"Coffee, coffee, coffee!" a high-pitched voice squealed into Jess' ear. He flinched and looked up from his book. Lorelai and Rory were standing at the counter giggling and waiting impatiently for their coffee. Jess sat his book aside on the counter and turned around to the coffee pots.
"Decaf right?" Jess asked, baiting Lorelai for no reason.
"Only if you want to die."
Jess poured two mugs of regular coffee and placed them on the counter. Rory had picked up his book and was scanning the back cover of Cat's Cradle. Her fingers rubbed against the paperback as her eyes scanned the words. "I could never get into Vonnegut," she admitted.
Lorelai picked up her coffee and sipped but Rory kept herself focused on the book. Jess could feel Lorelai's eyes watching them, making him second guess his every word. She didn't like him. He had given her no reason to. He didn't really care, though. Why should he? He liked Rory well enough; they could talk books for hours, but there was no reason for him to try to forge a relationship with Rory's flighty mother.
"Too meta?" Jess asked.
Rory nodded and finally handed him back his book, exchanging it for coffee.
Jess wanted to encourage her to give it another shot. Sure, Vonnegut could be meta, and a little out there—okay, a lot out there—but he thought she'd like the message behind his books. His politics were just her speed. Jess almost told her she could borrow the book—he had already read it a bunch of times anyway—but the words wouldn't come out.
"Oh well," he said and went back to reading.
Rory and Lorelai walked away from the counter and found a table to share. Every few minutes Jess peered up from the book and stole a glance at Rory. Boy, did he have it bad for her.
A thudding sound echoed down the backroom's stairs, and then Luke appeared from behind the privacy curtain that hid the entrance to the upstairs apartment. He glanced around the diner floor before passing behind the counter and making his way to Jess. "Everything good?"
"Everything's good," Jess said.
"Good."
It had only been a few weeks since he moved to Stars Hollow and Jess and Luke still hadn't gotten the communication down pat. He would never admit it but the uncomfortableness he felt whenever his uncle spoke was bothersome. It wasn't that Jess was exactly chatty, but Luke was still such a stranger to him. On top of being forced to leave behind everything he had ever known and move to the world's kookiest town he also felt isolated in his own home. At least when he lived with Liz they knew each other's routines and were able to gauge each other's moods.
"So I have to do a pickup," Luke said.
"Fascinating," Jess said and turned the page, trying to concentrate on the words in his book. None of the patrons seemed to want his attention so why was Luke ruining his golden opportunity to catch up on reading?
"Hey, you want to do it?" Luke asked. "It's only in Woodbridge, so it's about a ten-minute drive. I've been dealing with deliveries and paperwork all day though and don't want to deal."
"Pass," Jess said. He turned the page back as he lost his place. He was only half paying attention to Luke, but even if he had been, he wasn't about to do Luke any favors.
"I'll pay you."
Jess placed the book on the counter and glared at Luke while he considered the offer for a moment. Luke wanted to send him on an errand, get him out of this town that was making him stir-crazy and pay him for it. It sounded like a good deal. The problem was Jess knew he couldn't take Luke up on it. He didn't have a license. Instead, he opted to annoy Luke out of the offer. Better to let him rescind it than realize Jess was just incapable. "The fact that you weren't going to pay in the first place for what is diner business makes me want to do it even less."
"Picking up supplies aren't part of the job description, Jess. But you'd be it doing as a favor to me, your uncle, not me your boss. I'll pay out of pocket."
"You're two people now?"
"What's minimum wage for non-servers nowadays? Six bucks an hour? I'll pay you ten, under the table, not taxable. For just twenty minutes of your time."
"I don't think Taylor and the rest of the business community are going to like you skirting wage laws like that," Jess said.
"Jess!" Luke said, clearly getting frustrated. "Fine, I'll do it myself." Luke patted himself to find his keys and stormed back upstairs.
"Wait!" Jess said and followed after him, now feeling bad. Why did he always have to piss everyone off?
Luke stormed into the upstairs apartment and found his keys on the table. "You wanna go now?" Luke asked when he turned and faced Jess. The annoyance in his tone was clear.
Jess had only followed him up there to…well he wasn't sure why he followed Luke up. It wasn't to say he was sorry, Jess didn't do apologies. Maybe he just wanted Luke to know he was done busting his balls, at least for the time being. There was a stack of papers littering the kitchen table, though, and it was clear to anyone with eyes that Luke was swamped with something. He had been running in and out of the diner all day too. He clearly needed a break.
