What Do You Want From Me?
Yeah, apparently, I'm in a song ficcy mood lately . . . I can't help it certain songs just inspire me to write. This time, it's the song "Whataya Want From Me?" by Adam Lambert(I suggest listening to the song as you read this story). I was listening to this song while working on my last CHACK story when the idea for this story came to me. *shrug*
SUMMARY: As an immortal Heylin Master, Chase Young hasn't had to deal with the emotions of others, or even his own, in eons. So when faced with someone like Jack Spicer, who expresses them so openly, Chase is unsure what to do. CHACK
WARNINGS: This is an introspection into Chase's mind so he might seem OOC, but keep in mind that the you in your head is usually different from the image you portray to others. Male/Male, adult content/language and some mushy-ness that snuck in at the end.
DISCLAIMER: Xiaolin Showdown and it's characters do not belong to me, they belong to Christy Hui/Kid's WB. The song "Whataya Want From Me?" is sung by Adam Lambert and belongs to it's respective owners.
There are times when I truly miss the years of my life that were uneventful . . .
Personally, I think that expanses of boredom are far underrated.
Though at this point, I would probably welcome anything that would offer me peace from the chaotic mess that my personal life has now become.
All because of Jack Spicer . . .
That isn't quite true.
Yes, Jack may have started this, but it is unfair to blame him for my current state of mind - despite the fact that it would be an easy and convenient solution . . . But, the reason my life is in shambles is my fault entirely. All because I want to be alone.
That way, I don't have to be concerned with the threat of betrayal by someone that I willingly allowed to become close to me.
Lying in his bed, Chase looks over to glance at the sleeping form of Jack Spicer. The teenager was slumbering peacefully, his body sprawled over the bed in a quite amusing way. A smirk forms on the warlord's face as Jack dramatically stretches before rolling over to sleep on his belly, all the while managing to stay fairly close to the heat of Chase's own body.
Why does he stay here?
What the hell does he want from me?
Every time he visits me, Jack knows what to expect. I insult him and most of the time I throw him out with no more than a parting eye roll . . .
However, it is all a facade as I actually like when he comes by. What can I say, Jack is rather adorable in his own unique way and in spite of myself I've become quite fond of the stupid git.
But, Jack Spicer isn't stupid, far from it. He is an unparalleled genius, despite the fact that he acts more like an overactive puppy than an evil prodigy. His unique perception of the world, that is often misinterpreted into idiocy, is what adds to the boy's genius . . . I suppose the only true stupidity he has is in the devotion he has for me. I've given him no reason to entrust me with any form of faith, yet I'm glad that he willingly gives it.
I don't want him to give up on me, yet all I do is test the limits of his seemingly unwavering devotion while simultaneously making sure that I never cause it to falter.
But why now do I suddenly care if I let someone down? Especially a teenage boy that has rudely and awkwardly shoved his way into the solitary life I've carefully created for myself . . .
When I betrayed Dashi and Guan, who were like my own brothers, I did it with little remorse. 1500 years ago, I wanted power that I knew the Xiaolin could not give me, so I made my choice. Despite the fact that I knew that I'd be disappointing the people that were closest to me, I drank the Lao Mang Long soup and defected to the Heylin side. But now, the idea of disappointing Jack Spicer or even the thought of causing him to lose even the smallest amount of faith in me causes an increasingly disturbing, sometimes even debilitating, ache.
As the ancient warrior thinks, golden eyes watch as Jack's back rises and falls slowly with each intake of breath. The pale skin stood out from the dark sheets that the two villains were intertwined in, it almost looked like the fabric was trying to get more attention by wrapping itself around the white-skinned teen. Scarlet hair was tousled, but it fit Jack much better than the meticulously-gelled hairstyle that the youth favored. Staring at the sleeping form, Chase reaches a hand out and starts running his fingers over the expanse of warm, alabaster skin.
I wonder when I first started noticing Spicer's appearance and interesting coloring . . . I never imagined that it would captivate me to the point that I would catch myself openly staring at the boy during showdowns.
Then again, the fact that Jack is able to disrupt my focus is one of the reasons why a part of me is against him becoming a part of my life.
