Title: 'Till Death Do We Part
Author: G'Vola
Rating: PG-13 for violence, death and big words
Archive: Yes please! Just ask.
Disclaimer: *I own Gundam Wing!!* In the form of a manga collection and a couple of DVDs, but the actual rights are not mine. I also own the song Baker Baker. It's on the CD "Under the Pink" it is written and the rights are owned by Tori Amos. I just have a copy of the CD. I do NOT own Death or Matthew, they belong to Neil Gaiman and the people who own copies of his comic "Sandman." As you can see I don't have any legal claim to anything here except the arrangement of the words and the idea. Sortta.
Warnings and Pairings: 5+M. Angst. Sadness. Death of a character. Spoilers for Episode Zero. Use of a Tori Amos song in a fic.
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//baker baker
baking a cake
make me a day
make me whole again
and I wonder what's in a day
what's in your cake this time//
I sit looking up at the lights of the houses on the other side of the colony. I've been told that they can almost pass for the night sky on Earth, twinkling and glittering, a thousand pinpoints of brightness in a black cloak. That's not what I think as a glare at them. Instead I am filled with anger, and perhaps even hatred toward the people who's homes create the lights. The rational, obedient part of myself tells me I shouldn't aim my aggression at my clan, and reminds me that it is both tradition and law.
I sit there and wish that I could have been born as any other person on the colony. I wish for a new life. I am the strongest of my clan, the heir to everything my grandfather owns and commands, but I would give it up in heart beat tonight. Beneath my pride and my strength, I am still a girl with little-girl dreams. I wish, fiercely, that my dreams had come true.
My betrothal was never hidden from me, my marriage was never a surprise. But my husband...
When I was very young, before she died, my mother told me that every girl dreams of being a princess, and that I should feel lucky because I get to be one in real life. She also told me that every girl dreams of a handsome prince to carry her off to his castle. Do I not also have these dreams? Do I not also dream of a man strong enough, worthy enough, to be my husband?
The man they gave me is a scholar. He is not fierce, he has no sense of justice, or of honor. He does not understand why it is that I fight or what I believe. He want's nothing to do with me. He is not my prince.
For a moment I contemplate removing myself from his life permanently. Perhaps in my next life I would be able to search out and find some one for myself. Perhaps, and I feel silly for the thought, I would be aloud to find true love.
But I entertain the idea only for a moment, I am no coward to run from something in such a way. I would never bring such dishonor to my family. But I wish, on the lights of the homes above me, that I might yet be able to find my other half.
//I guess you heard he's gone to LA
he says that behind my eyes I'm hiding
and he tells me I pushed him away
that my heart's been hard to find
here
there must be something here
there must be something here//
The rain is pouring down, soaking me through the layers of my cloths. I am for once grateful to the rain. It hides the tears that are now running down my face against my will. Through the turmoil of my emotions I manage to register a bitter hurt. He has wounded my pride, and something far deeper than that.
I sit in the mud and damp grass for a long time, trying to pull myself together. Absently I notice his book, forgotten and rapidly becoming soaked from the rain. I pick it up and carry it to the palace. He is descending the staircase from the living quarters, already in dry cloths and looking as though nothing had happened when I enter.
There's something in his eyes as he hurries down the stairs to me. I decide it must be concern for his book. If he insists on being a scholar, he would do well to care for his things. Some one opens and closes a door to one of the chambers down the hall. A breeze sweeps through the main entry way, and I shiver with cold as I hand him the canvas covered tome.
He takes the book almost out of reflex, his other hand coming up to my arm. A look of concern still in his eyes as he begins to lead me up the stairs. Some part of me wants to believe that he's trying to show he cares by helping me, but my pride quickly quashes the idea. I shake off his hand and storm up the stairs without looking behind me to see if he is following, or going about his business.
I am surprised when I feel his hand on my arm again, and he spins me around to face him. His other hand is clutching the book protectively to his chest.
"Meilan..." He starts to say something, and I can't read his eyes. I blame it on those stupid glasses he's always wearing, he looks better without them.
I don't want to hear whatever he has to say. No doubt he's just going to rub my defeat in my face, it would be just like him to do so. I turn and rush down the hall, throwing open the door to my chambers as I hear his voice calling after me.
A half hour later I am submerged in a warm bath, and I realize what he said.