How hard could driving be anyway? You put your foot on the gas and it goes, and you put your foot on the break and it stops. There was also some steering involved, but other than that it seems easy as pie.
"Fine," Jess said. His tone was annoyed too. Why did he have to act like such a jerk when he was trying to be nice and helpful. What was wrong with him? Jess snatched the keys from Luke and went downstairs.
"You know how to drive a stick, right?" Luke asked, apparently now curious about Jess' driving abilities. Still, the realization that Jess grew up in New York City and had relied on public transportation his whole life still hadn't seemed to occur to Luke.
"Yup," Jess lied. How much harder could it be than a regular car? He didn't know what he was doing either way anyway. Jess pushed through the downstairs privacy curtains and hurried outside.
Luke's truck was parked a block away, outside of Doose's market. Rory's bagboy boyfriend with the floppy hair was stocking fruit and vegetables onto the outside display. Jess must have caught his eye because the bagboy gave a half-smile and a wave. Douchebag. Jess turned his head away, pretending not to see and got into the truck. He didn't like Dean. Maybe it was jealousy over Rory, but Jess was convinced it was something more. Dean just seemed too much like the stereotypical captain of the football team from one of those dumb teen movies. No one's life was that perfect in real life. Something had to be off about Dean.
When Jess looked in the rearview mirror while adjusting it the bagboy was gone. Jess continued to stall for a few more moments, making minor adjustments before he finally put the key in the ignition. Then he placed his foot against what he was pretty sure was the brake pad. The engine didn't suddenly roar so he was pretty sure he was doing it right. Then he looked down at the gear shift. It made no sense at all. It was just a stick that could be moved any which way. Well, better try something.
He held down the stick and moved it to the top left corner as he took his foot off the break. The car buckled, moved forward an inch and then stopped. That wasn't right. He tried moving the stick down and to the right, and applied the gas again.
Jess' body was slammed forward as the car suddenly went into reverse. With the moment of being flung forward his foot accidentally pressed on the gas harder, and the truck flew backward, over the curb and into Taylor Doose's fruit stand. Then the truck stalled.
It took Jess a moment to realize what happened. His heart was racing and he was pretty sure he bumped his chin against the steering wheel.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Luke was going to kill him. Luke was going to do worse than kill him. Jess got out of the car to check out the damage. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. He wasn't badly injured, so that meant it couldn't have been as bad as it was in his head. He slowly crept behind the truck, praying that bagboy had stayed wherever he had gone and had not come back to get squished by Jess' lack of driving skills. When all he saw was a broken stand and fruit smattered against the bed of the truck he let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.
The bell to Doose's market rang and out popped a handful of patrons and employees, including bagboy. Behind him stood Taylor.
"No, no, no!" Taylor yelled. "We just stocked that stand. That's half my fruit supply. Where is everyone going to get their pumpkins and squashes and gourds? "
People were starting to come out of the diner now too. Luke was leading the charge and he looked even angrier than Taylor. His nose flared and he scowled at Jess.
"What the Hell did you do?" Luke screamed.
Jess' eyes darted toward the road. Should he run away? Or would that only make things worse?
There was only one way out of this. He needed to turn this around and make it Luke's fault. Luke probably wouldn't beat him if he thought Jess did nothing wrong.
"Your truck's a piece of crap!" Jess yelled. "The stick shift got stuck. What the Hell is wrong with you putting me in a truck as jacked up as that?"
Luke's expression softened and he blinked. "Are you—"
"I'm fine!" Jess said and stormed pass Luke, only stopping to toss him the keys. "Fix that death trap before someone gets hurt."
A crowd from both the diner, Doose's and plain old pedestrians had started forming. Lorelai and Rory were chief among them. Predictably Lorelai went straight to Luke, but Rory followed Jess.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
Jess ignored her and went into the now empty diner. She followed him upstairs. Before he reached the apartment door she grabbed his hand and pulled him toward her. He stared down at the hand. What was this? Didn't she have a boyfriend? Why was she fawning over him when bagboy was the one who almost got squashed?
"Go check on your boyfriend."
Rory's eyes went wide and her voice became higher in pitch. "Why? Did he get hurt in the accident?"
"Almost. He went inside right before it happened. Too bad, too. Bagboys are worth twenty points."
"So he didn't get hit? He's fine?"
Jess shrugged. "If you think his usual state is fine." He finally let go of her hand and opened the apartment door, going inside. Of course, she followed.
