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Thoughts

"speaking"

Xander's eyes went wide as Buffy introduced her boyfriend to them. He couldn't believe it, it was Angel, his ex-boyfriend. Xander watched a smiling Willow give him a hug welcoming him into the group. Before he could stop them, tears gathered in his eyes. He looked back at Angel who was watching him, his expression cold and unreadable. "Xander, are you ok?" A worried Willow asked as she spotted the tears in her best friends eyes. Xander shook his head as he took off at a dead run out of the library nearly running over Giles as he entered. "What's wrong with Xander, he was unusable upset." Giles observed. Buffy flipped her blond hair out of her eyes, "He's probably mad that I have a boyfriend and it's not him."

Angel knew that if his heart could beat it would have stopped when he entered the library. Sanding there was the one person he had believed he would never see again. The one he left, the one he was trying to protect by leaving, they one he thought about everyday. Xander. He watched the emotions fly over Xander's face, shock, joy, confusion, hurt, and pain. Angel briefly wondered about the lack of anger but figured that it would come later. He barely reacted to the redhead's hug; he was to busy watching Xander waiting for the outburst. When the tears started Angel wished he could stake himself. It took all of his will power not to run after him. Buffy's statement brought him out of his thoughts, "He's probably mad that I have a boyfriend and it isn't him." Did she really think that she was God's gift to the male gender? Willow shook her head, "I don't think so Buffy, Xander's been turned down before and he's never this upset. In fact the last time he was this upset was about, oh, two years ago. Before you arrived her Buffy." Angel inwardly flinched he had never wanted to hurt Xander only protect him. "Perhaps it is because I'm a vampire," Buffy glared at him, he knew she didn't want the others knowing yet, but he just had to know. Willow, on the other hand, didn't blink and eye, "No, that wouldn't be it, his last boyfriend was a vampire." So she did know. "Xander's gay?" Buffy screeched. "Bi actually," Willow wasn't even paying attention, "I should go find him, make sure he's alright." Willow left quickly.

Xander didn't stop running until he couldn't breath anymore. Two years, two years, the thought kept running through his mind, and the tears kept coming. It still felt like yesterday.

Flash Back

Xander was in the shower and Angel was still in bed listening to his lover getting ready for school. Angel groaned and throw his arm over his eyes, "If you want to get to school on time you need to start coming out of the bathroom dressed!" Xander laughed as he adjusted the towel around his hips and crawled up the bed to kiss Angel, "Why, I love watching you squirm." Angel rolled them over so he was on top of him, pinning him to the mattress, "Because if you're late again you are going to get detention, again." Angel kissed him hard stopping only to let the other breath. "Yeah, I guess you're right, you're so not worth a detention." Angel laughed as he kissed Xander again, "Get dressed baby, or you're going to need another shower." Xander laughed and pushed his hips against Angel's, "I would Gel," he whispered with another thrust of his hip, "but you're on top of me." Angel growled and kissed him again then quickly rolled off of him. "We'll finish this later," Angel whispered in Xander's ear as he got up and went to get a shower.

(Skip to end of the school day)

"Gel, I'm home!" Xander said as he entered the apartment, but there was no reply. "Angel, where are you?" Xander checked the kitchen, living room, bathroom, and finally the bedroom. As Xander entered the bedroom he stopped dead. Clothes were everywhere but as far as he could tell they were all his. Quickly moving he checked the whole apartment again and found that all of Angel's stuff was gone, well not all Xander found an almost empty bottle of Angel's cologne, a black t-shirt, and a photo of them together; Angel was hugging Xander from behind, Angel resting his chin on Xander's shoulder they were both smiling. By this time Xander was in tears. He made his way back to the bedroom and sat on the bed. There he found, laying on his pillow, an envelope with his name on it in Angel's handwriting:

Xander,

I am truly sorry I had to leave without even a good-bye, but you got to roll with what you got, right? You're welcome to continue to stay here in the apartment; it's been paid off for another five years. By that time you should have a job and be able to pay the rent by yourself. I don't know if I'll ever be back, but our time together was amazing and I wouldn't change it for anything. I hope you find someone new soon.

Angel

End of Flash Back

Xander woke up to the sound of a branch snapping. He quickly checked his watch it read 12:15 am. Good Lord, I fell asleep! "You really should not sleep outside after during the night, you know better then that." Xander's spine stiffened at the sound of that voice, the voice he would know anywhere, the voice he hears in hi dream. Angel.

Angel watched the boy, HISboy, sleeping. He looked so peaceful and beautiful; all Angel wanted to do was curl up with him and stay there forever. That's when Angel noticed the tears start to spill from behind the closed eyelids. What could he be dreaming about that makes him cry? Angel didn't even have to finish his thought to know his answer; the day he left. Angel snapped a branch, knowing that it would wake him up he'd always been a light sleeper. He knew that if he didn't want to think about that day he was willing to bet his un-life that neither did Xander. "You really should not sleep out side during the night, you know better then that." He watched Xander's spine stiffen almost painfully straight. "What do you want?" Xander spat the question. Angel sighed he knew he shouldn't expect anything less then hate from him. "When you ran out of the library, Willow went after you but she couldn't find you. You didn't go home or to your "thinking place" as she put it, and asked Buffy and me to help look for you. She was afraid that you had gotten into trouble or had gotten yourself hurt. I remembered that when you were angry or scared you would come up here. So I came up here to find you and make sure you get home safely."

