After Sara broke free from Mallus' prison and the Death Totem, she was drained. She remembered hurting all of her friends, almost killing some in the process. This isn't the behavior of a Captain, or befitting of one.
Running her hand through her hair, the blond made her way towards her quarters. She had caught a glimpse of Ava heading there after showing she was capable of emotion in front of the crew and knew that she owed a big thanks to the newly promoted Director for bringing her back.
"Is she ok now Gideon?" Sara asked the AI as scans roamed Amayas broken body. A body broken by Sara.
"Yes Captain Lance, will be quite fine. It's your turn now," the voice informed.
"I'm fine Gideon, go ahead and run another scan over the rest of the crew. Just to be safe, and I'll be back later for a checkup."
"Yes Captain." Amaya stood from her bed next to Rays.
"Sara we're all fine, or we will be," Amaya gestured around the room to Nate taking a nap in the corner, Mick messing around with fire in his hands, Zari nursing her hand with an icepack even though she was already healed, Ray still laying in the bed with an oxygen mask over him, and Wally staring out into nothing.
"This would've never happened had I been strong enough, Amaya. I'm evil, that's what Mallus showed me in my time in his dimension. I am death. Who better to manipulate than me?" Sara huffed out, throwing her hands to make her point. No one said a word, so the Captain took that opportunity to turn on her heels and walk to the door before stopping, her back still to the team. "I'll stay until we defeat Mallus, but after that I think it best and safer for you guys to find a new Captain."
With that, she left and headed back to her quarters where she knew Ava was waiting for her. As she made her way through the halls Sara felt her energy quickly draining and her eyes getting heavy with exhaustion from fighting. She was about to lay down and take a nap right there in the hall when she finally reached her room and slipped in.
Her room was dark as Sara entered, only the light from the hallway revealing Ava sitting on the edge of the bed. When the Captain walked in, her girlfriend stood and met her by the doorway.
"How are you feeling?" Ava asked, her voice truly sincere and worried. Sara just waved her off.
"I'm fine, but..." Sara looked down, refusing to meet Ava's eyes. "We need to talk about us." The taller woman shifted uncomfortably.
"That doesn't sound like a good talk, Sara. What's wrong? Please don't shut me out," Ava put her hand on Sara's shoulder, the shorter woman quickly shifting out from under the touch.
"Ava I'm poisonous. Everywhere I go, death follows. I've done unspeakable things," Sara thought of the little girl whose father she killed for the League. "But Ava, you're too good for me. I don't deserve you and you deserve better than broken goods," Ava tried to speak but Sara quickly continued. "And that's exactly what I am. Broken. I am death. I'm evil, but you," the Captain let out a shaky laugh. "You're perfect. And you deserve so much better than me...I mean, look at what I did to my team!"
"Sara stop please," a tear slid down her cheek as Ava tried to keep her voice from cracking. "You are what I deserve. Sure you're broken, but I don't care. We'll get through this, I promise. Just please, don't close me out," a few more tears and Sara was crying too. But the Captains mind was set.
Sara's mind was set as soon as she realized how many people she almost killed. She was death. She was broken. She was evil. And Ava was completely opposite of her and deserved so much more than she could give.
Her team deserved so much more than her as a Captain. They deserved someone they could trust, not some low life ex-assassin who couldn't control her demons.
Just like the League taught her, step one, detachment. Step two, complete the mission no matter the cost. Step three, leave and find a new mission. And that's exactly what Sara was doing.
"Ava I'm no good. Not for this team, not as a Captain, not as a girlfriend. I can't be with you when I know it'll just end like all of my other ones. I'm destined to be alone with my demons, so please, don't make this any harder than it already is," both woman who were usually composed and strong were standing in a dark room crying.
Ava simply nodded her head and tapped a few times on her Time Courier before opening a portal.
"I'm not giving up on us yet, Sara. You're broken but you don't think you can be fixed, and I'm going to prove you wrong." She walked through the portal and closed it, leaving Sara in the darkness alone. Just how it should be.
The blond flopped down on her bed and the nightmares soon took over.