I'm not sure how long I take this war with myself . . . Me, a man who has had perfect control of his emotions for the last millennia, is now thrown into internal chaos at the emergence of one teenager.
Lately, I've been pushing Jack harder then I should, but not because I'm trying to get rid of the teenager. I do it because I know that it's a last ditch effort to keep Jack at arm's length. The paranoid part of my personality is quickly running out of reasons to support it's argument. My stubbornness is fading and as long as he keeps coming around I know that it is only a matter of time before it disappears all together.
I only hope that Jack will actually keep coming around.
I can only hope that no matter how far I push him or how aggressive I become, Jack will maintain his steadfastness and continue to pursue me.
I probably appear cruel to test the boy so vigorously, but I only do so because so many others have attempted what he is trying to do. Yet, to his credit, Jack is the only one to ever get this far and to be so close to breaking down the walls I set up around myself.
My own paranoia of being betrayed by someone I trust has paralyzed me. I have sacrificed so much to gain my dark power that I refuse to have it taken from me by some lazy upstart. I trust most of own warriors, but even that is only because I control their life forces, because I have the ultimate leverage. It would be pleasant to have someone at my side that chose to remain there of his own free will. To have a partner that wanted the position for no other reason than to be in my presence was a fantasy I had long given up on.
But, I continue this self-defeating behavior and I continue to test Jack in an attempt to discover whatever his true agenda may be - assuming that he is actually conspiring against me.
What does he want from me?
I am a Heylin warlord whose power and abilities would make the very planet tremble in fear. My very existence is so influential that it keeps the rest of evil in check. Without me, they would all go into chaos fighting amonst each other instead of fighting together against the Xiaolin.
Because of this, I can't afford the luxury to trust people simply on blind faith.
Part of me is secretly hoping that Jack actually has some ulterior motive, that his intentions aren't as pure as seem. I just need some sort of reason so that I can have an excuse to continue my solitary existence.
What does he want from me?
Is it my power? My strength? Perhaps he wants to get his hands on me to use in some crazed science experiment?
. . . I really am grasping at straws for a reason for him to betray me. He hasn't even given me any shred of a valid reason to doubt his sincerity.
But he has to want something from me to further his own goals, right?
Could this all be an intricate ploy to get me to teach him the ways of evil and then leave once he has what he needs?
What in the nine hells does he want from me?
. . . Gods, even when he's fast asleep Jack can draw such a response from me.
The thought that someone could have any effect on my actions scares me more than anything. After all, I am a selfish person, I am evil . . . I put myself and my own interests first - on occasion I do what's best for evil at large but that is about it. I've outlived all my family and I have no friends, only acquaintances that in some way serve one of the aforementioned purposes.
But if Jack adequately proves himself, I will have to work through all of my paranoia and neuroses. A far from easy task as I've lived long enough to see the futility of relationships on the grand scheme of existence. I understand the biological need to mate for both the release of sexual energy and to continue a species. However, the emotional need for relationships, the urge to have a connection to another person, is something I've ignored for most of my evil career. An immortal like myself would only be causing unnecessary pain if I emotionally invested myself into every creature that showed an interest in me. So, I closed myself off from those urges and filled that void with the residents of my lair, their existence fills the otherwise silent and lifeless halls. And though I may not completely trust them, I do care and provide for them as any adequate ruler would of his subjects. For well over a millennia, this arrangement had allowed me to maintain my solitude.
Though I suppose in my long life, I've learned that all creatures must change to their environment in order to survive.
I can work on my issues, while Jack endures this test I'm putting him through . . . It's the very least I could do. If I don't, it will cause a rift in our future relationship. After all, no matter how much Jack may adore me, it won't work if he thinks that I have no faith in him. I can't ask for him complete trust if I'm not willing to reciprocate it as well.
As malicious as this trial may be, it is for the best. The end shall justify the means.
Although . . . an unforeseen problem has risen.
Wuya is poisoning Jack, I can see it in his crimson eyes sometimes.
