Series: Avian Destinies [Part 1]
Title: Love is a Satire and my Heart a Ghost Town
Fandom: Real Person Fiction
Pairing: Adam Lambert/Tommy Joe Ratliff
Tags: Angst, Drama, Romance, Wing!fic, Soul Bond, Soulmates
Summary: Adam comes from a race of human-bird hybrids (Ave) that have the unique ability to Soul Bond with another, and Adam has chosen Tommy, a Human to bond with. Problem is, while a bond is permanent for an Ave, the same is not true for a Human.
Tommy and Adam have been fighting non-stop for almost a month before Tommy decides he's had enough and wants to break their bond. But Adam has already given part of his soul to Tommy and if Tommy leaves him, Adam will face the rest of eternity alone and forsaken.
When Tommy finally realizes his mistake, he returns home only to find Adam has run off and now it's up to Tommy to find his wayward lover before it's too late.
Based off the first, like, 35 seconds of Adam Lambert's Ghost Town (official music video). Ghost town. Heart break. Love. Dying. Despair.
BETA: TheSupernova
We are soulmates, Adam and I. When we die, we shall leave this world behind and the entire universe will be ours; timeless and pure. We will live forever, flying through the stars. Adam has bound himself to me. If I were to die, or leave him, Adam would be unable to take another lover, because he has tied his soul to mine.
However much I wish to do the same, I cannot, but not because I am afraid or do not share the same intensity of passion - I do, but my body, my soul is not built like Adam's. I have tried many times to enact the ritual to bond myself to my lover, but it doesn't take and we have stopped trying because it gets harder for Adam to face the failure and I cannot bear to see him suffer.
Adam was born different – he is a sub-species of humans (Homo Sapiens) descended from avians - Homo Sapiens Ave. They are biologically, physically and mentally wired differently (the wings are the most obvious - and only - difference in appearance between a Human and an Ave) than the sub-species Human (Homo Sapiens Sapiens).Despite the different wiring, they are still part of the same human race as I am. I can't even begin to tell you how the fuck that works, because all that genes and genetic crap goes over my head. I'm a musician and an artist who never had much interest in science and biology so all I know is they are the part of the same human species. End of story.
Problem is many don't see it that way. He's not human they say, even though the scientific research proves otherwise.
Maybe they have a point, though, because the Aves - some of them carry the special ability to soul bond; the closest translation would be the Human concept of "soulmates". Two people who are destined to love each other throughout time. That ability is specific to an Ave, however and mating with a human—like Adam has done with me-means that I can't soul bond in the same way he can. In fact, I can't feel the bond as strongly as he can, but I can feel its underlying presence hidden within our love for each other.
Adam is tied to me forever; he cannot leave me, and the bond ensures that he will love only me, even through death. His soul will wait until mine finally joins him for our eternal journey among the stars.
Problem is, while Adam may never escape once the soul bond is complete as a Human, I do not have that restriction. I can break the bond between us - take another lover and forsake Adam if I so chose. If his happens, his soul will wait for mine in death but I will never join him and he will live for an eternity knowing only loneliness with a soul forever crying out for its other half.
No one is infallible and I found out just how easy it is for a Human to break a soul bond in enmity and I nearly lost the very person I promised my forever to.
This was not a bond we entered into lightly and it took years before we were both ready to take the next step. Years of waiting and planning and it had only taken a month for it to fall apart because I let my anger get the better of me. I regret nothing more than the day I realized how close I was to losing the man I love and knowing he almost died because of my betrayal.
I lost sight of my priorities and in doing so, almost lost everything.
Our fights started about a month ago. There had been tension flowing between us for months until the pressure could no longer be contained. God knows what the fuck we were fighting about in the first place, or why I was so uptight with Adam for the weeks leading up to it; I've tried to recall what it was, what I did wrong or what he did wrong but it's all a blank.