"Jess, you're bleeding," she said.
Jess touched his chin where he had been smacked against the steering wheel. It was wet. "Shit!" he said. He climbed over the mound of stuff that had been encroaching on the apartment ever since his mom started to ship his things here, and went into the bathroom.
"This place is a mess!" Rory called after him.
"Thanks for pointing out the obvious," he called back. He looked in the mirror and she was right. He was bleeding on the chin, but only slightly. He opened the medicine cabinet and found Luke's first aid kid. It was a good thing Luke was into survivalist and stuff like that because the cabinet was stocked to the brim. He found a large-sized band-aid and applied it to his face.
The sound of the front door could be heard from the bathroom, followed by Luke's voice. "What are you doing here? Is Jess here?"
"He's in the bathroom," Rory said. "He's bleeding. You should take him to the hospital."
Jess slammed the first aid kit shut. "I don't need a hospital. I'm fine."
"You hit your head," Rory called at him. "You could have a concussion." When Jess turned around to make his escape through his pile of crap that littered the bedroom he could see Rory peaking over the things to try to get a glance at him. After a moment Luke joined her.
"I didn't hit my head. I hit my chin. I might have a loose tooth, not a concussion." Jess jumped over a pile of bags and jumped onto Luke's bed, using it to walk unfettered against the bulk of the room.
"Not on the bed! Not with shoes on!" Luke said for the umpteenth time since all of Jess' crap had arrived. Jess hadn't listened before and he wasn't going to listen now. Walking on Luke's bed was simply faster.
Jess jumped off Luke's bed and onto his, which laid on the ground next to Luke's bed. Once he was off that he was able to easily reach Rory and Luke in the kitchenette, which wasn't nearly as taken over by his junk.
"You could still have a concussion. You don't know. Let a doctor make that determination."
"I'm fine," Jess repeated. "My name is Jess. The year is 2001. The president is Bush. Can you drop this now?"
"That doesn't prove anything!" Rory whined. Her concern was touching but not needed and a little melodramatic. Jess had suffered much worse injuries than this during his life without anyone giving a crap. Why did she care so much?
"I'm not dizzy. At all. My chin hurts a little. That's it. You can leave now."
Rory looked over at Luke, using those big puppy dog eyes of her on him.
"It's okay, Rory," Luke said. "I got him covered. Thanks for being there for him, but your mom is downstairs and probably looking for you."
"Okay," Rory agreed. "But seriously, if he's even slightly off bring him to the ER, okay?"
Luke agreed and walked her to the door. Once she was gone he said to Jess, "You sure you're okay?" he asked.
"Yeah," Jess said. "Just get your truck fixed, okay?"
Luke agreed again and left the matter dropped. At least for the time being.
"Other than bodywork on the rear end there is nothing wrong with this truck," Gypsy said. She cleaned oil off her hands with a hand towel as Luke took a peak inside the engine of his truck. He had dropped it off at Gypsy's auto shop right after the crash.
"Are you sure?" Luke asked. "You checked the shift?"
"I checked everything. This truck runs perfectly."
"Could you look again?" Luke asked.
"You want another inspection, you pay twice."
"What?"
"I already did an inspection. I found nothing. If I do another I'll find nothing again. Another inspection is another job, so you got to pay for it. I'm good either way, just pay me for my work."
"Never mind," Luke mumbled. Gypsy was always trying to take people to the cleaners with their repairs. Luke was usually lucky enough to be able to do his repairs himself, but he couldn't find anything wrong with the car like Jess said there was. He needed an expert. Unfortunately, the expert found nothing wrong either. Which meant the problem wasn't with the car. It was with Jess.
"You sure?" Gypsy asked.
"Just give me my keys."
Gypsy handed him the keys. "This check better not bounce," she warned.
Luke got into the car and easily shifted it into gear and moved the car away from the shop. The drive back to the diner wasn't too long, but it gave him time to think about what he was going to do with Jess. Why did Jess crash the car? Was he just an idiot or was there something wrong with him? He had been so insistent that he didn't want to get checked out after the accident. Should Luke have pushed him further? Maybe something happened before the crash that caused him to lose control.
Whatever it was the only way Luke was going to get answers was by going directly to the source. When he arrived at the diner he went directly upstairs and found Jess lounging on his mattress reading a book while what could only be described as noise played at eardrum puncturing levels.
Luke found the speakers pumping out that disgrace for music and turned it off.
