I could feel my hands bound in front of me, but somehow I could not see them. I could feel it though, the rope wrapped to tightly around my wrists, it burned and stung, it felt like the rope had already broke the skin from previous struggles I could not remember.
Even though I couldn't see my hands I could see a bright light, it burned my eyes, but I seemed to not be able to close them. Somewhere far off I could dimly feel a ache in my foot, but whenever I tried to focus the pain became more intense.
A man floated into view, somewhere in my mind I identified him as Tobias, but I couldn't remember where I knew this knowledge. His face was blurred and I could only make out his basic features, but his eyes stuck out, big sad eyes that brought the feelings of fear and empathy.
Then suddenly I was a child again, distantly I could hear my parents arguing in the background. I felt the sadness and need to escape encompass me. It felt weird staring at my childhood walls, had all that before been some type of dream.
Before I could think farther on it I was an adult again, Elle was with me.
"Are you okay?" I felt myself asking without control over it
"Yeah I'm fine" she answered
But I could see that she wasn't, I needed to tell someone! Before it became my fault she wasn't on the team anymore! I needed to change it I knew what would happen this time!
But I just felt myself be dragged away from her, as it got darker and darker. What was happening, I couldn't see again. I needed something, I could feel it, but I didn't know what. I was like to be dying of thirst, but yet I wasn't thirsty at all.
Suddenly I sat upright in bed, I could feel my clothes sticking to me, cold with sweat. I couldn't catch my breath and my surroundings were blurred. I needed the dilaudid, I got up stumbling to get to it. Dark thoughts on the edge of my mind. I had to stop it now, with shaking hands I filled up the syringe.
Immediately I felt the chemicals began to flow through my body. I let out a audible sigh of relief, I knew it was bad and I needed to stop, but facing my memories without the relief seemed almost impossible now.
I closed my eyes and let the drug take over, hoping for a deep dreamless sleep.