After a gruesome sleep filled with the false replayed dream of Sara killing her team and Ava, the Captain was awoken by Gideon.
"Captain Lance, I advise that you open your eyes and stop sleeping. Your heart rate is at a concerning speed, my guess is from the nightmares?"
Sara was breathing heavily trying to catch her breath. The sheets are drenched in sweat and she felt like she couldn't breath. Soon her training took over and she ran to the shower and turned the cold water on, jumping in clothes and all.
The few minutes she stood under the water felt like hours as she recalled her dreams. It was the same ending every time. She was possessed by Mallus and couldn't control her actions as she watched herself torture her team for hours in the most pain filled ways before killing them in front of each other.
Ava was always the last one to die, and just as Sara would always drive the same knife used to torture her team into her girlfriends chest, Mallus would give her control of her body back. Sara repeatedly watched as she killed her team over and over. It was always her fault.
After dressing for the day in a pair of black jeans and a jacket packed with weapons, the Captain walked into kitchen. The time read 3:15 A.M.
Grabbing coffee and oatmeal she sat and ate in darkness before walking to the bridge and staring at the Captain's chair. She wasn't Captain material. She was a cold blooded killer and the only thing that follows her is death. Shadow, Laurel, Leonard, Martin. It was only an amount of time until it was Amaya, Ray, Mick, Nate, Zari, Wally or Ava's name added to that list.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and Sara immediately grabbed it before trying to flip the person onto their back. She wasn't expecting who it was though, and he easily rolled off her back and to his feet. Standing up, Sara was met with the one and only Oliver Queen.
"Sara..." he mumbled, stepping close to her as she backed away.
"Oliver," she stated, trying her best to hide how shocked she was to see him. "What the hell? How'd you get here?"
"Some woman found me. Said she was a friend of yours? Her name is Ava," he said, hands up trying to calm his friend.
"Yea, yea," the Captain said to herself, rubbing her face. "She's a...friend. She shouldn't have gotten you though, I'm fine." Oliver laughed, and Sara could see the outline of his teeth in the darkness.
"From the way she described the situation it didn't sound 'fine' Sara. She brought me here saying you needed an old face to talk to because you won't talk to anyone else. She also brought me through this portal looking thing a few minutes ago," he turned around. "By the way can we get some lights on in here?"
"Sure thing, ," Gideon chimed, the lights to the bridge turning on instantly. "By the way, is not to blame for being here. After your nightmares and stressful day yesterday, I contacted Ava when you got into the shower." Sara growled.
"Butt out Gideon! I'm fine," she yelled to the ceiling. "You had no right to do that." Sara was angry but she couldn't be too angry at Gideon. After all, she was programmed not only to take care of this ship, but it's crew.
"I'm sorry Captain. I will, as you say, 'butt out.' But try not to take too long, you still may be able to get a nap before the rest of the Legends wake."
"Thanks Mom," Sara mumbled under her breath, turning and flopping onto the couch in the study, Oliver close behind.
"Talk to me Sara. I'm already here, so go ahead," he said as he gently sat onto the couch next to Sara.
"Sorry if Ava woke you up, she shouldn't have listened to Gideon anyways. But since you're here, how've you been? How's the married life!" She asked excitedly, changing the subject. Oliver noticed and raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything.
"Actually she visited me in the middle of the day, so it was fine," Oliver reassured her. Sara should have noticed her friend wasn't sleeping due to his attire, but her minds been occupied with other thoughts. "It's busy for sure. Felicity has been great, I mean I married the love of my life and William is the best son I could've ever gotten..." Oliver trailed off. "If I tell you a secret, will you talk to me?" He asked seriously.
"I guess if it's worth it I might share a few tales," Sara bargained, not agreeing but not disagreeing.
"Ok, well I guess that's good enough. Last week Felicity told me she was pregnant." Sara squealed in excitement as Oliver laughed at her reaction.
"That's so exciting Ollie!" She said, calming down and sitting up straight. "How far along is she?" Oliver looked up in thought for a second.