"I was listening to that," Jess said without taking his eyes off his book.
"You were causing permanent hearing loss."
Jess took his eyes off his book for a second to clearly roll his eyes at his uncle before returning to the book.
"Jess, we need to talk."
"Gosh, Brittany you're not breaking up with me already, are you?"
"Jess."
The teen rebel slammed the book shut, but it being a soft cover it didn't make much of a sound. "What do you want?"
"Come sit at the table," Luke said. He took his own seat there.
"Why?"
"So I can talk to you." From where Jess sat he could barely see the boy. The floor was covered in crap. They really needed a better organizational system for Jess' things. And this wasn't even all of it. Liz was supposed to send another batch of stuff next week.
"Why do you need to be in arms reach of me to talk to me?" Jess asked.
Luke blinked. Arms reach? He only wanted to see Jess' face when they spoke. It dawned on Luke that he didn't know much about Jess' homelife before he came here. Liz hadn't told him much and Jess had said even less. Jess was closed off and unserious. Luke had always chalked it up to teenage brattiness but was there something more?
"Jess," Luke asked, "did Liz hit you."
That got Jess' attention. His head snapped up and his eyes turned into a glare. "What? No! Where the Hell are you getting this crap from?"
"Well you said you didn't want to be in arm's reach of me, what am I supposed to think?"
Jess finally got up and climbed his way out of his pile of crap. He reached the kitchenette but didn't sit down. Instead he made a beeline for the door. "I'm not talking to you about this."
"Jess stop!"
Jess didn't stop. He put on his coat.
Luke got up and stood in front of the door, blocking Jess' only exit. "Stop!"
Jess' eyes darts around the room. They went from the door to a window to another window. Jess backed away from the door. "You don't get to just trap me in an apartment because you're taller than me!" Jess yelled at him. He was getting scarily closed to the kitchen window now. Jess wouldn't do something stupid like jump, right? When Jess began to pace Luke's fears pacified, but only slightly. Jess ripped his jacket back off and threw it to the floor, his breathing ragged.
"Jess, calm down, I'm not trying to fight with you. I wanted to talk about the accident.
"That wasn't my fault!" Jess said. He jabbed a finger towards Luke's face.
Instinct told Luke to smack the hand away, but he resisted. Jess might be rude but reacting aggressively was the last thing they needed right now. One of them needed to keep a cool head. It was just unfortunately that someone as hotheaded as Luke was going to have to be that person. He took a deep breath. "I know. I'm just concerned about you. Are you okay?"
Jess blinked and slowly lowered his hand. "What?" All the anger from his voice was gone.
"I asked if you were okay. Sit down. Talk to me. Tell me what happened yesterday."
Jess took a few seconds to comply.
"You're not going to hit me?" Jess asked.
There it was again. Jess' reaction was to assume violence. What had happened to Jess to make him this way? The instinctual parental rage people felt when they found out their kid's been hurt suddenly rose in Luke. He forgot about the accident. Who the fuck hurt his kid?
"Did Liz hit you?" Luke asked again.
"No!" Jess denied again. Luke wasn't sure if Jess was telling the truth or not. Luke was usually able to tell, Jess wasn't exactly a good liar, but for some reason Luke couldn't pick up on any tells or sincerity. Jess' face was now turning red. "I thought you were going to yell at me about the truck."
"Forget about the damn truck. "What the Hell did Liz do to you?" Luke asked.
"Liz didn't do anything. That's the point. No one ever did shit for me. So stop pretending you're any different."
It all became clear. Liz never hurt Jess. But someone else had, and Liz didn't put a stop to it. Luke felt sick to his stomach. He knew Liz had her problems and wasn't the greatest mother, but he always thought she at least tried to do right by Jess. But this poor kid had been betrayed by everyone he was ever supposed to trust. How was Luke supposed to ever help him when he was so damaged?
At least he finally knew a little bit more why Jess was the reason he was. This was the most information about Jess' past he had ever gotten. Jess clearly didn't want to divulge into this any further and Luke wouldn't push him until he was a little more ready.
He changed the subject.
"Gypsy said there's nothing wrong with the truck."
Jess let out a heavy sigh. Normal coloring started to resume to his face and he leaned back in his chair casually. "Well then Gypsy is wrong."
"Gypsy is never wrong about cars."
"Well I don't know what to tell you," Jess snapped, his shoulders tensing again. "The truck wasn't working when I was behind it. Maybe when it slammed against the market, whatever was causing the problem got knocked back into place."
