Author's Note: It's been a long time, my friends. I'm really sorry I haven't updated Reunions etc but I decided to post this thing anyway. Considering it's finished, I'm quite ok with it. (If it weren't, well I definitely wouldn't post it. I've too much on my plate as is!)

Disclaimer: Not really necessary since everyone knows the drill….

PS- If anyone happens to know some outstanding L/J fics, would you mind recommending them? I haven't really circulated myself recently with all the awesome stories. Dang it, I actually feel old since I still remember finding Tropical Fishy's stories everywhere and all that stuff. Seriously scary. Seriously deranged. Seriously old (and it's only been a few years!)

Sirius's Serious Plot

Part One: Walking A Fine Line

"So you hate me? Not that I wasn't sure of the fact, I just want to have the words right you understand." The teenager shook back his hair and laughed at his companions shocked expression.

"Sure," she paused. "No, I don't hate you. I loathe you."

"Technically they're the same," he replied easily, not at all alarmed by the fact that she loathed him. He probably would have been more alarmed if she'd said the opposite. Actually, so alarmed that he'd probably apply for a place at Beauxbaton. And the only good thing that came from those French ninnies were that the girls were gorgeous and had sexy accents.

"I realized they were synonyms you idiot."

"I just wanted to be sure."

"Right." The girl rolled her eyes. Sometimes she just couldn't stand this guy. What was she saying? She always couldn't stand this guy!

"Hey! I did! So if they are synonyms how come I can't say you hate me?"

"What would you do if I did?"

"I'd say there's a thin line between love and hate," he smirked.

"Precisely. There is no thin line between us. It is very broad and has lots of fat orange elephants in between." She folded her arms smugly, glad that she'd managed to effectively win this argument. After all, she'd lost so many others.

"Sometimes you worry me."

"You always worry me."

"Well, much as I'd like to stay around and be insulted, I have someplace to be in the next ten minutes." James Potter yawned and pushed himself up off of the plush red chair he was presently sitting in.

"What a relief, I've been wondering when you were going to leave me alone!" Lily Evans glared at him with her large, green eyes. James found himself staring at her pretty, frowning pink lips. So nice…and soft…and- okay, he did NOT just think that. James snapped himself out of it.

"You know you'll miss me," he grinned while swiping his hair out of his eyes again. Lily found herself thinking how nice and soft his hair was…so silky…and black…and- good heavens, did she actually conjure that thought?

"Yeah, like my orange elephants miss their polka dotted food," Lily smirked sarcastically.

"So are you saying that I'm the nourishment of your heart and soul? Just kidding, just kidding!" James exclaimed while ducking a rather heavy text book that narrowly missed his head. "Sheesh, way to take a joke Evans."

"I believe you said you were leaving," Lily sniffed haughtily before returning her attention to the crackling fire in front of her. James was shocked (and dismayed- what of his reputation?) when he discovered he had been watching the light play on her hair for the five minutes after Lily had begun to ignore him. He left as soon as possible while concluding that such 'normal' conversations were dangerous. What do you expect with Evans? he scolded himself. Good grief, I'm starting to get senile in my old age. Imagine thinking Carrot over there attractive.

Lily buried her head in her hands as soon as James left. Idiot, idiot, idiot, she berated herself. Of all the stupid things to do! You know what happened the last time you actually talked in a normal voice with Potter~ you had a crush on him for a year. Oh you are so stupid, Lily Evans. I can tell, you're falling back in love with him again!

"No I am not!" Lily declared fiercely to the fireplace. "And I'll personally maim anybody who says I am." She stomped upstairs in high dungeon. Who asked Potter to be semi-nice anyway?

"Jamsie?"

Peter could not believe he was doing this. Of all the DIM-WITTED notions of Sirius (and there had been many) this was definitely leagues ahead of Padfoot's last plan. Last time he ever played the mockingbird again, that's for sure!

"What?" James looked up startled from his large helping of sausage and eggs. He could have sworn he'd just heard Evans' voice call him 'Jamsie'. The notion sent shivers down his back; James didn't want to know if they were good shivers or bad shivers…and he sure didn't want to find out, either!

"James are you feeling alright?" Remus asked with a perfectly straight face. Merlin help him, he was actually going along with Sirius' plan. He made a mental note never to do so again. "We didn't say anything." Now that he thought of it, where was Sirius anyway?

"Um, yeah, just fine," James admitted weakly. Oh, he was far from fine. In fact, he could tell the exact moment from which he hadn't been fine. Six o' clock on the dot last night when he first started talking to Lily. Speaking of which, where was Evans? She never missed an opportunity to humiliate him at breakfast.

"If you say so," Remus said in disbelief before squeezing some ketchup onto his own breakfast. He wondered just what Sirius was up to with this whole plan. Did he see something last night while Remus was out on a date?

