A/N; It's been a really long time since I've posted anything on here, but uh I somehow ended up getting really invested in this crackverse story. I do hope that my writing skills have somewhat improved since the last time I posted anything because reading my old stories was just atrocious and an overall suffering experience. This AU is inspired by Lyra Kamiya's fic, Roommates and Locked Doors. It's hilarious and you definitely should check it out. Anyways, don't expect this to go in chronological order or to have any set pairings because I've adopted the philosophy of ship everything and regret nothing. And with that I present this soon to be monster of ongoing crack drabbles.
Disclaimer: Do we still have to do these things?
Chapter 1: Bandaids Fix Everything
Ruby let out a long sigh. It was far too early for things like this. "I'll get the first aid kit."
There sat a bruised and scratched up Sapphire with a stupid look on her face. She was like a walking trip to the emergency room waiting to happen, but now that Ruby thought about it, the whole damn house was. By this point you'd think a first aid kit would be kept in every single room in the house or at least his roommates could stop being so stupid. It was very improbable that these idiots would stop being idiots so he figured spending a small fortune on medical supplies wouldn't be a complete waste of money. He'd have to look into that.
He returned with a handful of bandaids, peroxide, and cotton swabs.
"I'm covered in bruises! The pain is too much," Sapphire hissed as Ruby dabbed at her wounds.
"Stop being overdramatic."
"Stop being so aggressive then!"
Oh how he wanted to continue this argument by telling her to stop being a moron, but saying that is like telling a fish to ride a bicycle. It doesn't happen. Also that comment would get him punched. So he let it slide.
"Do I even want to know what happened?"
"I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball."
"What the heck, why would you ever do that?"
"I dunno. Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?"