"That's not how cars work, Jess!" Luke said. He sighed. "Look, none of this matters. That trucks fine which means the problem is you. Now I'm not upset—I'm not upset Jess, really-I just want to know how you could have made such a big mistake. Are you okay? You're not having any health problems or anything like that, are you?"
"Oh yeah, sometimes I suddenly get the urge to drive trucks into fruit stands. Didn't I mention that before?"
"Jess!" The kid could so easily aggravate Luke, even when he was trying his damnest to stay calm. How did Jess do that so easily?
"It was an accident. Can we just forget about it already?"
"Are you sure you know how to drive stick?" Luke asked.
"Yeah," Jess said. He avoided eye contact again, one of his tells for lying.
Luke stared at him until Jess awkwardly tried to stand up.
"Sit back down!" Luke yelled at him.
Jess did was he was told and twiddled with his hands. He picked a pen off the table and clicked it as Luke tried to gather his thoughts. Jess was always doing something with his hands when he was nervous.
"You lied to me. You can't drive a stick-shift. What the Hell were you thinking. You could have gotten yourself killed, or someone else? You almost ran over Dean, for Christsake."
"Please, as if anyone would weep if Dean was splattered on the sidewalk. I would've been doing this town a favor."
"Jess!" Luke screamed.
"Hey, ten bucks were on the line."
"Well that was a pretty stupid gamble since Taylor told me repairs are going to be at least fifty. Which you'll be paying for out of your own pocket, by the way."
That wiped the smug look on Jess' face off.
"This is about the dumbest thing you've done since you moved here, and you've already pulled a lot of dumb crap. Get out of my face."
Jess stood up.
"Wait no. I'm leaving. You are not to leave this apartment unless it is to get food from downstairs. Do I make myself clear?"
Jess glared at him. "Peachy."
"Good." And with that Luke stormed out of the apartment and went downstairs. Jess was going to be the death of him, he swore.
Jess liked to push boundaries but even he wasn't stupid enough to try to push Luke's after that argument. He stayed locked upstairs in the apartment for the rest of the day like a good little boy. Halfway through the punishment he realized he was effectly grounded. He had never been grounded before. Liz didn't really do rules or punishments. It was almost cute in a domestic sort of way.
It would be easy for Jess to escape through the back of Luke's, but something kept him where he was. Maybe it was guilt. Luke had this weird effect where Jess actually cared about making him proud and disappointing him was the worst feeling in the world. Jess never cared if he disappointed Liz, so why did he care so much about Luke?
Hours went by before Luke returned. By that time Jess had finished Cat's Cradle and had moved onto Do Android Dream of Electric Sheep? Though he owned his own copy, which was still with the rest of his stuff at Liz', he had found this particular copy on Luke's bookshelf and was now reading it, trying to figure out why Luke owned it. Luke wasn't much of a reader, after all.
Luke put two plates of burgers down and started eating his own. He didn't even called Jess for dinner. Clearly the silent treatment had been enacted.
Jess got off his bed and joined Luke at the table. Each took bite after bite without saying a word. Usually Jess would have preferred a silent dinner, but the reason behind this one was killing him.
"I can't drive," Jess finally said.
"Yeah, you made that perfectly clear," Luke said.
"No, I mean Liz never taught me."
Luke put down his burger and stared at Jess.
"I grew up in New York City, you know. No one ever really has a reason to drive there. I took drivers ed, and passed the test for my permit, but Liz didn't have a car so I never got a chance to practice or take the road test."
"You can't drive?" Luke repeated, his voice raised.
"That's what I said, Columbo."
"Hey, don't get smart with me. What the Hell were you doing trying to drive my truck if you knew you couldn't drive?"
Jess shrugged.
"You better do better than that if you ever want to see the light of day ever again."
"Hey, I told you I didn't want to go on the errand. You kept insisting and insisting until you made me feel like an asshole. And you seemed swamped and I was just trying to help you out."
"By making my day even more frustrating?"
Jess stared out the window. The sun had set so he was pretty much just staring into the darkness. "I didn't plan on crashing it, Luke. I fucked up. Sorry."
Luke was silent for a long time. He went back to eating his burger. Apparently the silent treatment was back up.
Jess picked up his plate to bring it downstairs to be cleaned but Luke told him to stop.
"What you did was stupid," Luke said. "And irresponsible and dangerous and so many other things."
"You've already said all this, Luke."