Xander snorted, "Like you care, I bet if Willow hadn't asked for help you wouldn't have even tried to find me." Angel nodded his agreement, "You're right I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have because I thought that you had enough sense in your head to go straight home and not fall asleep outside after dark when no one knew where you were." Angel didn't know when he had started shouting, but who could blame him when his boy acted so stupid. "Don't you DARE take that tone with me you bastard." Xander spoke calmly. Anger, hurt, and sadness seeping into his voice, "You have no right, you gave that up two years ago when you left without even a good-bye. I've been taking care of myself for that long without any help from you and I'll continue to do so now and the next time you decide to just disappear!"

Xander had not raised his voice once when speaking to Angel nor did he look at him once making it all the harsher. It felt like Xander had just ripped his un-beating heart right out of his chest. "What do you mean without a good-bye, I left you a note." Angel whispered defeated. Xander laughed a hard, cold sound, "Oh yes, how very romantic, 'you can live here its paid for, oh and I think you should find someone new soon too.' I'm sorry I should have seen that for the heart felt and romantic good-bye between lovers that it was."

Angel inwardly flinched, there had been so much he had wanted to say, but he couldn't it would have put Xander in even more danger then he already was. "Let's not do this right now, just let me take you back to the apartment where you'll be safe." Xander turned to stare at Angel, Could he really believe that I would stay in that apartment without him, "No thanks, I'll make it home just fine!" Xander spat as he pushed past Angel. Sighing Angel followed behind to make sure that he got home all right. Xander knew Angel was following him, and he smiled Angel would hate this. When he came to the intersection where if he went to the left he would go to the apartment or if he went to the right he would go to his parents house, he took and immediate right. Hoping his father was asleep or passed out drunk.

Angel couldn't believe it, even as Xander snuck into the basement through the back door, he had moved back into his parent's house. He's lucky those assholes haven't killed him yet. With a sigh and a shake of his head he turned to find Willow and Buffy behind. Willow looked worried and scared, Buffy looked board. "Did you find him?" Willow asked. Angel nodded and motioned to the house, "He's safely inside." Willow sighed with relief, "Thank God" Buffy twirled a piece of her hair around her finger, "See I told you he'd be fine." She turned to Angel, "Can we go now?" She whined. Angel nodded even as he felt himself shiver with disgust, How can she not care about someone she calls friend? Willow gave them both a smile and wave as she headed home. Angel gave the house one last glance before letting Buffy pull him away. Oh Xander, baby, I wish I could tell you everything.

Flash Back

Angel hummed the stupid tune that Xander had been playing this morning, suddenly a smile spread across his face just thinking about his boy made him smile. He continued through the sewer heading home, with his birthday gift for Xander, when he heard someone coming up behind him. Quickly moving to blend better with the shadows, he waited for the person behind him to catch up. To say he was shocked was an understatement, walking confidently through the sewer was a young female about 5'5 long black hair down to her waist and midnight night blue eyes. She was dressed in gold and black and extremely beautiful. But what worried him the most was that she smelled like the Rom, a gypsy.

"Hello Master Vampire, I wish to speak with you." Her voice was like a cool spring breeze. Angel stepped from the shadows, "What can I do for of the magic race?" he said with a bow. The girl smiled at him "I come to give you a warning, my people do not believe you have suffered enough." Angel's spine stiffened, "What do you mean?" Her smile faded, "They have learned that you have found something that makes you happy, they plan to take that from you." Angel's chest felt tight, "Take it away?" the girl nodded looking sad "How?" Angel's voice was hard, angry. "They will take him, torture him and make you watch, listen." The barrowed blood in his veins ran cold "No!" it was a strangled cry, "they can't he is an innocent in this he doesn't even know about how I got my soul!"

Tears had gathered within the girl's eyes. "I know, and I know a way to save him." Angel looked surprised then desperate, "How?" "I'm afraid that this, for you, is a no win situation. Either way they win. You must leave Master Vampire, now and without thought about explanation. He can never know the reason behind your leaving, for his suffering will cause you great torment. It will appease them." Angel shook his head "This can't be happening, I can't do that to him." "But you must Master Vampire, or he'll suffer far worse." Angel's angry glare found her, "And why do you offer me this 'easier' way out, what will your people do to you if they find out?"

The girl couldn't hold his stare long; "My father blamed you for my sisters death, when I know the truth." Angel's eye's widened It couldn't be! "My sister fell in love with one of your kind, but he wasn't old enough to sire a childe of his own yet, being only a few years old. They begged you to turn her so that they could be together forever. But your sire found out and she came to our camp and told my father that you had killed my sister. The men of my camp quickly set out to find you. But your sire got to you first and told you that is you didn't act the way she wanted and drain my sister she would let my people take your childe, your William, my sisters love. Yet by some mysterious way you tricked your sire, were able to turn my sister and let my people take you instead. Your sire didn't know you were able to turn my sister, so when my people took her body she didn't try to stop them. You had hoped William would find her body before she awakened and they would be together, but that didn't happen, William believed the story your sire told, the one written in the 'Watcher's Dairy's.' That is why you left them, not because your sire ordered you away but because your favorite childe refused to acknowledge your existence. I know this because my sister told me it all upon her awaking; I was at her grave when she came out of it. I hid her and took care of her for as long as I could. And when my people found out they made me, not a vampire, but an immortal with vampire vulnerabilities, but a mortal's weakness. They will do nothing to me, I suffer for my sin."

Angel's eyes were wide, tears came to his eyes, "I hadn't known she survived, I thought she had perished that night." He blinked back tears, "But how can I hurt Xander like that, I love him!" The girls tears continued to fall, "I know, but all I can I can promise is that I'll watch over him, keep him out of harms way. Now you must go, they near here and the one that makes you happy. GO! NOW!"

Do you like it? Should I continue? Please review and let me know!