It's been a year since I posted anything. A year. (cue sad music) And though my megaminditis seemed to have gone dormant, I knew it wasn't gone. It'll never be gone. There's no cure. If you have megaminditis, you know what I mean. It might slink away and curl up for a while, but sooner or later it's going to come back and bite you in the butt. So anyway, it started flaring up again recently and I had to look in my idea folder for something to soothe it. Mind you, it's been a year since I've done anything, so... yeah. This seemed so sappy when I first pulled it out, I thought "bleh" and almost discarded it. But then I figured, what the hell. The notes are all there. Just finish something. So I hope you enjoy it. And if you're not familiar with the legend of the Gordian knot, kids, go do your homework.
Many thanks to ladyspock7 and Nora Salisbury for being patient betas. And kind friends.
~Hunger
All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Grade Shool
"Do those pointy things hurt? Do you wear those all the time?"
"Yes."
"Even when you're sleeping!?"
"Well… no. Not while-"
"What's that cape made out of?"
"He probably sleeps with that on cause the blue part kinda looks like my blanket. It's got some silky on it too."
"Do you have pajamas? Mine's got Batman on 'em!"
"Um, that's nice?"
"My uncle Doug gots bald hair. He used to have some on the sides and a big lid on top, but aunt Josie made him cut it off."
"When did you start shaving your head? I'm gonna ask my mom if I can get my head shaved too. It looks cool!"
"He doesn't hafta shave."
"Yuh huh, lookit'is chin."
"How come you have blue skin?"
"He's from outer space, dummy!"
"Do you get a tan in the summer?"
"All right everybody," Miss Kristin called above the cacophony, holding two fingers above her head in the familiar signal that told her class they should pay attention. "Let's not forget our manners! Remember what we talked about. Sit down… sit."
Several children that had jumped out of their seats as soon as their special guests walked in the door and others who were standing excitedly beside their desks or kneeling on their chairs reluctantly sank back down in their places, eyes still fixed on the pair standing at the front of the room.
Roxanne rubbed the tip of her nose to try to hide a giggle as she watched her boyfriend's considerable composure beginning to crumble under the innocently direct onslaught of questions and comments. A telltale sheen was breaking out over his wide brow.
She'd had an inkling the children would react to his visit in this way and had been wondering how he might react to them. The thought had occurred to her again earlier that morning while she was prepping her opener in front of the school building, waiting for the duo to arrive.
"I'm here in front of…" Her mic drooped. "No. Overused. Okay…" She cleared her throat, raising it again. "Today, the students of Miss Kristin Oakley's first grade class entertained some unusual guests." She paused and frowned at her cameraman, Bob. "Unusual? It sounds bad to call them unusual, doesn't it."
"Hey, he's your boyfriend." He squinted at the light readings and shrugged. "If you want to call him unusual…"
"Ha," she replied. "True." But unusual wasn't how she wanted people to see him and part of why they were there doing what they were doing. "I know. Special, that's it. Special guests." A car pulled up to the school. "And oh look, here are the special guests now. Get a shot of them pulling up."
Once the duo had gotten out, she'd approached them and inquired, "Nervous?"
"Why should I be?" Megamind had responded lightly, looking up at the facade of the building. "You're only feeding me to the sharks."
Roxanne rolled her eyes as she reached to straighten his collar. "They're first graders."
"The worst possible age," he'd intoned.
Miss Kristin's youngsters had rather unexpectedly won a competition held among all the grades at Mount Hope Elementary by collecting the most money for one of Metro City's new hero's favorite charities, and now they were determined to make the most of their prize.
Roxanne was present to cover the event as a local feel-good story for KMCP, the whole thing having been mostly her idea. He'd barely put up a fight once she pointed out it would build public rapport as well as boost his image, so when Megamind glanced over at her now with a "what have you gotten me into" look, eyes wide and nostrils flared, she smothered another giggle to answer with a simple shrug and a smile. The teacher of the group of pint-sized fans was still trying to call her class to order.