It started out with the small things: not putting the dishes away correctly, watching reruns of his favorite TV shows we had seen a million times, twisting and turning too much in bed or not cleaning the drain in the bathroom. Adam loved trying to cook but it was always a disaster zone, and I think, maybe, that's when it started. It quickly evolved into degradation and criticism after that, until we were outright fighting all the time and I knew exactly what to say and what buttons to push until I had Adam passively under my thumb. It was his fault, after all.
Adam's mind worked by trying to compromise - to meet me half way when we had an argument and as controlling and Dominant as Adam is, part of his nature is inherently passive-aggressive. I knew how to make Adam cave to my will and it's horrible to say, but it made me feel better about myself.
We were fighting day and night by the end of the month and I could see it was wearing on him. Adam hated drama in his relationships and although we've fought before (seriously, who hasn't?) it's never gone this far. We've always worked things out, because that's what we do and its generally harmonious day to day, a smooth sailing relationship for the most part.
Five days ago, Adam finally broke under the assault. While Adam may be resilient in the face of caustic remarks, letting them slide off after long endured practice even he has his limits. Our fight had gone on too long and it had been wearing at him little by little until...
"Baby, please, I love you. Don't do this-" Adam pleaded, but I ignored his cries.
"This was a mistake, Adam." I yelled back. "We were a mistake; how could you seriously think I could still love you, when you can't do anything right?! You're useless!"
Adam fell to his knees, and his multi-colored eyes shone brightly with tears; his right golden one looked like a beacon in the sun, and his left steel blue as a bright, sky shade. Mixed colored eyes were supposedly a common attribute among the Aves who possessed the ability to soul bond. Adam's wings were splayed sadly across the floor, matching his despair.
"I gave my life for you, baby. Everything..."
"You think that will make me stay here? With you?" I scoffed. "When I walk out, I am never coming back."
I walked out after that; I ended up crashing at a friend's house across town. I ignored all of Adam's calls and texts, I even made sure to snub him in public when we crossed paths and eventually I betrayed his trust in me. One day he caught me making out with a random guy I picked up at the bar and he watched as I took him into the hotel.
I had every intention of fucking the guy and I continued to watch greedily as he slowly slipped off his shirt and pants. It's when he turned his back to shimmy off his underwear that I realized what I was doing. This man which stood before me, his back was Human; plain, bare and all smooth skin and I was immediately reminded of who he wasn't. He didn't have Adam's brilliant, gothic wings that draped down across the bed when he was fucking me or when they wrapped around me for a post-sex cuddle. This man wasn't Adam; he wasn't the Ave I betrothed my soul to.
Adam, he's an Ave - meaning he has feathered, angelic-esque wings on his back; they are long, thin wings (similar to a falcon or a tern) near ten feet long which are midnight black, the tips of the wings carrying dark, blood red spatters of color akin to dripping blood.
This is the moment I realized how close I had come to breaking my bond with Adam. If there is one thing that Adam will never forgive of me, it's having an affair. I couldn't stop the tears when I realized how far I had pushed away the man I loved. What the fuck had I done?
I immediately ran back to our house, which I had not returned to in days, but I couldn't find Adam anywhere. He wasn't answering his cell and had left no note or indication of where he had gone so I waited because he had to come back eventually. I waited for almost three days, hoping for his return because all of Adam's clothes and belongings were still here but I soon realized he wasn't coming back. I have no proof, of course but I knew Adam's schedule was clear this week and it's just, it was a feeling I had in the back of my mind.
When I received a text from him later that day, I just knew he was telling me goodbye.
Died last night in my dreams.
All the machines had been disconnected.
My only hope for finding Adam lay within the one person I was most hesitant to ask: Adam's best friend, Kris Allen. Kris was protective of Adam, had been since the two met during the American Idol reality competition. He was even more so now because he also knew exactly what the soul bond was, and what would happen if I were to break it. Eternal damnation for the Ave, the price of my "freedom" from the relationship.
I knew he would be keeping tabs on Adam because while Kris was a country artist at heart, he also worked for the Ave High Council, keeping track of different Aves in case they were in danger or needed medical attention. Like I said before, Aves were often subject to racial supremacy and Kris was known as a Guardian (protector) of the Aves; Adam was one of the many Aves subject to many violent and potentially fatal assailments. This ruthless targeting warranted a Guardian.
