DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Warning: Disturbing and offensive humor

PROLOGUE

"OF THINGS TO COME"

CROSSROAD RESIDENCE

SAJI'S ROOM

6:45 A.M.

Kinue Crossroad slowly opened the door and tip-toed towards the bed of her younger brother. Saji was completely covered with a blanket and was sleeping soundly. She looked around to see if the coast is clear, hoping nobody would interrupt her. The room was completely quiet, save for the soft hum of the computer on the desk, right next to the School Days game case. "Here I come, Saji-kun." Kinue giggled and quickly removed the blanket. "Wake up, baby brother, and give big sister a nice…uh…what the hell is this? You're not my brother!" She gasped and took a step back.

It wasn't Saji who is sleeping on the bed, it was none other than Kira Yamato. "Yo." He sat up and saluted. The young Coordinator's eyes were sparkling and his bright smile nearly blinded her. "My name is Kira Yamato and I'm now the main character." He proudly pounded his chest. "Now before you say Gundam SEED Destiny, I just wanna-

"WHERE THE BLEEP IS MY BROTHER!?" Kinue took out her taser and zapped Kira in the nuts.

"Yeeeeouch! Can't you take a joke, lady!? Saji is not here, he left already! Hey! Quit poking me with that thing! It hurts like hell! Ow! Aaaah! Eeeek!" Kira's body trembled and his mouth began to foam.

"Good morning." Flay Allster came out from the closet.

"Flay, help me!"

"Well I'm gonna go take a shower now." She ignored the two and left the room.

LOCKON'S BAR

"A sequel?" Lockon Stratos raised one of his eyebrows while cleaning a beer mug. "You gotta be kidding me here. Happy Fun Times Meisters has a fricking sequel?"

"Oui." George de Sand raised his glass.

"Didn't we piss enough people already? They're gonna lynch us for this." The Irishman sighed.

"Indeed." The red-haired Frenchman agreed. "I fear for the worst, my friend."

"I don't know about you guys…" Klaus Grado entered the bar and joined them. "But I think this is my chance to shine and show everyone my awesomeness. I'm like the Roy Focker of the Gundam universe."

"Uh…" Lockon rubbed his temples.

"Ah pour 'amour de Dieu…" George shook his head and finished his drink.

"What? What's wrong with you people? I'm like the cool adult character here, right? The big brother. The caring Onii-san that everybody looks up to."

"The future isn't looking too bright." Lockon hang his head.

Feldt Grace came out of the kitchen and threw her apron at Lockon's face. "I'm quitting." She announced loudly and marched out of the building.

"I hate my life…" Lockon sat on the floor and hugged his knees.

"Listen…I could chase her for you and…"

"Screw you, Klaus!" Lockon sobbed. "Why do I feel a bad sense of dread?"

"Uh…Monsieur Lockon…I think your kitchen is on fire."

KRUNG THEP, MEDICAL FACILITY

EXAMINATION ROOM NO. 4

After hearing the reports of Shinn Asuka temporarily turning into a girl after being exposed to GN particles, Doctor Joyce Moreno invited the young Coordinator to his medical facility so he can examine his body and find a cure. The tragedy of the Plutone incident is still fresh in his mind and one could say he feels somewhat obligated to help when someone gets sick from GN particles exposure, no matter how strange the condition is. "Here are the results of the test." The good doctor entered the room while holding a clipboard.

"That's great, doc, but I really don't care about the results." Shinn smiled, he was sitting on the bed and only wearing his underwear.

"Huh? Aren't you worried, young man?"

"Nope." He shook his head. "In fact, the reason why I came here is because I want you to expose my body to GN particles so I can turn into a girl again."

"Uh…" A sweat drop appeared on Moreno's head. "Can I ask why?"

"That way I can wear Mayu's clothes and-

KER-CRASH! Lunamaria Hawke suddenly broke through the wall and she's carrying a rusty steel pipe. "Shiiiiiiiiiinn Asukaaaaaaaaaaa…" She hissed and proceeded to savagely beat her boyfriend with the pipe.

Moreno calmly walked away and picked up the intercom. "Hello? Linda? Yes, it's me. Can you send a stretcher to examination room number four? Yes, I'm fully aware that there's an intruder. Yes, the intruder is here and she's beating the life out of my patient. Oh and bring some painkillers too." He glanced back at the couple and winced. "Lots and lots of painkillers. A bottle of Scotch would also be nice."