"Thank you."
I am a woman of action, not necessarily of thought. With that realization I leap from the tub and hurry through drying and dressing myself before beginning my search for him.
In the end my search yields nothing. He is nowhere, from his study to the hangar where Master O is designing and building the Gundam. This is the last place I look. Some part of me has trouble picturing the quiet scholar here, beside what is to become the greatest weapon humanity has ever known. But when I think of how he looked when he took his glasses off to fight me today... I could see that young man, that warrior, here beside the Gundam and the Talgeese, but not my Wufei.
In desperation I ask Master O about him, and am startled by his response. He tells me, in his deep, calm voice that Wufei has traveled to a city on the other side of the colony. When I ask why he hypothesizes that perhaps my rejection had lead to his disappearance.
Feeling very suddenly, and somewhat irrationally, ashamed I bow to the Master and leave.
//baker baker
can you explain if truly his heart
was made of icing
and I wonder how might I taste
maybe we could change his mind//
Only a few weeks ago I would have been overjoyed to hear I had run him off, so why do I feel guilty? Every one has told me that Wufei is a kind and desirable husband, a few have even expressed their envy of my position as his wife. Is there something that I'm not seeing? Is there some clue that I'm not noticing that could tell me how he truly feels?
Much latter one of the servants tells me that he has returned home. I thank her, and try to decide if I'm ready to speak with him again. After considering it carefully I decide that I am not. I need to discover my own feelings first.
It is the following morning and I have just finished tying back my hair (it has been years since I allowed anyone to coddle me by doing such things for me) when the first alarm goes off. In an instant I am at the vid-screen demanding a full report of what is going on. One of Master O's assistants reluctantly gives it to me.
A full attack fleet of Leos, Alliance special forces by the insignia, are bearing down directly on our colony. Without a second thought I am rushing down to the hanger and pulling on my space suit. I don't even bother with the helmet until I am in inside the old suit. Master O calls out at me to stop, but I know better. I am Nataku, and I will not see my home destroyed.
The Leos are all around fighting fiercely, and I am holding my own for the moment. There is a momentary pause and I realize exactly where it is I am battling. We are standing in the middle of Wufei's flower field, the greenery being crushed by the feet of the heavy suits. The corner of one monitor picks up a figure clad all in white and glasses. My husband.
I train a camera on him and hear his words through the static in the speakers, "Stop! You don't have the strength to handle that suit! Turn back!"
Even as I feel an added rush of adrenaline stemming from his words, and shout back to him in anger, some part of me thanks him for worrying. And it is in that instant, as I lead the attacking suits out of the colony and into space, that I realize I love him. The way I act around him suddenly comes into sharp focus and for one brief instant I know.
The battle is more intense out here, I don't have nearly so much experience in space as these soldiers do. I take one hard blow, then another, and cough up some blood. I don't even notice as I taunt them, force them to concentrate on me instead of my home. Instead of the field. Instead of Wufei.
For a moment I imagine his voice coming through the speakers, filled with fierce anger and a passion for the battle. Quickly I dismiss it as a hallucination caused by the adrenaline or pain. I'm hit again but I won't be defeated. I can't lose to these bastards!
And suddenly I hear his voice again, this time I'm sure it's not an illusion, as the Shenlong Gundam comes between me and my enemies, shielding me and defending me. "Wu... Wufei..."
"Leave this to me!" He orders and I am surprised by the tone of his voice. He is commanding, but he also sounds protective.
My hand moves to the controls to turn my suit around and return to the colony (I know I am in no condition to fight any more), when his suit is shot twice. I call out to him in concern, but he orders me back again, "A wife should listen to her husband!"
He has accepted me, despite all I did, all I said and how I acted. He thinks of me as his wife! I remember the look on his face when I came in from the rain with his book. He doesn't just accept me; he loves me.
I murmur an acknowledgment and begin my retreat. I continue to watch the battle through the vid screens as I pilot. I watch him raise the laser cannon he stole from a Leo and use it to take out most of the remaining troops. Only one is left after his terribly accurate shot. The pilot uses the last of his power and begins to ram Wufei.
I see red, and am aware of little but the need to protect that which I love. I know before he does that his rifle is out of power, and am already in front of him, moving to meet the Leo half way. We collide and there is a blinding light and extreme pain that doesn't seem to end for the longest time. I hear something, and it takes me a moment to recognize it as my given name.