"I knew you would call," Kris said. "He's dying, I think. Given up."
Kris' voice sounded oddly detached, and clinical.
"I made a mistake," I confessed unevenly.
"The fuck you did," Kris shot back but he quickly tempered his anger into a more neutral tone. "It's not my business how you two decide to handle this, and I can only offer advice. You have a choice, Tommy."
I know all this. I don't deserve to be forgiven for what I did.
Kris is unique; as a friend, he's extremely loyal and as Adam's guardian he's also level headed and impartial when it comes to advice and drama. He prefers to stay out of it, and refuses to take sides.
"Do you know where he is?" I ask quietly.
"It's not too late," Kris said, responding to a question I had yet to ask. "You didn't break the soul bond?"
He's asking if I fucked the guy I brought into the hotel, because that would have been the deciding factor in this particular situation. Breaking a bond doesn't always mean sleeping around on your lover, but it is one of the easiest forms of betrayal.
"I was going to," I say honestly. "I was angry and frustrated but then the guy turned around, naked, and all I could see in my mind was Adam. This Human wasn't the Ave I fell in love with.
"Meaningless sex doesn't interest me but I still betrayed him. Adam."
"Yeah, you did," Kris didn't say anything else.
Now it was my turn to know what it felt like to be on the verge of a breakdown. I was about to beg and plead with Kris to tell me where Adam was, and I kept thinking, was this what it was like for Adam when he was begging me not to walk out on him?
Kris was the one to break the silence, and I think he could hear the tears I was desperately trying to hold back. I needed Adam so goddamn much it hurt.
"You're lucky he can't fly," Kris sighed. "Otherwise I would never have been able to track his movements. I care about him, but whatever you decide to do make sure it's what you really want. Do not stay with him if you truly do not love him because that is a lie that I don't think either of you want to live with for eternity."
I was crying fully now, my willpower gone at the word "eternity". Adam promised me the universe; promised to love me until the very last star burned out and existence began anew. He promised me everything.
"I love him so much, Kris. I love him and I fucked up." My voice was breaking badly. "It took losing him to make me remember how much I love him. It's not fair. I broke him when I promised to love him, and shattered his soul when I promised to give it strength."
The silence stretched out and all I could hear was Kris' breathing through the phone. "You'll know exactly what you did to his heart when you find out where he's gone." Kris' voice turned hard. "I hope that place burns a brand against your heart as a reminder of what you have done. He gave you a gift, Tommy - love has no promise or guarantee in life, it never has because we are human and we fuck up. That's what we do but Adam? He gave you his fucking soul and look what you have done to it. So easily. The human race is weak and I'm reminded of that every day."
"But we're also strong," Tommy said, gaining confidence. "Because we contain empathy and forgiveness."
I'll spend my entire life fighting for Adam's forgiveness if I have to. I should never have let my anger build up so far; I don't know why I didn't talk to him about it, or why I let depression and stress rule my life for so long but I know I'm going to make some changes in my life because I can't do this to Adam again. I'll go to counseling or therapy, rearrange my priorities and reevaluate what is really important in my life. I don't know how I let it go so wrong, but I want to find out; I want to find my change.
"Please, Kris," I begged. "I can't live without him; I don't want to. Whatever it takes, I'll find him just... before it's too late."
"You won't like it," Kris repeated. "He's surrounded by the dead."
I packed enough clothes and toiletries to last Adam and me a week, since I had no idea how long I would be gone nor what to expect from Adam when I finally found him. I had a feeling Adam left without thinking, fleeing from the pain and refusing to look back which is why I packed a suitcase for him. I left immediately but it still took almost two days to get where I needed to be. The fasted route included one airplane, a train, two buses and a rental car.
He was texting me more often; I tried calling him many times, but he kept turning his phone off.
Died last night in my dreams.
