Marry, Do, or Kill
Author's Note: Okay, this is the most random fan fiction I've ever written. It was actually inspired by a few things. One was a friend of mine's birthday where we played this. The other was Moonshard Kuronue talking about things for her fan fiction, Running From the Past, Hiding From the Future. I just thought this would be a fun one shot, and I hope you all like it. It really doesn't fit in to any book. Dumbledore is still alive, so its pre-HBP, but . . . well, it's kind of AU, I guess. Just don't ask. Please review.
Boredom swept over the group as they sat, alone, in an empty classroom late at night. As the silence ate into them, Ginny hopped up, with the usual look of excitement when she's just come up with an idea. "Let's play a game."
"What game?" Luna asked, coming out of her dreamy state.
"Marry, Do, or Kill," Ginny answered, grinning.
"What the hell is that?" Draco asked, looking displeased with the idea of playing anything.
"Everyone, sit in a circle on the floor," instructed Ginny, plopping on the ground. The others did the same, and she began to explain. "Okay, Marry, Do, or Kill, which is like the best game ever, is where we go around the room and pick who we'd marry, sleep with, and kill."
"Sounds fun," said Ron.
"Sounds dangerous," said Hermione.
"Sounds stupid," muttered Draco.
"Okay," Ginny began. "I'll start." She looked around the room, her eyes wide and intense. "Hmm . . . Well, I'd marry Hermione."
There was an odd silence as everyone faced Ginny, stunned.
"Don't look at me like that," she snapped. "Ron's my brother, and I certainly won't marry Draco."
"In that case," said Hermione, "I'm honored."
"Okay," Ginny continued. "I'd sleep with Harry." She and Harry exchanged grins, and Ron groaned from the other side of the circle. "And I'd kill Draco."
Everyone laughed, seeing how the game worked.
"I'll go next," Ron volunteered. He glanced around the room, smiling. "Okay, I've got it. I'd marry Luna, sleep with Hermione, and kill Malfoy."
Luna looked pleased, but Hermione looked annoyed.
"You pervert," she hissed.
Ron just grinned.
"Who's next?" Ginny asked.
"Me," said Harry. He smiled, looking about. "Well, I'd marry Hermione, do Ginny, and kill Draco."
"She's my bloody sister!" Ron cried. "That's so disgusting!"
"My turn," said Hermione, interrupting Ron. "I'd have to marry Harry and kill Draco."
"And do . . .?" Ginny pushed.
Hermione blushed furiously. "Ron," she muttered.
Ron grinned. "You hypocrite," he teased. "Now who's a pervert? Tell me, do you just want me for my body? That's completely understandable."
"Shut up," Hermione muttered, going red. But all the same, she allowed Ron to snake an arm around her without fighting him or saying a word.
"Want to go next, Draco?" Ginny asked.
"No."
"Too bad."
"Fine," Draco snapped. "It's a stupid game, anyway." He sighed and looked around. "If I must, I'd marry Luna, just because I'd never marry a mudblood. I'd sleep with Ginny, because she's the best looking one of all of you, and, to follow the trend, I'll kill myself."
Everyone laughed.
"I won't kill you, Draco," said Luna, dreamily. "I'm next, aren't I?"
"Uh . . . yeah," said Harry, a bit fearful.
"I'll marry Draco, because he married me. I'll do Harry . . . and I'll kill Ron."
Ron frowned. "I married you, too? So why'd you kill me?"
"I'll never tell," Luna whispered.
Everyone was in an eruption of giggles. As they rolled laughing, thinking of everyone's outrageous answers, Ginny said, "It's a good thing the adults don't know some of the things we do."
Meanwhile, Dumbledore's office was crowded. Six people was a few too many. So, to accommodate, Dumbledore had made his desk and many tables disappear, allowing everyone to sit on cushions on the floor. "Okay," he said, sitting down. "Who'll start this evening? I believe, you requested to, Molly."
"I did," said Molly Weasley, giggling. Molly looked around the room, a bit nervous. "Well, I'd marry Arthur, of course." She smiled at her husband. "I'd . . . well, I'd sleep with Albus."
"I'm flattered," said Dumbledore, giving Molly a slight nod.
"And, I'd kill Dolores," she glanced over at Umbridge. "I'm sorry dear, but that cardigan is hideous."
Umbridge looked displeased.
'I'll take the next go," said Arthur, proudly. "Obviously, I'd marry Molly. Then . . . if I must, I'd sleep with . . . well, Minerva." He blushed, but continued. "And . . . and I'd kill Umbridge," he said, quickly.
"Thank you, Arthur," said McGonagall, looking a bit uncomfortable. "I'll go next. I'll marry Albus." McGonagall winked at Dumbledore. "I'd sleep with Severus, and I'd kill Dolores." She didn't even seem to think about her answers before spilling them.
Snape, who appeared to be in shock from McGonagall statement that she'd sleep with him, shook his head, and said, "I'll go next." He looked around the room. "I'd marry Molly, because I hear you're a good cook."
Molly giggled. "Thanks."
"And, don't look so sad, Dolores," Snape continued. "I'll sleep with you."
"Oh, Severus," said Umbridge, girlishly flirting, "I'm flattered."
"And I'll kill Dumbledore," he finished. "But only if no one else can."
No one remarked on this declaration.
"My turn," Dumbledore chimed. "Well, I would also marry you, Minerva. And, sorry Molly, but I could never sleep with a married woman, so . . . I would have to say I'll sleep with Severus."
Snape looked stunned.
"And, I'm sorry, I'd kill you, as well, Dolores." He nodded apologetically.
"And, that, I assume, leaves me," said Umbridge, losing her girly tone and now sounding nothing but angry.
"It does," said McGonagall.
"I'd marry Severus," she said, grinning. "I'd sleep with . . . oh, dear." She giggled, her girlish voice returning. "Well, I'd take you, handsome." She gestured to Arthur, who looked very uncomfortable. "And," she turned to McGonagall, "I'd kill you, Minerva, for giving me such a hard time."
McGonagall stared fiercely at Umbridge, who cowered.
The rest of the room was laughing, enjoying the game. "Same time next week?" Dumbledore asked, getting to his feet.
"I can't make it," said Severus, "but Hagrid said he'd fill in for me."
"We'll need a bigger room," muttered Molly as she and Arthur prepared to leave. "Good bye, all." She and her husband left, going down the stairs.
"I'm off to bed," said Dumbledore. "Good night." He gave a bow and vanished into another room, where his bedroom was.
"I'm leaving," said Umbridge, angrily. She stalked down the stairs after Molly and Arthur.
This just left McGonagall and Snape, who stayed back to pick up the cushions. Once the room was empty, McGonagall turned to Snape, a grin on her face. "So," she said, "I wasn't lying when I said I'd sleep with you."
Snape dropped his cushion, and stood stock still.
With a laugh, McGonagall walked out the door, leaving Snape in stunned silence. "Good evening, Severus," she called, going down the stairs.
The End.
Author's Note: Okay, I hope you liked it. I know it's a bit choppy and really random, but I hope you'll review for it. Thanks for reading.