go to bed. I can hear him watching another movie I'm probably not supposed to watch. It's actually past my bedtime now. I could handle the movie, but I think I'll just stay in here. I don't want to get in trouble. Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han will be home soon. I bet Grandpa Han is already whining to leave. He does that a lot. He gets in trouble a lot, too.

Maybe I can get Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han to take me to the zoo soon. I like seeing the animals. I can get them to calm down and come near me. I touched a snake once that was supposed to be mean, but it just sat there. It only bites when it's scared. I told it I wasn't scary.

I hope we get to do something fun soon, datapad. Sitting here is boring. I think Grandpa Han gets really bored sitting around doing nothing. I don't think he knows how to sit still.

Datapad, there was just a tap on the window. I don't see anything out there, but maybe I'll open my door, just in case, so Ben can hear.

Ben just turned off the movie. Grandma Leia and Grandpa Han are coming, I bet. I better turn this off and get in bed.

Good night, datapad.

There's nothing outside.

I hope.
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