"We aren't sure yet, she has her first appointment in a few days. And before you ask," he stopped her with a finger in the air, already knowing the next question. "We aren't going to reveal the gender until the child's born. I actually brought something for you when Ava found me, hold on," he dug through his pockets to pull out an envelope. "This is the invitation to our actual wedding and Felicity's baby shower. Think you can make it?" Sara grabbed the paper and tore it open like a child on Christmas.
"Yea these dates look ok. I guess it all just depends on how these next missions go..." she trailed off, suddenly glum after remembering who her team was up against. Oliver saw this as an opening and struck with his question.
"So...hows everything going here? When Ava reached me I could see she was sad after she said your name and talked about you..." he stated, leading Sara into talking to him.
"Yea, well she's a new ex. It was... a really rough day yesterday," the blond sighed before rubbing her hands in her eyes, trying to wipe away the tiredness.
"That bad?" Sara didn't answer, instead shaking her head. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, she spoke up.
"Considering I almost killed my team yesterday and broke up with someone who I saw a real future with, this day is going to suck," a tear made its way out of her eye. Without words, Oliver scooted closer to his friend and gave her a hug as she cried and told him everything. The tears dried halfway through catching up with Oliver and he finally stood up, looking at his watch.
"Well I have time for breakfast, what ya got?" Sara laughed for the first time in awhile.
"Anything you can think of, Gideon can make. Follow me," she stood and they ate breakfast as the artificial sunlight that signalled morning woke up the crew of the Waverider. Ray was the first one up as he made his way to the kitchen from the medbay.
"Morning Captain, morning Oliver," he walked to the fridge before turning around. "Wait, Oliver?" He questioned Sara, just now realizing.
"He just came to visit me, he has a life to get back to soon. I was actually just about to fly him back to 2018, so stay here until I return." Ray waved goodbye to Oliver as he watched his Captain walk away with him in tow.
"Huh, that's weird." He shrugged and proceeded with breakfast.
An hour later, Sara parked the Jumpship in its bay before quietly slipping back into her room and getting ready for the day. By what they called 7 A.M. she was on the bridge picking out anachronisms they were to fix.
Everyday Mallus grows stronger and closer to breaking out, so Sara would be damned if she allowed that. She just needed to see this mission to an end as soon as she could and she was willing to do everything in her power to see to it.
She had told Gideon to gather everyone on the bridge so she could give a mission update. A few minutes later her team, still in rough shape, were all there.
"Can't we have a free day?" Nate asked, his face still bruised. Sara winced and proceeded.
"I gathered everyone here to apologize personally for my actions yesterday...it was very unbefitting of a Captain and friend. So, I'm extremely sorry to everyone on this ship. I...should have been stronger, so that's why when Mallus is defeated, I am resigning as Captain and leaving the ship," Sara looked around to see everyone's shocked faces before continuing. "For good."
"But Sara, we don't blame you for what happened yesterday, you've got to know that," Amaya spoke up, stepping towards the blond with a slight limp.
"I know it's just that...Mallus has reminded me who I really am. I can't run from my past. I'm a broken person who only leaves death in her wake. This crew will be so much better off without me, so that's why when I resign I'm officially making Amaya Captain."
"When I signed up to be part of this crew, I said I would never follow any of you pigs. Thought it was a good opportunity to rob some rich time periods, but after Rip left, I started following you Sara," Mick surprised everyone with his small statement. "You're broken, but so is the rest of this ship. I mean, just take a look at everyone onboard," he gestured around to the crew with his hand that wasn't holding a beer.
Ray stepped up to the Captain next.
"Sara you're the strongest person I know. I mean, if any of us went through what you did we probably would've ended up dead. But you didn't. You survived because you're strong. Don't let Mallus shake your faith in yourself."
Nate came up next, everyone almost making a circle around her.
"I haven't known you for too long, but Sara everyone's right. You're too strong to let this break you, you just have to believe you're stronger than all of this, because we all know you are." He patted her in the shoulder and suddenly Sara felt crowded. As it was, being surrounded by people was taking a lot of will power not to beat them. That's what she was taught in the League.
She took a caution step back and a deep breath.
"You guys don't know what I've done... I'm not a good person, period. But for now, we all have a mission to do and I intend on doing it right. So let's get to work."