"Now, you all remember what we talked about, right?"
The children murmured in agreement, attention glued to the spike-studded bantam figure draped in black and blue warily standing his ground before them and the gentle giant of a sidekick who stood at his shoulder with a more benevolent expression.
"Taking turns and not interrupting?"
"Do you have to clean out Minion's fish tank?" a boy blurted out even as his classmates nodded assent to the teacher's instructions. "I hafta clean my fish's tank but I keep forgetting, and he died." He paused. "But I got a new one!"
Megamind blinked. "A new tank?"
"No." The boy said. "A new fish."
"Oh." The alien looked taken aback. "Well, that's too bad." He glanced at his finned friend who seemed to have turned a paler shade of green. "Ahem. No, I don't clean Minion's habitat. It cleans itself."
Minion coughed into one metal fist. "Couldn't hurt to have a little extra attention paid to it now and then…"
His boss shot him a look. "The filters are perfectly capable of -"
"Now isn't the time, boys," Roxanne murmured from her place near the camera.
Suddenly a voice piped up, "Did you ever kiss Roxanne?"
Soprano giggles accompanied this question while the asker stood by his desk with his hands clasped behind his back, waiting for the answer with a bold grin. As the famously green eyes turned to regard him, he slapped his hands over his face while his friends nearby stuck their fingers in their mouths and made gagging noises.
"Yes. I have." Megamind's smoothly frank response delighted most of his audience and made the boy peep out from between his fingers again. The noise level rose yet another notch.
"In fact I'll do it right now. Just to prove it." And walking over to put a hand around the curvy reporter's waist, he pulled her close and planted a lingering kiss on her cheek while the cameraman backed away far enough to capture the moment.
"EWWW!" most of the boys and a few of the girls too groaned while the squealers expressed their embarrassed excitement once more.
As the couple shared a smirk, someone demanded, "Are you guys gonna get married?"
"Yeah, yeah…" The pint-sized crowd suddenly turned serious, fully expecting an immediate and definitive answer.
"Are we going to get married," Megamind slowly repeated, pacing a few deliberate steps away before glancing over his shoulder at the woman in question.
"Wow, that's… that's a very, um, grownup kind of question," Roxanne tried to intervene. "Wouldn't you rather hear about how he defeated Destruction Worker last week?" she prompted eagerly.
No one seemed to hear, especially when her boyfriend asked the class instead, "Do you think we should get married?"
"Yeah!" they answered, mostly in unison but for a few boys who vigorously objected.
"No?"
Roxanne attempted to interrupt again.
"YES!" the majority insisted louder, drowning her out as well as the determined dissenters.
"Then you can have kids!" one girl proposed gleefully.
The alarmed reporter tried hard not to choke over this innocently indiscreet suggestion, but Megamind didn't bother to hide a mischievous grin.
"That's true!" he agreed, fingering his lower lip as though he'd never thought of it before. "Maybe I should just ask her right now so we can get started!"
As the pink-faced reporter and startled teacher exchanged looks, the children reacted to the hero's impulsive idea in various ways. But the majority again held sway.
"No! Not here! You have to take her out to dinner."
"Oh dinner," the hero solemnly nodded. "And then what?"
"You gotta get a ring –"
"A big one! A big diamond!"
"I'll show you." Producing a piece of paper from her desk, one helpful girl began to draw the fairest likeness her childish hand could produce of the kind of exaggerated gemstone she felt sure would ensure a successful proposal.
"So I take her to dinner," Megamind repeated carefully, counting the steps on his black-gloved fingers. "Then I go buy a ring…"
"No, no, you gotta get the ring first. Before dinner."
"And hide it."
"Ah!" he nodded, stroking his chin. "Hide it. Right. Minion, I hope you're getting all this," he added, leaning toward his sidekick.
"Every word, Sir."
"Yeah, hide it in your pocket or your cape or something," a girl commanded. "But don't put it in the spaghetti," she warned. "My mom swallowed her ring cause she didn't even see it, and then my dad wanted her to puke it up."