It took me an hour and a half driving in the middle of nowhere to get to the coordinates Kris gave me. I parked on the side of the road and looked around; the area look like a setting straight out of some wild west movie; all it needed now was an old western town and I might be transported back to an old Clint Eastwood movie. I couldn't see anything but desert, shrubs and a few cacti as I walked.
Kris said Adam was about two miles away from the main road, because the path I needed to take had long since been reclaimed by the desert.
"Bring enough food and water for two days," Kris had told him. "It'll take at least that long for him to have the strength to walk back to the car. Maybe longer, but you need to get him back to town as soon as you can."
Adam would probably be in terrible shape, if Kris' approximate estimates of how long he had been out here were accurate.
"Adam hasn't left the area, and I know he hasn't been to town in days. I can't tell you what condition you'll find him in, but prepare for the worst," Kris said. "He isn't dead, not yet."
Adam's texts were becoming more frequent.
Walked into the flames.
Called out your name but there was no answer.
I got the feeling that Adam was dying and this a solemn eulogy defining his life. If I wanted to save the man I love, I needed to hurry. Adam wanted to get out everything he wanted to say and maybe, he didn't have long to do it and had only just figured that out.
I was walking for hours, and only the GPS app on my phone kept me going in the right direction. I knew exactly what Kris had said by Adam being "surrounded by the dead" when I saw a town rise slowly over the horizon.
And now I know my heart is a ghost town.
That's where he had come to die: a ghost town. Of course, a broken soul bond didn't equal death, but Kris said Adam had probably given up, and I know why he said what he did.
Adam is my soul; we have exchanged an intimacy that cannot be rivaled by mere physical passion and I'll be damned if I let this ghost town claim Adam's soul. I imagine this would be a good a place as any to haunt, and it would be fitting for Adam to spend eternity in this place, a town as empty and abandoned as his heart is now.
Don't give a damn if I go, down, down, down.
There's no one left in the world.
I had been wandering this blasted town for almost twenty minutes before I heard the familiar chime of Adam's phone turning off.
As I walked towards the sound, the first thing I noticed were the feathers floating off into the wind, a mixture of the insanely large two or three foot feathers all the way to the tiniest ones, merely inches long. I've seen this sort of molting before; during molting season and when Adam is sick either physically or from mental distress. Right now, he was suffering both mentally and physically.
The remains of an old Saloon sat in the middle of town where the feathers had gathered from. Parts of the walls and most of the roof had long since caved in; yet, interestingly, one of those old swinging doors lay abandoned just outside entry way, although its partner seems to have disappeared over time. The building and the interior were empty save for the broken remains of an old bar counter and bits of two chairs and a table in the corner.
I found Adam lying on his back, staring blankly at the ceiling. He looked terrible; I'm sure he hasn't eaten in days, but I did find empty water bottles strewn about the place, a feature which I hadn't noticed upon entering. His wings were spread fully across the floor, and looked as sick and worn out as Adam; giant patches of feathers were missing and most of what remained were unhealthy and slightly discolored. I'm willing to bet Adam hasn't moved in days, except to reach for his phone and the occasional water bottle.
"You keep coming back." Adam said, not bothering to look at me. "Every time I touch you, you disappear."
"I've always loved you, Adam." My tears fall freely now and I don't even try to hold them back. "Please don't leave me now; give me another chance. I've been an idiot and it's all my fault. I pushed you away."
Adam finally looked over at me, but didn't say anything. Did he believe I wasn't real?
"Fuck, Adam." I couldn't take it anymore and ran up to him, pulling him to my chest. I cried into Adam's shoulder because I did this to him and I'll never forgive myself.
When I felt Adam wrap his arms around my back, I cried even harder and I found myself unable to stop begging for his forgiveness. I started telling him about my depression and stress, and all the things I kept bottled up inside for god knows why. I descended back into helpless whimpering and I know my pleas had become incoherent.
I felt his fingers creating soothing circles and designs on my back. All Adam did was hold me closer and I didn't deserve it; I pushed Adam to his limits and now lay here dying and wallowing in sorrow because I thoughtlessly threw away everything our soul bond stood for.
