Bill Nye The Science Guy
Bill Nye was lecturing the children on the law of friction by rubbing a balloon on his groin. The children watched in amazement as his pants began to tighten, and the balloon stuck to something protruding out of his corduroys. A stifling sensation shot up through his ribcage and furrowed his brow as he clamped down on his bottom lip.
The children sat around wide-eyed, scared and confused at the protrusion that was Bill Nye's pants. Most of the kids turned to one another to share awkward glances and disbelief at the scientist before them. Charlie raised his hand to ask Bill Nye a very serious question.
"What is in your pants, Bill Nye?" the English boy asked, his accent sending Bill nearly over the edge, into a euphoric state.
"Well, Charlie," Bill Nye began. "It's science! The science of male anatomy."
"What does that mean?" A black kid asked.
"Well, Latisha, it basically means that I am getting an erection," he smirked.
"And that means what exactly?" Bobby Brown asked in return.
"It means I am excited in the pants. I want to rape each and every one of you small children anally. I think that would be the cleanest, purest, pleasure ever,"
Chris Hansen then entered the scene through a beaded curtain to Bill Nye's left side. Of course, it made sense Bill did not see this curtain before, as his experiments left him blinded in the left eye. Also, Chris Hansen is a space entity so it's not very hard for him to get around with other people unawares. The children then took their exits and Chris stared at Bill Nye.
"Why don't you take a seat," Chris began to which Bill replies:
"There are no seats,"
Chris Hansen then built Bill Nye a makeshift seat out of his crazy space quantum physics. Chris then leapt onto the fridge and pissed on Bill Nye's PSP. Bill got very pissed and punched Rihanna repeatedly in the face. This resulted in global news getting the footage of the attack and putting it on Chris Brown's myspace to frame him. This, of course, is because George Bush doesn't care about black people, so to quote Kanye West. Which, really, is amazing since America is now ruled by a half black dude with really high up ears. Seriously, what the fuck is up with Barrack's ears… They're too high, and he looks really scary… Also, he is half a midget, and takes it anally from a zebra named Maurice Del Taco on a daily basis. The Zebra is Mexican.
So, after that whole ordeal, Bill Nye and Chris Hansen were still discussing the pedophiling techniques, then realized their time would be better spent cuddling on a bear skin rug watching reruns of Friends. Bill Nye then disagrees about who the best Friend's character is, so they lick nipples in order to decide on whom really is the best character. They chose Joey.
Just then as they were finally agreeing that Joey was the chosen Friend's actor, they were savagely attacked by Barbarians from the Black Lagoon. Who all share the same name, Zortalk Pinecorn Fredrick Tatum. Seriously, everyone of them has this name… There was like 20 some odd fucking Barbarians all sharing this name… It must be confusing. But yet not as confusing at Bill Nye and Chris Hansen's love affair, which really… It's surprisingly sexy and arousing even.
Figuring their lives were in danger, and considering one of the Barbarians pissed on Chris's PSP they decided it was best to fight off the hoard using intense gymnastic routines. Chris Hansen did a double handspring, triple sow cow plant smear, which resulted in every Barbarian having anal atrocities and giving each and everyone of them a mild dose of Cancer… Of the urethra which killed them all instantly. Gymnastics is amazing kids. Learn it. It will save your life. Pinecorn.
A random passerby, named Jesse Metcalfe walked through the front lawn of Bill Nye's house, wanting to bring mail to him, and then he was savagely attacked by Bill and Chris, who raped him mercilessly.
"Don't you think I'm pretty?" Bill asked.
"yea," jesse Metcalf replied, "You're a knockout" to which he then punched Bill Nye in the face, breakin his nose and resulting in bloodshed. And then zombies attacked and killed absoluitely everyone, but it was okay. Because the zombies weren't dead for long, as they come back to life after death to fuck shit up. And then I used a phoenix down and fucked more shit up,. I also just farted… enjoy calvin…. The end!