SIDE 2, LONDENION COLONY

LONDO BELL HEADQUARTERS

"You!" Amuro Ray, now a super ultra sexy detective, pointed at an obese Earth Federation officer. "You're the killer! You're the one who killed Miss Thompson, Colonel Yoshida! After she found your secret stash of Gundam Wing yaoi doujinshi, you had no choice but to silence her in order to protect your position and reputation! I can't believe you would kill your own secretary, you swine! She wasn't even planning to expose your secret yet you still snuffed her out!" He was smoking a pipe and doing various dramatic poses.

"Me? The killer? Hah! You can't prove that! Where's your evidence then?"

"Evidence, you say?" The legendary ace pilot smiled. "I'll gladly show you some evidence, you murderous fiend. My partner, the infamous Red Comet, has found some solid and incriminating-

"Lieutenant Commander Ray!" A Federation soldier suddenly entered the room. "I got some bad news! Mr. Char Aznable has been arrested by the police!"

"WHAT!?" Amuro dropped his pipe. "Why? What happened?"

"Well you see…uh…it seems Mr. Aznable was found sneaking inside one of the local middle schools during the investigation and…umm...well…"

"Out with it, soldier!" Amuro stomped his feet, he was clearly frustrated and anxious.

"He made his way into the girls' locker room and stole some underwear. He then wore one of the panties over his head and started running around the campus like some maniac before getting caught by school security. They handed him over to the police two hours ago."

"But what about the evidence? He still has it, right? He told me he got the murder weapon and-

"Uh…you see…he kinda lost it when he was being chased by the guards."

"Oh God…"

"Also, all of his Puru clones have been taken custody by the welfare committee and-

"Shut-up. Just shut the hell up. I don't know any Char Aznable. He doesn't exist. No siree Bob! I'm a one man army and my rival is really Johnny Ridden." He was completely in denial.

"Well…err…I'll be leaving now." The suspect puts on his hat and walked towards the door.

"Not so fast, fatty!" Amuro quickly tackled the officer before he could even touch the doorknob. "Like hell I'm gonna let you escape!"

CELESTIAL BEING MOTHER SHIP

LIVING ROOM

Regene Regetta is playing the PS3 while Ribbons Almark watches. Both of them are sitting on the couch while Nibbles the cat is on the floor, playing with a ball of yarn. "Damn it. The gameplay is kinda weird and frustrating." Regene adjusted his glasses.

"What? This is Metal Gear Solid 4 we're talking about here, I don't think there's any gameplay at all. Looks like the creators forgot they're making a game."

"Uh…"

"Look, let's just play Zero Wing instead and laugh at the bad Engrish."

"No!"

"Oh c'mon, Regene. Let's do it for great justice."

"Meow."

"See? Nibbles is agreeing with me."

"He always agrees with you."

"That's because he's my cat, nimrod."

"I just wanna finish this game and be done with it. I need some closure."

"Uh guys…" Grave Violento's ghost appeared before them.

"Look Regene! Continuity!" Ribbons pointed and laughed.

"Screw you! Anyway, we got a problem…"

"We all have problems, Casper. It makes life interesting and stuff. Now go away!"

"Damn it! Look, there's something wrong with Tieria Erde…"

"Tell me something I don't know." Regene chuckled and continued watching…err…I mean playing.

"What about femboy?"

"He's been making too many Bring and Devine clones and they're all marching around-

"Naked?" Ribbons finished Grave's sentence and raised his eyebrow.

"Yes!"

"There's nothing we can do about it." Regene sighed. "Our link with VEDA has been cut off and he's the one in control now."

"Damn it!" Grave shouted.

"Nothing to get your spiritual panties in a twist, Grave." Ribbons opened a can of beer. "Besides, we got bigger problems to worry about." He nudged his head, pointing to a group of Earth Sphere Federation soldiers going in and out of the room. They seem to be bringing in a lot of equipment while ransacking the place. "Hello movie continuity." He sat back.

"Oh dear…" Regene sighed.

Suddenly, their television signal got hijacked by the Federation and a weird-looking officer appeared on the screen. "It's you!" Ribbons stood up.