The sun has moved across the sky, and while my tears were all but dried up, I was still crying harder than I ever had in my life. I told Adam everything, over and over again. The tension and anger I let build up slowly, how I held in it and the moment when it began boiling over. I apologized for every damn thing I ever accused him of, from his terrible cooking (which I really do love, because he tries so hard and the smile on his face, even if it turns out horrible... no price can be put to that) to his TV show reruns and odd sleeping habits (the hair-clogged shower drain, however, remains unspoken of because that had always irritated me).
"I saw him standing before me and I just... I couldn't do it, Adam. I couldn't fucking do it because it wasn't you. It would have been meaningless without you." Snot and tears had dried up on my face, but Adam kept me close; he threaded his hands back through my hair and rocked us gently. "I really was going to fuck him but when I saw his Human back I thought... all I could see were images of you and how he wasn't the person I really wanted beside me. He wasn't you and... and... I went home but you left and- and- it's all my fault..."
I repeated that line over and over again because it was the only thing I had left to say. He knew I betrayed his trust that day, and I didn't expect him to forgive me immediately. Adam always manages to surprise me and I'm constantly reminded how that same unpredictable nature can throw me off guard.
"You're here now," Adam said; his voice weak. I hadn't noticed that before and fuck, I thought I was all cried out by this point but it only made the hurt inside me throb with more fervor then it had before.
"I still trust you," Adam told me. "You traveled the world for me; if you truly hated me, you would have let me die."
It was a fucked up sort of test, but I deserved more. I deserved all the pain Adam was willing to give me. I wanted to feel worthy of Adam's love because he was too kind and I didn't deserve his forgiveness right now.
The last vestiges of the sun set over the horizon before I finally cried myself out and we continued to watch the beautiful purples, oranges and reds slowly fade into the night. Not once did Adam release me from his arms.
"I've been out here about a week," Adam admitted. "I keep my food and water under the counter behind the bar. I have a fever and I'm too weak to move much anymore and it's been about three days since I last ate. I might be dying, I'm not sure. I kept texting you because I thought they would make great lyrics to a song one day and it was kinda the only way I knew they would live on, in case you didn't check my phone if I had…you know."
"You came here to die." My voice was scratchy and it hurt from all the crying.
"I did," he replied. "If you chose to break the bond, I would have let myself die out here. I was waiting until the bond broke. That's why I'm still here, but... maybe not for much longer. A few days at most, maybe. I don't know."
"No!" I cried out. "No. Wherever you go, take me with you this time, please! My place is where you are Adam so please, please don't leave me! Don't leave me alone..."
It was unfair to ask that because I was the one who walked out on him in the first place. He had every right to do the same, if only to make me know what it feels like. Adam only chuckled lightly.
"I know my baby better than he knows himself." Adam pulled back, tilted my head up until our eyes met. "Your soul has broken; I can see it in your eyes." He touched his forehead against mine. "You never stopped loving me."
It was a statement, but it was true. I will never know how the soul bond affects Adam, if he can feel me, feel my emotions or the presence of my soul but it's not like Adam would be able to explain it even if he wanted to for how can you describe the nature of a soul?
"I just want to go home," I whimpered. "I just want you to love me again."
He kissed me softly. "Soul bond or not, I love you and nothing you can do would change the way I feel."
"Just take me home, Adam, please," I begged him once more. "Let's go home."
Walking the streets of some old ghost town.
Everyone's spread and love is a satire.
+END+
Note: This story is part of the Avian Destiny series. It is recommended that the stories be read in chronological order, as listed.
1: Love is a Satire and my Heart is a Ghost Town
2: Of Allergies and Nightmares
3: Lavender Tea and Blueberry Scones
So... the human species is split between two different "races" as follows:
Human Species: Homo Sapiens (human)
Sub-species (race):
Homo Sapiens Ave (Ave) - i.e. avian features
Homo Sapiens Sapiens (Human)
Honestly, either take this sub-division human-race thing for what it is or don't because this is FICTION and whether it's "believable" or "realistic" or not, I don't care. I tried to make it believable, but it does require suspension of belief. Like, a lot. So.