Meanwhile, time seemed to stop for James as Lily walked into the Great Hall. Her hair seemed to have become a mass of curls over night and she was actually wearing a skirt underneath that loose robe of hers. A short skirt. James couldn't help but think that pout on her face was adorable. Why wasn't he the one causing it? Who had dared to cross over onto his territory? Well he was going to have to kill them, that much was for sure.

Lily paused and searched the Great Hall. James wanted to grin when he saw her look at him and narrow her eyes. The day just got better and better when she choose to march his way. This time James couldn't restrain his dimpled grin. Now, if only she could get close enough so that he could cover that pout with his own lips and kiss her over and- oh bloody hell! He did NOT just think that! Well, he did. And what was wrong with it, might he ask? He was a red-blooded teenager. He was allowed to think things like that, wasn't he? Not with Evans, he reminded himself consciously. She's too fun to mess with to actually mess up. Damn it, I wouldn't want to see her cry! James decided to ignore that last thought and instead concentrate on who had the nerve to intrude on his turf. Only he was allowed to torture Lily Evans.

"Potter!" her ringing tones managed to bring the attention of the entire Hall or at least the ones who hadn't already been caught up in her outfit.

"Evans, you rang?" James called with delight. Now here was something he could deal with!

"Potter," Lily stalked over to him menacingly. Once she was closer to him, James could tell that her shirt was quite clingy. And he could tell that she was equally unhappy about it. But if he could only press his lips up against her pink ones and- no, no, NO, James' mind shouted at him. We went over this already!

James Potter was pretty sure it was going to be a long day for him. He caught a glimpse through Lily's shirt which had become the tiniest bit transparent. A very long day.

"Evans?" James repeated. He had the feeling that this confrontation might be fun. Imagine the thrill James got in the space of a second when Lily grabbed onto his gold and scarlet tie! "Are you okay?" he managed to choke out while drowning in her flashing eyes.

"Potter, I don't know how the hell you managed to curl my hair or get rid of all my clothes except these but if you don't get- why are you looking at me like that? What, do I have spinach in my teeth or something?" Lily demanded of him. The way he was looking at her made her feel almost a little woozy. A little light headed too. These were definitely NOT good signs.

"Oh, it's nothing," James said as he drew Lily closer. Lily began to feel a little nervous. And just what did Potter think he was about?

"Um, heh heh, Potter? Are you feeling alright?" Of course he was! Never mind that he broke up with his last girlfriend only just an hour ago. He was feeling fine!

"Never better, Lily," James said softly as he wrapped his arms around her. The sweet thing was trembling! And then he kissed her.

Lily had the vague distinction that this was wrong as she was pressed tightly to James. Nobody could kiss like that! It should be made illegal! Her knees were practically liquefied but at the back of her mind, behind the tumult of excitement that James' lips were causing, she was feeling a bit of righteous anger. He didn't think that he could kidnap her clothes, kiss her, and then get away with it did he?

Remus' attention was drawn to the seat next to him as Sirius slid into it. "What did you do to them?" he whispered to his friend.

"Nothing that didn't want to be done," he answered innocently but he winked roguishly at Arabella Figg who was gazing at him suspiciously over her book. "Would I ever do something rotten to one of my best friends?" He widened his eyes at Remus, who rolled his own. Please, that thing only worked on the girls!

James was enjoying himself immensely. He was undoubtedly kissing the hottest girl in school. If he didn't stop soon, he didn't believe he'd ever stop. He started dropping kisses to the corner of her mouth, and down her chin and to her neck.

Lily's eyes flew open. This was not happening! Those hands tangled in her hair weren't James'. They weren't they couldn't be. It was impossible. As much as she wanted it, this had to stop. He was only doing it because she was wearing that damnable outfit.

"Potter, get your hands off me!" she snapped coldly. "What gives you the right to kiss me?"

"Lily," James said pleadingly as he stood up from his chair. Why did he feel empty without her in his arms? Oh damn, he was going to have to kill himself if he was in love with that she-witch, Lily.

"James Potter if you so much as make one more noise while I'm here," Lily threatened.

"But," James was shocked into silence as a resounding SLAP hit his jaw. "Evans, BY GOD IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN!" James roared at the top of his lungs. There was no way he was going to allow himself to be slapped around by Evans.

"Potter, you are stepping right back over that orange elephant line and you are NOT to bother me again," Lily ordered feeling rather hysterical. She left the Great Hall without so much as a bite to eat and never noticing that her hair and clothes were back to order. James sat down a bit awestruck at Lily's fury. He fingered his bruising face thoughtfully but it only served to remind him of the way Lily had looked when she had pulled away from him. What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he care? It was only Evans. James went back to eating his eggs and blatantly ignoring his friends. There was no reason for them to know that he was upset by this. Not that he was, of course

"Why are my friends so stupid?" Sirius muttered to himself. "Do I actually have to feed them a love potion or something?" Remus glanced sharply at his friend as soon as Sirius said that.

"Don't you dare!"

"I wonder where I can find the ingredients. Any ideas Peter?"

"If you think I'm going to actually-"

"Come on Peter!"

-*-*-*-