"Who?" Grave scratched his head.

"I dunno…" The green-haired Innovade shrugged and smiled sheepishly. "I just felt like saying that."

"How are you, gentlemen…err…ladies…or something…" The officer cackled.

"I don't like where this is going." Regene rolled his eyes.

"Your mothership is belong to us!" The officer announced and clapped his hands.

"I HATE INTERNET MEMES!!!" Regene screamed.

"Meow."

"Nibbles agrees with you, Regene." Ribbons said and sat on the couch again.

"SHUT-UP!!! I HATE YOU TOO, RIBBONS ALMARK!!!"

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION

The woman known as Miss Ashkka was standing in the middle of a dark room. "So…" An unknown figure spoke, his whole body was covered by the shadows. "Saji Crossroad, eh? Interesting…"

"Yes, that's the name of the boy." The blonde woman took off her glasses and wiped them clean with her handkerchief. "The name of the young man who defeated Mitsuo Fukuda and foiled our plans of taking over the Gundam multiverse."

"So he's a threat to the Society then?"

"I believe so…"

"But we just can't take him out."

"I agree. We need to observe him first and I just got the right man for the job." Ashkka smiled.

SPECIAL ECONOMIC ZONE TOKYO

CITY PARK

4:02 P.M.

"I sense a…distortion!" Setsuna F. Seiei suddenly stood up as his eyes began to glow. Him, Saji and Louise Halevy are sitting on the bench and eating some ice cream.

"I sense a massive pounding coming up if you don't sit down." Louise was getting irritated.

"Now Louise…" Saji smiled nervously while trying to calm her down. "There's no need to get violent."

"Why is the world…distorted?" Setsuna asked.

"Because freaks like you inhabit it. Now sit the BLEEP down and eat your BLEEPing ice cream!"

"Gundam…"

INDUSTRIAL 7 COLONY

VIST FOUNDATION, MOBILE SUIT HANGAR BAY

"Anna and you must hate me to my very bones…" A dying Cardeas Vist said as he entrusted the RX-0 Unicorn Gundam to his estranged son, Banagher Links. "This machine will-

"Yoink!" Kira Yamato suddenly appeared and yanked the old man out of the Gundam's cockpit. "Hello Hajime Katoki sexiness." He fixed his collar as he entered the cockpit hatch.

"W-Who the hell are you!?" Banagher was shocked to see him.

"My name is Kira Yamato." He introduced himself. "And I'm now the main character, bitch!" He kicked the young man right in the face and also threw him out. "Oh boy!" He sat on the chair and rubbed his hands. "Now let's test this beautiful piece of hardware." He checked the control panel and frowned. "That's weird…" He then typed something on the keyboard. "Biometrics? Lock system? Eeeew! This thing runs on Vista! I guess that's why it's called Vist Foundations. Get it? Vist? Vista? Oh c'mon…"

STORY NOTES

Gundam fans! I'm sure by now most of you have seen the first episode of Mobile Suit Gundam Unicorn. After nearly a decade of the usual alternate universe offerings that have more or less defined the franchise, Sunrise finally treated the legions of UC fanboys with the spectacle that is known as Unicorn Gundam and I have to say, it's a very tasty spectacle and I'm sure it will be universally embraced if they don't drop the ball. The first episode of the OVA is pretty orgasmic. The animation is slick, characters compelling, the plot is interesting and the nostalgia…ahh…the nostalgia! Gundam Unicorn is clearly a reply to years of fan prayer. I'm sure they omitted some stuff from the original novel but so far the OVA series is looking pretty great.

Anyhoo! Back to Happy Fun Times Meisters! Actually, I was planning to write another chapter of Remnants but I got a nasty touch of writer's block. Not to mention I was feeling depressed and so I decided to write the prologue of Happy Fun Times Meisters Forever, the new ongoing sequel to Happy Fun Times Meisters. What can you expect from Forever? Well the humor will still be the same, if you hated the original then I'm sure you're gonna hate this one too. Peppered with self-depreciation humor, weaboo culture and Universal Century fapping, you'll either be amused or disgusted. Or course, I will be including original characters like Miss Ashkka and others.

Well that's pretty much it. Feel free to post some reviews and criticisms, just don't flame me. Please.