"Meilan!" I think he had been calling it for a while, there is a desperate edge to his voice.
"M... my name is Nataku." I remind him, more out of habit than because I actually care at this point. It hurts so much.
I hear him agreeing, and telling me that he'll never call me Meilan again. Some part of me thinks it's a pity. I always did like the way he said my name.
I tell him about the flowers, and protecting them for him. Some how it's important for him to know that I did that for him, and not for the others. I ask him to take me there, and with a certainty I didn't know I possessed, I know that I will die there.
//I know your late for your next parade
you came to make sure
that I'm not running
well I ran from him
in all kinds of ways
guess it was his turn this time
time
thought I'd make friends with time
thought we'd be flying
maybe not this time//
We sit together in the field, and I look around and for the first time notice the exact shade of green of the grass, and the sent of the warm flowers and earth. And I think about his thin, yet strong and infinitely gentle arms as they carried me from the Gundam to here.
I ask him if I was worthy of being his wife. I am not afraid to use the past tense, or afraid to lean my head on his shoulder. He tells me I am stronger then anyone, and I deny it. I know the truth now. Fighting for justice will not let you win. It's fighting for your loved ones. But all I can tell him before my eyelids close and I am so exhausted that even the pain doesn't reach me, is that he is stronger.
"Get up sleepy head! It's time to go," A warm feminine voice calls to me and I open my eyes with surprising ease. I realize that I don't hurt anymore.
The woman isn't much taller then myself, and she is dressed in black. A black tank top and tight black jeans that are tucked into shiny combat boots. Her skin is paler then the stars in space and her wild hair is blacker than my own. Her eyes are rimmed with a heavy black line that comes down and forms a spiral over her right cheek. She smiles at me, "Come now, we've got to get a move on."
It's then I realize who she must be: Death.
I look back and I see Wufei, worried, scared, and shaking me. He is begging my limp body to open it's eyes and tell him I accept him as my husband. I try to tell him that I do, that I love him, but he doesn't seem to hear me.
Even more shocking than the woman is when I realize that I am truly dead. I think briefly about all the things I would have done with him, give the chance. I think of the future we were never going to have, and I look at the pain on his face. I realize that he will always morn me, and some how that makes me sadder than anything else.
I remember entertaining the idea of suicide a few weeks before, and I think about my hopes for my next life. They've changed slightly. Instead of finding a prince, I want to find a stubborn Chinese scholar who sits in meadows and reads old books. I want to find Wufei again, but I will miss him in this life.
//baker baker
baking a cake
make me a day
make me whole again
and I wonder if he's ok?
if you see him say hi.//
"Will I ever see him again?" I ask.
The woman shrugs her slim shoulders and smiles at me sadly.
"I... I would give anything to be able to watch over him," some part of me realizes I'm pleading, begging her to let me stay with him.
She looks at me for a long moment, before her dark eyes unfocuse, as though in memory, then turns and smiles as a raven falls from the sky and lands on her shoulder.
"Hello again, Matthew." She greets him.
"Hi. Um, Dream wants her for the Dreaming. That ok with you?" The bird asks, and I watch the exchange, fascinated. Some how I think I've seen this bird before.
"Of course Matthew, but it's her decision. Meilan, would you like to go to the Dream Realm and work with my younger brother?"
I think about it for a while, and turn back toward Wufei. I see him weeping, now, and it tares at my heart to see how much he loved me. "Would I get to see him?"
She smiles, lifting just the corner of her mouth, "I think that can be arranged."
I nod my agreement, but before I go I turn to her with one last request, "If... If you see him again, will you tell him I... Will you say hi for me?"
She nods and then seems to disappear as though she were never there. Looking around I realize that the field is also gone, and all I can hear is the faint echo of wings beating.
END
Author's Note: I was listening to this song and the fic sort of jumped out at me. As much as possible I tried to stay true to the Episode Zero manga. I went so far as to reference it about every other paragraph. I'm contemplating a sequel to explain the ending, but I won't do anything without a few encouraging reviews.
For those of you looking for something interesting and readily available in English, may I recommend the Sandman comic series? Surrealism, horror, deep questions and engaging characters are skillfully combined to create a very engaging story about why we create stories.
Any way, enough rambling. Go review!