My Past to my Present
All of Jane's memories rushing back as soon as her dad comes back around. Done in a similar fashion to the recent Degrassi: The Next Generation episode, Jane Says. Also, a Jane x Spinner fiction. Requested Becca Renee'. This is my first request story, so please tell me what you think. And if you like it, send me some requests.
Jane's POV
I try desperately to keep the small bits of memory of my early childhood in my head, but they keep escaping me. One minute, they're there. The next, I've lost them. All I know is that the memories I keep seeing scare the crap out of me. I can't believe how scared I was then. How scared I am now. And all this because my dad is back, if I can even call him that now that I'm starting to remember all of this. The idea that my dad could scare me this much is what really scares me now. How can one man instill this much fear in me? I lock my bedroom door now, trying desperately to lock something, I'm not quite sure what, but something out. I'm just so scared. I hate this feeling. I sit on my bed, my back up against my wall, and I hug my knees tight. I'm shaking, I'm crying. I can't think straight, I don't want to leave my room ever again. In here, I might be a bit safe, but near my dad, out there with my dad, I'm not.
Flashes of memories were going through my head again. I don't want it to, but they are again. All I can remember is pajamas. Something about backwards pajamas. Small bits of my memory returned in bite size bits, but they were almost fitting together.
It was in my bedroom, as always. The sun was setting outside my window, past the tree branches. I had yellow pajamas, all set for bed. But my dad told me it was done wrong. He said that he'd fix them, that he'd make them right. He also said that it'd be a secret, that I shouldn't tell anyone. And I believed him. I wouldn't tell anyone. It always took so long for him to put me to sleep because of it… Lucas, my brother, was always off watching TV or something like that while dad put me to sleep.
Realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't say it out loud. That would make it real, more real than I already knew it was. If I didn't say it, it was just the past. If I did say it, it became my past, my memories. Solidified, out in the open, set in stone. I can't stand him, I honestly can't. How can someone who is supposed to love you do that to you? I couldn't keep my tears from springing forward. I couldn't help but cry. I didn't want to face anyone, especially not Spinner, no matter how much I knew he could help. I just felt so wrong, and Spinner would understand but I didn't want him to know, to be completely honest.
I tried to sleep, but all I did was cry. I couldn't sleep, not while he was staying in the house. I stand up, pacing through my room before I grab my football bag, open my window, and climbed out, thinking of heading somewhere. I don't know where. Anywhere but here, anywhere where he wasn't. I thought about Spin's, I thought about just going to Degrassi and waiting there, and I thought about the park. I didn't want to go to Degrassi yet. The game would be starting in a few hours. I could go to Spin's, I could stay at the park for the night. In all reality, my first instinct was the park. But I couldn't idly wait for Spinner to come find me. I might as well head to his place. It's not like I'd wake up his mom or anything. I hitch my bag up a little higher on my shoulder and head off. When I get to his house, I knock on the front door, hoping he's still up. It's not like it's that late, so he probably is. He comes to the door and I'm relieved. I all but fall into his arms, crying again and clinging to him desperately. "Jane, Jane, what is it?" he asks. I shake my head and keep crying. His arms wrap tightly around me as he pulls me into the house and closes the door. "Jane, what's wrong?"
I lift my head to look at him, and I tell him everything. I tell him what I remember, how scared I am now, how scared I was then. He holds me and listens, muttering slight threats under his breath as he listens. "I'm so sorry, Spin. I should have told you earlier… I-I just didn't know how…"
Spinner looks half pissed off, half tender. "Jane, I understand. I swear, I do. I understand why you didn't come to me automatically, but what you're dad did, that's inexcusable…" he says to me.
I sigh. "Spin, I can't go to that game tomorrow," I say.
"Jane, you have to face this… I love you, Jane. And I want to protect you, but I can't stand the idea of you living without facing him for the rest of your life. You have to face this douche bag," Spinner tells me.
In my heart, I know he's right. And he really is, but I can't find anything to say, any way to get out of it.
He cradles me in his arms until I'm fast asleep, allowing me to just sleep in his protective arms. I haven't slept so well since my dad came back.
"How could you do that to me?" I say later, right after the game, standing in front of my dad. Isabella is standing with him, Lucas coming up behind me, grabbing Izzy's hand.
"I think it's time you left. Nobody in this family wants to see your face again," Lucas says, reinforcing what I had been saying. My dad looks at Lucas, then Isabella, and finally me. He looks hurt, but I don't care right now. He hurt me and I won't feel safe until he's gone. With that look, he turned and left. Lucas's free arm went around my shoulders, squeezing me close to him.
Spinner walks in just then. "Where is he?" he asks, anger covering his features.
"He's gone, Spin. Hopefully for good," I say. Spinner put a hand on the small of my back, the anger melting off his features.
"You did it, Jane," he says before kissing my cheek. "I'm so glad." He looks at Lucas for a minute. "Thanks man," he says after a second.
"Thanks guys," I say, looking at my brother and my boyfriend. "I don't think I could have done it without you," I say without a smile.
And the rest is in the episode. The therapy and Lucas's apology. Very emotional stuff. Again, this story was requested by Becca Renee'. Also, I do requests now, so anything from Degrassi, depending on the pairing. Just send me a request, either through a review, as long as the review actually reviews the story, or just send me a private message or email. I will take any of the three. Thank you to all of the people who have read all of my Degrassi stories and those who are fans of any of them. Thank you.