Luke put his hand up to shut Jess up. "And me and you are going to have some trust issues for a while because of this."
"Because we're so close right now, right?"
"Jess, could you shut up for five minutes and stop with the attitude? I'm trying to help you."
Jess had to hold back another sarcastic remark.
"I'm very upset with you…but, every teenager should learn how to drive."
"What?" Jess asked.
"Grab the keys, dumbass. You're about to get your first lesson."
Jess and Luke got in the truck outside, Jess sitting in the driver seat and Luke in the passenger seat.
"Alright, first thing's first: safety. Check your mirror, make sure you can get a full view of everything, you need to see what's behind you and on the sides. There will be a blind spot in your sideview mirrors, so when you need to look that way you'll actually need to turn around and look behind you. Always check your blind spot! Your head should always be on a swivel."
A few people walked by the truck, heading to whatever shops they were going to. In a town like Stars Hollow you are always under a microscope.
Jess' fingers tensed on the steering wheel and he didn't adjust his mirrors.
"Jess? Are you listening? We're not doing this if you're not going to listen."
"Could we do this somewhere else?"
"What?"
"Like outside of Stars Hollow. You could drive there and we can find an abandoned parking lot where no one can see us, or something like that?"
Luke bit his cheek and stared at the boy. "You don't want people to know you can't drive," he realized.
"It's embarrassing, okay? I'm seventeen. I was supposed to learn this a year ago. Every other seventeen-year-old in this town knows how to drive."
"That's not true. Lane can't drive. I've seen Mrs. Kim try to teach her a couple of times and it always ends in a screaming match."
"Luke."
"It's not embarrassing, kid. You're at the age when you're supposed to learn how to drive. You're over thinking this."
"Can you please just take me somewhere else?"
Jess didn't like to be vulnerable, that much was clear. Besides, it was probably a better idea to teach Jess without the town knowing. If Taylor found out Jess crashed the truck because he didn't have a license Luke would never hear the end of it. He was lucky enough that Taylor was willing to let Luke pay for the damages out of pocket, although that was mostly because Taylor didn't want his insurance to go up.
"Fine," Luke said and switched seats with Jess. Once they were in their new seats Luke headed toward Woodbury. It was another small town, just across the town lines, but no one there would know Jess. The ride over was quiet. Jess read his book in the passenger seat while Luke concentrated on the road.
"You know, you can't read while driving," Luke said.
Jess closed the book, and while Luke's eyes were firmly cemented on the road he could feel a glare.
"I'm not an idiot," Jess said.
"That has yet to be determined," Luke said. "Look, I just want to make sure you're gonna be safe…I've never taught anyone to drive before."
"So I'm your test dummy, huh?"
"You're some kind of dummy," Luke said. "Look, I just mean…I care about you, you know that, right? And don't want you to get hurt. Cars are dangerous, and this truck is much bigger than a car. I know you like to joke around a lot and not take anything seriously but-but this has to be serious, okay? No fooling around. Not today, not ever when your behind any wheel."
"Uh-huh," Jess said.
Luke should have known he wouldn't get a more genuine reaction from Jess. At least they weren't arguing like Lane and Mrs. Kim. That was a start.
Luke pulled into the parking lot of a strip mall and parked the car. He and Jess switched seats once more.
"Okay, so remember, mirrors first."
"Right," Jess said and adjusted the rearview mirror.
"You want to be able to see the cars behind you."
"Yeah, got that. No need to worry about me checking my makeup, Luke." Jess jiggled with the controls on the door to move the sideview mirrors.
"Now those should be high enough that you can see behind you and to the side, but you'll never cover your whole blind spot—"
"So check by turning around, got it. You already said all this stuff when we were in Stars Hollow, you know?"
"And I'm going to keep repeating everything until it's penetrated that thick head of yours."
There was a very distinct eye roll coming from the driver's seat. Luke didn't care. He needed to drill into Jess how serious this was. If Jess fucked up again a lot worse things could happen than some smashed fruit.
"Mirrors are all set. Now what?"
"Okay, you see how there are three pedals instead of two?" Luke asked.
"I was wondering about that," Jess said. "One's the clutch, right?"
"The one furthest to your right is the gas. In the middle is the break. You use your right foot for both. On the left is the clutch, you use your left foot. Now press down on the clutch and the break, press them all the way down, and turn the car on."
As Jess turned the key the engine flared to life. It roared louder than usual, as Jess was a little too heavy handed with the starter.