"Ew," said Minion, joined by the rest of the class.
"But she didn't wanna, so they had to go to the hospital, and the doctor said they could pump her stomach or wait and see in a couple days."
Megamind tried not to let his repulsion show. "Definitely a mood killer," he cringed.
"But she still married him," the girl announced happily.
"So then I have a chance."
"Yeah, but you have to kneel down," a boy in the back advised.
"Yeah, you have to beg."
"Heroes don't beg girls to marry them," another young ruffian protested, clutching his hair in his hands.
"And then she jumps up and down and cries, and she says yes," a bright-eyed girl dictated with joyful authority. "And everybody watches you and claps, and you kiss. On the lips!"
A great deal of high-pitched laughter greeted this pronouncement while several of the boys collapsed dramatically across their desks, tongues lolling, apparently slayed by the very idea of such mortifying displays of affection.
Megamind chuckled and folded his arms.
"Jumping up and down… and crying…" he mulled, turning his head to look at Roxanne.
Sweat broke out on her palms over the way he stared and stroked a finger speculatively down his goatee. She shifted her microphone from one hand to the other, resisting wiping them on her skirt. Mouth working, she struggled to find her tongue, knowing the camera was still rolling. But before she could think of a means of redirecting the runaway train of a situation, he returned his attention to the class.
"Well! Thank you. I will certainly take your advice to heart." He punctuated his words with a finger in the air. "I'm not sure I could possibly have figured out how to do all that the right way."
The girl who had been drawing the picture darted up and shoved the paper into his hand, returning to her desk just as quickly.
"A big ring," he remarked, looking the childish representation over carefully before folding it and tucking it away. "Wow." Then he paused, asking soberly, "But… what do I do if she says no?"
Silence fell over the room, and in the pregnant pause the children considered this problematic possibility with blank faces.
"If she does, you prolly need to get a bigger ring," one boy suggested matter-of-factly.
A small, pale girl who was still in her seat spoke up, her breathy voice so quiet it was almost lost in the general hubbub. "She won't say no… will you, Miss Roxanne."
In that instant every eye in the room turned to the reporter, including those of her boyfriend and his sidekick as well as the rolling camera. A warmth crept over her cheeks as her lips parted. "Well… the, uh, girlfriend's answer is supposed to be a surprise."
The children subsided, backing down from the highly charged state of expectancy, until the same little girl spoke again.
"She won't say no," she pronounced in sibilant tones full of childish confidence. A sweet smile underlined the soft look of adoration shining from blue eyes magnified by thick lenses. "She loves you."
"Really?" the hero asked, throwing his lady friend a skeptical glance. Then moving with staccato steps over to the little girl's desk he crouched beside it, clutching the edge with his fingertips and bringing his face close to hers in order to stage whisper from the side of his mouth, "How can you be so sure?"
"Because." The girl blinked owlishly. "She just does." The tendency of adults to call such obvious things into question was clearly perplexing.
"Yeah. She's always hanging around," one of the boys agreed. He pointed at the reporter with a shrug. "She's here right now."
Roxanne stifled a snort, her discomfort morphing into giddy amusement as the class as a whole joined in.
"She talks about you all the time."
"That's her job, dummy."
"My dad says she's your girlfriend. I think you got to be in love to be a girlfriend."
"No. My brother says some girls just like your car."
"His car's awesome! I saw it at the mall one time. It's got cool fins."
"And she smiles at you a lot."
"I think she's got a twinkle in her eye," a boy squinted at the petite reporter who was trying hard not to laugh. More voices agreed. "My grandma says that," he added unselfconsciously, "but I don't know what it means."
Megamind looked around the room, acknowledging the consensus with a few nods. Then he looked in the eyes of the undersized child beside him. "Well, that pretty much clinches it. I guess you must be right."
She beamed and blushed with pleasure as he stood up again.
"Now! On to more important matters! How many first graders do you think Minion can lift at one time?"
