Author's Notes:

Thanks to Catrin and especially lilyevans34 for beta-ing this!

The soft hiss of rain permeated the narrow room, whispering unknown secrets into the gloom. Despite its quietness, it became the dominant sound; only the faint sound of breathing challenged its supremacy.

Padma Patil lay still on her bed, her chest rising and falling with the patter of the raindrops. An unexpected drop landed on her forehead, startling her from her trance. Her dark eyes opened wide. She slipped onto the floor and padded softly to the corner, carefully avoiding the creakiest spots. Several buckets squatted in the corner where they awaited just such an eventuality. She positioned the bucket carefully under the leak, making sure that not one drop could escape.

Displacement activity, whispered what she thought of as her Ravenclaw side. She straightened up, shaking her long hair from her face. Of course it wasn't displacement activity; she was merely waiting for an appropriate time.

An unfamiliar shape in the mirror caught her eye. She walked hesitantly closer, peering into the cracked dusty depths.

A shock coursed through her as she realised that the face was her own. She peered closer, fascinated at how much her appearance had changed without her knowledge. Her hair had once sprung from her head, thick, luxuriant and glossy — the envy of every other girl. It now hung lank and greasy on either side of her face, thin strings dangling before her eyes. Washing her hair had been rather low on her priority list of late. Her face had lost its healthy colour; it was now sunken, with a sallow colour like old tea. Her dark brown eyes stared back at her, having unfettered themselves from childish dreams such as hope, happiness and trust.

This I must do. She gripped the sides of the rickety table until her knuckles were white, staring wildly into the depths of her own eyes.

God, help me.

There is no God.

Friends, comfort me.

You have no friends.

Father, protect me. Mother, love me. Sister, stand by me.

No-one can help you now.

"This I must do," she whispered softly, her breath misting the glass. She turned sharply and strode a few paces away, patched robes swirling. For once she forgot about the floorboards and a groan like a man in agony resounded through the room. Padma held her breath as she heard her parents move, but her heart began to slow a little as there was no further sound.

I must go. She knew this, but yet she couldn't bear to leave. She had debated whether or not to leave a note, but had eventually decided against it. What could she say? 'My dear parents, I'm becoming a Death Eater because I love you.' They wouldn't understand her logic. They never had.

A twinge of despair rang through her heart. NO, she told herself firmly. No doubts. No second thoughts. This is the logical thing to do.

It was irrational of Parvati to join the Order. The second she had heard of it, she had left like a shot. Their parents were delighted. Padma just couldn't fathom how they could be so blind. Couldn't they see that the Order was vastly outnumbered? Couldn't they tell that the Order had hobbled itself by proclaiming so many spells unethical? Couldn't they realise that defeat was inevitable?

Padma alone in the family could see this. Therefore, she had taken the mantle of responsibility onto her own shoulders. She would save her family from the Dark Lord's wrath by becoming his faithful supporter. And afterwards, she would commit herself to improving the newly forged world. After all, she reasoned, things can't get much worse in the wizarding world than they are at present.

In just a few hours she would have to present herself to the Dark Lord. He would surely penetrate her mind to search for her true purpose. She would have to rely on her newly-learnt Occlumency skills to protect her.

And yet what would she be hiding? Distaste for some of his more . . . controversial methods, love for her family which could be used against her, and Parvati's presence in the Order. Any of these things could be lethal information in his hands. Yet Padma was confident that her new ability would weather the test.

Confident — are you really now? whispered a little voice from the back of her mind. Tell me then, why did a drop of cold sweat just run down your back? Padma took a deep shuddering breath. She was ready. She was.

The old grandfather clock tolled, one of the few remnants of her family's former opulence. She counted eleven strikes until the noise ceased, leaving only echoes diffusing gradually into the air. Only then did she slip quietly out of the house, making sure she closed the door softly behind her.