"Foot off the clutch, slowly, and move the shift into first gear—that's the upper left corner of the stick."
Jess slowly lifted his foot and then stared at the stick shift for a moment before moving it exactly as described by Luke. Everything was going good so far. Jess even seemed to be taking this seriously now instead of goofing off or giving Luke an attitude. His concentration was completely focused on the automobile. That was a good sign for the future. Maybe Jess could be a responsible driver.
"Okay, move your foot off the parking break and onto the gas. You're trying to get it to about 1500 RPMs." Luke tapped the revolutions per minute gage on the instrument panel.
Jess moved his foot, slowly again, and the truck began to inch forward. He pressed his foot down on the gas, still moving it slowly. The car stalled out.
Jess' brow wrinkled. "What did I do?"
"Didn't do it fast enough so it stalled. It's okay. Try again. Put your foot back on the clutch and break."
Jess let out the heaviest sigh Luke had ever heard and started the process all over. It ended in another stall.
Jess punched the dashboard. "This is stupid. It makes no friggin' sense! Why am I even trying to learn this? What do I need to know about cars for? I won't need it when I'm back in New York!"
"Calm down!" Luke yelled. The last part of Jess' rant struck him, though. Luke never really thought about the future, or where Jess would end up. You couldn't plan ahead with a kid like Jess, it was just impossible to know what would be up with him in a week, never mind in a few months or years. But somehow Luke had gotten so used to Jess' presence that he never considered the possibility of Jess returning to New York. Jess in his apartment was his new reality and he didn't like to think about the kid dreaming of returning home. Besides, there wasn't much a home for Jess to return to. It wasn't like Liz was a proper mother.
"What do you mean back in New York?" Luke asked. "You making plans I'm not aware of?"
Jess gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white and stared out the windshield. "This isn't permanent," Jess said quietly. "Liz will cool down. She'll let me come back home."
Luke tapped his fingers against the console. Would that be for the best? Isn't that what Luke had wanted, for Liz to step up and be the mother she was supposed to? So why did the idea of that happening hurt him so much? "Is that really what you want?"
"Since when does anyone care what I want?"
"I care."
Jess made a "tsk" sound but offered no argument.
"I'm serious, Jess. I care. And I know you don't love it in Stars Hollow and we don't always get along, but, generally speaking, I like having you around. I do. It's nice to have someone else who's grounded in this reality whenever the town goes looney."
"You mean every Tuesday?"
"I mean every day, Jess. I like having you around. You're a huge pain in my ass, but I wouldn't have it any other way. You keep your nose clean and there will always be a place for you in my apartment. I won't just ship you off to the next relative on the list."
"And if I don't keep my nose clean?" Jess asked.
"What?"
"If I don't keep my nose clean? If I fuck up and ruin my life, and yours too? What then? Then do you kick me out? When do you decide I'm not worth it?"
Luke sighed. Maybe he had chosen the wrong choice of words. How did he get Jess to understand his love wasn't conditional, Jess just had to want and accept it. "Listen kid, as long as your willing to fess up to your mistakes, take responsibility and fix it I'll be willing to help you out. We got a deal?"
Jess didn't respond for a long time. Luke began to wonder if this was some sort of silent treatment. Finally, Jess said, "So should I try it again?"
It took Luke a moment to realize Jess was talking about the truck. "Yeah," Luke said, quietly, trying not to think too much about how Jess avoided agreeing to the deal.
Jess reset his feet, placing them back on both the clutch and the break. First, he depressed the clutch, then the brake, then applied pressure to the gas pedal. The car inched forward, and then continue to move smoothly.
"Hey, I did it!" Jess said. He smiled cheek to cheek. It was a genuine smile, full of joy, instead of Jess' usual sarcastic smirk.
Luke smiled back at him. They were only going about 2 miles per hours, but it felt like a victory all the same.
"Okay, we're coming up to a stop sign. Now apply the brake very slowly."
The car slammed to a stop, sending them both flying as forward as their seatbelts would let them. "Sorry," Jess mumbled.
"Don't apologize. You'll get the feel for it. Okay, look both ways, and then if you're sure they're no one there, take your foot off the break again."
"What do you mean if I'm sure? There's no one here. This parking lot is empty except for us. Do you see someone I don't?"
"No, but you should always double check for yourself."
"There's no one here, Luke. You're seeing things."
"Jess!"
Jess took his foot off the brake and the car jutted forward once more but then evened out.
"Okay, time to apply some gas. Lightly! Lightly!"