I don't know what it is that she tells him, but I can guess that she constantly ridicules his feelings for me or tells him that I am only using him for sex. She knows that I am preparing a place for him in my life and the aging witch is livid with jealously. And since she can't afford to attack me directly, she is trying to strike in the one place that will hurt me the most.
Wuya may have known Jack longer and be fully aware of his insecurities and low self esteem, but I know him far better. The determination he has is one of the reasons he has my favor. Jack won't give in to her manipulations . . . not completely.
After all, if Jack wasn't serious about this, he wouldn't continue to come to my home. He wouldn't continue to give himself to me despite the pain I purposefully put him through. And he wouldn't continue to patiently wait for my acceptance.
So in the meantime, I will reward such dedication and work through my problems for Jack. Just a little more time, and I will personally ensure his happiness. I won't let him down.
Years ago, within the first centuries or so as a villain, I would've let someone like Jack Spicer slip right through my grasp without caring . . . perhaps in my old age, I'm beginning to want the company of others. Apparently, I've become lonely in the ivory tower I've put myself in.
Though, I am playing a dangerous game with Jack Spicer's feelings. Like stoking a fire, I could either increase the flames of his affections or extinguish them all together.
But my entire life has been a game of risk . . . I don't know why I fear it now.
Running a hand through his dark hair, Chase sighs to no one but himself. Golden eyes, well adjusted to the dark, simply watch Jack sleep next to him - secretly envious that the teen was enjoying a peaceful slumber.
What does this boy want from me?
. . . I know the answer to that. It's as plain as day to see.
Jack wants me to love him with the same burning intensity in which he loves me . . . but I don't know if I'm even capable of that.
Though I'm willing to try for him, that has to be something.
So far, I've given him everything I can give at this point. I give him my body as it is the only way I know how to show him that I care and to give him a reason to continue with this obstacle course I'm making him run through. When he is in over his head with the monks, Wuya, or Hannibal I interfere in showdowns, often over wu I have no interest in, to protect him in a way that doesn't openly show my concern for his well-being. I publicly berate him for his failures as a combatant and urge him to leave the battlefield as I know that his extraordinary talent and capacity for evil lies elsewhere . . .
And while I try to change myself, not just for Jack's well being but my own, I can only hope that he doesn't give up on me. That when I'm finally ready to accept him into my life, he won't refuse. Even though, I've more than given him enough reason to do so.
Sure that the teen was deep asleep, Chase brushes some stray hair out of Jack's face before placing a soft kiss on his head. Shifting himself slightly, the warrior rests his chin atop of deep-red tresses.
"Thank you for loving me, Jack."-whispers the man as he closes his eyes and attempts to get some sleep.
The warlord's words were genuine, after all the genius was doing it perfectly, if there was some way to measure how well you love someone. Jack gave him space when he wanted it, yet was there when Chase needed him to be. Jack wasn't trying to change him, in fact he accepted and thoroughly understood the darkness of the ancient warrior's personality. Jack knew his place and he was practically in it already. Even the feline warriors of the citadel were fond of him and reluctant to follow Chase's orders to have the teen removed from the lair.
Despite the thoughts swirling around in his mind, the dragon manage to drift into sleep. When his steady breaths are heard in the room, Jack looks over his shoulder at the sleeping man. Making sure he doesn't wake up his bedmate, the pale teenager snuggles closer to the Heylin master with a smile on his face.
" . . . You're welcome, Chase."
-THE END
Huh . . . I actually surprised myself with this.
Um, like I said before, Chase is a bit different from the way I normally write him, but I really wanted to write a story showing his struggles with a relationship with Jack. I figure as an immortal he might have quite a few more mental roadblocks than a normal person.
On a random note, Chase says/thinks "What do you" instead of "Whataya" simply because I can't really picture him using that slang. . . unless he suddenly gave up being a Heylin warlord and decided to join the mafia or something.
Anyways, If you liked it or if you didn't, or if you want to just say hi or something, leave a comment! It makes me write more.
BTW, I must have listened to this song atleast 100 times(seriously, it was on repeat on my MP3 player the entire time I typed this up). I still adore the song and Adam has a great voice to capture the emotion behind it.
LATER DAYS!