"ME! Me! Me!" Arms were thick in the air and order nearly collapsed entirely as students practically leaped from their seats, volunteering to help find the answer to his question.
As they exited the room, Minion and Bob the cameraman struck up a conversation while Roxanne fell into step beside her silent beau. He'd surprised her and rallied better than she'd expected after the first round of awkward questions. Even when things had really gotten sticky.
"I thought that went well. What did you think?" she finally asked.
He seemed to surface from deep in his thoughts and took a breath, blowing it out. "Fine! Even though some of it was… a little unexpected."
"Kids." Roxanne said with a smile and a shake of her head. "They're so impulsive."
"Something I can relate to," he murmured, still thoughtful. "Most of the time."
"You never know what they'll ask." The flutter of nervousness that had settled in her chest when the subject of their possible engagement was first brought up began to subside. "Everything is… well, it's so simple to them."
"Yes, exactly," Megamind concurred. "It's just rings and dinner and avoiding a trip to the hospital."
"Right," she agreed. "They have no concept of the what's really involved-"
"Identification." He stopped in his tracks, frowning in frustration. "Social security..."
"Legal knots," she went on, standing beside him.
"A driver's license." He snorted. "A simple driver's..."
"...all the notarizing."
"Proof of residence! That's a tricky one."
"Telling your family, and-"
"Might as well ask for proof of my genus and species. Come on."
"Records and dates and, geez," she shook her head, talking mostly to herself. "I mean, why does it really matter?"
"Birth certificates! Like we all have a birth certificate!"
"We do," she said. Then seeing the look on his face, she added, "Ok, most of us do."
He stared at her, hopelessly aware of the veritable Gordian Knot that was his very existence. "I wish-"
"What?" she asked when he didn't go on.
He sighed. "Never mind."
She took his arm as they kept walking. By now Minion and Roxanne's coworker were several steps ahead examining something on the camera. "Too bad we're not still in grade school, huh? Where it's just, I love you and you love me and… K-I-S-S-I-N-G, let's get married."
"Yeah," he agreed with a rueful smile at the floor. Suddenly he stopped again. "Yeah." He turned to face her. "You know what? It is that simple." There was only one way to deal with a Gordian knot after all.
Roxanne stared back curiously.
"I love you," he solemnly told her, taking her hand. "I want to marry you."
Roxanne blinked as the man in black dropped to one knee on the hard polished floor. At the same time Minion and Bob looked back and realized something important was happening. Instinctively, Bob swung the camera into position on his shoulder. An excited squeak escaped their aquatic friend.
"Megamind," Roxanne weakly protested, feeling her heart thud. She glanced at her coworker who only grinned as he squinted through the lens. "Here?"
"Why not? All I really needed to know I realized right here in grade shool!" he grinned. "So let's see if I was paying attention in class today." Pulling out the drawing he'd been given, he unfolded it, pretending to study it carefully.
"Hmmm. The specifications are a little murky, but..." Reaching into one of the mysterious hiding places on his outfit he swiftly pulled forth a small box, flipping the lid back with his thumb. "Is this close?"
"Oh wow-" Roxanne covered part of her face with a hand. He smiled hopefully, searching her face for any sign of encouragement. And she wanted to encourage him but the unexpectedness with which he'd suddenly decided to take the plunge left her flushed and flustered.
"Roxanne…?"
Down the hall, the door to the classroom they'd just been visiting silently opened and a line of students began to file into the hallway on their way to art class. It was the second boy in line who spotted what was happening and extended an arm. "He's doing it!"
But the two people in question had eyes only for each other. "Blue," Roxanne almost silently mouthed the nickname before he continued, oblivious to anything else.
"They're right," he told her, the wide green eyes staring up at her in open adoration. "I love you. And… well, I guess we know now that everybody knows you love me."
Roxanne's laugh broke the tension she felt. She also realized she'd been holding her breath.
"I don't want to be without you. Ever. It's just that simple," he emphasized each word. "So, here I am, begging… Begging you to stay with me forever. Marry me."