Jess applied to gas too much and again they were jutted forward.
"Jess! Jess!" Luke gripped the console and door, bracing himself, and slammed down on an imaginary brake. Finally, Jess hit the real brakes, and one last time the car jutted forward. Luke's heart was trying to break out of his rib cage. He tried to slow his breathing. That was the most terrified Luke had ever been going at 5 miles per hour before.
Jess turned in his seat and looked up at Luke, another genuine grin braced his face. "I did it!" he said. "I drove."
Luke let out a hearty laugh. It wasn't clear why he was laughing. Maybe it was just the relief at being alive, or the joy he got from seeing Jess have his own joy. This was a good day. He was glad he did it. But he also didn't think his heart could take this lesson much longer.
"Okay, you drove about 200 yards. Good job. Call it a day?"
Jess frowned but didn't argue. He shifted the car back into park and switched seats for one last time. By the time Luke hit the road again, though, he noticed that Jess' smile was back. He gave Jess just an inch of freedom and nothing could ever take that away. Luke was proud to be the to guy Jess such an experience. And he would continue to work with the boy until he perfected this…just not today. Today Luke needed to go back home and try some controlled breathing exercises.
It didn't take Luke too long to find Jess sitting on the bridge next to the high school. It had only been about an hour since the accident, so news must had spread around quickly about the car crash. News always spread quickly in Stars Hollow. Maybe someone went inside the diner to tell him, or maybe Luke just saw the wreck. Either way he was here now, intruding on the one place in Stars Hollow where Jess felt any serenity.
"I made sure she was okay," Jess said. His throat felt raw as he talked. Another drag from his cigarette made the rawness worse, but it also lowered his anxiety. At least the trembling in his fingers had stopped.
"I know you did," Luke said. His voice was calm, not angry like Jess was expecting. Luke sat down next to him. He didn't say another word as Jess finished his cigarette. He even let Jess smoke without a complaint.
Nicotine could only take so much of the edge off. Jess had crashed Rory's car, and now she was in the hospital. It was all his fault. He hurt one of the only two people in Stars Hollow that actually gave a crap about him, and now the other one was sitting here making Jess feel even worse. He had disappointed Luke, he knew that.
Jess was supposed to be studying with Rory at the diner when the crash occurred. But after hours of goofing off instead of studying he finally convinced her to go out on a drive for ice cream with him. He just wanted to spend more time with her. He liked talking with Rory, she wasn't like everyone else in the town. She was smart and knew her literature. She had good taste in music and could make him laugh. It was insufficient to say he had a crush. He was infatuated with her.
But Jess always destroys the things he wants. He was no good for anyone and because of his interference with her life she was now in the ER, probably with a broken arm.
Jess flicked his cigarette butt into the lake and lit up another.
"Jess," Luke said.
He wanted Luke to yell and scream at him, to call him an idiot and tell him how this was all his fault. It was his fault, after all. He convinced Rory to get in the car, convinced her to keep driving instead of going back to study, he was joking around all night instead of being serious. When Luke taught him to drive he made Jess promise he would take driving seriously. Asking Rory to hold on to the wheel while he licked ice cream off his dripping cone wasn't serious. This was all his fault. He wasn't paying attention as much as he should've been. He shouldn't have swerved over some small animal in the middle of the road. He shouldn't have put Rory in danger. Every decision he had made tonight was the wrong one.
"You okay?"
Tears that Jess had been holding back since the accident finally spilled out. He didn't cry when he crashed. He didn't cry when he realized he hurt Rory. But he cried now when Luke showed the bare minimum of concern that a guardian was supposed to have about the health and safety of their charge. How fucked up was he that that was what broke the floodgates?
Jess took another drag of the cigarette and wiped away the tears. "I'm fine," he said, his voice cracked slightly. "I…I want to go back to New York."
Luke was silent for a long time. For a moment Jess thought Luke was about to argue, to fight for him to stay. But finally Luke said, "Okay." There would be no fighting for Jess, not today, not ever. He was too much trouble to keep around, and they both knew it.
Jess finished up his cigarette and walked with Luke back to the diner. After Jess packed up everything he could carry in his duffel bag Luke put him on the next bus out of Stars Hollow. Now that the town menace was gone maybe things could go back to normal. It was for the best, Jess hoped. At least this way he wouldn't be able to harm or burden anyone else.
A/n: Thank you for reading. Please remember to leave a review, concrit is always appreciated.