By this time the line of children had turned into a wide-eyed, ragged pileup near the door to their room, stunned youngsters all, with the little girl in thick glasses having threaded her way to the front through her classmates' bodies in order to see better. All miraculously remained silent as they watched the tableau playing out halfway down the hall.
Roxanne bit her lip, held captive by the intense emerald stare of the man kneeling in front of her. What about all their worries? The complications, the legalities, the uncertainties? The things they had both acknowledged and danced around discussing over and over?
The gem in his palm glinted, catching her eye.
The hard truth was that theirs wasn't a simple situation. Who they were as people and who they were to each other and to the city itself presented problems no grade school child would be able to fathom.
But turning her gaze again on that hopeful blue face waiting for her answer, she knew something else. This man would risk his life for her. She'd watched him do it.
And yet he is actually afraid I might say no, I don't want to marry you. It's just too hard.
He would let nothing come between them, but he wasn't assuming anything. He knew none of their problems would be simple to solve, but having gotten to the heart of the matter he had acted instantly. Impulsively? Maybe. Ok, definitely. He was impulsive. And impractical. Impossible sometimes. Cocky and opinionated and impatient and he left his stupid cape laying around all over the place and hogged the bathroom and, God, she loved him so much.
"I can't imagine the rest of my life without you in it either," she heard herself saying. "It really is that simple. Isn't it?"
A sudden giddy joy flooded through her, tightening her throat, shining in her eyes. And she knew he could see it by the answering glow that lit his face in return as she finally answered him without a trace of uncertainty.
"Yes. Absolutely-"
He leaped off the floor, sweeping her round in a spinning embrace faster than she was able to finish.
"-yes," she breathed in his ear as they embraced.
Then spotting the group watching them and their teacher now looking on as well, mouth agape, the hero gave them all a huge grin and a thumbs-up behind Roxanne's back.
No volcano had ever erupted with more energy than that small crowd suddenly exploding in screaming cheers, turning Roxanne's head their way at last.
"Whooo hoooo! Yes! Yes!" their excited friend whooped as well, jumping up and down, making the water in his dome slosh and swirl until he was spinning.
Megamind sighed. "Oh, that's a relief."
"Did you really think I might say no?" she asked.
"Not really," he answered and winced, reaching for a knee. "It's just that that floor is really hard."
Roxanne laughed and gave him a playful whap.
"She said yes!" Minion was still crying, trying simultaneously to right himself and sweep away happy tears.
Roxanne grinned at her fiancé. "Well, somebody is jumping and crying."
"Ahahaha, yes," he chortled. "They were right about that too."
Then sharing a kiss, they heard the little cheering section's roar of excitement shift to childish oo's shrilly rising in appreciation. Few covered their eyes this time, but nearly all giggled at the silly adults intent on embarrassing themselves right in the school hallway. Other classroom doors had opened by this time, heads poking out to see what the noise and excitement was all about.
Finally, lifting her left hand he slipped the ring onto her finger with a smile and, mostly for the sake of the continued discomfort and glee of their audience, kissed her again. But soon, forgetting all about the little eyes watching, they were lost in their embrace and the celebration of that comforting yet exhilarating decision.
"I don't know how we're going to do this," she said, shaking her head at him as they parted. "You don't even have a birth certificate."
"I know!" he laughed, flinging an arm wide. "And I don't care!" Turning to go, he tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow so she was pressed close to his side. It felt like he was walking on air. So much so he chuckled at a flitting thought of his big blue head floating along like a helium balloon filled with happiness and Roxanne's arm the only thing tethering it to the ground.
"All that matters is that you want to marry me. You want to marry me!" He heaved a rapturous sigh and smiled. "As long as I know that… Ah, just let anybody try to stop me."
Any lingering doubt evaporated as her heart swelled and, pressing another kiss onto his blue cheek as they walked past applauding students and teachers, she knew the simple truth was that nothing would stop him.